* * * A final coda to the series, where Stan heads off on a trip, leaving Connor and Darren to their own devices until he gets back. Starts with quite a dark feel, but it all works out in the end. * * *
Connor can't climb out of his head. He's been sitting on his bed now for three hours, three days, maybe three weeks, he's not sure anymore.
A movie plays in the darkened theatre of his mind and he feels it; every punch to the gut he's ever received from Xavier and others like him. Every look of contempt, every sneer. Every act he's performed on his lovers to try and achieve a different outcome. Every time he's failed.
Again and again he reaches the climax of his worthlessness and dies a silent death—and the movie, its hooks in his viscera, starts again.
Each time there's more detail and an even deeper self loathing.
He shakes his head in disgust as he digs his teeth into the memory, tearing off pieces that bruise his throat, swallowing them raw and bloody until his stomach aches and the bitterness sours his mouth.
He's gone dark because Stan's been away, some trip to see some dam or bridge, or some other infinitely boring structure in Spain. Connor wasn't listening when Stan told him the details, more concerned that his boyfriend was leaving him for an entire week. Remembers now:
Stan's hand on his knee. "You're sure you'll be okay?"
Connor's lip curled back, "I'll be fine. How are
you
going to live without my cock in your mouth every morning?"
Stan's laugh. "It'll be hard." Then a wink. Not a hint of fear in Stan's eyes that Connor might replace him while he's gone.
His pet, his lover—his
boyfriend
—jokes with him more now, seems more secure. But for all Stan's happiness, his lack of neediness makes Connor nervous. If Stan doesn't need him, Stan will leave him. If Stan doesn't need him, Stan will leave him. If Stan doesn't need him... and the words run on repeat.
There's a knock at the door. "Hey, Connor? It's Darren. I tried to text you but I haven't heard back. Stan said to drop by if you didn't answer."
Did he just?
Connor knows he's a mess. He's wearing the clothes he slept in last night, hasn't showered yet today. He smoothes his hair down, then drops his hands to the bed, Darren forgotten as his mind goes numb again.
There's another knock, and Connor starts, remembers he's not alone.
"Connor? Stan told me to come in if you didn't answer."
Again Connor's eyes narrow.
Did. he. just?
There's a click at the lock, the sound of a key pushing against the tumblers, and Connor calls out, "Stop!"
The sound stops. Connor can sense the younger boy on the other side of the door, breathing as quietly as he can. He does that, under Connor's gaze. Goes quiet, as if any sound he makes might upset his older lover.
"Come back in half an hour. Bring food."
There's a half-second pause, then the key retreats from the lock. Darren doesn't need to ask what Connor wants to eat. He knows. His light tread heads down the corridor, and Connor lies back on his bed. He pushes his hands through his hair in frustration then looks around the room. It's a tip. He can't let Darren see it like this. Evidence of his mental state.
He rolls off the bed and starts getting his shit together.
*
Darren goes to fetch food. He knows his older lover thinks he's simple, but he's not. It's just that when he's around Connor, his mind goes numb. It's not just the older boy's presence, it's his voice. When Connor speaks, Darren's brain switches to autopilot, with Connor giving the flight instructions.
He doesn't fully understand why it's this way; would never have considered himself to be the kind of person to obey another without question. But Connor's voice isn't just a command, it's a caress. Under the weight of his lover's gaze, Darren feels his whole mind and body stroked and held.
Hell, Connor could probably talk him to orgasm.
As he collects takeout for them both, his phone vibrates. He juggles food and drink into one arm and pulls out his phone.
'Is he still alive?'
A message from Stan. Darren can't help getting a kick of joy whenever he sees Stan's name light up on his phone.
'Yeah. I'm getting us food,'
he writes back, and watches dots wink across the screen.
'Be a good boy for him,'
comes back, and Darren gets a jolt of electricity that starts his dick awake. While Connor makes Darren stupid, Stan's a warm glow in his world. His calm smile, his easy presence. Stan doesn't have to tell Darren to behave, because he wouldn't dream of ever disappointing either of his lovers. But when Stan says things like that, it makes Darren's gut pleasantly clench and his cock start to swell.
Stan's a safety Darren didn't know he needed until he met him, a lighthouse over broken rocks, a concrete bunker against a tsunami.
And if Stan's the lighthouse, Connor's the rocks and the tsunami, the awful power of nature sweeping down on Darren while he closes his eyes and accepts his fate.
His phone vibrates again and his face lights up.
'I'll be home later tonight. Don't cum unless he tells you to. Save it for me.'
The food unbalances and Darren nearly drops it to the ground. The thought of Stan fucking into him with long, slow strokes gives Darren a solid erection, but trying not to cum while Connor plays with him will be nearly impossible. Regardless of what Connor tells him, Darren hasn't managed to hold himself back yet.
He pushes his phone back into his pocket and hurries back to Connor.
*
Connor's showered and shaved, combed down his wild hair and thrown on a fresh shirt and jeans. It's critical to him that Darren not see him decomposed. It gnaws at him that Stan's absence has thrown him this much... but that's what talking with the other boy does. Opening the wound brings the infection to the surface, means it can't be ignored.
He sits on his bed, his freshly made bed, leans back on his hands and thinks of what he wants to do to Darren tonight.
He's promised Stan he won't do anything that might be counted as 'punishment' without Stan there and without Darren's consent—but he knows Darren will consent to just about anything without his minder there to say no on his behalf.
He hears Stan's voice in his head, reminding him gently,
"Kindness, Connor. Do what you want with him, but let him know when he's done well. And don't you push him out the door afterwards while I'm gone."
He sighs. Stan's altogether too soft on the younger boy. But Connor can't deny that his treatment of Darren mirrors others' treatment of him, and the small kernel of his heart that still receives blood knows what he does is cruel.
