Confused from the start, I do not know what led to the confusion, was it my Catholic upbringing, my shyness and lack of confidence. Maybe even a high respect for women held me back in my early years.
My first very serious relationship did not include sexual intercourse but shy of that we did explore each other's bodies in satisfying ways. I started late as far as my first time to have intercourse, I believe I was 22 years of age, working but also a full-time student.
I do not remember when, but it would have been just before this relationship started or soon after I had an encounter with an older man who had picked me up while I was hitchhiking to the gas station where I worked in Northridge; the guy reached over, unzipped my pants and drew my erect cock out while driving down the road, he was gently stroking my cock and asking if he could take me to his friend's place to fool around more. When he came to a stop light I pulled back and stuffed my cock back in my pants and jumped out of the car screaming at him that "I am not that way". I was homophobic, and thought there was something wrong about two men having sex.
Years later when I was not dating anyone my frustration and curiosity had me going into adult book stores to look at magazines and then eventually videos of naked women and men having sex. These video booths offered little privacy and were films that had an A or B side you could select from, each booth only offered the choice of one film, inside you could select the A or the B track. To add to my embarrassment, you had to pay at the counter and tell them which video booth you wanted. One day, the booth was playing the B side when it started up and it was a film of a naked guy sunbathing when a second guy walked up, lifted the legs of the guy who was on his back on the ground and penetrated his ass and started fucking him. I was startled and switched to the A side and watched the people having straight sex. The image I had seen kept running through my head and I returned a few days later, paid for time in the booth and found the film and watched the B side and enjoyed watching the gay sex, I did feel shame when I left, a stupid feeling of guilt that I had done something wrong. It would be a long time before I admitted to myself that I was bisexual and that there was nothing wrong with me.
Breaking the timeline of this story, I have to go back to my early twenties and talk about experiences I had with an older woman, she would have been only the second or third woman I had sex with. I do not know who introduced a dildo into our love making but somehow it ended up in my ass and I really enjoyed the feeling of having my ass stretched as I drove my hard cock into her pussy or laid back and had my dick sucked.