Conflicted First Time Cock Sucker

Two months after my 18th birthday, I got my first apartment; I'd saved up from my job to be able to afford it and my parents had given me some old furniture and things to supply the kitchen (pots and pans, plates and silverware).

It was the third day in my apartment when everything changed in my life; the day when my sexuality would be questioned. I love girls and always have. I love their beauty and I love the control I have with girls during sex. There is nothing like a girl on her knees in front of you when she takes your dick into her mouth; the very feeling of a wet mouth sucking your cock willingly – sometimes with a little forceful urging – to make you really feel like a man (or so I thought). But on that morning, everything I thought I knew about what I wanted sexually would change.

I woke at about 5:00 in the morning and after checking E-mail – there was one from Gloria telling me she wanted to give me a present for my new apartment anything I wanted or anything I wanted to do (she ended her E-mail by saying "Has your bed been broken in yet?).

At 5:15 I walked out the front door of my apartment on the second floor and stood leaning against the banister that looked out onto the parking lot and the apartments across the way. I stood there smoking a cigarette deep in thought when I noticed the guy in the apartment across from me looking out his closed blinds. It was just starting to get light, but I didn't think he could see me, but I could see him.

Most of the lights were out in his room and he stood there completely naked with a long hard dick. He just looked for a moment and then closed the blinds, but that dick stuck in my head and I felt a little excited about it – something that I would never have thought possible. I stood there trying to get that image out of my head when the blind open again and he stood there looking out stroking his cock. I felt my heart pounding with excitement that I could in no way understand – I was also confused by my traitor dick which was getting hard...no, which was hard.

He closed the blind again and I stood there – even though my cigarette was now out – waiting and wanting him to open that blind again. I've never in my life considered sex with another man, nor was I really considering it now, but I wanted to see his hard dick. I wanted him to open the curtain and jack off until he shot cum onto the window. I wanted him to show me that hard cock. What I wanted was to pull out my own hard cock and jack off with him; at no time did I consider sex with him, just the mutual jacking off (in my mind that meant there was nothing wrong, except that I was forgetting that it was his cock that was turning me on). He didn't come back to the curtain and I went inside, got naked and jacked off until I shot a huge load of cum thinking about him holding his dick.

After I came, I thought how dumb I was to get turned on like that and made breakfast and later, around 8:30 I went up to the store to do some shopping. I got back about 10:00 in the morning and as I was carrying groceries from my car he was coming out of his apartment.

"Looks like you're carrying quite a load there." He said.

I smiled a nervous smile and could only manage to say, "Yeah."

Even though I'm eighteen, all my life I've always looked about five years (or so) younger with a slim body; I'm not much of a tough guy (which might account for the reason's that I've always felt the need to be dominating and try to control girls while having sex). When I was in high school (and even the year since) I've had older men proposition me from time to time; I've always turned them down in the past. I've had guys tell me – and these were always guys that I didn't know – when I got picked up hitchhiking, that I was a pretty guy and try to talk me into sucking their cock. I've always brushed this off and never even thought that was something I'd ever do. So why was I standing here with groceries in my hand, my heart beating with excitement and my cock getting hard?

I smiled again and started to walk away when he said, "I'm about to take a shower, but I have a joint you can smoke if you want to come over."

I turned and looked at him – he looks to be about 45 to 50 but has a good body – (what are you thinking?) – I feel weak in the knees and know I should say no (god his eyes are staring right through me, can I resist him?), but I find myself saying, "Cool, let me put these away and I'll come over."

"The door will be open if I'm still in the shower, so just come over." He said that as he was turning to go into his room.

I put the groceries away and started across the parking lot to his room (what are you thinking?). I'm sure we'll smoke some pot and talk about women and I can even make a friend. The door is slightly ajar (are you sure about this?) and I push it open and walked into the front room. I can hear the shower running, so I sit in the chair next to the T.V. ESPN is on the T.V. and Sports Center is counting down the Top 10 plays of the day (you still have time to leave) when the shower turns off.

I can't believe how hard my heart is beating or how excited I am (he's naked right now) and I'm sure its just because I saw him naked and the image is just caught me off guard; there isn't going to be any sex here today.

I hear the bathroom door open and footsteps coming down the hallway (fuck, why is my heart beating like this) he comes out into the front room with water dripping from his body, his hair is wet and dripping and (shit, he's stoking his dick) most amazing is the hard cock he's stroking (what the fuck is he doing?) He looks at me with as if he's surprised (the door's right there; get up and go) or at least he acts surprised and goes back down the hallway to the bathroom. I'm sure he must have thought I wasn't there yet (yeah, he wasn't expecting you yet. Yep, I'm sure that's it) and it was just an innocent thing to do (why is your cock so hard and your heart beating so hard, and why did that cock look so inviting to you; why didn't you leave?)

I can hear him in the bathroom and then the door opens again (you still have time to get out of here) and now he walks into the front room with his hair still a little wet but combed, his body mostly dry but still glistening from the slight amount of water he hasn't dried off and he's still naked and holding his cock in his hand (why the fuck are you still here?). He doesn't say anything, but instead walks across the room to where I'm sitting and stands in front of me holding his hard cock (are you really going to do this?). He reaches out and places his hand on the back of my head (that's not a pussy, idiot, that's a cock; the same as you) and pulls my head forward toward his slightly wet and glistening dick.

My head moves freely toward what might be something I could regret (maybe I should leave; why the fuck haven't you?) but my mouth remains closed as his dick comes to my lips (you're here now with a dick on your lips, so go ahead and open your mouth...is that really what you want?) but he still doesn't say anything; he doesn't beg me to suck his dick or even say what I've said to girls when I'm in the same position of trying to get them to suck me; "come on baby, don't be a dick tease."

No, he just rubs the head of his dick across my lips – still holding my head with his other hand – and moves along the side of my face (that's pre-cum on your lips and you're going to suck it or you're going to leave...NOW) and across my eyes and under my nostrils (is that his smell; a lot of soap mixed with musk) and while he holds the tip of his head with his thumb and first finger (his pee slit is right under your nose...right above your top lip) with his other three fingers he pushes his balls up to rest right on my lips;

(Oh my god, I'm sitting here with the tip of this hard dick right under my nostrils, and he's oozing pre-cum right under my nose). I hear people out in the parking lot talking and going into their cars (can they even imagine what the fuck is going on in this room right now?) and I find myself sticking my tongue out and licking around his balls (fuck, you're licking a dudes balls and an older dude at that) while he keeps his dick and balls where they are (I'm licking a man's balls) and I open my mouth and suck in one of his balls (I've got a man's ball in my mouth; what the hell am I doing?) he breathes out heavily which heightens my excitement (oh man, he likes what I'm doing) and he let go of his dick and grabs the back of my head with both hands.

He still doesn't ask or tell me to suck his dick as it was lays on top of his balls (one of his balls is in your mouth; you are aware of that, right?) and flops off to the right side; pointing to the corner of my mouth (fuck, there's pre-cum on your upper lip, asshole) I release his ball from my mouth and his ball sac drops down and his hard dick is pulsating less than an inch from my lips and without really thinking, I run my tongue across my upper lip and sucked in some of his pre-cum (what the fuck, you just took cum into your mouth and fuck, there's still more pre-cum dripping from his pee slit right there in front of you). Still, he doesn't force me in anyway to suck it (there's a dick at your lips). I can hear him breathe in heavy and I glanced up to see his eyes are closed and his head is tilted back (he's waiting for you to make a move; suck it or don't). He rubs the back of my head with both hands, but just holds me there as if to mean that the choice is mine to suck his dick or not to suck it (it's right there dripping his juice's, man). All I have to do is open my mouth (oh man, my dick is throbbing in my pants; I can barely breath...my heart feels like it will burst out of my chest).

He's naked and offering me his dick (or you about to do this). I'm sure if I leave it will be all I will be able to think about – should I have stayed or not (what the fuck, get up and run like hell). My mouth opens (I'm really going to do this) and I see pre-cum hanging from the tip of his dick as my tongue comes out trying to grab the pre-cum (don't touch his dick). The pre-cum oozes onto the tip of my tongue and I pull my tongue back into my mouth (oh god, I can't believe how sticky and slimy it is; actually it's intoxicating and I can't believe I actually like cum in my mouth – pre or any otherwise). I swallow the pre-cum and opened my mouth again (Ohhhh, he's watching me lick up his pre-cum; did he actually moan?). My tongue goes under the bottom of his dick head (I can't stick my tongue out any farther or open my mouth any wider) as my head comes forward to accept this gift he's giving me.

(I've got a dick in my mouth; what the fuck am I doing, his dick is in my mouth). He pulls my head further toward his body (wow, his dick head is spongy and ridged and oh a little exciting) and his hips move forward into my face (is he trying to fuck my face; fuck, how much of this can I fit in my mouth...his dick feels so fat and my fucking jaws hurt from how much I'm opening my mouth). His breath is coming faster now (god, he sounds turned on and there's no way this is going to end with just his dick in my mouth; fuck, there's no way I'm going to eat his cum) and hearing him breathe like that makes my own cock ache (god, please tell me this isn't really happening; I'm not really sitting here sucking dick). He let's my head move back away from his dick as he moves his hips back (oh finally, it's just the tip in my mouth right now and I think I can handle that much of his cock). I suck hard on the tip of his dick (goddamn, I just tasted more of his pre-cum) and my own dick is pounding in my pants as he pushes back into my mouth and I slide off of the chair so that I'm on my knees in front of him. (motherfucker, you're not supposed to be liking a hard cock fucking your mouth). He feeds me more of his dick (how much more can I take into my mouth without gagging) and he's pulling my head forward and now forcing me to take more than I think I can take.

His breath is so fast now (oh fuck, tell me he isn't getting ready to cum in my mouth; I can't take his cum) and he forces more of his cock into my mouth (I can't hardly breathe with all of this dick in my mouth and my jaw really hurts). He doesn't move his hips back this time or release the grip from my head (oh fuck, he's making me take more and I don't think I can without gagging). My breath is coming out of my nose harder and harder as I find it harder and harder to get air (yank your head back before he chokes you) and still he pushes his dick down into my throat and I'm trying to pull back but his grip on the back of my head is too strong (the mother fuckers forcing me to take more of his hard dick, god damn asshole). I yank my head to the side to try to get his dick out of my mouth.

Other than breathing hard and grunting as I struggle to get off of his dick, he doesn't say a word (oh my god, I can't take any more of this hard dick down my throat, I can't breathe). Then he throws me to the floor and straddles my chest in one hard move (fuck, that hurt so bad) still holding my head with both hands (unfgh, unh) while he's struggling me to the floor, his dick comes out of my mouth (oh god, finally some air), but he grabs his dick with one hand and the back of my head with the other and into my open mouth (fuck, let me get some air) he shoves his dick in (oh come on, it's too much dick and I need a breather). Both of his hands are on the back of my head and he lifts his weight off of my chest with his knees (mother fucker's going to fuck my face again; maybe I can take that more than the throat fuck) and starts to rock back and force into my mouth (that's not so much dick, I can handle this). Right as I'm getting used to his dick sliding just in and out of my mouth, he pulls my head up with both hands and shoves his dick back down my throat (oh fuck, he's all the way down my throat again). He pulls my face all the way forward until my nose is buried into his bush (this fucker has got his whole dick down my throat). He holds my head in this position, making sure that his dick stays all the way down my throat and then starts to push his hips even more into my face (how much more of his dick does he think I can take?). He grunts as he tries to push more of his dick down my throat (fuck, his dick is actually going a bit deeper into my throat). I'm trying to relax my throat, but I don't know how much more I can take.

I gag as he inches his cock even further into my throat (I can't take this, I'm gagging). He releases the grip and pulls his dick all the way to just the tip of his cock and I'm still choking a little, but able to handle this better (oh my god, I hope he's having fun) but he doesn't miss a beat and pushes his dick down my throat and holds it there (he's grunting like a pig; a sex starved fucking pig). Again, even though he is all the way down my throat, he's still trying to push more into my throat (he's fucking my mother fucking throat) his grunting is loud, but I start to gag again and that's louder (oh fuck, how much more can I take) and he lets his dick slide all the way out of my mouth (oh fuck I just need some air). Then as I'm gulping air, he shoves his rock hard dick back into my throat (shit, this mother fuckers going to do this until I stop gagging) and he doesn't just put it in my mouth, but instead shoves it in until his balls slap my chin and his bush is rammed into my nose (god, its so hard to breathe with his bush smashing my face) and he's up on his knees with my head flat on the ground as he's ramming his dick down my throat (fuck, he's sitting on my face).

The only sound in the room is the grunting noise we are both making (I've never treated anyone like this) as he holds my head again ramming his dick in and out of my mouth as fast as he can (my god, his dick is savaging my throat). I let out a grunt every time he shoves into my mouth (god, he's fucking me so fast, he's got to be getting close; please god don't let him shoot his cum in my mouth). Each time he thrust down into my face, holding my head tightly in both hands, he let's out a grunt louder and louder and his thrusts are coming so fast and I grunt with a noise I've never heard myself make before (ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh). I can't even believe how fast his hips are moving back and forth and back and forth, making his hard cock jam further and further into my throat (what the fuck is the matter with this fucker, I can't take anymore).

He shoves his dick one more time all the way down my throat until my face is again jammed up into his bush and holds it there (please, just hold it here all you want and don't fuck my throat any more). He wraps his arm around my neck so I can't move (fuck man; just don't hurt me, and I'll do anything you want). He doesn't push all the way into my throat as he holds my head tight with his arm wrapped around it and grunts as his thighs tense up around my body (aw fuck, he just shot a load of cum down my throat; the mother fucker just came in me. Fuck, listen to this asshole grunt and moan as he's catching a nut inside of me; I'm eating his mother fucking cum) I don't know if it's the thought of him cumming in my mouth or all the cock sucking, but I feel my own cum building in my dick as he pulls his dick back until just the head is in my mouth and again holds my head tight as he grunts loud and goes ridged again (fuck, I now can taste and feel the cum shooting into my mouth...fuck, he's cumming in my mouth, oh shit my mouth is full of his cum, fuck). I shot a load of my own in my pants (ungh, unhg, fuck, I can't believe I'm letting someone cum in my mouth but something about shooting my own load as he cums in me is exciting). He pushes into my mouth so his dick only goes to the back of my mouth and pulls back out (fuck he just shot another load). I'm trying to swallow his cum so that I won't choke on it (fuck, I can't believe it, I've got another guys cum filling my mouth; fuck, I'm swallowing it). He holds his dick head just inside my mouth again and I can feel another load of cum pump out of his cock (he just shot more cum with that one shot than with the other two). I swallow, but my mouth is so full and he's pushing back into my mouth (fuck, cum is shooting out the sides of my mouth). Now he's back to pushing his dick all the way into my throat.

He's got my whole face pulled up into him again with both of his arm wrapped tightly around my head (oh man, my face is into his body and he just shot down my throat again). And I shoot my last load (aw shit, I can feel my cum flowing around my balls and dick and this fucker just grunts again and again still fucking my throat) as he pulls his dick out of my mouth (finally his dick is out of my mouth). I lie there breathing and gasping (oh fuck, air). He leans forward so his dick is resting on my lips (look at that lust in his eyes, oh my god this fucker's insane).

His dick jerks on my lips and a small ribbon of cum drips into my mouth (he's still cumming). I'm breathing so hard but I still lift my head up to his cock (god what the fuck is the matter with me) and I grab his hips so I can pull myself up (didn't you have enough of his fucking cock, asshole) and my mouth closes around his dick as his body jerks from the sensation of my mouth on it again (fuck, even going limp his cock feels so fat). His cock jerks three are four times in my mouth as I milk more of his cum (god, his cum is so intoxicating) and he sits back on my chest with the tip of his head dripping post-cum (god, there's cum all over me; and in me) He stands over me with his semi-hard cock still pointing out but starting to hang down (he's dripping the last bits of cum onto my face) I can't help myself, I open my mouth trying to position my face so his cum will drip into my mouth (fuck, put it in my mouth and I'll suck it clean motherfucker; I think I'm finally getting the hang of this) He puts two fingers at the base of his shaft and slides it down the length until he reaches the tip (fuck, I just got the last bit of cum from him into my mouth and I still want more; he's stopped fucking the hell out of my mouth and I want him to fuck me up again).