Chapter 8 -- A Time of Healing
As the days in Chelan passed, AJ was in much better shape physically, he was able to eat and had stopped losing weight. He was down 15+ pounds, his family was constantly at him about it. To end the incessant badgering AJ made an appointment with his long-time doctor.
His long-time doctor felt he was in the best shape of his life and told AJ that he was jealous. AJ had a long conversation with the doctor and was questioned extensively about his diet, exercise, and mental state. Evelyn had cornered Dr. Baxter at the grocery store before AJ went in and expressed her concerns. Dr. B got AJ's permission to set his mom straight about the physical aspects, he knew the emotional part would take time, and AJ needed space and time without people asking, 'How are you doing'.
Dr. Baxter met with Evelyn after he had examined AJ. "Evelyn, I'm glad you finally agreed to come in so we could do this face to face. I need you to listen and HEAR me." Evelyn nodded her assent.
Dr. Baxter -- "Evelyn AJ agreed to let me give you the results of his physical or we would not be having this conversation. AJ is in the best physical shape of his life. He acknowledged that he has lost 15 pounds over the last 10 days, which is not ideal but not catastrophic either. He just lost his wife; I seem to remember a certain patient who lost 10 pounds after the loss of her father, which is a much larger change by percentage of body weight than AJ, and she told folks to mind their own business."
Evelyn closed her eyes and blew out a long breath -- "George, that was different. He's my baby and I have not always been the best mom to him and I will not stand by and watch him destroy his health."
Dr. Baxter showed a little frustration -- "Evie, that is not happening. His health is extraordinary; all of his labs are within range, his body fat is exceptionally low, his resting heart rate is Olympic athlete low, and his blood pressure was so low I took it twice after my nurse took it twice.
This next piece is from me as your family friend and what I observed in my conversation with AJ. You and the family need to give him space to grieve. You all are smothering him and I get the impression that the family has reverted to AJ being a 5-year-old boy. He is not five, you need to recognize and acknowledge he is a grown-ass man with children and stop smothering him or you run the risk of him telling everyone to go to hell. Let me finish, I seem to remember a young man and a young lady telling their family to go to hell and married without any of them in attendance. Sydney is not here to be your buffer, so tread carefully."
Evelyn was annoyed with her long-time friend and doctor -- "George, thank you for seeing AJ and sharing the results of his physical. As far as the rest, I know we need to respect his privacy but he is our baby and we want to protect him."
Dr. Baxter gave one last effort -- "Evie, please remember he may be your youngest but he is also a widower and father. Treat him how you wanted to be treated when your dad died or risk some backlash. He has both of his Grandpas' Irish tempers, slow to ignite but explosive and rash when it does."
Evelyn decided it was best to not hold back and shared AJ's physical results with the family -- AJ was in prime physical health, 175lbs, 44" chest, 30" waist, 4% body fat, extremely low blood pressure, and resting heart rate. Dr. B made it clear that the family needed to support him and stop asking, 'How are you doing', that phrase is driving AJ mental. Be there if he needs you but stop treating him as though he is a 5-year-old.
It was time for them to head west to finalize all the plans for the memorial and settle in. Charlene and Elliot were still trying to get AJ to stay with them, but after a call with Evelyn they understood that it had nothing to do with them and the funeral home incident but everything to do with Syd having grown up there. Evelyn, Jonathan, Caleb, and Conor would be staying with them when they arrived the day before the service. AJ would stay with Gran. Trav would be staying with Julia in their place at night but would be with AJ every day while Julia was at work. Trav was set to start his new job at Microsoft in September -- he was taking the summer to get married, find him and Julia a new place to live, and get moved in.
The day of the service arrived -- AJ had driven Gran and Nanny over to Charlene and Elliot's. He would be arriving at the church with the boys; period, end of discussion, and he had told the 'rents they could go to hell if they continued to push on bringing them. The night before had gotten to the point that AJ was going to take them back to Gran's house when Nanny intervened. She pulled the 'rents aside and told them, point blank that they needed to back the hell off or risk losing AJ, Conor, and Caleb for good. AJ rarely dug his heels in, but he was and they needed to respect his desires as their dad. Apologies were offered from the 'rents but AJ was still upset with them and it was clear to everyone.
On the day of the service Gran, Nanny, and AJ arrived to pick the boys up, they were dressed in the wrong outfits, which AJ knew would happen as they were not really hearing what he was saying. AJ could not find the outfits he had laid out the night before, it was game on.
AJ was emotionally on edge and he had had it with the constant second-guessing from both sets of parents. AJ had set his arrival time two hours early as he was sure the parents would pull something like this. He grabbed all their stuff and loaded it in his new Tahoe. When he went to take the boys, Elliot made the mistake of trying to stop him -- AJ simply dialed 911, explaining to the operator that his in-laws had kidnapped his children and he needed their assistance in getting them out of the house so he could take them to their mother's funeral.
The looks on the 'rents' face were priceless and they stepped aside, it was clear to everyone that AJ had not actually dialed 911 but the intent had been made crystal clear. As AJ closed the Tahoe door, he turned to his elders and said -- 'goodbye'.
AJ addressed his grandmothers directly -- "Gran/Nanny please ride with one of them to the church."
To the 'rents "I will be staying with friends as I am over all of you meddling in my shit. I had a simple request for this morning -- dress the boys in the outfits I laid out, but they were not deemed 'good enough' by you. You never once asked me why I was insisting those be the outfits. Elliot / Charlene I get today sucks for you as well but you are not making it any easier by battling with me. Mom / Dad, siding with them on this puts you in the same place, NOT. WITH. ME.
Conor, Caleb, and I are going shopping and I pray that I find duplicates of those outfits because Syd bought them for the boys to wear for pictures to give you for Mother's Day. Given Sunday was Mother's Day, it was my way of honoring my beautiful love. Stop, I don't want to hear another apology, another platitude, or another 'we were trying to help'.
The thing is -- I didn't ask for the help and you didn't bother to ask if I needed or wanted it, you just did.
If the four of you have not figured it out by now -- I. AM. DONE. Do not call or contact me unless and until I reach out. You have been against us since we told you we got pregnant, and frankly, the comments should have told me who you truly were back then, but we wanted you to have a life with us. The best person I know and the one that kept my temper in check is no longer with us, and with that, your buffer does not exist."
Stunned silence ensued as AJ got into the Tahoe and drove off. He drove straight to Nordstrom and luckily was able to buy the same outfits Syd had purchased and changed the boys. He made it back to the church with 20 minutes to spare. The boys were in the jogging stroller as AJ entered the church. Nanny and Gran made a valiant effort to intervene on the 'rents behalf but AJ made it clear it was done.
When AJ's siblings approached, they realized immediately things were amiss. AJ would not discuss it, period, end of all discussions. AJ talked with the minister and changes to seating were made quickly -- AJ would sit on the Dias with the minister and the boys in their bouncy seats which had been put in place. As others came into the sanctuary, AJ and the boys greeted them with warmth and grace. Those who knew AJ well knew there was something amiss. When they tried to broach the subject, they were immediately rebuffed, this was not the time or place to push.
At one point AJ overheard Syd's high school boyfriend and his fiancé talking trash about how Syd married down and wound up dead because she was drunk. He also overheard several other comments about Syd being intoxicated at the time of her death. He was livid but not surprised. He would handle it in his opening greeting and ask the offenders to leave.
As the service started, AJ rose and went to the pulpit. Caleb started fussing, and Charlene made a move toward him. AJ shot her a death stare and turned to pick him up. He calmed Caleb and started talking to those gathered.
