Coming of Age - 2nd Love

Chapter 2 Healing Begins?

AJ shut the door after Jer and Cyn had left. He returned to the kitchen counter and sat down. Chase handed him a cup of coffee -- "is there anything I can get you while Brett warms up your breakfast?"

AJ smiled and blurted out -- "A quick blow job?"

Brett dropped a pan on the stove -- "Hey now, if that's a request why does Chase get that and not me or Trav? You aren't being fair to the rest of us who lust after you to give it up to him without any discussion."

Chase stuck his tongue out at Brett -- "I asked first." "So, what, I'm better at it than you are."

Trav could not resist participating -- "To be clear I didn't offer, but for YOU I would consider it..."

"Guys, I'm kidding. I was trying to lighten my mood and it did work. You two fighting over who gets to suck my dick is amusing and Trav you're supposed to be straight."

Brett went back to the stove -- "You are such a fucking tease it's not nice to get our hopes up. We have both been after your cock since we met you two years ago and you damn well know it. Let's be clear, Trav is far from straight."

Before Trav could protest, there was a knock at the door and AJ was not in the mood for more company -- "Now what?"

Trav squeezed AJ's shoulders -- "I got it." "Tell them, I'm asleep."

Trav opened the door and Evelyn hugged him and asked -- "how's our boy Trav?"

Trav kissed her cheek as she breezed into the room -- "Mama he's doing okay but I think he is still in shock. Hey Pops, how are you doing?"

Jonathan shook Trav's hand -- "I'm upright Trav. Who all is here, it sounds like a get-together?"

Brett grabbed the coffee pot -- "Mama, do you need coffee? It's just us three, AJ kicked everyone out but we refused to go."

Evelyn and Jonathan hugged their son tightly. Evelyn was the first to speak -- "Brett, coffee would be great, and thank you for ignoring him. Skeeter, how are you holding up?"

"Mama, I'm numb. I'm relieved now that you are both here but I'm sure that when this sinks in I'll be a total and utter basket case. Right now, though I'm functioning."

There was a cry from upstairs. Evelyn hugged AJ and told him she would take care of the boys. She headed upstairs to see what her grandsons needed. When she walked into the room both boys were fussing but when she felt their diapers, they were dry. She was sure they were picking up on the stress their daddy was under and likely wanted their mommy's cuddles. She picked them up and sat in the rocker with them and talked to them, they settled into a fitful sleep. As she rocked and sang to them, they relaxed and started cooing and playing with their fists.

While she was upstairs with the boys, AJ picked at the food on his plate, eating a piece of toast and a couple of slices of bacon. He was feeling nauseous and stopped eating. His Pops looked at him and said -- "Son you need to keep up your strength. I have no idea what you are going through but those little guys upstairs need their Daddy."

"I know Pops but I feel nauseous and given the circumstances, I think it's ok if I don't feel like eating. For god's sake, Syd's only been gone for 6 hours, I'm a fucking mess -- my wife and the mother of my children was sitting right there in that exact chair 12 hours ago. She headed out with her friends to celebrate yesterday evening and now, she's in the fucking morgue and my body is not reacting well."

Evelyn yelled down the stairs -- "Jon get your behind up here, I need your help getting the boys downstairs."

Jon ran up the stairs just as there was another knock at the door. AJ took a deep breath and asked Brett to answer the door. He was still asleep unless it was a blood relative. AJ grabbed a beer from the fridge and held it to the back of his neck, he was getting a headache. He heard part of the conversation at the door.

Brett went to the door to get rid of whoever was there -- "You're the officer from last night, right?"

Scott felt a bit out of place -- "Yes, you are Brett or Chase I just don't remember which one." "Brett, I'm AJ's more adorable little brother in our fraternity."

Chase yelled to the door -- "That's bullshit. I will admit you do give better blow jobs though."

Scott was caught off guard -- "What did he just say?" "Ignore him, what can I help you with?"

"I wanted to stop and see how AJ is holding up. I didn't get a chance to make sure he got all the way home given all the people on the street with candles. Is he here?"

Brett felt uncomfortable with having to lie to Scott -- "Yes, but he is asleep it's been a rough night for him. I'll tell him you stopped by to check in on him."

Scott looked dejected -- "Oh, ok. I know you all will do this but please take care of him. He was tough last night but I could tell he was hurting. I'll check in on him later."

AJ came to the door holding the can of beer on his neck, looking like shit. "Scott, thanks for stopping by I asked Brett to get rid of whoever it was unless they were blood related. It's been a mad house here today. Come on in, I wanted to thank you for the help last night."

Scott was feeling a little flustered and was not entirely sure why -- "I don't want to intrude, I just wanted to make sure you were okay but if I'm being honest, you don't look so well. Are you alright?"

Before AJ could answer Scott's question, his parents appeared in the living room with the boys. Ever the consummate hostess Evelyn jumped into the situation with both feet wanting to make certain that her son was taken care of whether he wanted to be or not. AJ is her baby and she was a mama bear who would protect him no matter what. "Skeeter, Brett let our visitor in. I don't believe we have met, who might you be dear."

Scott was hesitant, he did not want to intrude on the family situation and he was really not sure what drew him here in the first place. It was like his car just drove itself to AJ's door, he needed to get clear and shake these feelings from his mind. Why was he being drawn to this MAN? He could not explain it, he just felt something pushing him toward AJ. "Ma'am, my name is Scott Reed. I was the police officer who was with your son at the hospital this morning. I was just checking on AJ to make sure he was not alone and offer my support if he needs it."

Evelyn insisted that Scott come in and join them for coffee. She shook his hand and pulled him into the house, she wasn't taking no for an answer. In her mama bear role, she saw the beer in AJ's hand and had to say something -- "Skeeter it's a bit early for beer and you aren't 21 yet."

AJ was instantly furious and didn't know why but he did not like being treated like a child in front of Scott. It was illogical but he was going to show everyone he was in control of his life. AJ popped the top on that beer and chugged it down. Crushed the can and tossed it in the sink. "I love you mama but I'm an adult, a widow, and a single father of two kids. If I want a beer, I'm going to drink one. I appreciate your love and support but BAACCKKK OFFFF!!!!!"

AJ apologized and told everyone he needed to go for a run and clear his head. He asked his mama if she would watch the boys for a while. She readily agreed. He asked if anyone was up for a run. Trav was but needed to borrow some running shoes. The boys put running shoes on getting ready to leave.

AJ was trying to keep his shit together -- "Scott, I have to apologize for my outburst. Thank you for coming over but I need some fresh air and clear my head. I want to thank you so much for everything."

AJ pulled Scott into a warm embrace. Scott instantly felt a jolt of electricity flow through his body. He felt his cock stir which threw him, he was an engaged straight man. He had never had feelings for another male in his life what the hell was going on? AJ felt a similar jolt and blood flowing to his groin. He ducked out quickly with Trav to begin their run.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Trav and AJ headed out with no destination in mind. It was great to get out together and just run. They had not done this in a long time. They fell into a rhythm, Trav let AJ take the lead as he was only there for support. He knew AJ was on the edge, he never raised his voice to his mom. He would get his point across and go toe to toe with her but it was always respectful. The outburst at the house was completely out of character, he needed to be there for his brother and friend.

After nearly an hour, Trav cried Uncle, he could not keep going. Trav slowed to a stop with AJ running around him in circles to ensure he was ok. He kissed Trav on the cheek and let him know he appreciated the support. AJ was going to continue with his run to clear his head, he ran for another 45 minutes winding up at the river where he and Syd spent so much time together.

He was exhausted, stood bent over, and vomited everything in his stomach. When he stood, he looked around and realized he was in THEIR spot, he laughed out loud and looked to the heavens -- "God, why? She was my rock and guiding force, how in the hell am I going to raise two kids on my own? Why her and not me? Fuck this is not fair, WWHHHYYYY!!!"

AJ slumped to the ground pulling his knees to his chest and began sobbing. He was completely lost and didn't know which way was up. When his grandfather died suddenly, he was almost as lost but Syd was there to help him pull his shit together and put one foot in front of another. He could not fathom getting through this, how would he be a mom and a dad to those two boys, and how would he keep Syd's memory alive for them?

"Syd, I'm so wrecked how am I going to make this work, you were always the strong one."

AJ felt a warmth wash over him. He felt someone touch his arm. He looked up but no one was there, hell I'm losing my mind now GREAT. He closed his eyes and began to pray. After several moments he felt a warm hand on his thigh. He opened his eyes and Syd was beside him, with her hand on his leg.

Syd looked stunning -- "My love, you are the strongest man I know. I know you feel lost but you will get through this and I will be here when you truly need me. You were my rock when we found out we were pregnant, you stood up to everyone and told them to go to hell when they weren't supportive, you held my hand and my heart when I got my cancer diagnosis, you demanded answers, next steps, and guidance from the doctors. You were my rock, you didn't let anyone talk down to us because we were young, and you went toe to toe with everyone. You were ready to go completely alone if that is what it took. I would not have made it through that without you.

This is another bump in the road for you; you will handle it with the grace, dignity, and strength you have inside your heart. Don't you dare sell yourself short, don't hang your head and let others dictate to you what you know in your heart is right, be my Irish Lucky Charm. God, I love you but need you to be open to a new love you and the boys need and deserve. Please, don't dismiss something to sustain you because it is not the right time, the right love, or something our parents deem acceptable. Love is love my beautiful man."

AJ was in tears -- "Babe, I'm glad you have so much faith in me, I will do my very best to make you proud. I'm not sure I'm ready for a new love, or that I ever will be."

"It already arrived you just need to be open to it. Please for your sanity stay open to it. It will be another epic love; your Sam is nearby. I need to go, for now. I love you to the moon and back."

AJ was wiping his face of tears-- "always and forever."

AJ chuckled about the 'Sam' comment; he had a Tasmanian and She Devil tattoo on his lower abdomen that matched Syd's. The only other cartoon character the two thought was cute was Sam the Sheepdog and he was sure that was her reference. AJ was beyond confused as to why he had a new love that was 'Sam'.

AJ was a believer and knew in his heart that if you were open you could talk to those that have passed. He had related things from his mama's mom that only she would know. His mama was confounded by how AJ knew what he knew but AJ knew it was from his Gams.

The conversation had given him a new perspective. Syd's version of their life together was accurate but he had never considered that being strong he just knew in his heart it was right. AJ needed to man up and be a mom and dad to his boys. He knew it would not be easy but he needed to get his shit together.

AJ headed toward home. AJ walked the same path they had taken each time they had stolen away to be alone at 'their spot'. He walked to her sorority, stood in front, and let the memories wash over him. As AJ made his way through her sorority, her sisters hugged him, kissed his cheek, expressed their condolences, and let him know they were there if he needed them. AJ thanked them for their kindness and support. He slipped through their main floor and out the back door just as he had so many times before. He made his way through the alley, the parking lot, and the street in front of his fraternity.

When he walked through the doors of his fraternity, he was greeted by his brothers with love, sorrow, respect, and support. He talked with his brothers for a time but excused himself and went out the back door to his home.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

While AJ was out with Trav, Brett, and Chase headed back to the fraternity. Before Scott left, he felt compelled to make certain that Evelyn and Jonathan knew how well AJ had handled the situation at the hospital. He felt the need to defend AJ's sudden outburst -- he didn't understand why but felt protective of this whirlwind of a man.

"Mr. and Mrs. O'Brien I know this has been a whirlwind for everyone but I need you to know that your son is a special man, I don't know how I would handle myself if my fiancé were dying and I had to say goodbye. I would hope I would be as strong as he was but I don't know if that would be the case. He held her hand, told her he loved her."

Jonathan interrupted him -- "To the moon and back, always and forever."

Scott looked at the older man with a bit of shock written on his face -- "he only got out 'to the moon and back' Syd opened her eyes and told him 'Always and forever'."

All three of them had tears in their eyes now. They sat looking at each other for a few moments until Jonathan continued -- "That is what Evelyn's father told AJ every time they parted -- phone call, letter, or in person. AJ uses that phrase with those closest to him and ALWAYS with Syd.

When our family found out they were pregnant, we didn't think they should stay together and we tried to convince them to put the baby up for adoption. They were so steadfast that they told us all to go to hell. We came around when we realized this was it, they were meant to be together forever. I can't even fathom what he is going through."

Scott wiped a tear from his face -- "I'm going to head out now but know that if there is anything I can do for you, AJ or the family do not hesitate to reach out. That's my card, it has all my contact information on it. I can't explain it but I know AJ is meant to be in my life. I know he has older siblings but I'm here in Pullman to help."

Evelyn kissed Scott's cheek as she walked him to the door -- "Thank you, son. Your parents must be proud of the man you are and your fiancé is a lucky woman to have such a caring human being as her partner."

Scott blushed at the compliment -- "Thank you for those kind words and please do not hesitate to reach out. My dad is the police chief, and he and I spoke about this at length this morning, we would like to attend the services to show our support for AJ and the boys. Please let me know when and where those will be."

Jonathan's ears perked up -- "Son, is your father Police Chief Jonathan Reed?" "Yes sir."

"I know of him by reputation. I am a state judge and his reputation as a solid leader, fair man, and generally great law enforcement officer precedes him. He has done well with passing on that same spirit of compassion and duty. Thank you for being there for AJ this morning I know it could not have been easy."

"Thank you, sir, I will pass those on to my father. I have to say helping AJ was easy. I knew in my gut I was in the right place this morning. I didn't do anything special; I just kept my eye on a loving husband and father. Take care, both of you."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

AJ walked across the street to his house. He was all mixed up still but he was at least in control of his emotions, for now. AJ took a deep breath and opened the door. Syd's parents Elliot and Charlene had arrived while he was out. All eyes were on him as he came into the living room. The look of concern was etched on everyone's faces yet they all just stared at him making AJ uncomfortable.

His first reaction was -- here we go... He remembered the words Syd had said to him -- 'My love, you are the strongest man I know'.

AJ greeted them all with an air of confidence that surprised them all but his talk with Syd had grounded him in what he needed to do for his family. He hugged and kissed his dad's mom -- Nanny and then Syd's grandmother - Gran, mom 'Charlene' and dad 'Elliot'. He asked them how they were doing and thanked them for being there.

AJ asked Charlene and Elliot how they were doing with everything. Charlene was able to convey that the family was both numb and not sure which end was up. After this morning's phone call, they knew they had to be here. Seeing the boys and AJ helps and reminds them Syd will always be with them but there will always be a huge hole.

They talked about the boys, Syd, and what AJ needed to do to finish his semester. How many finals, papers, and projects does he have to finish? He was pretty set to go; he had 3 finals and 2 of them were 'take home' which he had already completed. The additional final was next Tuesday but the professor had reached out and waived it for him given his current points standing -- 1,500 points available and AJ had 1,550 with 3 extra credit projects. It helped a great deal that Syd had taken this class last fall. For AJ to graduate with Syd, he had taken summer school classes and was now only 2 classes behind Syd in school and they were both set to graduate in December. Syd had fallen behind during her pregnancy and subsequent cancer treatment.

There was a knock on the door and AJ thought 'Who the fuck is that, leave me alone' -- Jonathan answered it, and in came a horde of family. All of AJ's siblings (Cheryl, Stephanie, JT & Gina), their spouses (Max, Jim, Mo, Kevin fiancé), and children (Amanda, Danielle, Max, Chandler, Jimmy, Tim, TJ, Elizabeth & Talia) as well as Syd's Aunt Eva and her two kids Carrie and Maddie arrived.

AJ was overwhelmed, he did not expect his siblings and their families to be here. He was on the verge of tears -- he always felt like an afterthought with all his siblings except Gina, she was his wonder woman. Gina pulled AJ to his feet and hugged him tightly. The way she looked after AJ she acted more like a mother than a sister; she had been his rock and support system through a ton of crap as a kid. They clung to each other and Gina stroked his head letting him know everything would be okay. Chandler and Amanda, his nieces who were closer in age than any of his siblings hugged AJ from the sides which brought on actual tears his heart was broken and everything was starting to unravel, his resolve from earlier was waning.