Chapter Twenty-Three
Summary: You taught me what it feels to be afraid.
He went to his office, without even wondering whether he was supposed to search for Jake or not. If last night had been any indication, the ball was in Jake's court now, and he only had to be patient and wait for events to unfold as the new master of the game desired.
But waiting was torturous, he thought, as he carefully arranged the papers on the desk. The rest of the house was bustling with activity, with his personnel busy with putting everything back together after the party.
There were messages on his phone from Hans, but he decided against reading them. Right now, there was just one thing he needed to think of. Jake. No one and nothing else.
The soft knock on his door was barely a surprise. But his voice was still a tad hesitant as he urged the person on the other side to come in. The first thing he noticed was the luggage.
"I came to say goodbye," Jake spoke, without moving an inch away from the now closed door.
"So soon?" Klaus frowned. "I was quite certain you could stay a few more days."
"Yeah, well, that was before," the young man said with a sigh.
"Before what?"
"Don't pretend you don't understand," Jake almost snapped. "It's enough for me to just be in the same room with you and I can only think of one thing."
"I feel the same way," Klaus replied.
He remained seated, despite what his instincts were yelling at him to do.
"Bullshit," Jake murmured.
"Jake," Klaus hoped the warning tone in his voice was enough to make the young man pay attention.
"It feels wrong, you know?" Jake spoke again. "That you only have to snap your fingers and I do what you want me to do. How can I trust myself? Whatever you say, I'll just accept it. Like I don't even have any power over myself."
Klaus felt his chest growing tighter.
"Aren't you even interested in hearing me out?"
"You'll just make it sound like you were right and I was wrong. And I'll just agree with you. Because ..."
The boy looked away, with a pained expression written all over his handsome face.
"I know why," Klaus interjected, trying to make his voice as gentle as possible. "But this does not mean you are wrong, Jake. And I must apologize."
Jake seemed shocked at the last words.
"You're like ... sorry?"
"Yes. I acted on impulse that night."
"Really? You? The guy who has a tight schedule on even when to take a leak?"
Klaus pursed his lips. Now was not the time to laugh at Jake's jokes.
"You really do not see it, do you, Jake? You taught me what it feels to be afraid."
"Like hell I did," Jake protested, but leaned against the door, a sign that he was, at least, willing to listen.
"You walked through that door like you were the savior. And I was in a room packed with trigger-happy morons, just waiting for a reason to shoot. If you had gotten hurt then, I would have never forgiven myself. All it could take was for them to think you were a traitor to their ... whatever they believed in. So I did the only thing I could think of. I turned the tables, and counted on your brother's sense of loyalty towards you. Which, luckily, worked."
Jake seemed to ponder over what he was hearing. That was a good sign.
"I wanted you to trust me, even without telling you everything."
"You lied to me," Jake said accusatorily. "You thought I was blind or stupid."
Klaus sighed.
"I wanted to protect you. And the truth was I wanted you as far away from your brother as possible."
"See? You just think that you're right, all the time," Jake's eyes darted sideways, as his resolve was clearly shaking.
"No. I was not. And I am not. You just made me feel things I never thought were possible. Not for me. And not only fear. Also jealousy."
"Jealousy?" Jake snorted. "Like who could you be jealous of?"
"Your brother."
"Diaz? What the fuck, man? Did you think I was screwing him on the side or something? That's gross."
"No," Klaus shook his head. "It was nothing like that. But you often spoke of him. Diaz did that, Diaz said that. If Diaz was here, he would do this or that. Diaz, Diaz, Diaz," he said through his teeth, glad, for a change, that he could finally express his frustration. "Yes, I was wrong to be jealous of him. And I suppose it was natural for you to speak of him so much, seeing that you two had been on your own since you were so young. But ... I did not think clearly. And, along with my apologies, I have to admit that taking my frustration out on him held a certain degree of petty satisfaction."
"Fuck," Jake murmured.
"Can you accept my apologies?" Klaus pressed and got to his feet.
Jake recoiled.
"Yours, maybe, but mine, never," he spoke.
"What do you mean?" Klaus frowned.
"I knew shit was about to go down," Jake spoke. "I didn't tell you."
Klaus exhaled. Was that all?
"I knew what was going to happen without you telling me. Stop fretting over nonsense. You are here now, with me. This is all that matters."
"Like hell it does," Jake said back. "I don't want your understanding or your pity."
"What are you talking about? You make no sense," Klaus started to walk.
"Stay where you are," Jake said and Klaus froze.
Jake was different from what he remembered. Last night had not been just a whim, Klaus thought. But that did not change anything in his heart.
"All I am asking is for you to stay," Klaus spoke.
"No," Jake said stubbornly.
"Please."
The word felt foreign in his mouth. When was the last time he had said it? Jake just looked at him, his eyes swimming in hurt. If he could only tell this beautiful amazing young man who had taken his entire world by storm and changed everything, that nothing mattered, that he could not care less about white lies and what not.
"I love you," he said simply.
"Don't fucking say it," Jake protested.
"Marry me."
The first thing he had not planned in maybe his entire life. But it just felt like the right thing to say. Nothing felt more right.
"Now I know you are completely out of your fucking mind," Jake turned quickly on his feet, and pulled the door open. "I just came to say goodbye. So goodbye."
The door slamming shut was like a physical slap. Klaus pressed his palms against the desk, to regain his balance. Nothing was more wrong than this.
***
Jake went out on the street, without any idea where he was heading to. He took out his German dictionary, something he had asked Hans to lend to him and cursed inwardly, after sweeping through a few pages. At least, he knew how to hail a cab.
And who to call in such desperate times.
"Hey, man, sorry to bother you. I know you're already on your honeymoon. Oh, damn, thanks a lot. I need you to tell me where I can find the following."
He repeated each word after Hans as the guy was slowly speaking. Eventually, he chose to just record Hans's voice. That would have to do, he thought, as he murmured his last thanks to the guy.
***
"Sir, you should at least put on a coat," his butler spoke, opening the door to the balcony for the umpteenth time.
"Please, you are becoming tedious, Bernard," Klaus waved him away.
The ashes burned his fingers. It was all beautiful and white. It had snowed the entire morning, and the garden looked even better all covered in white like this. Everything was beautiful, but it was all for nothing. Because it did not matter if there was no one to share it with.
The door behind him swished open once more.
"Bernard," he sighed. "I told you ..."
A coat was placed carefully over his shoulders and he wanted to protest, but strong arms embraced him from behind and he stopped, not daring to turn. He placed his palms over the hands holding him like he wanted to check if they were real and not just some trick of his imagination.
"You suck at proposing," Jake spoke, without letting go.
"Is that so?" he exhaled.
"Yeah."
Jake made him turn and watched him carefully.
"This is how you do it," the young man followed, and rummaged for something in his jacket.
Klaus chuckled as he saw the object.
"Don't you dare to laugh," Jake mumbled as he took Klaus's hand. "I hope I'm not stupidly off the mark here."
No, he wasn't. It fit. Klaus put out his hand, admiring the simple golden band on his ring finger.
"And now?" he turned his attention back to the raven haired beauty in front of him. "What is next?"
"I suppose you should say yes, or else I'll have to consider selling my ass to get the money for the airplane ticket back home," Jake responded promptly.
Klaus pulled him into a hug and laughed.
"Do not even dare to say that in jest. Did you just spend all the money you had on this?"
"Yeah, like why not?" Jake shrugged.
A few snowflakes caught into the long dark eyelashes and Jake blinked a few times.
"Well, I don't suppose that you brought this ring's counterpart, so you have me at a disadvantage here."
"Actually, I did," Jake protested and struggled to break free so he could bring forward the second ring from his pocket.
Klaus took it slowly and examined it.
"Please don't start commenting on how cheap they are and shit like that," Jake spoke.
"Nothing of the kind," Klaus linked his fingers with Jake's and slid the ring on the designated one. The one connected to the heart.
The small clink made as their hands came together as the rings touched had to be the happiest sound Klaus had ever heard in his entire life.
"May I ask you what made you change your mind?"
Jake sighed, a bit too theatrically to take to heart.
"I lost this battle a long time ago. I wanted to go back and just try to forget about you. But then you had to say all those stupid things and I knew I couldn't leave no matter how much I wanted to. Or that I would be stupid to do that. Or maybe I would have just groveled and begged for you to take me back anyway. Even if you didn't say anything. I don't know, really."
"That certainly explains everything," Klaus joked.
