Code Blue

Code Blue...Final Chapter.

Ryan*

After three more days in hospital I was finally released. Not before the doctor gave me a thorough scolding about taking it easy blah blah blah. I practically begged him to let me go back to work and he agreed after making me promise I would take desk duties for the next two weeks. I rolled my eyes in disgust but agreed anyway just to get out of there. He left me with one last threat. "I do know where you work you know. Don't make me call and make sure you're actually going to do what you just agreed too." He softened that statement with a smile. Hmm...He was also pretty darned cute! I knew I was on the mend now. But there was one guy in particular that I had to make up with.

After lying in bed with nothing to do but think I really began to regret the way I had treated Ian. I still wasn't sure about what I wanted but I knew that if Ian was still talking to me then I would see that as a sign that maybe things weren't hopeless after all.

I needed to get home and wash the hospital smell off me and eat something that actually resembled food then maybe I would stop by the precinct and see if Ian was working today. I guess my car was still impounded after I collapsed at the store so I haled a cab and headed home. Actually getting my car back was a great excuse to stop in at work. God listen to me! I was sounding more like a lovesick teenager with every minute that passed.

I felt someone shaking me. It was the cab driver. I guess I fell asleep on the way home. I paid him and was about to put the key in the lock and I noticed an envelope taped to my door. Curious I took it down and brought it inside. I dropped my bag and sat on the couch with the note. I didn't recognize the handwriting and then I read "Dear Ryan" and I knew it was from Ian. My heart skipped a little. I left it on the couch for a minute and came back with some water. Suddenly my throat had gone dry.

"Dear Ryan,

After I left the hospital the other day I was really pissed at you and very hurt. I wasn't sure what you were doing until I thought about it a little more. I realized that you are terrified of loosing someone you care about again so you had to make sure I left you before that could happen. And you know, that makes sense but it's also a cowards way of life and that's not who you are. I know that you are hurting from Mark passing and that's ok, you will probably never stop missing him. But do you really believe that he would want his best friend and partner to sit back and let life pass him by? You aren't honoring his memory by behaving this way.

I decided to get away from things for a while. I left details at work just in case you want to talk or come see me. I know you have feelings for me and it's no secret that I have them for you. In fact, in spite of my best efforts I seem to have fallen in love with you. I don't give up easily so I will wait until you're ready however long it takes ok?

Thinking Of You

Ian."

Wow. I didn't realize I had been holding my breath and it came out in a whoosh. Now that was some letter. It left me feeling giddy and scared but also smiling like a fool. It gave me great comfort to know that Ian wasn't going to rush me or insist that I act on my feelings until I felt ready but I also didn't want to leave him hanging around in limbo either. It wasn't fair and it certainly wasn't the way I did things. He was right. I was behaving like a coward and Mark would be really mad at me if he were still here.

I sent my gaze to the heavens. Well my friend I guess this is where we find out just what kind of man I really am. God I miss you.

I left the note on the couch and took a shower then guzzled down about a pound of pasta before curling up in bed with the note still in my hand. I was looking forward to finding out where Ian was and then proving to him that I wanted something more than just friendship with him.

Ian*

I arrived at my uncle's cabin just on dusk. I got off my bike and let the peace and beauty of this place wash over me. There was a small lake near by with plenty of fish according to Uncle Henry but my skills certainly would leave the fish feeling safe from capture. This was just what I needed. The last few weeks had been very stressful and I was exhausted emotionally and physically. I left a note on Ryan's door, which I hoped he read once he got out of hospital.

I knew I would be on pins and needles waiting to see what he would do but I also had resigned myself to no result at all. I knew he was hurting badly from Mark and I didn't want to compete with that but I wanted him to be clear about my feelings too. I told him that I would wait but how long was that going to be?

I was normally a patient person but this time it was going to be hard to wait.

I didn't have a Plan B if this one fell through. I guess I was just hoping that I wouldn't need one. I took my one small bag inside and orientated myself with where things were in the cabin. It was simple and neat and would suit my needs perfectly. I opened the fridge. Ah yes trust Uncle Henry. It was well stocked with assorted beer. When he came here that was all he lived on. Beer and fish. Of course that also explained having a cholesterol level so high that the doctors called him a walking miracle because he hadn't dropped dead of a heart failure yet.

I moved about the cabin then went upstairs to the solitary bedroom. I saw Ryan and I lying there exploring each other. I couldn't wait to taste him and feel him against me. I hardened and blushed all at once and went back downstairs.

I moved into the forest to search out some wood for the fire. I noticed a few cans in the cupboard so it was going to be mystery night until I could get to the market the next day. Most of it was wet but I found enough small pieces to get a good fire going. Now all I need is Ryan here.

I ate an interesting combination of tuna, crackers and a slightly stale bowl of cereal, dry of course because there wasn't any milk. I noticed a small diner on the way in so I was looking forward to stopping there for breakfast.

I spread myself out on the leather couch, resting my head on a small lumpy pillow and let my thoughts wander. It would be heaven if Ryan had the guts to come find me and we could spend some time here together. I drifted off to sleep imagining Ryan's arms around me and my head resting on his chest.

Ryan*

The next day I went into work to get my jeep back and bug the Sargent about where Ian was. As I walked through the precinct the guys welcomed me back. I got my ticket for the jeep and went to the impound yard to get it back. I was grateful that I worked here because I couldn't afford the $200 it would have taken.

I went back inside and tried to be very casual about asking for Ian's whereabouts. Apparently casual isn't my middle name because as I left the Sarge winked. "Go get him tiger." I am sure my entire body turned purple. I just smiled and drove away as quickly as possible.

I had no idea where Silver Lake was so I had to stop and ask for directions. It wasn't until I was half way there that I noticed I didn't pack any clothes. You moron! I berated myself. So I had to turn around and go back to get a few things. I didn't even have to ask about time off it was just assumed that I wanted some so my shifts were covered for the next week.

So I had an entire week to either fix things with Ian or screw them up even more. If it didn't work out the way I hoped then I would have the rest of the week to get very drunk before I went back to work. Packing a bag I returned to the road once more and began the three-hour drive to Silver Lake. I fidgeted most of the way and stopped at a small gas station to take a leak and grab a drink. According to "Jake" the guy wearing the filthy coveralls Silver Lake consisted of a few stores and because of the lake was mostly a summer town. "Don't know why you'd wanna go this time a year. It's awful quiet." He drawled. Little did he know that was exactly what I was hoping for.

"Jake" tipped his hat at me as I left. I made it to Silver Lake around 4.30pm and the first place I saw was a very cute little diner so I stopped in to have an early supper. As I sat at the counter I felt the nervousness start in the pit of my stomach. I was so caught up in my thoughts that I startled when a booming voice said "Hi stranger. We don't get many of you this time of year. You lost?" I looked at the mountain of a man sitting beside me. I tried unsuccessfully not to stare and wondered if this was one of those small towns that people stopped at and were never heard from again. I smirked at the thought and earnt a suspicious look from my counter buddy.

"Maybe you could help me? I'm looking for a cabin out on Jones Road. Do you know where that is?"

The mountain with legs scratched his beard and boomed over at the waitress. "Hey Noreen! That old place out on Jones Road. Ain't that Henry's place? You know right on the lake?"

Noreen stirred from reading her gossip magazine and came over. "Hi hon. You lookin for Henry's old place? Let me see that paper." She looked at the address I had hastily written down before I left. "Yep. That's Henry's place alright." They both looked at me expectantly. Noreen felt the need to add. "Yep. Henry's nephew arrived the other day. Cute as a button." For at least the second time today I found myself blushing.

Noreen bent forward exposing her rather ample bosom. "If you take a left at the end of that road then go about five miles. It will be the last place on the right." Mountain man gave me a little shove that nearly sent me off the stool.

"Ok thanks. I'll just eat my burger then head off." They looked at me like what are you waiting for?

I finished my burger in two huge mouthfuls and paid my tab. 'Well thanks again. I'll probably be seeing you around. I'm hoping to stay for the week." I have no idea why I volunteered that information but they absorbed it with great interest. I waved and escaped out into the crisp fall air. God this place was beautiful. A little odd but lovely all the same. I took a deep cleansing breath. So this is it.

I got back in my jeep and followed Noreen's directions, which wasn't hard considering Jones Road was the only other main road in the whole town. I gave myself a pep talk on the way there. Come on. You can do this. Every day you face down criminals. This is a cakewalk.

There it was. Last place on the right. Wow. It was really a cabin. Not one of those fake wood ones. This was definitely made out of trees. There was a small lake that I could see hiding behind some Aspen trees. This was some place. I saw movement on the porch. Ian appeared and came slowly down the steps. A small smile on his lips. I pasted one on my face and got out. Lord have mercy on me.

Ian*

He's here! Ryan is actually here! He looked thin and a little tired but I have never had a problem with taking care of someone I love so that was ok with me. I tried not to run at him and wrap him up in my arms. He looked like he was headed for the firing squad. Ok just take it easy. I reminded myself. I walked up to him. "Well hi. How are you? I'm glad that you're here Ryan." He looked at his feet then back at me.

"I'm doing ok thanks."

I noticed that he was still favoring his right side. He winced a little as he stretched.

"So are you staying? Or is this just a quick visit?" The last thing I wanted to do was pressure him but I needed to know where things were headed.

Ryan opened his mouth and then swallowed hard. "Well if it's ok with you I bought a bag. So I guess I'm staying?" He moved to the passenger side of his jeep and got his bag out.

I went to take it from him and our fingers brushed. It was just a small touch but enough to shake me. I knew he felt it too. Ryan gave up his bag and followed me inside. I took him on the penny tour and then pointed out the lake. "It's a shame it's getting cold. We could have gone swimming." I arched my eyebrows suggestively making him blush. Lord he was adorable.

I had already been into town that morning and thank God I got food because I knew we could both pack away the calories. If things went the way I hoped then we would need all the energy we could get.

"I have enough wood collected to start a small forest fire so let's go inside ok?" We both moved for the door at the same time. Ok this time there was no stopping myself. I lent in and took in his wonderful smell and brushed the back of his neck with my lips. I felt him shiver and then moan quietly.

"It's ok." I whispered. "I'm not going to rush you. I just needed to know that you feel the same way. And now I do." I smiled against his skin. I longed to take him in my arms and take all the pain of the last few weeks away.

I let him go inside first and motioned for him to sit while I got the fire going. I felt Ryan watching me as I moved around and I enjoyed it. I was determined to let him make the first move so he could have some control over the situation. The fire was looking good so I sat beside him on the couch. He was staring at the fire with his long legs stretched out before him. He looked so uncertain and lost. My heart ached for him. I decided to ease things a little.

"Ryan. I'm so glad you're here. I wasn't' sure if you would want to find me. I told you in that note that I wasn't going to rush you and I meant it. It's going to be ok."

He looked at me then with such relief in his eyes that I drew him into my arms to comfort him. I rubbed his back in small soothing circles and felt all his tension melt away. This is what we both needed. We still had things to talk about but for right now the physical touch of another human being was something priceless.

He let his head fall onto my shoulder and rested against me.

"I am so tired Ian. Everything inside hurts and I just want it all to stop. I want to be with you I really do. I just can't go through this again. I don't know what to do." His arms went around me and I felt the dampness of tears against my neck.

I rocked him slowly and hoped he knew just how much I wanted this to work out. I knew he wasn't used to not being in control of things and it scared him. He was a different person in that uniform. Confident and secure in any situation but this whole thing with Mark had shaken him to the core and he was drowning.

I drew him up to his feet and took his hand. He looked at me questioningly but I didn't say a word.

I led him to the bedroom and crouched to take his boots off. I rubbed my hands up his thighs as I moved to his shirt.

His hands went to stop me but I just pushed them away. I got him to lay down and put the quilt over him. I lent and kissed his lips gently. "Sleep. We'll talk more when you're not so in need of rest."

His eyes welled with unshed tears and he nodded silently. I sat with him for a few minutes and that was all it took.

His breathing deepened as sleep took him and the tension left his face. I smiled. At long last. A man in my bed that I actually loved. I went back to the living area to check on the fire and be alone with my thoughts. I wasn't hungry and I didn't know how long Ryan would sleep for but I had plenty of food in the cupboards now so we could eat when he woke.

Ryan*

I woke with a start in total darkness and it took a while to remember where I was. I looked at the other half of the bed expecting to see Ian there but it was empty. I went downstairs and there was Ian. Looking very uncomfortable with his large frame draped across the couch. How could I not love him? He had been true to his word. The little caresses were enough to let me know that he wanted to be with me but there was absolutely no pressure behind them. He had even let me have the bed for God's sake.

I sat on one of the over-stuffed chairs and just watched him. I knew now that I would do anything to make this work. If it meant leaving my job, moving somewhere else I would do it. I went into the kitchen to get something to drink and decided to start us something to eat. I looked at the time...5.30am...If I was quiet enough I wouldn't wake Ian until it was time to eat.

As I moved around, orientating myself with where things were kept, I found that I enjoyed being here. It didn't feel awkward or strained. I could picture Ian and I in our own home. Sharing a meal together or just relaxing with the Sunday paper. I wanted a relationship with him not just a one-time thing. I found the makings of a good breakfast and set to work. I guess the noise combined with the smell woke Ian because when I turned around he was standing there watching me.

I grinned and blushed. "I hope you don't mind but I wanted to make us some breakfast. Sorry to wake you."

Ian just walked over to me and hugged me close to his chest. This is where I was meant to be. It was home. I pulled his face to mine and planted a kiss on him but he drew away. "I have morning breath and I don't know about you but I'm starving. We have a lot of time to really get to know each other." He took my hand and we sat at the table.

We made small talk over breakfast and he must have a fast metabolism because if I ate like he did I would be the size of a house. I watched fascinated as he packed the food away. He finished the meal with a huge glass of milk and a hearty burp. His face went red with embarrassment and I laughed out loud. "I'll take that as a compliment." Now I felt nervous and unsure. What do I do now? He disappeared into the bathroom for a moment so I cleared the table. Ian came back and took my hand and we sat on the couch.

"Let's get a fire going and we can relax and talk and......" I found myself blushing once again. It was something that I wished wouldn't happen but I had no control over it.

Ian chuckled. " Sounds good." We both went outside to get more wood.

Ryan & Ian*

It was so cute the way Ryan was all nervous and I knew he had no idea what to do next. Truthfully I didn't either. I knew his suggestion of making a fire was just a way for him to think about the next step to take but I went along with it because it would really be nice to sit with him by the fire. We moved together as if we had already been a couple for a long time. I felt so at home and comfortable around him.

Ian kept glancing at me and I loved every minute of it. I was aching to touch him but I wasn't sure how to go about it. I mean I had been with other guys before but I didn't want to screw this up by doing something stupid. We sat down together and I deliberately sat so our legs were touching and I twined his fingers with mine. Our breathing hitched up a notch. "Is this ok?" Stupid question I know.

Ian didn't answer but lent in and brushed my lips with his. His breath was minty so I knew he had hastily brushed his teeth. I smiled at his consideration of me. We both moaned a little as our passion increased. I moved in closer and held his face between my hands so I could really kiss him hard. My tongue danced over his and explored his mouth.

His hands wandered to my shirt and pulled it out of my jeans and rubbed my back. I loved the way his hands moved on my skin. I let go of his face and drew back a little. His cheeks were flushed and his breathing ragged. He looked like I felt. A little out of control and extremely turned on. I wanted this to last for a while so I asked, "Would you dance with me?" He looked at me, eyebrows raised. "I don't want this to be over. Would you? Dance with me?"

He nodded so I went to his CD collection. What a mixture but I saw the one I wanted. I may have worked in a city but I am a country boy born and bred so I chose Garth of course. One of my all time favorite songs of his is "Shameless" and if you listen to the words it suited our situation perfectly. I looked to Ian for help to operate the monster sound system.