Cocklust Ch 30

It took me a while to put my feelings into words, but once I did, they seemed to come tumbling out. I told Chad all about what had happened. At first I thought it might be TMI-- especially when I went into detail around my jacking off-- but he never seemed to flinch. He seemed to genuinely care about what I had to say, and what I thought we should do. He seemed to go out of his way to make me feel like I could tell him the truth, as if the subject matter was nothing to be scared of.

By the time I finished talking, the cum on our bodies had mostly dried up. So had our sheets, for that matter. We were both still naked, with our arms and legs still wrapped around each other, and our faces still within inches of each other. I felt a pang of guilt for having kept Chad awake, since I knew he'd need to be up early that morning. But he insisted it was fine.

He definitely didn't react the way I'd expected. "That's a lot to digest," he said. "I mean... some of it I wouldn't worry about. Like the part about rubbing one out. When I said we should be cool with that, I meant it."

"Are you sure?"

"Sure I'm sure. I mean, we all do it. It doesn't hurt anybody, and it feels good."

"I-I guess...."

"I think the bigger issue is you getting hit on at work."

"Well... I could always quit my job if you want--"

"Is that seriously the first thing you think about? How I'd feel about it?"

"Why wouldn't it be?"

"Shouldn't you be asking that of yourself?"

I licked my lips. "Y-you mean you're not mad?"

"Not at you."

"What does that mean?"

"Listen," he said, "if you want me to kick someone's ass, I'll do it in a heartbeat. I'll never let anybody fuck with my man."

"Well thank you--"

"But don't get nervous on my account. What matters is how

you

feel about it. Not me."

"I-I mean I guess if you put it that way--"

"Besides," he said, "I mean, I kind of get where those other guys are coming from. Considering I like to hit on you too."

"Oh come on."

"What? It's true." He put his hand on my crotch. "I craved this cock from the second I laid eyes on it. Come on: that first night at the frat house, when they made us strip down--"

"I remember--"

"And then you surprised me when everyone else was asleep--"

"I didn't do that on purpose. You surprised me too."

"Even so," he said, "your dick unlocked parts of me that I didn't even know were there." He let off a deep sigh, apparently savoring the memories, then pressed his body against mine. "Anyway, the point is... now that you're mine, what do I have to feel jealous about?"

I shrugged. I had to admit he had a point. "I guess," I said, "as long as we keep it that way."

"Well yeah. But Ryan and Marcos do a lot crazier shit than we do. So if they can make things work, we can too."

I nodded. It was true Ryan and Marcos seemed fine, even with their open relationship. I thought back our sex party, when Chad and I had just banged each other, while Ryan and Marcos had also done stuff with Hunter and Drew. I gave those guys props for their candidness: they seemed to give no bones about what they wanted in bed. Not to say we needed to imitate them, but still....

"By the way," Chad said, "they want to meet up when we're in town."

"What do you mean?"

"Ryan and Marcos. If we're gonna go see my dad, we should connect with them too."

"Oh. Right." I'd almost forgotten about that. "Are you sure that's okay?"

"Of course. Why wouldn't it be?"

"I mean... it sounds like your dad's still dealing with a lot. So if we just dedicated our time to him--"

"I wish we could," Chad replied. "Pam says he still gets tired really easy. She says we should plan on spending an hour with him, maybe two or three if he's having a good day. Any more than that is too much."

"Shit. I'm sorry."

"It is what it is. The nature of brain injuries I guess."

"Do you think he'll be okay with me being there? I mean... if he gets overwhelmed, I don't want things to be weird--"

"Listen. When I said I was done hiding this shit, I meant it. Anyone who still has a problem with my gay ass can kiss it."

"Well...." I put my hands on his butt cheeks. "Maybe I can play with your gay ass regardless. Except I want to do a lot more than kiss it."

Chad snorted. "Fine by me," he said. He pulled me in closer and gave me a peck on the forehead. "We'll just take this shit as it comes."

"Okay," I replied. Then I put my head on his chest, and the two of us laid there with our bodies tangled together.

We must've fallen asleep not long after. The next thing I remember was early the next morning: I vaguely recall Chad getting out of bed, though I was still pretty out of it. I didn't fully wake up till hours later, long after Chad had headed off to work.

I felt a pang of loneliness lying there by myself, though I told myself not to worry about it. I spent the next few minutes staring up at the ceiling. I told myself how lucky I was to have Chad as my boyfriend, though I knew I couldn't take him for granted.

I eventually got on my iPad and started browsing gay websites. Vitruvian Men had a bunch of posts about what Chad and I had discussed. They doled out advice on sex and relationships in all their different forms. They kept preaching sex-positivity, which was a term I'd heard but had never known much about. Basically they saw sex as a natural and life-affirming experience, something to celebrate and appreciate, in which everyone should feel free to do what they like. It was an awesome idea, though I knew it could be more easily said than done.

They also had a whole section devoted to masturbation. I'd glanced at that section before, but it seemed completely different this time. Now that Chad had given me his blessing to jack off-- not to mention admitting he'd been doing it too-- I felt surprisingly liberated. It was kind of like when I'd first acknowledged I liked dudes, and the way it had released urges I'd kept suppressing before. It was also a bit like when I'd publicly come out, in that I could be open and honest about what I really liked.

Now I felt like I could unabashedly lie there in bed, playing with my cock for as long as I wanted. I had nothing to hide, with no shame or guilt or anything. I wasn't doing this to show off, like at the Kap Eps' circle jerk. Nor was I doing it out of necessity, like when Chad and I were apart. I was doing it because it felt good. Because I wanted to. Because I enjoyed beating my meat. The same way Chad loved beating his.

I kept exploring the site with one hand while I stroked myself with the other. There seemed to be a lot of other guys out there like us. Some were basically exhibitionists: they shared pictures of themselves jacking off, or they posted real-time updates of what they were doing. Others just compared notes on how to heighten the pleasure. Quite a few were organizing circle jerks: they had a running list of bate parties in different cities, where anyone was invited to come beat off as a group. Still others told stories of experiences they'd had, or they posted links to their favorite wank material, or they started new conversations of their own. The site was like a full-blown community, with guys from all walks of life and all parts of the world, who were just bound by their love of masturbation.

I gooned for quite a while, then decided it was time to bust my nut. I looked up some of my favorite porn sites, and I found a clip of Logan that seemed to hit the spot. I thought of how much I'd watched his stuff in the past. After all, Logan had been in the first gay porn I'd ever watched, not to mention some of the videos Chad and I had enjoyed together. Yet it had been so long that the sight of this man was a real blast from the past. Like a pornographic nostalgia.

I reached for our lube, and I found our bottle was lighter than I'd expected. Apparently Chad had also been helping himself more than I thought-- not that I necessarily blamed him. I poured a few drops on my hand, then lathered them on my shaft. It felt unusually good, and it reminded me of those moments when we were about to fuck. My blood was surging through my body, and my nerves were tingling with excitement.

I assumed the position, with my iPad beside me and my right hand gripping my cock. I queued up the video, skipping past the setup so I could just watch the fun stuff, and then I hit play.

Logan was vigorously bashing his bishop, and he was sighing and moaning as he did it. He seemed to be having a hell of a time: his toes were curling, his hips were swiveling back and forth, his chest was heaving, and his head was rolling from side to side.

I was doing a lot of the same stuff myself. My hand was sliding up and down my shaft, and my neurons were firing as my balls started boiling. Waves of pleasure were coursing through my body. I felt my orgasm starting to build, till I eventually passed the point of no return.

Logan got off before I did. He just gasped the words "oh fuck," then shot a bunch of white globs on his chest.

I watched him cum right as my muscles were starting to seize up. Then I hit a great climax of my own. I clenched my cock muscles, trying to prolong the sensation. But I only lasted a second or two before my juices burst out of me and splashed across my abs.

Onscreen, Logan was still coming down from his high. "Fuuuuck," he said as he finished his stroking. Then he let his body sink into his bed.

I milked my cock for a little bit longer. By the time I stopped, my hand was covered in jizz, so it made slurpy sounds as it moved. I tried to gauge whether I'd shot on the pillows or sheets; but as far as I could tell, all my cum had landed on my torso.

I just laid there at first, enjoying my afterglow. I felt unusually satisfied, as if I was finally comfortable in my own skin. My homosexual, Chad-loving, masturbating skin. I figured if this was how sex positivity worked, then I was all for it.

Eventually I rolled out of bed. I mused that if Chad and I were going to be transparent, with no secrets between us, then I should tell him about this. So I sent him a quick text.

He responded back within seconds.

Dude

, he wrote,

my co-workers are sitting just a few feet away.

I felt a pang of guilt. As much as I loved our new sexual openness, I hadn't thought that far ahead. I definitely didn't want to cause problems at Chad's work. Maybe I should censor myself after all, I thought, at least in front of mixed company....

Anyway

, said his follow-up text,

I wish I could've been there.

Then he added an emoji of him licking his lips.

I felt my muscles relax.

Me too

, I replied.

Chad paused for a second, then sent another text:

Maybe after I'm done at the office, I should come by the bar.

I frowned. Was he offering to have sex at my work? The idea did turn me on-- and it was hardly the first time it had crossed my mind-- but I knew it would be risky. Still, I did want to spend more time together, even if we kept things relatively tame. It definitely gave me something to look forward to. I took a deep breath, then typed out a response:

Baby, you can cum over there whenever you want

.

I kept expecting my horniness to die down, but it didn't. Eventually I got up to take a shower, and as I walked, I felt some residual lube between my butt cheeks. It reminded me that Chad's load from that night was still deep inside me-- which was where I planned to keep it. And that thought was enough to keep me hard for quite a while.

I was still sporting a boner when I clocked into work. I was tempted to not even hide it, since it did seem to fit with Thaxter's mantra. I'd heard his soapbox many times about how the bar was a safe space, and that it was okay for us to acknowledge our desires, and so on and so forth. But all ideology aside, I knew I'd be on my feet for hours, so I slipped my dick behind my belt. Since I'd be working topless, I also tied my shirt across my waist-- just to disguise my boner some more.

Ironically I spent a lot of my shift just talking to Thaxter, as I showed him some of the marketing tricks I'd learned. I'd done the math on everything on the menu, looking at how much we sold and how much it cost to make, and I'd cross-referenced that against the shows we put on. I'd also pulled up data from the National Equality Council, which showed how gay guys bought all kinds of drinks like beer, wine, vodka, and tequila-- though we were very discerning about it-- whereas lesbians bought a lot less and stuck mostly with wine. I used all of that to make recommendations on how to draw in more business.

Thaxter didn't seem impressed. "You make it sound like I don't know what I'm doing."

"I didn't say that--"

"I've never once had to do analysis like that."

"Don't get me wrong," I said, "all your experience is awesome. It's just... how do you decide what goes on the menu? Or what price you're going to charge?"

"I like to think I have a feel for those things. I don't want this place to get corporate."

I snorted and looked at our bulletin board. It advertised a bunch of events around town, from a gay swingers' party to Flynn Taylor's upcoming strip show. "Personally," I said, "I don't see this place getting corporate anytime soon."

"All right--"

"The last time I gave you advice like this, you made money, remember? Without having to sell out. You even said yourself, times have changed... so you don't want to fall behind."

Thaxter didn't answer. He just chewed his lip.

I was about to say something else when I saw Chad in the distance. He'd apparently just gotten off work. I watched as he walked across the floor and sat next to Jean-Jacques.

Chad waved when he saw me. "Hey baby," he said, then pulled a card from his pocket. "Check this out."

"What's up?" I asked as I stepped away from Thaxter.

"Seth and Claire just sent their save-the-date."

"Like for their wedding?"

"Yeah, it sounds like half of Washington is invited. Though I'm guessing that was probably Claire's doing." He slid the card across the bar. "Before you ask, you're invited too."

I nodded. The idea did sound cool, though it also sounded ritzy and expensive, which I wasn't sure I could afford. Still, I didn't want to say anything right then. I didn't begrudge Chad's family's money, far from it; it was just that he seemed to forget how small my bank account was.

Jean-Jacques chose that moment to butt in. "Wait," he said. "You two boys are together?"

"Yeah," I said. "This is Chad. Chad, meet--"

"Jean-Jacques," he said as he shook Chad's hand.

Chad nodded. "How're you doing?"

"Not as good as you, apparently, if you get to play with all this." He pointed to my bare chest.

Here we go

, I thought. I'd gotten used to hearing lines like that, so they didn't faze me anymore. But it was Chad's first time seeing that side of my job, at least firsthand.

"I do get to play with that," Chad said. "Just wait till later tonight...."

Oh jeez

, was what I wanted to say.

"You know," Jean-Jacques said, "I'd love to photograph you two. I'm sure you'd make for really good models."

"Ha!" Thaxter said as he walked up behind me. "Scott, enjoy that while it lasts."

"Say what?"

"Believe it or not, I used to be the same age as you. I remember what it was like."

"I mean--"

"All I cared about was looking good and getting laid... and it seemed so easy back then. But you've heard women complain about getting older? Try being a gay guy over forty. That's like eighty in gay years."

Jean-Jacques pointed to the ring on Thaxter's finger. "It looks like you've been successful enough."

"How so?"

"In terms of finding a man. Isn't that where the ring came from?"

"It is, but I was one of the lucky ones. I've been with Bruce since 1978. Now that we're in our sixties... if we were single, we'd be over a hundred in gay years. And a lot of our friends are just shit out of luck. You know how many people look at us like we belong in a nursing home?"

I frowned. I'd assumed that all of us bartenders got hit on. I had no idea that Thaxter got such completely different treatment. Granted, he didn't spend all that much time behind the bar, being the owner and all, and he obviously didn't work shirtless. Even so....

"Don't get me wrong," Thaxter said. "Getting older has its perks. And it sure as hell beats the alternative. I'm just saying, your bodies won't stay in that shape forever."

Chad looked like he had something to say, but he bit his lip. He did seem a little frisky-- I couldn't help noticing the twinkle in his eyes-- and I would've loved to have taken him aside. But at that particular moment, it clearly wasn't the time. Besides, I had customers waiting, who I needed to attend to.

Chad hung around as long as he could, and he seemed to hit it off with Jean-Jacques, but I could tell he was tired. He was clearly operating on very little sleep, so I encouraged him to go home for a nap. He didn't really want to leave, and to be honest, I didn't want him to either. But I promised him we'd talk later.

I was pretty distracted after that. I tried to keep a pokerface, but I'd been randy for so long that I knew I was risking blue balls. I couldn't stop thinking about Chad's anatomy, and all the things I could do with it, not to mention what he could do with mine-- and I could only hope he'd be up for some action. My dick throbbed with anticipation as I counted the minutes till the end of my shift.

As soon as I clocked out, I raced back to the house. I practically roared down the freeway; then, when I got to Chad's neighborhood, I took the streets' twists and turns as fast as I could. Finally I pulled into the driveway and rushed through the door. I took the stairs two at a time, then burst into Chad's room.

Chad was apparently as ready as I was: he was lying under our blankets, but then he whipped them aside to reveal his pale naked body underneath. "Fuck me," was the only thing he said.

I didn't need to be told twice. "Hell yeah," I said as I grappled with my clothes. I yanked down my pants and my underwear, whipped off my shirt, and leaped into bed. My lips collided with his, and we shared a wet sloppy kiss.

"Mm," Chad mumbled as he swirled his tongue around mine. He wrapped his arms and legs around me, and he pulled me tight. Our hard cocks jousted together, but only for a second. Before I could stop him, Chad reached down and guided my dick to his already-lubed hole.

I pulled my face back, and I looked into his eyes as I slid deep inside him. He was tighter than usual-- since I hadn't fucked him for so long-- but neither of us was complaining. I gave him another kiss, then started my thrusts.

"Oh yeah," Chad gasped. "You feel so good...."

I swiveled my hips back and forth. "You like that?"

"Fuck yeah," he said. "Those other guys can only imagine what they're missing...."

"I don't want those other guys."

"I know," he said as he clutched me tighter, and he let me pound away. "Tell me how many dudes want this dick...."

"My dick is all yours. You know that."

"I do." Chad spread his legs wider, inviting me to go deeper. "Tell me, baby...."

I blinked. Chad was actually turned on at the thought of other guys wanting me-- or, rather, them not being able to have me. "I got two phone numbers tonight," I said, "but I threw them away."

Chad's pole responded in kind. He grabbed my ass and pulled me further inside him. "Keep going...."

"I've probably waited on hundreds of guys--"

"Did they all want you to fuck them?"

"You'd have to ask them."

"Did you tell them you'd be fucking me instead?"

"I think they already knew."

"I want you to tell them," Chad said. "Turn them down and see how they react. I bet they'd die to get some of this cock...."