Cocklust Ch 21

When I logged on to my computer, I found my naked pictures were gone-- at least from where Johan had posted them. In fact, as far as I could tell, Johan's alias had disappeared from the site. My DMCA complaint seemed to have worked: Johan must've gotten suspended if not completely banned.

I felt a hint of relief, but I knew it was too soon to let down my guard. I was dying for Chad to come back to me. If I was going to make things right, I'd need to make sure no other copies of those pics were floating around.

I was tempted to use Google image search, but I wasn't sure I wanted to go there. After all, the search field would ask for the actual images. The last thing I wanted was to upload X-rated pictures of myself, especially to Google of all places.

I stared at my computer for a while, trying to come up with some other idea. The only alternative seemed to be to let things slide, but I couldn't afford to leave anything to chance. The stakes were just too high. I wanted to scream at my predicament and how ironic it was.

Eventually I worked up the nerve to do some quick searches. I pulled up my original photos, which I'd kept squirreled away on my phone. As I did, I got eyefuls of my face, my dick, and my cunt, along with everything in between.

I found myself getting hard in spite of myself. I had to admit those pics were pretty fucking hot. After all, they were designed to get me laid, so I'd made them as titillating as I could. And they'd done their job, albeit not with Chad. Still, the rational side of my brain kept kicking in. It kept telling me not to get any ideas, since I hardly needed more drama in my life.

Fortunately my searches came back with no hits, at least no relevant ones. Even so, as much as I wanted to feel relieved, I knew Johan still had copies of this stuff. If I didn't properly deal with him, he could always re-post these pictures someplace else. Considering he'd already done this once, and knowing he seemed to be losing his shit, I didn't want to put anything past him.

I thought of taking legal action, but I decided against it. It would've meant revealing all this to my dad-- and presumably my mom-- which I just couldn't do. There was no way I could ever let them see my dick pics, especially since I'd taken them in their house, directly under their noses.

There seemed to be just one person who could help, and that was Amy. I didn't really want to talk to her either, but at least I had less to hide from my sister than my parents. Plus she had that uncanny knack for seeing through everyone's bullshit. Considering she'd been the first in my family to realize I was gay, and she'd already figured out what had happened with Johan, I had to think she'd know what to do.

"Scott?" she said when she answered her phone. "What's wrong?"

Uh-oh

, I thought. She was onto me already. "W-what do you mean, what's wrong?"

"You never call me out of the blue," she said. "Especially not in the middle of the day."

"Well," I said, "I guess you're right... I mean...."

"Are you okay?"

"I... well... you've got to promise me something. You can't say a word to Mom or Dad about this."

Amy seemed to hesitate. "Uh... okay I guess...."

"I'm serious."

"All right, I promise. What-- did you break up with Chad?"

"Not exactly," I said. "I mean I hope not."

"What the hell does that mean?"

At that point there was no more beating around the bush. I forced myself to tell Amy the truth. I felt completely exposed-- even more so than I'd been in the pictures-- though I tried not to let it show.

The next thing I knew, I was telling her more than I ever expected. I started with how Chad and I had first met, and how we'd gotten to be fuck buddies. Then I delved into our summer apart and how it had only made me want him that much more. After that came our time as a real couple, and how I'd felt so guilty about my past and tried to shield Chad from the details. Finally, as hard as it was, I laid out how it had all come to a head.

I'd never opened up to Amy like that in my life. In fact, I'd never told anyone so much about my feelings for Chad. Amy seemed to take it as well as I could've expected.

"Holy shit," she finally said. "That's a lot to unpack...."

"You're telling me."

"So let me back up. These pictures of yours... how do you know Johan was the one who posted them?"

"Because he included a face pic," I said. "He was the only one I ever sent one. I even knew back then I shouldn't have done it... so I was always careful from there on out. I never sent anything else where you could recognize me."

"Hm," she said. "Well, that's really fucked up that he did that to you. He must've been trying to sabotage you and Chad."

"I'm sure he was," I said. "I mean, Johan acted real weird the last time I talked to him. I thought he was out of it or something--"

"Johan's been acting weird for a while. And out of it for that matter. You know he got arrested with meth?"

"Shit," I said. "So the rumors are true?"

"Well, I don't know what you heard, but yeah: he's not doing well. I say he needs an intervention... which, come to think of it, could be the best way get those pictures deleted."

"Are you serious?"

"We'd need to put together a plan first, but yeah. If need be, I'd go to his house and delete them myself."

"I thought you weren't going to be back in town till Spring Break."

"I wasn't, but you never know. Besides, Rosie's still there, and so is Kevin and Erica and everybody else."

"Now wait, you don't need to get Erica involved--"

"I'm just saying, if you need boots on the ground, we can get them. All I'd need to do is make a few calls."

I finally felt some weight lift from my shoulders. "You'd seriously do that for me?"

"Of course I would," Amy said. "I've got your back, Scott. I'm not going to let my brother lose out on the man he loves. Not if I can help it."

"Well... you don't need to get all schmaltzy about it--"

"It's the truth. I know you probably don't want to admit it, but this is important. In fact, I'd say love is more important than anything else. You've got to make sure you can make it through ups and downs, because guess what? That's what happens in life."

I rolled my eyes. That was such an Amy thing to say, but I wasn't going to argue. "Yeah, well...." Then my voice trailed off. "Well, thanks for all this."

"You're welcome," she said. "I'll call you as soon as I've got news."

I nodded. I could only hope it wouldn't take too long. "All right," was the only thing I could say.

By the time I got off the phone, I was dying to talk to Chad. I tried calling him a few times, but he never picked up; he just responded via text. I could tell he was juggling a lot. Of course, I had a pretty full class schedule myself, so we agreed to talk in more detail that night.

From what I could gather, his dad had made it to D.C. in one piece, but just barely. He apparently wasn't conscious, and his doctors weren't keen on having an estranged wife call the shots. This meant Chad had to be in charge, although he didn't want to be. It was pretty heavy stuff: he had to consider the doctors' recommendations, and weigh the different options, and try to make the right decision. He more or less held his old man's life in his hands.

I had just gotten back home, and was lying in bed, when I heard a woman's voice through my wall. At first it seemed like no big deal, so I didn't pay much attention. But then the woman started panting and moaning, and I heard a man's voice join in. One of my neighbors was apparently getting laid.

My first thought was that I was jealous. After all, my own options were limited now that Chad was out of town. I wasn't about to cheat on him-- especially after what had just happened-- but damn, I would've given anything to have him in my bed.

I suddenly put two and two together. I remembered the time someone had banged on the wall while Chad and I were fucking. These new sex sounds were coming from exactly the same spot.

What a fucking hypocrite

, I thought to myself. After all, if this neighbor had the nerve to complain about me and Chad being noisy, then she had no business having loud sex herself.

Her bed banged against the wall in a rhythmic

thump-thump-thump

. "Oh shit," she gasped. "Shit, that's so deep... holy fuck!"

Her lover's voice echoed through the building. "You want me to go easy?"

"Oh fuck no!" Then she let out a few huffs, followed by words I couldn't make out.

I tried to ignore the racket, but eventually I had to get up. I threw on a jacket, grabbed the note she'd left on my door, and headed outside.

My neighbor's door was on the other side of our building. As soon as I came around the corner, I saw a helluva sight. The girl had drawn her blinds but had done a pretty sloppy job, presumably in the heat of the moment. She'd also kept her lights on while everything around her was dark. Anyone walking by could see what she was up to, including her bare tits as they bounced up and down.

I found myself watching the show. I hadn't seen a woman have sex in quite a while, not even in porn. Those curves in her body, that silky skin, that soprano voice, and that long flowing hair seemed like a distant memory. In a way, I felt like I'd moved on to bigger and better things-- both literally and figuratively.

Then again, I knew there'd been a time when I would've drooled at that sight. I thought back to my high school days, when I'd lusted for pussy myself. At the time, just getting laid had seemed like a major achievement. All my friends had been gossiping about it since our puberty had kicked in. We'd of course been through sex ed, and we'd endured the requisite lectures from our parents. The years of talk had built up so much anticipation that I couldn't wait to experience those pleasures for myself. Then, when I did lose my virginity, I felt like I'd conquered the world. I thought sex was as awesome as everyone had said. The exact type of sex hadn't seemed too important, though in retrospect I hadn't known what I was still missing.

The couple in front of me shifted their bodies. I now had a better view of the man my neighbor was riding. Most of his cock was buried inside her, but his balls were plainly visible as he thrust in and out. From what I could tell, this girl seemed to love good dick as much as I did.

I couldn't help noticing how this man looked like Chad. His body hair was a little lighter than what I was used to, but his skin was pretty similar. His balls were nice and bulbous, and his shaft seemed to be the same size as Chad's.

I found myself wishing it was Chad's cock right there; and I imagined I was the one getting reamed. Fuck, I needed my man's dick in me so bad. I couldn't help thinking of how my hole would feel when he violated it. I'd fucking adore it: I'd sigh with pleasure as I looked in his eyes, and I'd savor his warm hard flesh going deeper and deeper inside me. Then he'd start to piston into my body, and I'd start to lose control, especially when Chad hit my prostate--

"Holy shit!" the man said as he jumped out of bed. He grabbed a pillow, held it over his crotch, and pointed through the blinds.

The next thing I knew, my neighbor was looking at me too. "What the fuck?"

I barely flinched. "Oh hi guys," I said, loud enough for them to hear through the window. "I just thought you might like a taste of your own medicine."

"Get the fuck out of here!"

I held up her note. "You two are-- how'd you put it? Oh right!

You're way too goddamn loud!!!

" Then I slammed the note against the window. "How do you like them apples?"

I didn't wait to see how the fuckers reacted. I just turned and stormed away.

I was stomping past the building's main entrance when I got an idea. I paused by the call box, and I typed in the girl's apartment number. I didn't press the call button, but I didn't need to. The directory flashed her name-- Hannah Schmidt-- which was all I needed to know.

"Fuck you Hannah," I said under my breath. I knew I was snooping a little, but I told myself fair was fair. After all, I'd really just done to her what she'd already done to me.

I got back into my apartment, slammed the door behind me, and plopped down on my bed. I had to admit I was really fucking hard. This Hannah girl did nothing for me, on any level, except I still wanted what she'd been getting. I could only imagine how horny I'd be if I'd seen two dudes going at it. If I couldn't be with Chad, then the next-best thing would've been watching other boys fuck-- even if it was still from a distance. Ryan and Marcos were the first that came to mind, though I also would've been cool with the likes of Hunter and Drew. Plus I hadn't forgotten the dudes I'd seen on Grindr, like that O'Mac guy who apparently lived down the street.

I took a deep breath, and I pulled up the pictures Chad had sent me for my birthday. I still couldn't get over how they made my heart pound, maybe even now more than ever. I loved that come-hither look on Chad's face, and the way he'd peeled off his clothes piece by piece. I swiped from one photo to another, watching him do his striptease of sorts.

Holy fuck

, I thought when his gym shorts came off. That boy knew just how to get me going. I wanted to reach into those images and touch his wet skin, maybe help him pull off the jockstrap underneath, and run my hands up his thighs.

I got to the picture where Chad unveiled his cock. I marveled at the sight as if I'd never seen it before. His pubes seemed to frame his package just right. His shaft was so nice and meaty, I couldn't help but lick my lips.

Finally I got to the last pic, where Chad showed off his hole. I loved how he was exposing the most private, most intimate, most vulnerable part of his body-- yet I probably knew its contours better than he did himself. My eyes took in every detail of his pucker. I ogled the boundary between the soft tender skin around his cunt, and the hairier rougher flesh on his taint. The back of his ballsack was also in view, as it dangled so temptingly in between his legs.

I had just unzipped my fly, and I was starting to touch myself, when my phone suddenly rang. I jumped with surprise, and I fumbled to answer it as quickly as I could.

"Chad?" was all I could say.

"Hi baby," he replied.

I felt a wave of exaltation wash over me. He'd just called me

baby

. That word was music to my ears. I could only hope he wanted to patch things up as badly as I did.

"I miss you," he said after what seemed like a long pause. "Like a lot."

"Yeah," I replied. "I miss you too."

"You don't mean that."

"Why wouldn't I mean it?"

"I acted like a fucking asshole to you."

"Now wait. I never said that--"

"I did," he replied. "I mean... when it comes to stuff that happened before we were a couple... that shit's none of my business. And I shouldn't have acted like it was."

"Yes it is your business. At least it is now. I want to tell you everything... including the stuff I'm not proud of."

Chad seemed to pause. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah," I said. "I'm the one who fucked up. I never should've hooked up with Johan. Even years ago, I knew what kind of a person he was. I should've heeded the warning signs, but I didn't. And even then, I shouldn't have brushed it under the carpet. All that stuff is on me... which is why I've been working to fix it."

"What do you mean?"

At first I didn't know where to start. Then I took a deep breath, and I explained what had happened earlier.

"Wait a minute," he said when I finished. "Your sister's actually talking to this guy?"

"Yeah. She can get through to him better than I can. So she's my best bet to get those last few pictures deleted."

"You don't feel weird about her seeing you naked?"

I was quiet for a second. "Well, hopefully she doesn't need to... I mean, I don't think either of us want that. Hopefully her friends can run interference or whatever. But even if she did see that shit, better her than the rest of the Internet."

"I guess," Chad replied. "I've got to be honest with you though: I actually kept copies of those pictures myself."

"That's different. You're allowed to... it's everybody else that's the issue."

"You know," he said, "for whatever it's worth, those pics are kind of a lifesaver... because if I can't be with you in person, they're basically the next-best thing."

I felt a pang of guilt. I knew Chad deserved better than that.

"Fuck, I wish I could be there with you."

"It's all right," I said. "I mean, I wish you were here too... but you were right. Your dad needs you."

Chad let out a deep breath. "I feel like I'm on the Night's Watch," he said. "When I'm in that hospital, it's like I'm cut off from the rest of the world. I can hardly even get a decent signal for my phone. I mean, I know this stuff is important, but still... even when I get to go outside, the only person I know around here is the family friend I'm staying with. He's always busy with work, so I'm basically fending for myself."

"Well... if it makes you feel any better, I've been really lonely too. And remember, it's not going to last forever--"

"It could last for a hell of a long time," he said. "My dad could be here indefinitely. They say with brain injuries you never really know. Eventually they'll probably send him to a rehab facility... but God knows when or even if he'll be able to take care of himself."

My chest tightened up. I felt awful for Chad, and I would've done anything to make it all better. "You know, if you need me to fly out there, I can--"

"Don't be stupid. You've got classes and stuff. Especially now that you're in with Dr. Littman--"

"My classes aren't any more important than yours."

Chad hesitated again. "You know how tempting that is?"

"I'm serious."

"I know, and I love you for that. But... it wouldn't be right for you."

I felt a lump in my throat. I'd never heard anyone talk to me like that, and I didn't know how to react.

"I'll tell you one thing though," he said. "Thinking of you has helped keep me going."

"Now wait, you shouldn't say stuff like that--"

"I thought you said we should tell each other everything."

"Well, I mean yeah, but still... it just sounds so emasculating."

"Emasculating?" he asked. "Baby, I'm all man, and so are you. And I'll let you in on a secret: that's one of my favorite things about you."

I licked my lips. "That's another helluva way to put that shit, but... well, I guess the feeling's mutual."

"You know what I would give to feel your muscles right now?"

I couldn't help but grin. "You know what I'd give for your lips? And your beard?"

"Fuck yeah," he said. "Man... I'd suck on that face like it was nobody's business."

"You promise?"

"Hell yes," he said. "Of course, I wouldn't necessarily stick to your face. I-I'd probably nibble the edge of your ear, you know, then maybe suck on your earlobe...."

I felt my cock start to stiffen. I liked where he was going with this. "Don't stop there," I said.

"Well, I wouldn't." He paused for a moment. "I'd keep my hand on your crotch the whole time... so I could feel how hard you are... and when I've got you as horny as I want you, I could start kissing your neck. I'd probably follow the base of your chin to your throat. Then I'd make my way to your Adam's apple, and I'd run my tongue in circles...."

"Oh fuck...."

He chuckled. "You like that?"

"Yeah baby. Keep going...."

"Well, about an inch or two below that, you've got that little space between your collarbones that I like to kiss. From there I'd run my lips between your pecs... till I got to to the bottom of your sternum. Then I'd move to either side so I could play with your nipples."

My dick was rock hard by then. I couldn't resist the urge to start toying with it. "Tell me more," I said.