Cocklust Ch 09

The first week of the semester was as crazy as could be. It wasn't enough that I was juggling my new classes, settling into my new apartment, and all that other stuff that I'd expected to do. Now, on top of all that, I was setting out on a new relationship— and that was the part that terrified me the most.

I still hadn't gotten used to the word "boyfriend". Chad and I had only used it a few times, and only in private. The sound of it still seemed weird to me. That one word acknowledged we were gay, and that we had feelings for each other, and that we were having sex— none of which we wanted anyone else to know.

Oddly enough, that same word could also make my heart skip a beat. Now that I'd admitted how I felt about Chad, I had a hard time keeping those emotions in check. It was a lot like when I'd let myself admit I liked boys, and the way it had unlocked urges I'd never realized I had. Now I found myself obsessing over Chad, wanting to be with him at all hours, and getting excited whenever I was about to see him.

I wish I could say I was on cloud nine, but it was never that simple. Reality kept intruding on our little world. One day I had a run-in with a pain-in-the-ass professor, and I worried she'd keep torturing me for the rest of the semester. Chad and I also stressed about the Kap Eps; although we both liked those guys, we didn't like having to cover up the truth. Even family phone calls were tricky, since there was so much we couldn't say.

The

most complicated day of all came that weekend, when Chad and I went in for our HIV tests. We made doubly sure no one would see us: we drove to the county health department, which was on the other side of town, and we tried to time it so that no one else would be there.

The clinic was in a crappy little building, surrounded by sketchy neighborhoods on all sides. Most of the other patients were poor, and I assumed they couldn't afford to go anywhere else. I felt a little guilty about that, considering we were just there for the anonymity. But I figured the place was a public service, so there was nothing wrong with us using it too.

The most awkward part was when a crotchety nurse took me into a room, and she made me give her my sexual history. The lady went through her checklist like a robot. "Have you been diagnosed with any STD in the past six months?"

"Never."

"How many sex partners have you had in the past year?"

"A few," I said. "I, well... I haven't kept count."

"Were any of them anonymous?"

I cringed but tried to hide it. "Yes...."

The nurse peered over her glasses. "Was any of that sex unprotected?"

"With my boyfriend," I said. The words came out so quickly, I barely realized I'd just come out to her. The nurse didn't seem to notice.

"When was the last time?"

"For unprotected sex?" I asked. "Well, last night I guess—"

"So with anyone else, what kind of protection did you use?"

"Condoms."

"And when was the last time for that?"

I didn't want to answer, but I forced myself to say the words. "About two weeks ago," I said, "I-I mean, my boyfriend and I just started dating."

"Did any of those condoms break?"

"W-well once, at least that I know of—"

"Were you the receptive partner in any of that?"

"You mean was I bottoming?" I asked. "Yeah, I mean, sometimes...."

"Have you taken any kind of pre- or post-exposure prophylaxis, like Truvada?"

I took a deep breath. "No."

"Okay then," she said, "now let me see your arm."

I did as I was told, and she took a vial of blood. Then the nurse left the room, and I sat there by myself.

I pulled out my phone and texted Chad.

Any news?

I wrote.

Yeah

, he wrote back.

Mine was negative

.

I hadn't expected anything else, but I still felt relieved.

Cool

, I wrote.

Still waiting on mine

.

Eventually the nurse came back in the room. "All right kid," she said, "I have good news and bad news."

I felt a pang of anxiety. "Okay...."

"The good news is, you tested negative. But the bad news is, with your history, you're at pretty high risk. You'll need to be tested again to be sure."

"I— what?"

"HIV takes a while to show up on tests," she said. "If you were exposed two weeks ago, it's too early to tell. These tests really measure your immune system's response. If you do get infected, it takes about a month for the antibodies to show up in your blood. Which is why you'll need to get another test later."

I swallowed. I remembered learning about this stuff in health class, but I'd never thought I'd need to deal with it myself. "W-what about that PrEP stuff? Truvada?"

"It's too late for that," she said. "It only works if you take it beforehand, otherwise it's like putting on a condom after you finished. There's another treatment, basically a morning-after pill, but you have to start it within 72 hours. So at the stage you're at, your ship has sailed. All you can do is wait and hope for the best."

"Shit," I said. "B-but if I did get it... I mean, it's not the 80's anymore. HIV isn't deadly now, is it?"

"Humph," she said. "Tell that to the million people a year who still die from it. I mean yeah, HIV is treatable now; so with good enough care, you can still live a normal life. But it's no joke. You have to watch yourself each and every day, and it's not cheap either. Just the medications cost thousands of dollars a year. So no: if you think it's something to trifle with, you've got another thing coming."

I tried to wrap my mind around what I'd just heard. "Y-you're saying I won't know for a month? Or more?"

"Well," she said, "you could always try a Nucleic Acid Test. It's not part of our free testing, but it tests for the actual virus, which means it picks it up a lot sooner. So if you want the peace of mind—"

"Yeah I do," I said without thinking. "Can I get it today?"

"Nope," she said. "You'll need to set a follow-up appointment. In your situation, I'd say come back in ten days." She got up, stuffed her chart notes under her arm, and fiddled with her glasses. "And do yourself a favor, kid: stay safe from here on out."

I didn't say a word as she sent me on my way. Ten days still seemed like a long time, but I thought I could live with it. At least it was better than the alternative.

The drive home, though, felt like it would never end. Chad and I spent most of it in silence. I was so queasy that I wanted to throw up. I kept imagining the worst, and I thought of all the ways this could fuck up my life.

The ironic part was that I'd started to understand why I'd slept around. When Chad and I were apart, I'd kept trying to get what I needed from somebody else. But no matter how hard I'd tried, none of my hookups could've really hit the spot. The result was that I'd now put Chad at risk, and I hated myself for that.

"I dunno," Chad finally said, "I'm hoping she just laid it on too thick. I mean, it can't really be that bad, can it?"

I sighed. "Hell if I know," I said. "I mean, if I got myself infected, that'd be my fault not yours. It's just... I guess with the barebacking we've been doing—"

"Don't blame yourself," he said. "You warned me and everything, and you were going to wear a condom, and I was the one who said no—"

"I just don't want anything to happen to you."

Chad turned to me for a second, then looked back at the road. "Listen," he said, "I know I said I didn't want details— about this summer, I mean— but I think I changed my mind."

Oh shit

, I thought. I braced myself for what might come next.

"Just tell me what happened."

My voice caught in my throat. I couldn't tell if I'd gone white with fear, or red with embarrassment, or an unholy combination of both. "W-well," I said, "I made a few trips to Boystown... and I was on Grindr."

"Grindr?" he asked. "Like the hookup app?"

"I mean, there's more to it than that—"

"How does that even work?"

I frowned. That wasn't the reaction I expected. "What?"

"I don't know the first thing about that shit," he said. "I mean, Marcos taught me a lot, but not that."

"W-well you gotta understand, I've deleted it now—"

"Why?"

"Because I didn't need it anymore," I said, "or even want it. Not after you said you'd be my boyfriend."

Chad pulled up to my apartment, and he put his car in park. He chewed his lip for a second, then looked over at me. "Look," he said, "I never expected you to be perfect. At least not like that. I-I mean, I guess it's partly my doing. If it hadn't been for my bullshit this summer—"

"You don't need to make excuses for me."

"I'm not," he said. "I never said I was happy about it. But you didn't kill me for what I did... and I guess, well, it goes both ways." He took a deep breath. "What I'm trying to say is: I don't know how I feel about this. I guess I probably won't know for a while. But I do want to know everything about you. I want to see all the parts of you that nobody else gets to see."

"What?"

"You scare the shit out of me, Scott. You always have. But not in the usual way. It's more like you're turning my life upside down, and I don't know what the fuck to do about it. Why do you think I freaked out on you that one time?"

I didn't know how to respond to that. I just blinked.

"And the fact that I couldn't walk away from you, or even stop thinking about you, even after months of trying... well, if I can't fight it, then I at least need to know what I'm in for."

I tried to come up with an answer, but I couldn't. "I-I don't really know either," I said.

"Well," he said, "you can start by showing me what you were up to this summer."

I really didn't want to go there. I was so confused and conflicted that I didn't know what to do. But I knew I'd have to find a way. "Okay," I finally said, "if you really want to see, come inside."

With that,

Chad

followed me into my apartment. My phone took a few minutes to re-install Grindr, and once it was done, I handed it to Chad.

"Okay," I said. "So this screen here is the grid. All these guys show up based on how far away they are. If you want to see details, just tap on their picture. If you want to see their full profile, swipe up. Then you can message them if you want."

Chad frowned. He scrolled through the grid, and he looked at some of the profiles. "That's a lot of dudes," he said.

"And that's just the tip of the iceberg," I said. "This is just the free version. The pay version apparently lets you see more, although it's not like we need it—"

"I recognize this guy," he said as he swiped up. "I've seen him on campus."

The profile showed a curly-haired guy, who called himself O'Mac. He'd apparently been online 50 minutes before, and he was 1200 feet away. He said he was looking for relationships and friendship.

"That's cool," I said. "Do you think he's hot?"

Chad seemed about to say yes, but then he stopped himself. "He's not bad looking," he said.

"Anyway, here's the chat screen," I said. I tapped on the icon, but it just took me to a blank screen. "Shit...."

"What?"

"Apparently my old chats got deleted." I swallowed hard. "I'd totally show you if I could...."

Suddenly a message came through. It came from someone called DTF, and it was just a single word:

Hey!

Chad snorted. "Somebody wants you."

"You know I'm not interested."

"You better not be," he said as put my phone down, and he moved in to kiss me. We made out for a minute; then he turned and whispered in my ear: "I just want you to be with me. And nobody else."

I was caught a little off guard, since I hadn't expected him talk to me that way. But I had to admit it was music to my ears. "Same here," was all I could say.

"So do I need to kick that guy's ass?"

"What?"

He pointed at my phone, where a few more messages had come through. "I don't want anyone making eyes at my man."

By now we were both hard, and we were fumbling around on the bed. Chad kissed my neck and made his way up to my earlobe. My nerves started going crazy. "I want to have sex with you so bad," I said. "I-I mean, I know we probably shouldn't, not till the other tests come back or whatever—"

"Sh," he said as he wrapped his arms around me.

"W-well, I don't want to risk anything, I mean any more than I already have—"

"You don't need to," he said. "We'll just need to get creative."

"What do you mean?"

"I have an idea."

"What?"

"Wait here," he said as he pulled away from me. Then he turned and headed outside.

I frowned as I tried to figure out what he was doing. I looked outside and saw Chad closing the trunk of his car. He held a plain brown box in his hands. He hurried back inside and closed the door behind him.

"I was going to give you this anyway," he said, "now that we're officially together."

I didn't know what to say to that. "What?"

"If you want, you can call it a surprise for our one-week anniversary."

I took the box in my hands. I couldn't help feeling a little embarrassed. I wasn't expecting any surprise— though I knew that was the point— and I'd never thought to get Chad anything. I was very much still getting the hang of this relationship stuff. "Now you don't need to get sentimental on me—"

"I don't think you'll call it sentimental," he said, "not when you see what it is."

Those words had me intrigued. I frowned, pulled off the tape, and opened the box. Inside was a vibrator complete with a remote control.

"It's

supposed to feel really good," he said. "So if you're craving something inside you—"

"It's awesome," I said, and I gave him another kiss. I felt like I was being drawn to him by an irresistible force; the more shit I went through, the more I felt like I needed him.

Chad responded in kind: he started fumbling with my clothes, and he stripped off my shirt. I tossed his sunglasses aside, but before I could do any more, he yanked down my shorts and my underwear. "If you're going to be a slut, you'd better be

my

slut," he said. "Now bend over."

I followed his orders as quickly as I could, though I wasn't sure what to expect.

"I'm not going to fuck you," he said, "not tonight at least. But I'm gonna get you nice and ready for what you're about to get."

"Okay," was all I could say.

Chad dove between my legs, and I felt his lips on my taint. He flicked his tongue against my skin, just enough to tease me, and he made his way toward my boyhole. Then he smacked my butt cheeks. "You've got the perfect ass," he said. "Such a tight juicy ass...."

"Fucking eat it," I said. "Have your way with it."

Chad shoved his face in my crack, and he started eating away. I couldn't tell what he was doing with his lips, exactly, or his tongue. All I knew was that it felt great in my crack.

I just closed my eyes and arched my neck. "Oh fuck," I said, "yeah, keep doing that...."

Chad had his mouth full, so he didn't answer. He just kept servicing me as if his life depended on it.

I lowered my voice to a whisper. "How does it taste?"

Chad moved his face about an inch from my ass. "It tastes like you, baby," he said, "and I love it." Then he went back to ravaging me.

I gasped and closed my eyes. "Oh shit," was all I could say.

Chad kept rimming me for another minute or two, then stepped back and stripped off his shirt. He grabbed our lube bottle, then leaned back over me.

I

felt something hard against me. At first I assumed it was Chad's dick, but then I felt it go inside me, and I realized it was thinner than what I was used to. I glanced between my legs, and I saw he was fingering my ass.

Chad fucked me with his pointer finger, then pulled it out partway. Then he added his middle finger. He used his free hand to spread my ass open as wide as it would go.

I pressed my body back against him, and I felt his fingers go deeper inside me. "Oh yeah," I said, "go in all the way."

Chad's hand kept sliding further in, and he started exploring the inside of my ass. It only took him a few seconds to find my prostate and start playing with it. My nerves went wild, and feelings of ecstasy rippled through my body. It was the first time my gland had been pleasured like that, and I loved every second of it.

I didn't want to cum too soon, so I pulled away and rolled onto my back. "I want to kiss you," I said.

Chad didn't waste a second. He leaned down, and we started sucking face. I couldn't get enough of the taste of his lips or the smell of his breath. I wanted him more than I'd ever thought possible. I gripped his face with my hands, while Chad pressed the rest of his body against mine.

"Let's

get these shorts off you," I finally said.

Chad stepped back, and I undid his fly. I pulled out his cock and gave it a quick suck. It felt like it had been ages since I'd had him in my mouth. I was so ravenous that I had to force myself not to blow him to completion.

After a few seconds, I pulled back and gave him a few tugs. Then I pulled down his shorts and undies the rest of the way. His naked body was so gorgeous, I still couldn't quite believe it was real.

Chad

picked up the vibrator. "Are you ready for this?"

"Hell yeah," I said as I leaned back and spread my legs.

Chad pressed the vibrator against my taint; then he ran it in circles around my pucker. I couldn't stand any more teasing, so I reached down and guided it inside me. I felt the head pop in, and then the shaft slid in inch by inch.

The vibrator wasn't as warm as Chad's cock— or as satisfying, for that matter— but I still loved the feeling of it going up my ass. It seemed to fill me up, and it definitely stretched out my sphincter, which was really what I needed.

"Go ahead," Chad said. "I want to watch you fucking yourself."

I looked down at Chad's dick, then glanced over at his hand. He was still holding the vibrator's remote control. "Don't you want to turn it on?" I asked.

"I will eventually," he said. "I promise."

I gazed into Chad's eyes, then started sliding the vibrator in and out of me. The more I did it, the better it started to feel.

"Yeah baby," he said. "That's it."

I wanted to say something back, but somehow I couldn't. I just stared at him while I fucked myself.

"You like that, don't you?"

"Yeah," I said, "but I wish you were the one fucking me—"

"Me too," he said as he leaned in and gave me a kiss. "There'll be plenty of time for that later."

We made out for a minute or two, all while I kept pleasuring my ass. The vibrator's shaft was just a little bit ribbed, so I felt each of the ridges pop past my fuckring.

Then, without any warning, Chad flipped the switch. I felt the vibrator shake against my prostate, and a jolt of electricity shot through me. "Oh shit!" was all I could say. My whole body started going into spasms. I could barely help myself as I flopped all over the bed.

"Yeah," Chad said. "That's so fucking hot...."

"Oh God," I said as I tried to control my body. The waves of pleasure were too much; I just couldn't resist what my muscles were doing.

"Okay baby," Chad said as he turned the vibrator off. "If you don't want it on, we don't need it."

"I didn't say that," I replied. I let out a deep breath. "That was so fucking good—"

"Are you saying you want more?"

"Baby," I said, "I want more than you can ever imagine."

He flipped the switch again, and the vibrator came back on. My thighs convulsed, and my legs flew into the air. I got a grip on most of my body, but my ass kept quivering, and I couldn't get it to stop.

"Fuck!" I yelled. I kept waiting for the shaking to stop, but Chad wouldn't turn it off.

"That's so hot," he said as he started stroking himself.

The vibrator felt incredible, but the spectacle in front of me was even better. I couldn't get over the sight of Chad jacking off, despite all the times I'd seen it before. He still looked indescribably hot, with his practically flawless body, his rock-hard cock, and the look of desire on his face. He beat himself faster and faster, while I soaked in the view. Finally I couldn't take it anymore. "Oh shit!" I yelled as I busted my nut.