Cocklust Ch 05

By the time I got home, I'd tried to put all thoughts of my sexuality aside. I pretended I wasn't the guy who'd been prowling around the net, and who'd just spent the night in Boystown, and who'd hooked up with a random guy along the way.

I forced myself to play the same part I'd been playing for years. I was supposed to be the golden boy, the guy who'd been popular in high school, and the son who'd always made his parents proud. I hadn't always been comfortable in that role, and I definitely wasn't comfortable now. But I'd played that part for so long that I figured I knew what I was doing.

I'd just walked in the door, and was heading up to my room, when I ran into my sister. "Looks like somebody was out late," she said.

I was in no mood for her smartassery. "Yeah I was," I said. "So what?"

"I'm just saying," she replied. "You know I ran into Erica?"

Aw shit

, I thought. Erica was my ex, so I didn't want to think of her right then.

"She's been going through a tough time," Amy said. "You know her mom is sick?"

I nodded. "That sucks."

"Is that all you have to say? Don't you care?"

"Well, I don't know what to tell you," I said. "It does suck. It's just-- I mean, for God sakes, I haven't talked to her in a year."

"So what: do you have a new girlfriend or something?"

I shook my head. I didn't like where this was going. "Well no...."

"You're wearing the same clothes as yesterday."

"I was out partying," I said as casually as I could.

"Uh-huh," she said.

"Look," I said, "maybe I just don't want to talk to my ex. What's the matter with that?"

"I don't see what the big deal would be," she said. "I still talk to Kevin."

I rolled my eyes. Amy and her ex had been on-again, off-again all the way through high school.

"Anyway, if you're not seeing anybody, why not?"

"That's none of your business," I said. "And there wouldn't be much point to it now, when I'm just back for the summer--"

"Yeah, spare me that crap," she said. "I know how horny guys are."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"What, you want me to think you're a monk? I know better."

"What the hell, Amy--"

"You did break her heart."

"For shit's sake," I said, "what do you want me to do? Get back together with her?"

"I'm just saying, she needs somebody. She's going through a lot."

I threw up my hands. "So how do you think this would be different than last year?" I asked. "I was moving away, and she couldn't come with me. What the fuck has changed?"

"You boys," she said. "You never understand a girl's feelings."

"Oh jeez--"

"Just tell me you haven't been breaking some other girls' hearts."

"What? No, of course not."

"How do you know?"

I took a deep breath. "Trust me," I said, then headed up to my room.

As soon as I shut the door behind me, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. I wanted to hole up by myself for the rest of the day. But I knew I couldn't do it, since I didn't want to tip anyone off.

I did need to put on fresh clothes, so I stripped down and threw my laundry in a pile. As I did, I caught a glimpse of my butt in the mirror, so I turned and looked at myself.

It was kind of weird to see my own body naked. I had to wonder if other guys thought I was hot. I'd never been a gym rat, but I liked to think that I'd kept myself in shape. My pecs and biceps were toned, and my abs were flat. But I was still nervous.

I'd heard gay guys were obsessed with looks, and were notoriously judgmental. I couldn't tell if the stereotype was true, but I didn't want to leave anything to chance. I wasn't sure I qualified as a twink, but I also wasn't sure I was a jock either. I figured all I could do was be myself-- at least to a point-- and put my best foot forward.

Over the next few weeks, I got the hang of what I was doing. I went back to Boystown whenever I could, and while I was there, I basically turned into a man slut. I watched male strippers, ordered lap dances, and ended up with a different dude every night.

I also got over my shyness online, so even when I was home, I went for one Grindr hookup after another. And it wasn't just Grindr; I wanted to cast the biggest net I could, so I also set up profiles on Jack'd, Hornet, and Scruff.

It didn't take me long to find out Gabe was right: not all dick was good. A lot of guys used fake pictures online, so when I met them, they were totally different from what I'd signed up for. Some were extra secretive, wanting to meet up in motels and stuff. Sometimes I could totally tell they were cheating, like if they had a mark on their finger where their wedding ring had been. I didn't want any part of that, so I turned them down flat.

Even so, I met enough cool guys that I started figuring out what I liked. Bodybuilding types were fun to look at, but with the ones I hooked up with, it pretty much ended there. I met some nice leather guys, but I didn't have much in common with them. What really got me going were guys my own age, either fresh out of high school or close to it, who were exploring their sexuality like I was. A lot of them were totally new to man sex; so to them, I was the seasoned pro. A few were surprised at how easily I took dick in my ass, so I gave them tips on how to do it themselves.

I tried a bunch of new things myself, and I loved being able to do whatever I wanted without judgment. Sometimes I found things I liked, like getting facials, although other guys' reactions were mixed. Other times I found things I didn't like, like fisting, while other guys were totally into it.

I never heard a peep from Chad that whole time. His Facebook and Twitter feeds had gone silent, and he still wasn't responding to messages. I felt like asking one of our frat brothers about him, just to make sure he was okay, but I didn't want to seem weird. Eventually my worrying gave way to annoyance; I figured if he couldn't be bothered to talk to me, then he couldn't complain about what I was up to.

"Scott!" my dad yelled from his office.

I jumped with surprise and shoved my phone in my pocket. "What?"

"Let's go," he said as he walked over with his briefcase. "I don't want to be late for dinner."

"Yeah," I said. I was still going in to work every day, and my dad was basically my boss. It was an awkward arrangement with him always looking over my shoulder.

Dad insisted on carpooling, so the two of us were alone for a half hour in each direction. He seemed to think it made for good father-son time, but I wasn't so sure. It was surprisingly hard to keep up appearances that long. I hated having to pretend things were normal, when they very clearly weren't.

On that particular day, we were about halfway home when he suddenly cleared his throat. "So," he said, "your mother and I have been talking... and she's coming with me to Kansas City this year."

I nodded. Every August, my dad went to a big conference in Kansas City, and he always went on and on about it.

"If you want to come too," he said, "we could turn it into a family trip. And I think it'd be good for you too. Think of all the people you'd meet--"

"I dunno," I said. My dad wanted me to be a lawyer, but I didn't know if it was really my thing. Besides, I had too many other things on my mind right then, so that kind of stuff was not high on my list. "What about Amy?"

"I'm trying to get her to come too," he said. "But she's not sure either. Something about her friend's wedding."

"Oh. Right." Amy's best friend was getting married that fall, and Amy was practically obsessing over it. She kept talking about being the maid of honor, and planning a bachelorette party, and blah blah blah blah. To hear her tell it, you'd think this wedding was national news.

"Well, be thinking about it," he said, "and let me know what you decide."

I didn't say anything, but I really didn't need to think about it at all. If my parents were going to be gone, and if Amy was going to be tied up with other stuff, then I could have the house to myself. I was desperate for that kind of privacy, though I knew I'd need to keep my cards close to my chest.

That night, we'd just finished dinner when I retreated upstairs and started surfing Grindr. I hadn't been fucked all week, so my hole was literally itching to get a hard cock inside it. I filtered out my results to guys more or less my age, and I found someone who called himself YoDude. His profile showed the usual bare chest, but from what I could see, the man was fucking huge. He listed himself as a versatile top, so he seemed to be right up my alley.

I sent him a private chat:

Hey man. Where u at?

He responded within seconds:

Oak Hill Dr. I can host. U?

Just got off work,

I wrote.

Near the riverwalk.

What r u into?

In the mood to get fucked

, I wrote.

Up for whatever.

Cool

, he wrote.

Got any nudes?

I sighed. This wasn't the first time I'd gotten asked for naked pictures. I never knew how to respond, because the truth was, I didn't have any. The closest thing I had was my profile pic, which wasn't especially naughty. I'd never worked up the courage to photograph myself fully naked.

I was about to type up a response when I heard my mom's footsteps. I jumped and switched over to Facebook.

A second later, I heard my dad's voice through the walls. I could tell my parents were talking about something, though I couldn't tell what. I suddenly got nervous. Were they onto me? Had they talked to Amy? I could only hope that no one in my family had put two and two together.

Finally, after what seemed like a long time, my parents' footsteps disappeared into the distance. I breathed a sigh of relief and looked back at my phone.

I was about to switch back to Grindr when I saw a picture on my feed. My frat brother Marcos had just posted a selfie. It showed him sitting at a ballgame, eating a hot dog. At first it looked like no big deal, but then I noticed an blurry face in the background, which I could tell was Chad's.

At first I didn't know what to think. Part of me was relieved that Chad seemed all right. But then I remembered Marcos's boyfriend, and I realized he was nowhere to be seen. I couldn't help wondering if Chad and Marcos were banging. I didn't want to think about that, and I couldn't imagine they'd post evidence on Facebook. But if Chad was just hanging out with him, then why would he be avoiding me, or ignoring me, or whatever the hell he was doing?

I refreshed my feed, because I wanted to see if Marcos would post something else. But the picture disappeared, and try what I might, I couldn't find it again. I didn't know if Marcos had deleted it or what, but it only made me more anxious.

Fuck it

, I thought as I shoved my phone in my pocket. I'd had enough of this bullshit. I took a deep breath, then decided to go for my hookup with naked pictures and all.

I stormed into the bathroom, locked the door behind me, and stripped down. Then I grabbed my electric razor and started trimming my pubes. I didn't want my body to be hairless, but I did want my anatomy to look as good as it could. I pruned the base of my cock, and I shaved the stray hairs on my ballsack. I checked my leg hair too, but it was basically fine, and so was the hair on my pits. Then I jumped in the shower, scrubbed down my body, and rinsed.

By the time I dried myself off, I figured I was as ready as I'd ever be. I looked in the mirror and made some final adjustments. Then I reached down to my clothes, pulled out my phone, and started snapping away.

I figured I needed plenty of options to work with. First I shot my dick, which was already getting hard, and then I followed up with my ass. I tried a couple of different poses, some through the mirror, others with the camera pointing straight at my junk. I even lifted one leg, held my phone under me, and got a closeup of my boyhole.

I finished up by taking full-body shots. I figured this could help me in the long run; I wanted to attract as many guys as I could, and I wanted to prove I wasn't a fake. I even snapped a few shots with my face in the frame.

I didn't waste any time putting those pictures to use. I picked out the ones I liked best, then went back on Grindr and sent them to YoDude.

I couldn't wait for him to respond, but as it turned out, it didn't take long.

Woah

, he messaged back just a few seconds later.

Some of my nerves calmed down, but others just got more excited. A reaction like that was definitely a boost to my ego.

U like that?

I asked.

Fuck yeah

, he wrote back.

How fast can u get here?

A feeling of relief seemed to crash all over me. I threw on my clothes as fast as I could, then hurried to the garage. YoDude gave me his address, and a few minutes later, I was pulling up to his house.

His place was totally suburban, even more so than mine. The house was big, and it looked nice from the outside, but it was totally generic. It sat on the end of a cul-de-sac, and it looked exactly the same as its neighbors. I half-expected the Stepford Wives to come greet me.

I knocked on the door, and a few seconds later, it opened. "Hey Scott," came a voice.

I practically froze with surprise.

Oh fuck

, I thought.

How does he know my real name?

I'd always been careful online, to make sure nobody knew who I was. This guy was only supposed to know me as RJ630.

"It's okay," he said. "I don't bite."

I was tempted to back out, but I didn't want to make things worse. After all, this guy apparently knew me, and he already had my naked pictures. I eventually figured I had nothing to lose, so I took a deep breath and stepped inside.

The guy before me was as big as I'd expected. He was over six feet tall, with bulging muscles and thick blond hair. "Johan?" I asked.

Johan Vanderkerk was a guy from my high school. He'd been a few years ahead of me, but I'd known him well enough to know he was a jerk. He'd bullied me in gym class more than once, and I'd heard stories of him stuffing kids in lockers. I couldn't imagine him on Grindr, except maybe as a troll.

"What the fuck?" I said without thinking.

"I know," he said. "I bet you never expected to see me like this."

I shook my head. "S-so you're gay?"

"Well...." Johan's voice trailed off, but then he nodded. "I guess there's no denying it now." He sighed. "Look, if I was an asshole or whatever, it was only... I mean, I just kept telling myself--"

"You were a prick," I said. "I mean, at least back in high school--"

"I'm sorry," he said. "That's all I can tell you."

I was still as horny as ever, but I wasn't sure what to do about it. The door behind me was still open, and I was tempted to walk back outside. But then I took a deep breath and shut the door. "Look," I said. "If you say anything about this to anyone, I swear--"

"I won't say a word," Johan said.

I'd never been so pissed yet so randy. I was still dying to get a dick inside me. I couldn't believe my big prospect was someone I'd hated growing up.

Johan moved forward and kissed me. I resisted at first, but then I felt his face against mine, and my horniness took over. His square stubbly chin, firm chest, and massive arms were exactly what I needed.

Johan took me up to his room. He apparently still lived with his parents, but they were nowhere to be seen, so we had the house to ourselves. I pulled off Johan's shirt and marveled at the beautiful body underneath. He pulled off my shirt too, then pushed me toward the bed.

"Hold on," I said.

"What's wrong?"

"I... I dunno, I just--"

"Okay, listen," he said, "I know what you must be thinking. I really mean it, I'm sorry for everything I did back then." He took a deep breath. "I know it was shitty. I was fucked up, and I hated myself. I didn't want to think I was gay. It took me a long time to realize how awesome it was... and I've felt like a whole different person ever since."

"How awesome it was?"

"Yeah," he said. "I mean, once I realized I wasn't alone, and I didn't need to hide, all those hangups went away." He licked his lips. "And it really is awesome. I mean, come on: we get to have sex with hot guys."

I didn't say a word. Somehow I could relate.

"Anyway," he said, "if it really bothers you that much, I get it. We don't have to do this--"

"No," I said, "it's okay." I sighed. "So when you realized it was me...."

"Oh God," he said, "when you sent me those pictures, I pretty much died. They were so fucking hot."

"Did you know I was gay too?"

"Not till I got the pictures," he said. "I would never have guessed."

I sighed. "Neither would I. At least not in high school." I put my hands on his belt. "But it's like you said: I didn't know how awesome it was...."

"What do you want to do now?"

"You're gonna have to fuck me," I said as I undid his pants and pulled out his cock. "I've been hungry for it all week."

"Oh fuck yeah," he said.

His package was just as glorious as I'd hoped for. His penis wasn't especially long, but it was thick, and I could only imagine how it would feel in my ass. His balls were perfectly formed, and they were framed by his beautiful blond hair.

I pulled off his pants the rest of the way, and I started sucking him off. Johan just stood there and let off a groan. I couldn't believe I was blowing my high school bully, and I especially couldn't believe how much we both loved it. His hard dick tasted so good in my mouth. I was tempted to reach down and jack myself off.

Eventually Johan stepped back, and his cock pulled out of my mouth. "I want you," he said.

I wasn't about to object-- on the contrary-- so I guided him down on his bed. "Where's your lube?" I asked as I took off the rest of my clothes.

"It's in my bedside table," he said.

I opened the drawer on his nightstand, and I pulled out a tube of silicone lube. I also saw a box of condoms, apparently in his size.

It only took a second to get ourselves ready. Then I climbed on top of Johan's body, and I guided his cock inside me. My ass was practically tingling with anticipation. I closed my eyes, opened my mouth, and did everything by feel.

Johan's dick opened me up a lot further than I'd expected. He was the thickest guy I'd ever taken, and I could totally feel my sphincter expand. But I still managed to take him all the way, which I knew most other guys couldn't do. I sensed my innards changing positions around him.

I started rocking my body back and forth. Johan responded and thrust in and out of me. Every heave helped to satisfy my hunger. I could barely control the groans coming out of my mouth, and I don't think Johan could either.

My loins were already tingling, but then Johan hit my prostate, and a wave of pleasure shot through me. I hadn't felt that sensation in months, and I'd almost forgotten how much I loved it. I let out a cry, and I tried to position myself so he could hit it again.

Johan rammed back into me so hard that it hurt; but it felt so incredible that I didn't care. It was almost like we were hate-fucking, at least from my end. The violence and intensity were unlike anything I'd felt before. Each collision made my whole body shudder. I wanted to grab my dick, but we were moving too fast, so it flopped around uncontrollably beneath me.

Johan's huge muscles started to roil. I looked into his eyes, and I watched his face contort with ecstasy. He grabbed my hips and bellowed, and I felt him unload into the condom.

I was also pretty close, and I wanted to get off without touching myself. Johan paused for a second, then clenched his jaw and pistoned back into me. I guided him just slightly, so he could hit my prostate again.

I felt another pang of euphoria, then another. I bounced up and down on his cock a few more times, but then I couldn't last any longer. I closed my eyes and gasped. "Oh my God!" I yelled as I went totally rigid, and I felt my cum shooting out of me.