I live in a small group of houses in a semi rural area. It's great for exercise and walking the dog, with various routes out and back. Fields, woods, relatively quiet high hedgerow lanes, the closest footpath being straight through the field 200yds down the road.
Now the nights are drawing in dog walks are mostly in the dark which isn't a problem thanks to fantastic bright head torches (thanks China) and LED collars but last night's outing led to something very unexpected.
I got a message when we were coming back towards the gate so I stopped for a sneaky cigarette, got into a back and forth about a job before rounding the headland, over the stile by the gate and off home.
My wife, Lori, had dinner ready so we had that with a couple of glasses of wine before I went to jump in the shower. It then struck me that I'd left my umbrella stuck in the ground as I was busy messaging. Damn. It would be ok but, obviously, it wasn't far. I told Lori and said I'd be back in a bit so she might as well jump in the shower and I would load the dishwasher when I got back. I put on my boots, jacket and head torch and trotted off down the lane back to the field.
As I got further along the wet tarmac a faint, familiar, sweet smell hung in the damp air. I chuckled, knowing where it was coming from. The gate is set a way back from the road and this makes a convenient turning place or, as evidenced by the occasional litter, a parking spot for, probably, kids from the local town out driving and getting up to whatever. I hope to never properly grow up and immediately a very childish plan popped into my wine influenced mind.
I turned off the head torch for the last fifty yards until I turned in to the cut.
Parked front towards the gate was a dark medium sized car. The interior light was on and I could make out two heads in the front both blowing out smoke. When my light went on full bright to the interior, I saw them both jump, and heard startled expletives. Mission accomplished. Small amusements keep us alive.
"Sorry lads," I moved up to the open drivers window, "just left my brolly in the field."
The mop topped Asian youth sunk in the seat, the shock left his body as he looked up at me grinning. Maybe too much.
"Fuckin' hell grandad. I nearly shit. Bruh."
"Yeah! Fuck!" the passenger piped up.
I flipped the light up so I wouldn't blind them as I bent down so I could see the other guy, who was much bigger than the skinny driver, with long blond hair and a handsome face that contrasted his chavvy clothes.
"Sorry fellas, I'll get my brolly and leave you to it."
I went through the gate and round the corner, along the hedge to where I'd left it, mildly satisfied with my juvenile prank. Back through the gate and a bit of civil mindedness occurred to me.
I flipped the light again and bent down at face level at the drivers window.
"Hey fellas..."
"Hey grandad," both giggling with their joints still at their lips, "wannahit?" the driver offers me his.
Well it seemed like these fools were quick to forgive so it'd be rude not to accept. I knew this probably wouldn't be wise mixed with the wine but hey, I've made stupider decisions. I puffed it up and took way too deep a drag, ridiculously expecting the capacity of twenty years prior, held as long as I could and filled the car up.
"Whoah grandad!" giggles, "freak!"
They were right. I knew I'd made a mistake almost instantly. This shit wasn't anything like the weed I very very rarely partook of. It invaded my whole body in waves up and down, my vision went crazy almost immediately and I felt my face turn into that Cheshire cat grin.
"Shit..keep it together." I struggled to think "situation normal, come on." gripping the door of the car.
"I..I..just wanted to say like...you guys are here...I'm not saying it's you..but the litter...you know...tissues and cups...from people parking."
I was swaying a bit now but getting over the complete mind bending initial hit. Driver's face wobbled and stretched, his eyes seemed massive and deep, his cheekbones impossibly sharp, triangular merging with a gorgeous full lipped mouth that seemed to envelope me as it said,