"Are you sure you want to do this?" the genie said. "I'm telling you, a million dollars would make you a lot happier."
"I don't care," said Christopher. "I'd rather get laid than get a million dollars."
"Well, if you're sure," the genie said; "remember, it's only sex, not love. I can't make anyone fall in love. Not even the big boss can do that. But three people will want to fuck you."
"How does it work?" said Christopher. "How do I choose them?"
The genie sighed again. He held out three condoms in their bright-red squares. "Take these three condoms. When you show one of them to someone, whoever you showed it to will want to fuck you."
"What happens if we don't use the condom?" said Christopher.
"Doesn't matter. Whether you use the condom or not, the spell will only work once. After you've shown it to someone, it's just a normal condom. By the way, you should probably get some more. You have to use condoms."
"What happens if someone accidentally sees them? Or if they see more than one of them?"
"You're a smartass, aren't you?" said the genie. "It doesn't matter if they see more than one. You get three chances. But whether it's accidental or not, they're going to want to fuck you. So, you should be careful with those."
"So I can't take the spell off?" said Christopher.
"Only by fucking them," said the genie.
"What's the catch?" said Christopher.
"I already told you. It's sex, not love. These jimmies will catch their attention, but you've got to do the rest. Any other questions?"
"I don't think so," said Christopher. But the genie had already flagged a cab, and was climbing into the backseat without a backward glance at Christopher.
Christopher looked at the bright red squares. "Durex?" he muttered. "You'd think an all-powerful genie could at least spring for Trojan."
Christopher put the condoms in his pocket.
Christopher remembered that the genie told him to get more condoms. So before he went back to his apartment, he stopped by the drugstore.
Christopher had an odd relationship with condoms. On the one hand, he loved condoms themselves. He loved their shape, how they were just the right size and shape to go over a guy's cock. He loved all their different varieties, the black or red or blue ones, the ultra-thin ones, and on occasion, the textured ones. He loved the ritual of carefully unrolling one over his cock. Or unrolling one onto someone else's cock, for that matter.
He didn't love buying them. Just looking at the boxes turned him on, and he didn't like getting wood in the middle of a store. He hated bringing them up to the cash register and paying for them. He hated that whoever rang him up had that little chance to imagine him using themβhe'd feel embarrassed on the off-chance that the clerk would get turned on, and humiliated if the clerk would feel disgusted.
As Christopher stepped up to the store, the sliding doors whooshed open for him. As he stepped in, he smelled the sterile grey carpet, saw the rows of joyless candies in their glum red wrappers, saw the bottles of hair dye with the beautiful, scowling women on them, and winced under the harsh fluorescent lighting. The cashier, a skinny boy with messy brown hair, nodded at him. This was a guy he'd bought condoms from before. Christopher was normally friendly with this guy, and had even thought he was cute two years ago, but had long since become resigned to treating him as only a cashier. But Christopher was relieved that the cashier today was him, because he knew that he wouldn't say anything for condoms.
Christopher got a basket, headed to the condom section, and started loading it up. He'd used up his own stockpile of condoms by masturbating months ago, so now he only had the three precious magical condoms. So he got several varieties of condoms: ultra-thin, magnum, studded, fitted, flared head.
He brought the basket of condoms to the clerk. Normally, they might exchange small talk; now, the clerk simply nodded, and efficiently scanned them all in. The nametag on his shirt said "Peter".
"Your total is $43.67," said Peter.
Christopher pulled out his wallet, but his pockets were so full that one of the red condoms came out too. Peter's eyes went to the condom, then to Christopher, then down, as he blushed a little. Christopher thought,
Oh, he
'
s definitely seen it. I don
'
t know if I would have chosen him, but he is rather cute.
He passed over his credit card, and put the red condom in his left pocket, so he wouldn't forget that that condom's charm was spent.
"My shift finishes at 6 tonight," said Peter. "Are you doing anything tonight?"
"Not really," said Christopher. "Do you want to hang out?"
"Sure," said Peter.