Christmas Without Chris

Hey, Literotica! :) This is my entry for the 2017 Winter Holiday Contest, so if you like what you read, please vote, vote, vote! Thanks for reading!

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"Merry Christmas, David!"

Veronica was beaming at me from across the mall. She was happily shouting the greeting so loud that casual mall-walkers turned to look in our direction, giving us both a passing smile in return...

I smirked right back at her, too, over-excitedly waving as she made her way towards me.

Veronica, Veronica, Veronica...

What a total bitch.

As she pulled me into a big, warm hug, I thought about telling her right to her face that she was the cruelest woman that had ever been born. How dare she be so nice to me in public? When she was the reason I cried myself to sleep last night? When she was the reason I had to fight back tears every time I saw them together?

Ugh.

As she sweetly broke off our hug, now tenderly holding my hands in her own, the harsh words that were steadfastly playing on repeat in my head never made it past my lips.

Because it wasn't Veronica's fault.

Veronica had probably never done a bad thing in her entire life. She was the kind of girl who would get all choked up if she had to pass a stray dog on the street without petting it or feeding it her own goddamn lunch.

Veronica was honestly too good for this world.

Nope. None of this could have possibly been Veronica's fault...

It was all his.

I spotted him out of the corner of my eye.

Chris.

The love of my life.

The man I'd been in love with since junior high. I really lucked out in the 8th grade, when he agreed to give me my first kiss under the bleachers. And then my second kiss...And then my third kiss...

He was kissing me all the way up until a year or so ago.

Currently, Chris was smiling to himself and tightly holding onto a Prada shopping bag, which looked filled to the brim. Of course, he would only buy the finest shit for his girlfriend, right? I rolled my eyes, but I soon felt the familiar clink of the expensive men's watch he'd bought for me last year hitting against my clothes.

Chris had gotten it engraved with both of our birthdays, and the anniversary of the first time we kissed.

Suddenly flushed and embarrassed, I tried to hide the watch underneath my armpit, as I quickly crossed my arms in front of me.

Was I a bad person?

Okay. Yes. Obviously, I'm a bad person. Here I am, wishing death upon this beautiful angel of a human when all she's ever done is be nice to me, and all I've ever done is hate her for existing.

Also, what the fuck? Why did I have to wear this fucking watch today?! Shit! Shit! Shit!

Did he see that I was wearing it? Would he think that I wanted him back?

I mean, yeah, of course I wanted him back. I'm in fucking love with him.

But telegraphing that right in front of his current girlfriend felt...a little fucked up.

Yeah...I guess I'm a little fucked up.

Chris looked over at me, and his eyes very obviously scanned over my body. When his gaze finally met mine, there was that familiar, appreciative grin all over his face. A grin that would often be followed up by his hands running underneath my shirt, his mouth grazing the side of my neck, and his already hardened cock pressed against my hips...

No. Please. No. Please stop looking at me like that. Please stop before I get hard in front of your girlfriend.

I tried to get him to stop, desperately trying to communicate my distress via my eyes, but the look on his face remained the same.

Honestly, my body was pretty hard up for the attention. I hadn't had sex since Chris and I broke up summer of last year. It wasn't a bad breakup or anything, he just wanted to head out to Los Angeles to work an internship for a few months. We figured we'd even be back together by the fall, but then he met...

Veronica.

Their fateful encounter, combined with the company liking Chris so much that they offered to extend his internship at twice the pay, meant that he wouldn't really be home until right now. This Christmas. And as far as I knew, he was home for good. But him bringing Veronica back with him for the holidays, must have meant that he wanted her to be a part of his life, his real life. He must have wanted to spend every day with her, maybe even the rest of his life with her...

Shit. I couldn't even think about this right now.

My heart was breaking all over again.

"Ooh! They have those cinnamon rolls we like, Chrisbear! I'll get some for your mom, too." Veronica smiled up at him, before kissing him on the cheek and heading towards a nearby food stand.

Ugh.

She was always so fucking sweet and so fucking considerate.

No wonder he was so in love with her.

"Nice watch." Chris was talking to me now, as he took a few steps towards me. "Who got it for you?"

Yes!

He must not have gotten a closeup view of the watch's design, which meant, he didn't have to know how fucked up I really was...

"Really? You think I can't buy nice things for myself?" I scoffed, doing my best job to seem offended. "I'm not a sugar baby, Chris. Not yet, anyways."

He let out a loud laugh, and I could feel it go straight to my cock.

Fuck. I missed that laugh.

I missed that mouth...

"New boyfriend?" He stepped even closer to me, and I felt like I was being drowned in his perfect scent. I had to momentarily close my eyes, focusing all of my energy on not resting my hands against his shoulders and leaning up to kiss him.

Every nerve ending in my body was screaming out for me to wrap myself up in this man's arms...

Torture. Absolute torture.

What had I done in a past life to deserve this?

Was I an executioner or something?

"No. I haven't really been dating since..." I let my words trail off, hoping that he gets the hint and immediately stops with this line of questioning.

"Oh. Why not?" His eyes are trained on me again, as he casually asks his follow-up question.

Fuck.

He didn't get the fucking hint.

And I don't know what it was. Maybe it was the fact that all of my mental energy was purely concentrated on not getting hard around him. Maybe it was the Zenlike muscle control that seemed necessary to not gently run my fingers across his jawline.

But for a brief moment, I no longer had a filter.

"Because I still love you, Chris."

His eyes went wide, and I realized that I'd just said something completely inappropriate and completely insane.

Yep. It was time for me to go.

I gave him a quiet nod, without even saying goodbye. I could hear Veronica offering me a cinnamon roll as I swiftly walked past her, but I couldn't afford to pay her any attention.

I had to get out of there before I became the first person to literally die of embarrassment.

Although, honestly, that wasn't even the most embarrassing part of my day. Nope, that came later, as I lied down in the middle of my apartment's bed, vigorously stroking my own cock and moaning out Chris' name. Fuck. I missed his body. I couldn't stop thinking about his perfect cock, drilling inside of me, making me all his...I missed being his...

Before I knew it, I'd come all over my own chest, with strings of my cum resting against my skin.

This was so fucking pathetic.

This had to be rock bottom, right? There was nothing worse than casually running into your ex at the mall and then coming home and jacking off to them?

What would I do for my next act of total sadness? Jack off alone in the bathroom at his wedding?

Okay.

Fuck.

It was time for me to start getting over Chris.

Even if I really did think he was giving me his patented "I'm going to fuck you" look at the mall earlier...

Whatever.

At this point, even that look was probably all in my head. That's how desperate I was for any sign that he could possibly want me back. I must have been starting to imagine things...

Shit.

This has to end.

Trying to officially begin getting him out of my head, I pulled on a traditional, ugly Christmas sweater, blasted some very generic Christmas music and happily made myself a mug of hot chocolate.

I also signed up for a few dating sites, and I was currently, merrily swiping through various profiles as I sipped on my drink.

Too tall.

Too short.

Too mean looking.

Too happy looking.

Not Chris.

Not Chris.

Not Chris.

My heart was aching in my chest with every other swipe, like it was actually painful to consider being with anyone other than him.

I eventually gave it all up, instead choosing to settle in on my couch as I binge-watched a few holiday classics.

I even made myself a huge bucket of popcorn and turned off all of my regular lights, only letting the shiny and bright Christmas lights twinkle throughout the room.

Now this was really getting me into the Christmas spirit.

Chris didn't love me. So fucking what? Rudolph was still doing his whole nose thing, and Santa was still bringing it extra hard with the gifts.

And, if everything went according to plan, my own younger cousins and nieces would be worshipping me as the Christmas King soon enough. Who else was willing to buy a bunch of five and six-year old kids high-end tablets?

Someone who had absolutely no one else to spend his money on, that's who.

I shook my head as I attempted to shake the loneliness off, too.

Gotta' keep the focus on Rudolph.

There was a rapid knocking on my apartment's front door, and I briefly wondered if I'd ordered something to eat in my haze of Christmas binging.

I was really hoping I'd ordered myself some pizza.

I gently opened the door, prepared for the culinary surprise of a lifetime--

Instead, I was met with Chris' face, all screwed up and upset.

He let himself into my apartment, before forcefully slamming the door behind him.

"Fuck. You."

Those were his first words to me.

"Fuck. You. Too?" I repeated his words back to him, my voice filled with confusion.

"You just made me break her fucking heart." His eyes looked over at me, anger still burning in them. "It's nearly fucking Christmas, and I had to send the nicest girl in the entire world back home to L.A."

"Wait, you broke up with Veronica?" I was still very much confused, as I leaned against a nearby wall. "And how is that my fault, asshole?" I felt like being a little mean to him, since he was being mean to me, though I really didn't understand why, exactly.

"I brought her back home with me, because I was going to ask her to marry me--"

With those words, I instinctively put my fingers up to his mouth, effectively silencing him.

"Please stop. Please just stop talking. If you say another word, you're going to completely break me." I was pleading with him from the bottom of my soul, unable to currently handle that kind of hurt.

He quietly moved my hand a few inches away from his mouth, slowly bringing my knuckles back up towards his lips, kissing them gently.

"I thought I could promise her forever, promise to be faithful, but I couldn't. I really, really thought I could...until you said that you still loved me." He shook his head, as he carefully pulled me closer towards him. "Fuck. David. Why did those words make me so fucking happy?"

"I don't know." I earnestly shrugged. "Didn't Veronica ever tell you that she loved you?"

He nodded against my neck. "All the time. I loved her, too. But with you, it's just...different. It's like I can't help myself when it comes to you. I couldn't even keep my eyes to myself at the mall. I felt like such a fucking creep."

I laughed at his words, and I could feel him pulling me in even closer.

Fuck.

I couldn't let him fuck me right now. I just couldn't. What if I was just a detour before he finally found the courage to propose to Veronica? It was bad enough not being his everything before. Knowing that I was officially his second choice was going to hurt even worse.

I tried to pull away from our embrace, but he only held me tighter.

"What's wrong, baby?" He nearly whispered it in my ear, and my cock grew stiffer in response.

Shit. He had to be able to feel it against him now.

I silently shook my head instead of answering, trying to focus on giving myself the opposite of an erection.

Which was currently going to be nearly impossible, as Chris' hand was softly running over the crotch of my jeans, tracing the outline of my cock.

"Don't worry, baby. I know it's been a long time. I'll take care of you." His hands gently ran through my hair, before he carefully got down on his knees, his hands resting on my waist. A few seconds later, my jeans and my boxers were both pulled down, as Chris took my cock into his mouth.

I whimpered and whined, as I caught my balance against the wall.

I didn't want this...Fuck. I didn't want this...

But I needed this. I needed him.

His tongue traced the base of my cock, before playfully licking up the sides of my shaft. He then swirled his tongue around the tip, while steadily stroking my shaft with one hand. His other hand was lightly running across my balls, teasing them gently.

My whimpering and whining turned into lustful panting.

Fuck. I was so close.

"Come for me, baby. Come for me so I can fuck you, just how you like."

I leaned my head back against the wall, as my cum finally spurted out of me, directly into Chris' waiting mouth.

He made sure that I was looking down at him, as he proceeded to swallow every last drop.

"Mine. All mine." He sounded nearly breathless, even though I was the one who was currently taking hard, deep breaths.

Shit. Okay.

There was still time to salvage this. All I had to do was tell him that I didn't think that he should fuck m--

I could feel his slick, wet fingers sliding against my asshole, hesitating to enter.

"Have you been playing with yourself since I've been gone, baby? Or do I need to go easy on you?"

"I've been...playing." I took a hard gulp of air. Please don't ask what I think about while playing, please don't ask what I think about while playing...

"Mmhmm." He smirked up at me, as he slid his fingers inside of me, causing me to involuntarily shiver with pleasure. "Tell me what you've been thinking about."

"Your cock..." I was talking in between moans, his fingers always knowing just how to work me so perfectly. "Inside of me..."

"Did you miss my cock?"

I wordlessly nodded, as I shivered again.

"Tell me, David. Use your words."

"Yes, Chris...I missed your cock..."

"Do you want me to fuck you, David? Right now?"

No. No. No.

I thought the word over and over in my head, but it never came out.

"Please...Please fuck me...I need you..." Shit. What the fuck was I saying?

Why couldn't I control my goddamn mouth today?

His fingers cautiously slid out of me, as he carefully scooped me up into his arms, walking me over to the couch.

I chuckled to myself, as he sweetly moved me into position, my hands resting firmly on the armrest. There was always something so funny about how seemingly gentle he was while preparing to fuck me, even though he was rarely so gentle once he was inside of me.

But I liked it that way.

I liked the feeling of being properly fucked.

Especially by Chris.

I pushed my hips out further towards him, eagerly inviting him to fuck me.

I heard the familiar sound of something slick coming out of a bottle, as he liberally applied it over and inside of my hole.

I let out a desperate whimper, not being able to wait even one more second.

Thankfully, I didn't have to, as I felt Chris' cock slowly sliding inside of me.

His hands roughly gripped my hips as he started in on his usual rhythm, hard and relentless.

"Chris! Chris!" I was screaming out for him as he moved inside of me, everything just feeling so fucking amazing.

Fuck.

I felt so fucking alive.

I didn't even realize how dead I'd really been since Chris had been out of my life...

"David...Fuck, baby...I'm going to come inside of you..." His words were measured as he pumped into me. "You want me to come inside of you, baby?"

My response came out as another pleasurable scream, and I felt his cock twitch inside of me, his cock finally exploding.

We were both panting now, as he slowly slid out of me. He took my hand into his own, as he made his way over to the couch, and gently pulled me on top of him. I nuzzled my head against his chest, as the cheesy Christmas movies continued to play on my TV screen.

As a few minutes of silence passed between us, I could feel my eyes starting to well up with tears.

This wasn't going to fucking last.

I could feel it in the pit of my stomach.

I was just his last fuck as a free man.

Veronica was able to take him away from me once, and I bet she could do it again.

She was too fucking perfect.

His fingers were soon running across my cheek, wiping the tears away as they fell. "Why?" His quiet question was only one-word long.

"Because you don't love me." I shrugged, like it really didn't matter to me at all, even though it was the most important thing to me in the world. "But it's okay. I know what this is. I'm not going to make a scene at your wedding or anything. You two don't deserve that."

He rolled his eyes, before a playful smirk rested on his lips. "You think I don't love you? I just lost out on a $15,000 proposal for you. I'd already reserved the restaurant for her, plus the band, plus the giant dessert...And they won't even give me a refund! They won't even give me a deposit back. Assholes." He shook his head, annoyed at the thought. "But, David, I'd cancel a million overpriced proposals if it meant that I got to hear you say that you love me a million more times. I love you."

I let out a loud sigh, as I dramatically held up my hand, emphasizing my empty ring finger. "Do you, Chris? Do you really love me?"

"I'm not going to give you a recycled engagement ring. We can go pick yours out tomorrow or something."

"Tomorrow? What the fuck?" My eyes were probably bulging out of my head in pure shock. I was completely joking about not having an engagement ring on my finger.

Was he being serious right now?

"Yeah. What's wrong with tomorrow? Is someone else taking you ring shopping?" He raised an eyebrow, suspiciously. "Also, who the fuck bought you that watch?"

I laughed right in his face. I couldn't help myself. He sounded so pissed at some imaginary dude he thought was buying me expensive watches.

"It's the watch you bought me, Chris! I was just wearing it because....I missed you. I guess."

"Oh." He wrapped an arm around my back, holding me tighter against his chest. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize to me. You need to apologize to whatever guy you were imagining beating the fuck out of for buying me a watch." I couldn't contain my laughter. It was just way too absurd.

"Fuck. Your laugh is still so sexy...." Chris' words were low as his hand made its way down to my still bare ass. "Do you still taste as good as I remember, baby?"

I nervously squirmed against his hips. Chris always made eating out my ass seem like it was the most delicious thing he'd ever tasted. It made me so self-conscious, but his moans drove me absolutely wild.

As I moved his hand until his fingers were directly over my hole, inviting him in, his cell phone rang out, loud, near the front door.

He sighed as he moved away from me, and it was suddenly so cold without him, even while still wearing my ugly Christmas sweater.

I really don't think I can ever be without him again.

I fearfully watched him answer the phone, wondering if it was Veronica on the other line, saying just the right words to bring him back to her...