Suddenly, he was started from his sleep. Breathing slightly heavily, Christian rubbed a hand across his eyes and glanced at his bedside radio. It was only 5am, far too early to get up. Irritated, he scrubbed at his hair then lay back down again. He tried to remember his dream, the one that had awaked him, but it was no use. It was already slipping away from the grasp of his mind. Concentrating, he tried to grab at the last tendrils of it but it dropped out of his reach and out of his memory. All he could remember was a feeling of loneliness and quiet despair. Sighing he rolled over, and slowly fell back into a deep sleep. This wasnât the first time he had had this dream, he often woke up like this, nearly every morning at this time, feeling his resounding loneliness bearing down on him harder than ever before.
Cursing loudly at having overslept, Christian leapt down the stairs in his flat block three at a time hoping beyond hope that the bus was late this morning. Crashing out of the front door he spotted the bus rounding the street corner, turning towards the bus stop. Slamming the door behind him, Christian spirited across the 200 yards to the bus stop, making it just in time. Gasping for breathe; he sank down into his seat clutching his ticket and thanking god that he wouldnât be late for work again. Christian worked in one of the few remaining steel works in his area. The work was hard, long and poorly paid, but it was enough to pay for his rent and food. Christian knew that one day soon the whole plant would be closed down and moved someplace else, and he and around 600 other people would be out of a job, but until then he was happy working there.
The loud roar of the machinery made it difficult for the workers to talk but occasionally there would a gap in the noise that would instantly be filled with the shouting of men, calling out to friends, laughing, joking, asking about the upcoming weekend, making plans to meet up for drinks, dinner, and other social activities common to the average male. Christian gladly joined in with the ruckus, he didnât have many friends but he liked his work mates and felt at ease around them. They knew what he was and didnât judge him upon it, instead including him in everything that they said and did.
âHey! Chris! You wanna come to the âBoarâ with us tonight? Darts tournament tonight!â Yelled Alex, a close friend of Christianâs.
Laughing Christian shook his head, âNo thanks mate, Iâm off down town tonight!â
âYou off looking for another man Chris?!â Yelled another bloke. âWhy do that when you could have me!â He struck up a pose by his machine, causing everyone to shout with laughter and Christian to yell back, âIf I had known that you wanted me that much Mike then I would have lured you into bed years ago!â Causing the men around him to hoot at Mike, who was standing there a little sheepishly. Winking at him, Christian went back to his work as the roar of the machinery began again.
Later on that day Christian and Alex were walking out of work together talking about the up-coming weekend. âWhy do you hang around all those seedy places Chris?â asked Alex. âYou know that all you find there are blokes who just want a quick fuck then they leave you heart broken after a few weeks.â
âYou didnât.â Replied Christian, glancing at his friend.
Alex shrugged, âYeah, well, Iâm your mate Chris and mates donât desert each other. Even if they did have a quick fumble when we were kids.â
They were silent for a few steps.
âHowâs Shelly doing?â Asked Christian, changing the subject.
âSheâs ok, I guess. Took me to meet the parents a few weeks ago. Did I tell you about that? Scared the shit out of me!â said Alex
âWhy?â Chuckled Christian.
âHer bloody mother came on to me!â Exclaimed Alex dramatically.
Laughing Christian shook his head, âI remember a time you wouldnât have minded that happening.â
âBelieve me mate, I still donât but come on! The woman is in her fifties for crying out loud! And sheâs sagging all over the place!â
Christian burst into peels of laughter.
âYeah thatâs it, laugh your head off you bastard. Iâd like to see how you would come if youâre boyfriends dad came onto you!â laughed Alex.
âWell, you never know, he might be really fit!â Said Christian giggling and winking at Alex. Alex threw back his head and laughed loudly.
âAnyway mate, Iâll see you sometime over the weekend ok? Iâll give you a call.â Said Alex as he headed off to his car. âDonât do anything I wouldnât do mate!â
âDonât worry, I wonât!â Shouted back Christian, waving as his friend walked off. Sighing, he went to wait for the bus.
Later on that evening Christian sat nursing a rapidly warming Guinness as he watched the typical Friday night scene unfold before him. There were the regular trannies, the regular gay and bi guys, and the regular straight guys who werenât really sure what they were doing there but werenât making any attempt to leave. He watched as the usual one night stand guys picked up their chosen ones for a nights worth of fucking, to be discarded in the morning. He watched as the few couples in the place left after being harassed by bi-curious guys just wanting to watch two guys fuck each other. He watched it all as he drank one, then two, three, then lost count of the number of pints he had had that evening. His head was feeling fairly muggy when he felt a warm hand on his thigh. Frowning he looked down at the hand, and then followed it up to the arm, along the arm until he finally reached a face. The face swam in and out of focus for a few seconds then his head cleared and he saw that it was only Nate; a man he had wanted but had never thought would want a bloke like him.
âHey man, whatâs up?â asked Nate, with a big grin on his face. Nate was gorgeous. There was no two ways about it. His skin was a rich coffee colour, his eyes so dark that they were almost black and his teeth were so white they practically shone in the dark by themselves. Nate wasnât very tall, but he was broad across the shoulders and very muscular, and gave an underlying sense of power as he moved. His movements were fluid like and almost graceful.
âNothing yet Nate, but chances are my dinner will be soon though.â Groaned Christian as he sunk his head down into his arms as the drink suddenly caught up with him.
âShit man, how much have you had to drink?â Said Nate as he sat down next to him.
âToo much.â Groaned Christian.
âChris? Hey your name is Chris right?â
âChristianâ mumbled Christian.
âChristian, look man, I donât wanna make you feel worse or anything, but...â
âBut what Nate? Spit it out I canât handle anything too difficult right nowâ moaned Christian.
âHah, well, Listen Christian man, basically, I want you.â Said Nate looking down at the huddled over form of Christian.
âWhaâŠ?â Said Christian as he raised his head to look at Nate.
âYeah man, I want you. Iâve been watching you a long time man. You wanna come back to mine tonight?â Nate gave him a smouldering look. âIâve got more beer at home man and a huge bed that needs fillingâŠâ He left the sentence hanging.
âHmmâŠermâŠ.oh. I donât know. Shit mate, why did you have to ask me right now? Couldnât you have asked me half an hour ago? When I was more sober?â Christian clutched at his head to stop the room spinning.
âNah man, I couldnât. Had to work up my courage innit. Listen Christian,â he bent his head down to whisper in Christianâs ear. âIâve seen you in here every weekend for the last two years. I wanted to fuck you the first time you walked in, all shy and innocent of this nasty world called life, but you always picked the pussy boys, the boys who fucked you once then walked the next day. I want to fuck you real bad, man. And I want to do it tonight.â
Christian took a deep breathe, âOk then, lets do it.â
âYou serious man?â Asked Nate, looking at Christianâs face. âAlright. Jus let me grab my jacket then weâre outta here.â
Christian watched him go then come back. His mind was slowly yet surely fogging up with the comforting haze of alcohol and he was going home with a virtual stranger. He shook his head, trying to clear it, and then Nate appeared next to him.
âCome on man, letâs go.â
Christian had no further memory of the night. He woke up lying in a huge king sized bed by himself. The sunlight was streaming in through the open curtains and was almost unbearably bright. He sat up and looked around him. He was in a large bedroom, with a bed side table, a dresser with a TV on it in one corner of the room and a built in wardrobe in the other. The bed sheets were a clean crisp white that reflected the sunlight and the walls were a pale yellow. Suddenly Nate walked in carrying two cups of coffee. Smiling at Christian he put down one cup on the bedside table and then sat on the edge of the bed with one leg tucked under him to drink his own cup.
âI thought you were gonna sleep all day man.â He said, taking a sip of coffee.
âWhat happened last night?â Asked Christian. âI can remember talking to you at the bar, then putting on my coat to come home with you but everything after that is a blank.â
âShit man, you seriously donât remember?â
Christian shook his head.
Nate took another sip of coffee, âWell, we got about halfway back here before you starting puking everywhere, and then you kinda collapsed. I didnât think it was a good idea to leave you lying in the street in a pool of your own vomit and I donât know where your place is so I jus brought you back here.â