"You should. Start dating again, that is. Hell, you should hook up today! You're gay! Enjoy the perks now that you finally can."
I didn't know how to reply. Was you-should-be-more-careful-who-you-have-sex-with-Ana, you're-not-good-at-separating-sex-from-intimacy-Ana encouraging me to hook up with some rando? Today? I kept tying my shoes in silence, suddenly needing to get out of her flat as fast as possible.
"Look, I mean it. I'm worried about you. I know you wanted time for yourself. But the world has given us way too much time for ourselves, and we're just miserable. Don't deny it. Maybe it's time to put yourself out there again." She smiled worriedly, and then hugged me. God, it felt so good to hug someone. I almost cried.
It had already been over a year since the pandemic started -- since I'd been on a date. Since I'd had any sex at all. It was too much -- too long. And even after getting my second shot, I was strangely hesitant. Not because I was scared of getting infected. I knew I was young, healthy, and vaccinated; life was slowly going back to normal. But there was a primal part of my brain that wanted to stay at home a little longer, that still flinched when someone walked by just a little too close.
"Just promise me you won't do something stupid, Diego," she said as goodbye.
"Of course I won't."
Of course not.
Of course.
I was on my fourth glass of wine within the hour.
It was so easy, really, to let go. To download Grindr. Lying on the couch, almost naked except for a pair of white briefs and socks, it was easy to feel brave. There was a not unpleasant tingling on my neck as I typed in the password -- a password somehow still in my memory, more than a year after having used it last. Ana was right. I needed this.
I'd barely started scrolling when I saw him. It had to be him. My swimming pool crush. Posing with a flannel shirt, all the buttons undone; one hand in his jeans pocket, keeping his shirt open, the other holding his phone; his sleeves casually rolled up, emphasizing his forearms. He wasn't quite showing his face, having cropped the photo to only tease a hint of his smirk. It was his chest that gave him away -- I'd recognize that chest hair anywhere: thick, curly, dark brown; emphasizing his broad nipples, contouring his pecs; tapering off to a slim trail.
Gosh, how long had it been since I'd last seen him? A year and a half? Two years? Since that day when he stayed swimming late, like I always did. When we were the only guys left at the pool-- that cold Monday evening. When he entered the empty locker room right after I did, striking up conversation as if we had been old friends. I barely remember a word of what we were saying, but the images are branded into my memory. His tight, bulging speedos-- a sharp contrast to my knee-length jammers and drag suit. The tiny droplets dripping from his chest. His all-too-knowing smirk as he caught me looking. How he took the shower right next to mine without hesitation. How he took off his swimsuit to reveal a throbbing erection underneath. How he joked that I should not shower before fully undressing. How he shut up when I asked him if he wanted to undress me himself. How I'd ended up sucking him off, right then and there. How his hand felt on my neck, through his frantic grunts, his futile attempts to control himself. How I came right after he did. The desperation with which he kissed me, at the end.
It took me a while to notice that my mouth had gone dry, that I'd started slowly touching myself through my briefs, that my erection was harder than it'd been since-- well, probably since that day in the pool showers. He was only a couple of kilometers away. What should I say?
"hey"
I almost slapped myself. Idiot! Was that really all I could come up with? Just "hey"? Oh great, come on, surely you could think of something else to say... Something that's not the weather, nor the damned virus. (Even though, yeah, winter hasn't quite left and it's May; and, yeah, it is the worst pandemic in a century). No, come on... The pool? Would it be creepy if I told him I remember him from the pool? That I recognized him just from his chest hair?
"hey back cutie"
