Chris. What a simple name to be held by such a man. 28. Tall. Sculpted. Poised. Commanding. There's not one right word to describe Chris in Ash's mind. They were next door neighbours, but were never really friends growing up. Went to different schools, hung out with different friends. Only on occasions during festive seasons that their family would get together, but as they grow older and moved out of their parents home, these occasions became rare.
It was a strike of luck that Chris bumped into Ash one night - both on their way back to their parents home. It was close to midnight and Ash's car had stalled. Chris happened to pass just as Ash was about to dial a number for help. After a brief discussion about how safe the neighbourhood still is, Ash jumped behind Chris's Yamaha and rode back home. The car, they agreed, would be dealt with tomorrow.
That was a couple months ago, and since then they had regularly kept in touch. This evening, Ash was leaning lightly against the bike waiting for Chris to emerge from the lonely 7-Eleven just outside of the neighbourhood they live in. He thought of how big of a crush he had developed over the years they grew up. He saw a few times Chris brought home girls and wished it was him instead. A few times he thought he saw Chris making out with girls in the bedroom across from him, but later discovered that Chris's bedroom was in the basement.
"So how's life?" Ash asked. Small talk was never his forte. He found it odd that since that night Chris kept checking in on him every few days on random things. The other night while he was watching TV Chris called and asked for a bread pudding recipe. Said it was for a company potluck. Other times he was just sharing some news he had heard. Chris simply shrugged.
"John and Mary away?" Chris's parents. Only the front porch and kitchen light was on. The rest of the house was dark. Chris simply nodded. There wasn't much conversation between them the few times they hung out, and while it was odd, Ash found it to be endearing as well. One for romance, he always believed that sometimes being friends doesn't have to have a lot to say to each other. And to him, Chris's presence is loud enough to fill the room.
"Night's good." They were on Chris's parent's back deck. The full moon on cloudless sky bright enough to light the yard.
"Could take a dip in the pool." Ash suggested. Honestly he just wants to bait Chris into taking his shirt off. He chased the thought away with another sip of his beer. The liquid passes through his throat a little loud as his attempt to hide his nervousness crumbles away. Chris didn't seem to react.
"Nah, too much messing about after." Chris replied after some time. He put out the cigarette on the ashtray next to him, picked up his beer and walked over to where Ash was perched. "You're the one who might need to cool this off." He said nonchalantly as he pushed the cold beer against Ash's groin. Ash almost fell over from being startled.
"Dude, freaking cold?!" Ash swiped the wet bottle away and tried to rub off the wetness from where the bottle touched his jeans. His brain scrambled for an excuse for his hardness.
"Don't worry about it." Chris reassured as he took another cigarette out of the box. He offered one to Ash. "Wanna talk about it?" He asked.
Ash took the cigarette and sat on the steps. Being called out like that took him by surprise. He's generally comfortable about being gay, but that being only a part of him, never really worried about having to come out to everyone he knew. Being called out by his crush was a completely new way of coming out.
"That night.." Chris took a drag "... when your car broke down." He was purposely breaking his sentence. "The picture in your car. Boyfriend?" He took another drag. In a different situation, Ash would've felt cornered. With Chris, his voice calm and non-threatening, he felt he had a choice to not answer.
"Was." Ash had broken up with Dean about a year ago. It was a good parting for both of them, having been together for close to 4 years. The last two were adjusting to Dean's girlfriend. When they finally decided to tie the knot Ash decided to move on. They had been good friends since.
"Bastard broke your heart?" Chris asked purposefully, as if that had happened he was going to go after the guy. Ash explained in as little word as possible.
"Miss him?" Chris's put out the cigarette. He opened his third bottle of beer.
"Sometimes. And the sex." Ash felt that he could relax. This was not an interrogation he assured himself. Just some weird straight-gay bonding moment maybe.
"Yeah, clearly. You pressed on me so hard I thought it might just poke through." He laughed. Ash could only apologize. "I missed sex too. Had a girlfriend before. She moved away and found another guy. Gave one of the best blowjobs in my life!" There was a bit of an excitement in his tone at the mention of the blowjob.
"Yeah I can only imagine." Ash held out his bottle. Chris met it with a clink in agreement. "I did miss sharing the bed with someone tho. It's been a while."
"You the big spoon on the small spoon?" Ash was again taken aback by how chill Chris is. "Lemme guess, small spoon?" Ash raised his beer again in acknowledgment and took a sip.
"I realised you're always looking at me when we were young." Ash had no reply to that. Instead he helped himself with another one of Chris's cigarettes. "How come you never said hi or anything?"
"Hi Chris, I'm Ash. I have a crush on you." Ash said comically in the most childish voice he could do.
"Fair point. Probably would've kicked your ass back then." Chris also took another cigarette. "... but we're older now." He continued and took a long drag. He attempted to blow O's from the smoke. Ash looked at him quizzically.
"Hi Chris..." He was looking for Chris's eyes on the dim moonlight. "I think I have a crush on you." He found it looking at him too. Chris only replied with the cheekiest grin and looked away. His shoulders visibly shaken from holding his laugh.
"Did you..." Ash seemed to understand the situation now. "... just pulled a move on me?" Chris finally burst into laughter. "You asshole!" Ash tackled Christ from the steps and they both landed on the grass.
"I didn't think it would work on guys too!!" Chris curled into a ball under Ash and continued laughing. Fending off his embarrassment, Ash straddled Christ and gathered his arms. He pinned them to his sides. Chris barely fought back and only laughed.
After a while, Chris looked into Ash's eyes and between the stifled laugh he apologized. Ash loosened his grip and tried to come off of Crist who was now lying flat on the grass. To his surprise, Chris held his waist, met his eyes and apologized again. Meaning it this time. Still with a grin but there was sincerity there.
Ash tried to get up again but Chris still held him. "Look, I was half joking back then. I want you to feel comfortable around me. I'm sorry we never got close when we were growing up. But I am straight."
"I know." Ash stopped trying to get up. Still straddling, Chris's hands on his hip felt intimate. He was never really hung up on it, but Chris was one of the guys that just sticks in his head. One of the could've.
"Hear me out. The thing about a crush is that it's one sided and sometimes it keeps things from happening." Chris saw Ash looking completely confused. "Look, It was a coincidence when we met again that night, but I think you're a good friend and I don't mind hanging out more with you. But I'm not comfortable knowing that you might be holding back your feelings."
Ash became more and more confused. Where is Chris going with this.