Monday March 30th
I woke up and remembered what had happened yesterday. I had sucked cock. A big one!
Obviously Joe hadn't been to my room at night to my knowledge. Maybe that's for the best. I felt regret coming over me as I was thinking about what I did yesterday. I'm a straight guy who can't stop thinking about Joe's cock. I don't have any desire of other men's cocks , gay love or anything like that. It's just that one particular thing that keeps jumping up in my mind.
I got up from bed and got dressed quickly. I walked out of my room and noticed that the door to Joe's room was wide open. I peeked inside but no one was there. All of his stuff were gone.
I walked downstairs and notice that no one was home. My parents had gone to work and Joe was gone. He had moved back home to his "loving" wife and left me here alone with a million thoughts and a confused mind.
Friday April 3rd
Almost a week has passed since Joe moved out. What have I done this week? Not much besides trying to stop thinking about Joe's cock. Yesterday I watched gay porn. I just had to. I had struggled many days with my erotic thoughts of sucking Joe's cock and dreaming about how good his cum tasted in my mouth. I had opened my laptop, searched for blowjob gay porn and jerked off. I felt bad afterwards as I realized that I hadn't watched any "hetero" porn this week only gay porn, but only one time!
I almost forgot to mention it. The butt plug. It's been in my butt more times than I can count this week. It's been in my butt every time I masturbated. I had also bought a tube of lubricant from the local store.
I'm ashamed to admit it but it feels like it's necessary to use the butt plug, it's a "must" every time I jerk off. Maybe Joe gave it to me because he knew I'd like it or I'm just using it because I know Joe gave it to me... or is it just because of the pleasure it gives me? I don't know.
Later that day I prepared food. I did a small portion of lasagna; I hope it's enough for the three of us. I once in a while cook, it's just something my mother has taught me since I was little. I was too hungry to wait for my parents to come home so I ate alone. After I finished the meal I thought I'd call my friends. I called Nick then Joshua. They were both busy, again. I had asked them if we could go to Bell'Amore tonight. I had a real urge to go to Bell'Amore tonight even if I tried to deny it.
I had been home all evening doing nothing. At 11 p.m. I suddenly walked downstairs told my parents I'm gonna go out to meet Joshua, which was a lie.
I started walking towards downtown. Towards Bell'Amore. What the hell am I doing? Walking alone, sober to a bar on a Friday night? I must be losing my mind. There's only one reason I'm going there, in hope of meeting Joe. God damn, no matter how hard I try, I can't forget about his big cock and sweet tasting cum. I really hope Joe is there tonight.
I arrived at Bell'Amore at 11:23 p.m. As I walked in, my eyes started rolling. They were scanning the whole bar. Last time I was here I had looked around hoping that Joe wouldn't be there. Now it was the opposite.
No Joe to be seen I confirmed, after I had looked around for a minute or two. I walked up to the bar and ordered a beer. After getting my beer I went to a corner sofa keeping my eyes over the whole place. As I sat down I started to feel sad. Maybe he isn't coming tonight, how long should I wait?
Half an hour later my beer glass was empty. Still no Joe. Do I give up? I can't sit here alone drinking beer by myself I thought. I got up and walked towards the men's room. As I entered and realized there was a minimal chance still he was here. I ducked down and took a look under all four stall doors. Empty.
I walked into the last stall and started peeing. I started to think about what I had done in this particular stall. Fuck. I'm irritated, angry and disappointed.
I don't know how long I sat in the corner spying over the place but at some point I just gave up. I walked home "empty" handed feeling disappointed and angry. Why am I angry? Do I really have a reason for that? I think I'm mostly angry at myself for doing these "weird" things I would never have thought of doing.
Saturday April 4th
I woke up feeling moody and sad. Yesterday was a disappointment. My friends were busy and I had somehow gathered my guts to walk downtown sober to a bar in hoping of meeting a much older "gay" man. Well frankly I think I should call him a bisexual guy. He's got a wife.
The whole day, the whole fucking day I did nothing. I was bored out of my mind.
"Dinner is ready" I hear my mom shouting. I took a quick look and noticed that the clock is half past four. I walk downstairs slow like a snail and sat down at the dinner table. I didn't really feel like eating, I had lost my appetite.
"So later tonight we're gonna have a few guests over" my mom suddenly breaks the silence.
"Oh, who?" I asked curiously?
"Uncle Terry with his new girlfriend Mia... and Karen and Joseph. We're gonna have a little barbeque party in our backyard"
"Okay" I answered. The only thing I registered in that sentence was Joseph. Joe is coming here tonight?!
"Are you going somewhere tonight?" Dad interrupts me while I'm thinking about Joe's big cock.
"Mmm.. no. I don't have any plans tonight?"
"Think you could call your friends and see if someone's up to something? I mean... you probably don't wanna be here when we old folks are having a BBQ party and drinking wine" My mom said with an innocent laughter.
"Yeah sure I can do that" I said. Am I going to do it? No! Why? Because Joe's coming to my home, tonight!
I don't wanna have too much hope. He's coming here with his wife. And then my Uncle Terry too with his new girlfriend I haven't seen. Too many people... I want Joe by myself.
At 7 p.m. the doorbell rang and I felt a small chill coming over me caused by my nervousness. An hour earlier I had told my parents the disappointing news that my friends were busy and I was gonna stay home tonight.
I sat at our dinner table thinking it would be smart to greet our guests when they arrive. My mom had made me promise I'd stay in my room the whole evening so I wouldn't bother them.
My mom opened the door and greeted our first guests. It was Uncle Terry and his girlfriend. After my parents had greeted them it was my turn.
"Hey Mikey! How ya doing kid?" Uncle Terry asked me sounding like an old pirate and tapping me on my head.