Readers: Warning. This story takes a definite turn away from happy. Read at your own risk.
*
I woke up the following morning before my alarm clock went off feeling well rested.
I shouldn't have been surprised really. The Fine Arts Presentation ended before nine, and Jesse's mother wanted him to go directly home. Without any opportunity to be alone, especially under the gaze of his family, all he and I could do was speak in general terms. I offered my praise for the good work he'd done on stage in his drama presentations and dances. He thanked me for showing up, and even his eyes were silent lest he give any of his feelings away. There was some lingering curiosity from our fellow-students, but neither of us was inclined to further entertain them by displaying our affection publicly. Our stares across the parking lot spoke our regret for us, and then he was gone.
My dad's house was... no surprise... dark. It was odd being home at this time of night with nothing to do, so I used the occasion to study for my upcoming finals. We seniors had to take them early due to next week's graduation and all the end-of-year activities. Jesse sent me a good night text, and I went to bed early enough to get a full eight hours of sleep.
So here I was, awake and thinking about Jesse's dance from last night and wondering if it was going to change my life here in Calberia. Should I worry or be happy about it? For once I had behaved fearlessly without worry over who knew or what the other students had seen or how it was interpreted. Also with Jesse's family in the audience, it was as if he was announcing his intentions loud and clear to them, and I wished that courage could carry over so I would be able to proudly introduce him as my boyfriend to my family. But... just no.
Not for the first time I reflected how much easier my life would be if Jesse was female. Now don't get me wrong. I'm glad he's a man. I adore his lithe body with all its masculine parts as much as I appreciate how we can be dirty and nasty together. Two male friends who don't have to worry about offending more sensitive ears with our jokes and bullshitting. I enjoy being with him as two men in love, but there's no getting around the fact that if Jesse had been a girl I wouldn't need to tiptoe around my father. And it was going to get worse before it got better.
I was in an almost impossible situation where, as my living arrangements stood now, I'd never be able to do anything other than hide my attraction for Jesse and skulk around to see him, all the while afraid of detection. At least Uncle Carl had added me as a full-time employee over the summer so leaving high school in a week would allow me to cram as many hours on his boats as I could get. Jesse was looking for work too, and I might even have to take on a second job to earn enough money to move out. That was the goal, but once college started in the fall, taking a full load of classes, playing football for the Hope Ranch team
and
working full time was going to be exhausting. Frankly, I couldn't see how I'd manage, but in order to live openly with my boyfriend, I would have to find a way.
I arrived at school and very little seemed to have changed for Jesse and me, although we caught a few inquisitive glances. I think our classmates were waiting for us to take the first step, and that we didn't made some of them second guess what they had witnessed at the FAP. Maybe, they rationalized, Jesse had actually been staring at one of the girls sitting behind me, not at me directly. Possibly my intense scrutiny was due to him being my best friend.
It was a quiet day... until I trotted into the parking lot after the bell rang to find Jesse leaning tensely against his Cherokee reading what looked suspiciously like another stalker note. He hadn't even heard me approach and jumped when I put my hand out to take it from him. He listened sheepishly when I read out loud.
"Haf fun w/Ur faggot boy 4 now but Ur days are #'d."
I felt myself go pale. Of the twelve or so threats that Jesse had received over the last four and a half months, this was the first one to ever mention me.
"He must have been at the FAP last night," Jesse whispered in anguish. "He saw me sing to you and that's why he's dragging you into my problem now. I'm so sorry, Shane."
I shook my head and resisted balling the note in my fist because all of them were evidence against this wacko asshole. "I don't care about that, Baby. What I care about is getting this guy locked up or whatever it takes so he can't bother you anymore."
He didn't answer me, and I pressed him. "Are you scared now?"
I looked into his pale brown eyes and saw it. He was frightened, but not for himself. For me. Good enough, I'd use it if he was finally willing to talk to someone in authority about the harassment.
"Let's go see Mr. Peabody right now," I suggested, knowing the principal was still in his office. "Get the ones out of your locker. I'll back you up, okay?"
"I can't today," Jesse answered, taking the note back from me and folding it into his binder. "I promised my sister I'd come home right after school because she needs me to watch my nephew for a few hours. She has to go to Santa Barbara and buy a textbook for a summer class at the university she's enrolled in."
I sighed, hoping this wasn't one of Jesse's avoiding tactics again. "Can't she postpone? This is important."
Jesse paused in thought, and for a fraction of a second I actually believed he might do it. Then his face fell. "No, I don't want to ask her to put it off. This can wait one more day."
"Alright, but remember, you promised so we talk to him no later than tomorrow."
He smiled, and I swear, the look he threw me was self-satisfied, like he'd once again bargained his way out of trouble. I didn't want to snap at him and start another argument, but even scared about the threats, he wasn't going to do anything about them unless I forced him. I was tired of it all. Mostly I was tired of being scared too.
Jesse and I had decided not to see each other that evening. Jenna, his sister, was known for changing plans at the last minute, especially if she had a willing babysitter for her son. Her errand of a few hours could magically expand into running into friends on campus and deciding to go out for dinner and a movie. As for me, it was one of the few nights when I didn't know my father's plans ahead of time, so he might arrive home right after work or he might spend the night with his girlfriend. Even if he hadn't been my boyfriend, it wouldn't be wise to have Jesse in the house alone with me should Dad bother to show up.
It was 7:30 and my mind was fully engaged in studying for a difficult 2nd period Trigonometry final I would be taking on Thursday, two days away. I had solid A's in every subject except math where my grade was teetering between a B-/C+, and if I got a high score on the exam I might even get an A- because of the extra credit I'd slaved over for two hours after school.
My phone lit up with an incoming call, and of course it was Jesse. "Watcha doing?" he chirped.
"Cramming for my Trig final." I stretched out the kinks in my back.
"Is your dad home?"
"Hmm, I'm not sure," I answered, suddenly curious. I stepped into the hall and listened to silence as I made my way to the living room to peer through the blinds. Except for my Impala the driveway was empty.