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Disclaimer: all characters involved in sexual activities are 18+
Part 3
~Devlin~
My memory of the moment is so clear: the emotions that washed over me as I saw my own body crumpled against Jake's bedroom door, the intensity of our embrace, the irrevocable yearning for my own body, as if my very essence sought out return to its rightful vessel. I couldn't stop myself when I crushed my lips into his, or when I forced my tongue into his scorching mouth. It was autoerotic, yet the sway Jake held over me, even while trapped in my own body, was impossible to ignore.
I remember lifting his lithe body and writhing on top of him. There was this electricity and urgency that transcended corporeal needs, something almost spiritual about it? I felt worshipful as I explored my own body, reconciling my insecurities, unable to resist the force drawing our bodies together.
He was so eager, no doubt he sensed it too, the imperative of coupling together. He was straddling me. We had stripped out of our shirts and he reached and yanked the waistband of my sweatpants down. Jake's impressive cock, impossibly hard and leaking pre-seminal fluids, sprung from its confines and smacked my rock-hard abs. I went for his jeans and had a hard time with the buttons from my angle. I fished out his dick, well, my own dick attached to a body I didn't inhabit. It felt incredibly hot in my hand. I squeezed it and felt this surge of sensational, desperate need.
He shuddered in response and reached down and gripped my dick with the same intensity.
That's when it happened.
There was this disorienting light, akin to that of a crystal prism refraction, which emanated from within my field of vision. As I looked upon Jake wearing my own face, the light intensified and was honed into this searing white flash that blotted out everything. I was robbed of all sight.
I felt my head spinning, and yet I had no idea if I was actually moving or not. Next there was this squeezing sensation, which I guess originated in my prefrontal cortex; it was quickly intensifying, so that I felt my whole consciousness compressed and concentrated into an impossibly small area. This was coupled with an increasing discomfort. It was all quite dizzying, if I remember correctly.
Suddenly my whole being lurched forward, as if I'd been scooped up by some goliath and hurled a great distance. I felt I was moving with absurdly high velocity, just hurtling towards an unknown destination, completely oblivious to my surroundings. Freed of my bodily constraints, blissful in my curious state, I felt myself slowing. Blurred flecks of images flew past me, on the periphery of my conscious or possibly imagined range of vision.
No, sure enough my vision was coming back to me: the flying flecks started sticking, coalescing at either end of my field of vision, blurrily reconnecting my sight. I blinked as light returned and the image before me cleared. I saw Jake's face...
My vantage point had rotated 180 degrees and Jake's face had replaced my own. I knew I had just experienced some sort of astral projection, a switch of consciousness in which I had been mercifully extracted from the foreign host body I'd inhabited for a span of just about 36 hours and deposited, safe and sound, in my own body.
I heard myself sigh, my own higher pitched sigh, and instantly felt relief inundate my system, crashing over me in waves. "Wow," I breathed.
"You can say that again." He blinked hard. "What the fuck was that?!" I had been staring at Jake, but he didn't seem real to me. The whole experience was positively delusory.
"Wait...HOLY FUCK, DEVLIN! I'M ME AGAIN!" With that his whole body spazzed out on me. He threw me off of him, leapt off the bed, and started jumping and stamping around. "AAAAAAH!" He screamed, just really unleashing this guttural roar. I was taken aback, but couldn't stop the smile that broke across my face.
"A little slow on the uptake, are we?"
"A little slow on the uptake? Devlin, SHUT THE FUCK UP!! WE'RE SWITCHED BACK!" he yelled from the other side of the room. With a few swift steps he was at the bedside where I sat. "Devlin, you adorable little nerd, how?! You know what I don't even care how, but..." He stooped and scooped me into his arms, lifting me easily off the bed. I squirmed but managed to wrap my legs around his waist. There was this instant heat as our bare chests met again. My breathing hitched. This felt different, experiencing his impossibly muscled body from the normal vantage point of my own body. It was so much hotter for me, and I had an instant, raging hard-on.
With me in his arms he seemed to finally calm down, as if some realization set in and he was sobered entirely. I felt his hand move on my lower back, caressing me.
"Devlin, this is...this is amazing. I don't know how...but thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you," He said as he stared into my eyes.
"Jake, I didn't really do anything...but—"
He kissed me. He just cut me off and disarmed me. His lips were on mine.
His
lips. That's what really pulled me back into my body. I was kissing
Jake Currant
, the perpetual object of my desire. With that dizzying thought, I threw myself into the kiss. I wriggled my tongue into his mouth and tasted his sweet, minty breath. He opened to me and repositioned his hands, sliding one up to the back of my neck and gently gripping my hair at the nape. My whole body was on fire with need for just a bit more, taking what we started just one step further. My pants were still unbuttoned and I ground my hips into his upper abs, pressing my dick flush against him.
I moaned.
He broke our kiss.
I barely opened my eyes and inclined my head to look into his with my best attempt at a sultry, half-lidded look, and I saw something there reflecting back at me. I was taken aback, flabbergasted to meet this loving look glowing warmly across his visage, a smile spreading there, crinkling his eyes and sparking them with brilliant scintillation.
A knock on the door tore through the dream of bliss...
"Jake!" called a voice I'd grown rather accustomed to. "Hey buddy, you and your friend still in there getting your work done?" Jake's father's voice boomed through the door.
I'll be perfectly honest: when Jake and I had flown back to our rightful bodies, I had no idea what sort of reaction to expect from him. His unbridled joy, effervescing gratitude, and tender affection were more than a surprise; they were a treat, a marvel conspiring against me, constructing this hopeless fantasy all around me.
On command, at the sound of his father's voice, the look on Jake's face vanished like a mask torn off and thrown away. The sound sapped color from his face, stole the light from his eyes, and left him pallid and afraid, shock and trepidation sculpted into every bronzed feature of his face.
And there I was, legs still wrapped around him, my erection dying in my unbuttoned jeans, without the slightest idea of what would come next. He loosened his grip on me. I took the cue, extricated myself from our entangling embrace, and slid down his massive frame.
He cleared his throat. "Umm...yeah, we're just, umm...editing my essay." His voice was too loud, stentorian and suspect.
"Alright, well can I come in and have a look?" At that I scrambled to button my jeans, fumbling with the buttons. I wondered if his concern was rooted in Jake's reaction to switching back. His stamping and squawking must've been quite cacophonous. "I'm just so proud you for taking interest in your schoo—"
"Dad, actually we're pretty busy. I don't need any distractions, gotta get this shit done, y' know?" Jake interrupted his father. The panic pulsing through me seemed not to touch him at all...maybe he locked the door earlier?
After a bit of a pause, Jake's dad responded, "Alrighty then..." he said, elongating the first syllable, "al" of "alrighty." He seemed a bit suspicious, though I posited it was Jake's frantic tone that caused this curiosity. "You two keep up the good work then...see you at dinner...Oh! I almost forgot! Jake, will your friend be staying to eat with us?"
"No dad, he's gonna head out soon, right after we finish this up." Jake was terse and despite myself I felt the shock of reality slam into me. Jake didn't want me around. He didn't want me to meet his parents. He didn't want them to see him associate with someone so effeminate, so obtrusively homosexual. I steeled myself for any ensuing awkwardness and contempt.
"Okay then, sounds good. Just know you're welcome to stay and grab something to eat before heading home, Devlin!" How peculiar that Jake's father knew my name. Jake elbowed me, prompting me to respond.
"Oh...right, thank you so much sir! I am, however, a bit pressed for time, and I do have to get back to my own studies," I said.
Jake's dad chuckled, "Okay then! Behave yourselves!" With that he strode away down the hall.
I let out a bit of a sigh. Jake took a step away from me and crossed his arms. This wasn't going to go well at all. I could just sense it. The interruption, that bang on the door and Jake's dad's booming voice, conjured reality and sent it echoing through our idyllic and imagined asylum. The roaring cheer called forth by our victory of retransformation and return to our respective bodies now dulled and faded away like a dream, leaving this daunting, pressing echo of reality in its place. My head sunk down towards my feet, and my bangs fell in front of my face, hiding it from Jake's stern, hardened look.
"So...ummm..." was all he managed to say.
I scuffed my feet and said, "Yeah..."
"Well I'm stoked things are back to normal...well mostly...I guess..."
"Yeah...I guess..." I was crushed here; I'd fallen. The castle I'd built upon clouds – one founded on the beautiful prospect of promise and triumph and fulfillment of long-imagined fantasies, one built out of dreams made almost real when Jake kissed me and held me with his own arms – it all came crashing down on me with the cataclysmic velocity and weight of a colossal meteor.
Hope was crushed and deflated, violently, inside me like a punctured lung.
I felt tears well up.
"So...ummmm...Devlin?" Jake said.
I felt obligated to look him in the eye one last time, and I know part of me sought to display my personal destruction, make him feel what I felt. I leveled my head again and swept my hair aside, out of my eyes. A single tear rolled down my right cheek. I looked him dead in the eyes and said, tenuously, "Yeah?"
I knew he hadn't realized, and I knew he was too tough, too guarded, and far too unsure to feel the same. But in that moment, I swear, my pain hit him square in the chest like a bullet. This was my reality. I'd been obsessed with this man, this boy, practically in love with him from afar for an indeterminate amount of time.
His eyes widened, and the hardness of his former expression washed away. Genuine concern inched across his face in its stead.
He took a step or two forward. He put his hand on my left shoulder, and the warmth and strength it brought fired chills through me and exacerbated my emotional tumult. I wanted nothing less than for him to touch me and remind me of what was possible minutes ago, what was now just as much a delusion as ever before: that I could be with him, that he could care for me as I cared for him.
I turned my head to the right, hiding from him, and just then his other hand reached up, cupped the side of my face, and with his thumb he wiped away the tear that slowly streamed down. He held my face and tilted it back towards him.
I looked up into his blue eyes and saw compassion and regret. Then he said it.
"Dev..." it was the first time he called me by the nickname my familiars and friends use – a small voice in the back of my mind reasoned he must've picked up on it whilst inhabiting my body. "...You are so sweet," he said. "But I just..."
He paused. His face was contorted strangely as he struggled.
"This just...can't happen. I'm...I'm just not ready...this isn't me..."
I knew exactly what he felt and meant. The impossibility of his circumstance shot even greater sorrow through me. He was floundering, ensnared by society in a way I never experienced, forced into this heteronormative, macho role. He let out a sigh and closed his eyes. I thought I saw water swell beneath his eyelids.
Pity overwhelmed me and I disregarded my selfish feelings. I reached up and covered his hand with mine.
