Disclaimer: All characters involved in sexual relationships are over 18 years of age, and no minors are sexually exploited in this content. In no way are actual events or persons depicted. The mythology in this content is only loosely based on historical mythology and should not be seriously analyzed. The author of this story is not gay. Enjoy.
***
We were looking at each other in surprise. No, we were watching one another in expectation of some substantial happening. I had no idea what we were waiting for, or why. His perceptive green eyes were guarded but not quite hostile. I felt like they had punctured my soul and dove inside. I stared back, equally suspicious if that's what he was.
"Damn it..."
Cares's face crinkled gradually into a vexed pout.
"That's the second one I dropped today." he whined, kneeling to scoop up the broken bowl's shards.
I bent to assist him. His warm hand skimmed into my own as I was dusting jagged clay pieces into my palm. Both of us drew back, and our staring match was rekindled. Uncertain of what to make of the sudden clumsiness between us, I lowered my head and glared down at the scattered remnants of the bowl impatiently.
"Don't worry about it." Cares said mildly. "You must be stiff all over from walking around so much."
"I've been worse." I blandly mumbled.
My injuries were numb from the healing salve and more bearable than when I had first awoke. I still felt uncharacteristically drowsy though. I helped Cares move the broken pieces into a larger bowl, wondering all the while if the strange doctor had a fetish for pottery. He sat cross legged and began pouring himself some more wine to drown the rest of his dinner. Spirits he
definitely
had a fetish for. I firmly gripped the neck of his nearly empty bottle to stop him.
"Haven't you had enough?"
"Wine is the nectar of the gods,
Klarsi
." he grinned.
I twisted the bottle away from him and returned placidly to the other side of the fire with it. Perhaps I was being unreasonable, but if it was one thing I hated, it was appearing insecure. After sobbing into another man's chest like a frightened little boy, I felt the need to assert myself to him and prove that I was in no way vulnerable or easy to intimidate. I was also quite fed up with his ongoing binge. I sat exhaustively and gave my hood a habitual tug to keep my face shaded. Looking into his eyes had been hard enough before he saw me lose my composure.
"As if the gods exist." I said bitterly. "If they do, their constant irresponsible absences could be explained by their choice of drink."
"Not fond of the gods?" Cares raised his white eyebrows with a little smirk as he lifted his soup bowl and rested it in his lap.
I thought for a moment. It was dangerous to voice such heretical opinions in public, but Cares seemed truly impossible to offend even if he was one to hold the gods with high regard.
"I'm not fond of anything to do with the war."
I picked up my own lunch and inclined the bowl to gulp down the lukewarm broth remaining in the bottom.
"Which war?" Cares inquired. "There are many going on right now."
"All for the same selfish cause." I added to his statement in reply. "The right to rule this rotten world."
He looked more astonished than revolted by what I was saying. Encouraged by his tame reaction, I continued the rant I had always wanted to shout at the king of Skaldia himself.
"That is always the cause of war. When people want more power, or more land, or more gold, or more virgins, they steal it away from others." I swept my hand over the blackened fire hollow in emphasis. "And the Angels, they want everything. They claim they were sent by the king of the gods, but no one has ever seen him. Each of the gods has only been seen in stories."
We shared a pause in which Cares slid one of the steamed fish into his empty soup bowl and began to delicately peel off the skin. I watched his contemplative expression, wondering why he had suddenly retreated so far inside himself. Did he agree with me? Or did he disapprove? Not knowing was frustrating me.
"Say someone goes to war to help others?"
I shook my head solemnly in disagreement.
"Not enough people want to help others for it to be a winning fight. There is always some selfish motive forβ"
wanting to help another.
I caught myself, but my unspoken words hung in the air like the point of a sword to Cares's heart.
"You have a most depressing understanding of the world." Cares quipped as he pulled the juicy white flesh from the fish's ribs and gathered the meat into a pile at the center of his bowl. "I'm assuming you've lived a harsh life in deed."
I stiffened and quickly took another sip of my stew to somehow hide my discomfort. If he really was as powerful a caster I thought him to be, he could possess the ability to read minds. It was something I had suspected from the moment I first gazed into his hauntingly discerning eyes. Although, I had once encountered some idiot who claimed to be a reader before, and he had been quite baffled by my capability to unwittingly deflect him. After that I had often wondered if I was immune to being read. I was told the occasional person was. For all I knew though, there were only those who claimed to be "unreadable" or difficult to "break into to". It all sounded like bullshit to me, but that was my thought about magic in general.
Lost in my brooding reflections, I instinctively glanced at Cares when I felt him looking at me and was startled by his inspecting green stare.
"Care to speak of it?"
"Not at all."
"Then your history must be at least as horrible as I think it is."
"Not really." I snubbed. "It's only not worth talking about..."
Cares smiled mysteriously as he popped a fish chunk into his mouth. I had no clue as to why he had responded with a smile, but likely he realized how much I was trying to avoid the subject of my past. Or, he really was reading my mind and didn't need to press further to know if he was right.
"Then how about we discuss the war between the gods and Titans? It is a truly gruesome topic, but it is nothing to ignore."
I picked up the stick I had sharpened earlier and skewered one of the remaining fish. I brought it to my bowl and marveled as its thoroughly cooked skin ripped easily against the point of my stake.
"Who do you think is more justified in the Holy War?" he went on, taking my lack of a response as an agreement, and I realized this man who I had consciously known for less than a day potentially understood me better than myself.
"Neither. Both sides want only to rule the world. None think of the humans they cause to suffer."
"Ah. So you are an anarchist?"
I snapped the fish bone from its carcass is one sharp yank.
"I am no such thing. I believe that order should be instilled in this world. Only not by so called gods, and not by devils either. By humans.
Humans
should learn to take care of themselves before all of them die for the sake of one side or another in an endless war."
Cares laughed melodiously. Offended, I narrowed my dark eyes at him.
"You almost talk like you aren't human." he smiled disarmingly.
I sighed internally.
I might as well not be the way I was raised.
"What do
you
think? About who is right, I mean?" I asked out of genuine curiosity as I nibbled on my fish.
Cares turned his gaze on the blue, mountainous horizon as he spoke.
"Well, I admit it's not so black and white to me either. Both sides have murdered countless humans like ... like they were
nothing
. At the same rate, both claim to ultimately want to help us." he paused, squinting at the old, sturdy peaks as if asking for their opinions as well. "If I've heard correctly, the Titans first appeared in the central reaches of the Old World and affirmed to have traveled from the afterlife. They offered eternal life on earth to anyone who joined them, but.. instead they began enslaving whole cities and turning them into human farms."
As he spoke, my mind drifted back to life in the nameless city. The identical faces of the lower class daemen swam before me in a rhythmic, marching chain. I remembered scratching up dust from the ground with my fingernails like a rat and sorting fallen grains that I could eat from pebbles. The angry shouts of quarreling families floated around me like ghosts.
"Those they captured were used as tools in their conflicts, for experimentation, and even as livestock. It seemed their promises to humans proved empty. However, I've also heard those they used in battle against the Angels could be brutally stabbed many times over, even beheaded, and would still keep fighting until their whole bodies were disintegrated by fire. So perhaps there was something to the Titans' promise of everlasting youth? If only a half lie, or a half truth."
My head was bowed forward so he couldn't see my face. I had broken out in a cold sweat and hadn't moved for a while. I would have met the very fate he described if I had not escaped.
"As for the side of the gods, well, they have not even shown to fight in their own war. Instead, they sent the Angel army on their behalf. At least the Titan king had the courtesy of showing his ugly mug. Who's to say the Sun Lord would not be using human soldiers like pawns the same as the Titans if he wasn't able to create as many perfect warrior slaves as he desired?"
I sighed glumly, feeling more worked up by the second. None of his commentary was new to me, although it was a version of the infamous background of the Holy War that seemed much more rational than, "The Angels are good because they are from the gods. The Titans are bad because they are from the seven Hells."
"The Angels claim to have come from the gods. They are lying."
"Oh? That is nothing I've ever heard before."
"Think on it. No one has ever seen any of the gods, but there were stories about them ages before the beginning of the war. The Angels showed up after the Titans did, and from what I've heard, your home kingdom Remula was one of their first settlements. They made extravagant claims about men who met the approval of the gods being granted paradise after they died,
never before heard.