Bittersweet Irish Cream

When EJ came home, his sisters were already gushing over the baby in the bassinet. "Look EJ!" Susie said excitedly. "He's here!"

EJ dropped his bag immediately and walked over to the mini crib. "Whoa," was his first response. "He's so.... tiny. I don't remember JC being this tiny."

"That's because we got JC permanently when she was about three weeks old, just a little bit bigger than this," Jack said from the couch.

"He has colorful eyes," Jackie Chris said. "He only opens them for a second but then he's- look, he's opening them again!"

They were all quiet as the boy stirred in his swaddle and opened his eyes. He blinked a few times and then closed him. "He's so cute," Susie said breathlessly. "I hope he stays with us forever."

"Hey, where's Mom?" EJ said looking around. "Is she upstairs?"

Jack hesitated, but then was honest. "No, she's not upstairs."

"Then where is she, Pop?" he questioned.

"Um.... We don't know, EJ...." Jack trailed off.

EJ stared at his father blankly. Eventually he asked, "Where's my dad?"

"He's in the room. He might be sleeping, though."

But Jack barely said the words when EJ turned around abruptly and went to knock on his parents' room door. "Dad?" he called out.

Ethan sighed. "Come in."

Ethan was lying on his stomach holding onto Jack's pillow. He thought he was going to get some sleep when he came home from the hospital, but he didn't. Instead he laid there for the last few hours replaying every conversation he had with his ex-wife since Halloween.

EJ opened the door but stood in the doorway. "Is she gone again?"

Ethan took a long moment to answer, then said. "Yes."

"So.... she just dumped the kid on you and left? And you brought him here? And you weren't going to tell me first?"

"He's your brother EJ," Ethan said tiredly. "He's not 'the kid', he's your brother. And I had to-"

"When is she coming back to get him?" EJ cut him off and asked.

"I don't know." He finally sat up and looked at his son. "I don't know if she is coming back." Anger, confusion and pain was etched all on his 11-year-old's face. Ethan tried to move closer, holding his hand out, saying, "EJ-"

But EJ backed up. "I just remembered that I'm supposed to meet Freddie at the park. Can I go?"

Ethan let his hand drop. "Sure. Be home by dinner?"

"Okay, Dad." He turned around, grabbed his bike from next to the door and started heading out.

"Where are you going?" Jack asked from the living room.

"Over to Freddie's. Dad said I can go." EJ dragged his bike up the stairs and took off without another word.

A moment later Ethan came out of the room and sat on the couch next to Jack. He put his head down on his shoulder. "EJ is not happy," he told Jack softly to keep the conversation between them.

Jack nodded. "Because of the baby or because his mother disappeared again?"

"Both I think," Ethan answered. "He's definitely pissed that his mother abandoned him again and left the baby. But also, we always talk to him before making family decisions and I think he feels some kind of way that he didn't know this was going to happen."

"None of us knew this was going to happen," Jack reminded him.

"You knew," Ethan said. "You knew she couldn't be trusted to make the right decision. You knew that the second she had the opportunity, she was going to bail, just like she did when EJ was a baby. She's probably getting high right now, so she can forget her shitty behavior."

Jack was silent for a time, then he put his hand on Ethan's knee. "Here's the thing, E. I think that she thinks she is making the right decision, leaving him with you, with us. She made the right decision to leave EJ with you and go on her drug binge back then. I know you hated that she did that, but where would EJ be right now if she didn't?"

He quietly waited for a response but all Ethan gave him was a deep sigh, exhaling through his nose. Jack continued.

"And her leaving Jamie with you, hell, even asking you to be there was her trying to be responsible and do the right thing. Maybe she really did think she could do it but in the end she couldn't. You were her back-up plan, in case she couldn't. So if you think about it, maybe she did make the right decision."

Ethan lifted his head up and stared into Jack's green eyes. "Look at you, defending her actions. I thought you hated her."

Jack gave a small shrug. "I think I'm just trying to understand her motives. And I don't hate her, I just...hate the shit she does." He turned his body toward Ethan and took both his hands in his own. "When EJ comes back, we'll talk to him together and tell him we haven't made a final decision on what we are going to do with Jamie."

"We haven't?" Ethan asked.

Jack shook his head but said, "I'm still leaving the decision completely up to you. Do you want to keep him?"

Ethan looked at the bassinet. "I honestly do not know. I know I said I wanted to have another baby... but not like this. I don't think I could ever really be close to him because of the circumstances of how he came to us. I look at him now and I just get angry." Ethan sighed. "I should have just left him with his grandparents."

Jack said, "Whatever you want to do we'll do it. If we become a family of six, then we become a family of six. Or at any point you want to introduce Jamie to his grandparents, we can do that too. I'm assuming dropping him off at social services is off the table?"

Ethan shook his head. "No, I'm definitely not doing that."

Jack gave his hands a squeeze. "So we lay out the options for EJ and see what he thinks. And we'll take his opinion into strong consideration. Yea?"

"Yea. Yea, let's do that." The baby let out a small cry. Ethan began to rise saying, "I'll feed him."

But Jack put his hand on his shoulder to keep him seated and stood up instead. "You've taken care of him for the last couple of days. I got it."

Before Ethan could protest, Jack went over to the bassinet, said a few words in Gaelic and brought him over to the kitchen to warm up a bottle, with his daughters on his heels, excited to have a baby in the home.

Ethan went over to the bar and poured himself a glass of whiskey, drank it quickly, then poured another glass. Jack watched him and frowned, but didn't say anything else.

~~~

EJ did not come home for dinner. Ethan reluctantly called Matthew, Freddie's father.

It was agreed that Ethan would handle any dealings between Matty and their family, as Jack already went to jail once for assaulting him a few years ago. Connor had smoothed things over between his brother and their family so they would at least be civil to each other, for the sake of EJ and Freddie, but it was always tense talking with Matty.

Matty picked up on the second ring. "He's not here, Ethan. I don't know where they are."

"Shit," Ethan replied.

"What happened? EJ came over and said they were going to ride their bikes at the park. I told Freddie to come back in an hour but he didn't."

"Why didn't you call me when they didn't come back?"

"I figured they went to your house. But when I saw you calling me I knew they didn't. I'm going to beat the skin off that boy," Matty said angrily.

"Don't. It's my fault. EJ is mad at me and just needed to blow off some steam, so he took Freddie with him. I'm going to find them."

"Well keep your boy in line, Ethan. I'm already concerned about what influences you all are giving my good son, so if EJ is becoming a bad influence, then I'm ending this friendship again."

Ethan rolled his eyes and stayed calm. Matty threatened to end EJ and Freddie's friendship at least once a year. They had been best friends since preschool and refused to listen to either of their parents' commands to stay away from each other over the years. If anything, EJ had become a good influence on Freddie from his bigoted father.

"Fred is a good kid, he'll be fine," Ethan replied. "I'll find them and get him home. It's a small town, they couldn't have gone far."

"Okay." Matty paused, then said a curt, "Thank you."

"You're welcome." Ethan hung up the phone. He turned to Jack. "Nobody knows where they are." He began to put on his shoes.

"Ethan, let me go," Jack said, starting to get up from the couch. "You were drinking just now."

"I'm fine," Ethan said, and left before Jack could respond to drive around looking for the two boys.

Jack picked up his cell phone and started calling around. He called his sisters and his parents, none of them had seen EJ or Freddie. He started calling his friends to see if anyone saw their bikes around town. His phone buzzed as he was setting JC in the bath and he looked at the text.

Connor: EJ and Freddie are here. They biked it all the way to my house. Jamel is having a heart to heart with EJ.

Jack: OMG thank you. I'll let Ethan know.

"Uuugh!" Jack groaned. He called Ethan and told him about the text.

"What the fuck!?" Ethan exclaimed. "That's 15 miles. It must have taken them almost two hours."

"I guess he really did feel like he needed to let off some steam." He let a moment pass then said, "Ethan, don't flip out on him please? At least he went somewhere that we trust."

"What he did was dangerous, Jack. He's only eleven. We can't ignore that."

"I know, and we won't. But right now, he needs your understanding and not your discipline." Ethan didn't respond. "Just please, go easy on him?" Jack pleaded again.

Ethan took a moment, then said, "Okay."

Ethan hung up with Jack and drove over to West Warwick to their friends' house. Connor answered the door. "Hey E. They're in the basement playing video games."

"Thanks," he said as he stepped inside. Jamel came out of the laundry room to greet Ethan as well. Ethan asked, "What did he tell you?"

Before Jamel could respond, Connor said, "That his mom is a shitty mom, which is not news. How's the baby?"

Jamel gave Connor a disapproving look, then said to Ethan, "He's just really frustrated at the whole situation. He really thought this time was going to be different. That she was going to stick around with his brother and he was going to have a mother-son relationship with her."

"We all thought that, Mel," Ethan said sadly. "What did you say to him?"

"I just told him not to take it personally. It's her issues and has nothing to do with him. That the love you and Jack have for him make up for every wrongdoing that she's done. And it was better to have his brother here with him than out on the streets with her."

Ethan smiled at his friend. "Thanks." He turned to Connor. "The baby is good. Healthy, strong."

Connor nodded. "You did the right thing, bringing him home. Keep him away from her even if she appears again. I know what it feels like to have a shitty parent. Don't ever give him back."

Ethan sighed, knowing the abuse that Connor experienced growing up at the hands of his father. He went down to the basement to see the boys yelling at the TV while they were playing Resident Evil: Biohazard.

"EJ?" he called out.

EJ turned around and stood up abruptly. "I'm sorry," he said automatically, expecting his father to yell at him.

But Ethan remembered his promise to Jack and simply said, "It's okay. Let's go. I have to get Freddie home too."

Freddie's eyes went wide. "You told my dad where I am? Shit!" the boy cursed.

"Watch your mouth," Ethan said right away. "And of course I told him. What you two did was very dangerous."

"I mapped it out! We stuck to the roads, we used our signals and we stayed away from major traffic, honest!" Freddie said.

"So this was your idea?" Ethan asked. Freddie opened his mouth then closed it.

EJ jumped in. "No, it was my idea. All mine. I dragged Freddie along. I don't want him to get in trouble because of me."

Ethan knew EJ was lying to protect his friend but said, "Okay, just get your bikes and let's go home."

The boys were quiet on the way back to Rockville. When they arrived at Matthew's house, Ethan said, "EJ, stay in the car; Freddie, let me walk you in."

Freddie walked silently behind Ethan up the stairs to his home, rolling his bike onto the porch. His father answered the door. He looked at Freddie and said, "Get your ass in this house. You're grounded."

"Yes, Dad," he mumbled. As he walked past his father Matthew grabbed his arm roughly and smacked him hard on the back of his head. Freddie held his head and ran inside.

"Matty, man! Damnit, don't hit your kid," Ethan scolded him. "I told you, it's on me, not Freddie. He was just trying to be a good friend."

Matty said, "My boy is a leader, not a follower. He shouldn't have followed EJ anywhere. And don't tell me what to do with my son, Ethan. Worry about your own kid." And with that he slammed the door in Ethan's face.

Ethan slowly went back to the car. EJ had moved to the front seat and saw the exchange between Freddie and his dad. As soon as the car door opened he said, "I'm sorry, Dad. I didn't mean to get Freddie in trouble. I just wanted to talk and-"

"Don't worry about it, Ethan," his father said, using his full name. "You, me and Pop, we'll have a talk tomorrow about everything, a family meeting. Tonight, I'm just glad you're okay."

"Oh. Okay," EJ responded.

Ethan drove quietly back to the Inn, deep in thought. As they walked to the front door Ethan asked, "Hey, EJ? How often does Matty hit Freddie?"

EJ looked away and mumbled, "I don't know."

Ethan stopped him from walking and said, "I think you do know." EJ stared up at his father but didn't say anything yet. "Does his Uncle Connor know?"

EJ shook his head. "No, and you can't tell him. You can't tell anyone, I promised him. It will just make it worse."

Ethan touched EJ on both of his shoulders. "I can't promise that. If Freddie is being hurt at home, someone should know about it. Someone that can protect him better than you or I can. I'm going to let his Uncles know what I think is going on, and I won't say I heard it from you. Okay?"

"Okay, Dad." He tried to walk away but Ethan pulled his son into his chest for a hug and was surprised when EJ didn't pull away.

"I love you, son," his father said. "You're the most precious gift God has ever given me."

"Thanks, Dad. You too, I guess," EJ replied. Ethan kissed the top of his head and led them inside the apartment.

~~~~~~

"So what do you think, EJ?" Jack asked him as they sat together the next evening after the girls went to bed.

EJ was slouched on the couch between his parents quietly in thought, looking at Jamie in the bassinet in front of them. "So, because my mom ditched you at the hospital, we have to decide to either keep him or take him to Grandma Mallory's house. But until we make that decision, he's going to stay with us because Grandma and Grandpa don't know about him."

Ethan nodded. "That's right. This was not the plan. But I had to make the decision to bring him here first and get him settled. I had to do what's best for Jamie."

"If Grandma and Grandpa take him, will I still see him?" EJ asked.

"Of course," Ethan said right away. "He's still your brother. You'll see him whenever you want."

"But if they take him, I won't get to see him whenever I want," said EJ. "I'll only get to see him when we go over there, which isn't a whole lot. And they never come here to see me so... it will be kinda bad." He looked at Ethan. "Maybe we should just keep him. Until she comes back."

Ethan glanced at Jack then back at his son. "And if she doesn't come back?"

EJ looked horrified at the thought of never seeing his mother again. Then shook it off. "She'll come back. She always does. She won't stay, but she'll come back."

Jack and Ethan exchanged looks, then Jack changed the subject. "So you're okay with us keeping him, raising him, for now?"

EJ nodded. "Yea. I can tell he loves it here already so it's fine. But I'm not giving up my room for him. So when he gets bigger, you guys need a better plan."

They smiled at him. "Well, I'm actually thinking we should buy a house next year," Ethan said. "What do you think about that?"

EJ smiled, then frowned. "I think it's a great idea as long as I still get my own room," EJ replied. "I don't want to have to share a room with Jamie just because we're both boys."

Jack chuckled. "I hear you, bud. We'll talk about it when the time comes."

"Okay." He looked from Jack to Ethan back to Jack. "Are we done now?"

"That depends," Ethan responded. "It's a safe space to talk about your feelings about your mother. If you want."

EJ rolled his eyes and stood up. "I don't wanna talk about Patricia."

He began to walk away when Ethan said, "She's Mom, not Patricia. No matter what she has done or left undone, she's still your mother." EJ didn't respond, instead he kept going to his room and closed his door.

Ethan slouched on the couch. Jack smiled at him. "You look like EJ just now."

"I don't want him to hate his mother," Ethan lamented.

Jack sighed and leaned onto him. "Whatever he feels about her, you have to let him feel it. You can't salvage the relationship, especially when you have your own feelings about her."

Ethan sighed and stood up. "I don't wanna talk about Patricia," he said mimicking his son. He went over to the bar and Jack watched him take a glass of bourbon, drink it quickly, then pour another glass.

"Ethan," Jack called his name.

"Hmm?" He sipped his glass.

"That's the fourth time I saw you drink today."

Ethan looked at him. "So what?"

Jack stood up and shook his head. "No."

Ethan was confused. "No... what?"

Jack walked over to him and took the glass out of his hand. "No." He placed it on the bar.

Ethan chuckled. "I'm not drunk, Jack."

"Not today, but tomorrow you will be," Jack said. Ethan chuckled again but Jack was serious. "Yesterday it was two glasses. Today was four. Tomorrow it's going to be eight."

"What are you talking about?" Ethan said, starting to get annoyed with him. "I'm not an alcoholic."

Jack stood in front of him. "I know you're not an alcoholic. I also know this situation is tough on you, and you're looking for ways to cope. This ain't it."

Ethan scoffed and reached for the glass but Jack grabbed his wrist. "No," he said again. Ethan got his hand out of Jack's grasp and reached for the glass again. Jack grabbed it first and threw it into the kitchen. It shattered against the refrigerator and broke into pieces.

"What the fuck, Jack!" Ethan yelled.

"I said no!" Jack yelled back.

Ethan was about to yell again when they both heard EJ's door open and he came into the dining area. He looked at his parents who were standing in front of each other angrily, but they both turned to look at him.

"Why are you guys fighting? You never fight," their son said with concern. He looked over at the glass on the kitchen floor. "What happened?"

Ethan looked at Jack but Jack said to EJ, "Your dad almost made a mess. But I'm going to clean it up for him. Because that's what you do when you love someone. You help them make sure they don't make a messy situation even messier."

EJ was confused. "What does that mean?"

Ethan's heart softened. He turned to his son. "We're not fighting, EJ, we're fine. Sorry we got loud. Go to bed."

EJ looked skeptical. Jack said, "We're fine, bud. It's okay, go to bed." EJ slowly stepped back from them and went into this room.

They waited until they heard the door close. Ethan started to say, "Jack-"

But Jack grabbed his face in both his hands and said, "I will not let you fall apart. I will not let this whole thing break you. You're not going through this alone this time. I am here. Okay? I am here."

Ethan nodded in his hands. Jack wrapped his arms around his neck and pulled him close. Ethan put his head onto Jack's shoulder and slid his arms around his waist. Tears began to sprout from Ethan's eyes. They held each other for a long while before Ethan slowly pulled back and they kissed. Together they cleaned up the broken glass and went to bed.