Fuck Julia, I was screaming in my head, as I pulled on my jeans and a dress shirt and my leather vest, slammed through the apartment door, and stabbed at the buttons on the elevator door.
She didn't feel satisfied. SHE didn't feel satisfied. Well, what about me? She didn't satisfy me either. Maybe I could satisfy her better if I ever was made to feel satisfied.
Well, fuck Julia, I muttered as I slammed my fists against the metal elevator walls while it descended twenty stories to the street level below. I'd told her I needed smokes and dressed and headed for the door before she could go into that litany of how Jim had fucked her so much better than I did. Well, fuck Jim too for that matter.
I hit the streets. It was drizzling rain and I knew I couldn't just walk it off. I didn't really need smokes, but I sure could use a drink. There was a bar up ahead, Big John's. I'd never been in there, but it was beginning to rain harder now, and I couldn't go back to the apartmentโnot just yet. Anything but facing Julie's mocking eyes right now.
I pushed the door open and entered the smoke-filled room. A rock band with a sound much too big for the size of the room was doing it's thing over in the corner. The first thing I realized, though, was that there was nothing but men in the room. Not a woman in sight. Well, that wasn't all that bad. If I looked into the eyes of any woman just now, I'd probably only see Julia's mocking eyes staring back at me.
A skinheaded guy who appeared to have far more muscles than brains motioned me to a seat next to him at a table with a big smile, but I just smiled weakly back at him and moved slowly toward the bar at the far side of the room. I passed men dancing with men. I surprised myself by not being the least bit turned off by this; in fact, I felt a little thrill, like I was going on an adventureโlike I was detached from my body and somehow sparring with Julia across the divide between this danger-filled smoky room and the sterile environment of Julia's apartment up in the clouds not more than two blocks away. This was a whole new world to me. Maybe I'd check out this world a little more closely.
I leaned up against the bar and ordered a beer and then turned and watched the rock band and what was going on around me for a while. This was obviously a pick-up joint at the height of its evening activity. Connection, some of a blatantly intimate sort, were taking place all over the room. For some reason I found this exciting, even sexually arousing, in a way that I didn't find Julia arousing. It didn't take long for me to realize that some of the men were starting to buzz around me as well, sensing a new player in the room. I started to become a little embarrassed. I wasn't really planning on being a player; I was just playing on the edge of this world, observing it, considering the "what ifs." And I hadn't the foggiest notion of how to play here even if I had intended to do that.
I ordered another beer. I momentarily wondered how long I could stay away from Julia's apartment on the pretense of buying a pack of cigarettes, when it hit me that I didn't really care. Fuck Julia. I downed my beer and ordered another.
I had waved off several guys in obvious search of a pickup when the mystery man appeared at my elbow. As time went on, the Rock band was getting louder, the beat getting heavier. I knew I was drinking too much; the beat of the music was beginning to transfer into my head as a headache. Tall and dark, with curly hair cascading around his head, he moved into the empty stool beside me I had been protecting to keep some distance between me and the circling crowd. His eyes seemed to be violet. He had a mustache that met his sideburns and a sensuous mouth with an engaging, ready smile. There was a small scar running down his chin that made him seem a little dangerous and kept that question in my mind of what the story was there.