Between the Brothers

CHAPTER 15: CONFUSING HAPPINESS IN BETWEEN

With every step we took toward the front porch, my heart beat faster and harder. THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! I could hear it beating in my ears. My body was nearing exhaustion, and I hadn't even done anything yet.

Ryan took my hand in his, and I looked at him. He was calm and confident. It was like being in a storm but seeing the peace and knowing that everything would be okay no matter what. I smiled; it was a small smile, but I did it. He calmed me without any words. The boy had grown tremendously in the last month.

"No matter what, I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere, beautiful." The way he said it told me he meant every word of it.

I raised an eyebrow, "Beautiful?"

"That's what you are, and that's what I'm gonna call you. Only me," he said firmly.

I didn't question it. Truthfully, it made me smile. He was so open and vulnerable, and his openness was such a beautiful thing to witness. I wanted to say something meaningful and endearing, but my mind was drawing a blank. I couldn't find any words.

With my hand in his, he led me up the porch and through the front door. The moment we walked in, I was transported right back to the day Ryan found out about my affair. I could hear the pain in his voice as he confronted his brother. The fight played fresh in my mind.

All my regret started to creep back in. Ryan gave my hand a comforting squeeze. I snapped out of those feelings of guilt and despair. Carol and Eric were in the living room. Eric gave a simple head nod. Carol, however, stood and walked toward me.

"Marcus, thank you for coming," Carol greeted me with a hug.

I didn't expect her to be so warm and inviting. Her embrace moved me to my core. You could feel her warmth and positivity. I had come through and flipped her family on its head, and she still managed to be gracious.

"I thank you for opening your home to me...again," I humbly said.

She stepped back and smiled and then hugged me again, "You're always welcome here."

"Where's Cameron," I asked.

Eric spoke, "He left a little while ago. My guess is to go drinking. He'll be stumbling back before long."

"If it's okay with you all, I'd like to wait for him in his room."

I was barely up the stairs when I heard them. I don't think I was eavesdropping. I was in earshot of the conversation. They were the ones who didn't wait until I was long gone.

"How was it seeing him," Eric asked his little brother.

Ryan spoke his truth, "I thought it was going to be easier. It just made things harder. I'm trying to be selfless, but I want him still."

"Love is tricky to navigate. Love triangles can be even harder. Just know that no matter what happens, you have your family, and your heart will heal." Carol's words were both loving and nurturing.

The second I stepped inside Cameron's bedroom, I was hit by his overwhelming, manly scent. It occurred to me that it was the first time I had ever been in his bedroom. All the sex we had, and it was never once in his bedroom, but it was just how I imagined it would be.

It was well-kept but sort of dark in theme. It was a bed made for an alpha male. On the dresser was a picture of me. I picked it up, and I laughed. I remembered that day. It was during the two weeks that I refused to speak to him. He had snapped a photo of me, and I didn't even know it.

It was clear, looking at the photo, that I was hurting. I was trying so hard to mask not being bothered having him out of my life, but I was miserable. I wouldn't have ever admitted that had I not seen the photo.

"Hmm," he cleared his throat and said, "Marcus, can I talk to you."

I placed the photo down and inhaled. I knew it would come eventually, but I hadn't expected it to be so soon. I turned around and faced him. Instantly, I felt nothing but sorrow for Gill. He looked tarnished. Life had not been kind to him.

He uttered, "I just wanted to apologize for the way I behaved and treated you when I last saw you."

"What about when you swung a tree branch at me?"

"Most definitely for that. I was wrong. There's no excuse for any of my actions." He broke out into sobs the second the words left his mouth.

"I'm so sorry. I wanted what you had. I had ruined things with all three of my sons. I sent Eric away for knowing things. I drove a wedge between Ryan and Cameron. Then you came in here, and there was just this spark and energy about you that drew them both in."

"Ryan loves you, Gill. He always spoke highly of you!"

"I always felt like he tolerated me out of respect, but he hated me for how he perceived my relationship with Cameron."

"I mean, you didn't have a healthy relationship with him."

"I tried to force him to love me the way his dad once did. The way I wanted his dad to love me, if I'm being honest."

"Can't force love. It happens naturally. When it's meant to be, you just have to wait."

"You know they both love you, and they haven't been able to really move past it. Even though they found comfort in the arms of each other, they couldn't let go of you. History has a funny way of repeating itself. The best thing about history repeating itself is that you can change the outcome the second time around. All three of you are lucky to have found love."

He turned to leave the room. Something made me call out to him. He stopped in his tracks. He barely looked back over his shoulders. It was just enough for me to see his eyes, and they were full of sorrow.

"I forgive you for what happened with us. But let me say this: Only you can give yourself absolution. Cameron can only forgive you for what happened there. Atonement, however, comes from God."

"I just want my boys happy, and I know now that they're happy with you. That's all any parent ever really wants. Happiness for their children."

As he stepped out of the bedroom, I couldn't help but feel pity for him. The guy had done some fucked up things, and he had lost it all. A tiny part of my soul wished I could help him heal what was broken, but that was a job only he could do.

There was a knock. Ryan poked his head in the room and said, "Someone called Mom and said they spotted Cameron at a bar in town."

"Okay," I said. I was ready to go and grab him.

Ryan held his hand up, "Look, this bar doesn't just let anyone in. There's a dress code, and you look a little too urban, Beautiful."

"Urban," I raised an eyebrow. "I'm from the south, darling. I know how to look the part."

"I don't doubt it. Meet me downstairs in ten."

Ten minutes later, I made my way down the stairs. Ryan was standing at the front door with Carol and his sister. When Ryan saw me, his eyes sparkled, and he started to smile. He looked like the perfect gentleman with his dark hair slick back under his black cowboy hat. His rugged black denim jeans fit him perfectly with his black button-down and boots.

"Well, hello there, cowboy." He was damn near speechless.

I had tapped into my inner cowboy, wearing a grey cowboy hat, a denim button-down shirt, black fitted jeans, and grey snake-skin boots.

"Marcus, you look good," his sister said.

"Me? This stud here looks amazing," I said, pointing at Ryan, causing him to blush. " Black looks good on you, Cowboy."

"Don't I know it," he said. Something about the way he was talking to me lately had me feeling butterflies, and it was confusing as fuck.

The car ride was silent. Every so often, Ryan would glance over at me. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't also checking out Ryan from time to time. He looked so hot in his natural habit.

We made it to the bar, got past security, and found a nice crowd inside. I would have stuck out like a sore thumb had I not dressed the part. I spotted Cameron instantly at the bar, which brought back memories of when I first met him. Then, as if life wanted a full circle moment, "Hurricane" by Luke Combs began playing. He was in his favorite attire: dark jeans, a white crew-neck shirt, and boots.

I made my way to the bar. Cameron finished the drink in his hand and ordered another. I came and stood on the side of him. I smiled briefly as I remembered him trying to dance with me to the very song a few months prior. We were so blind to all the things that would eventually happen following that moment.

I said, "They playing our song."

He didn't realize it was me at first. He looked at me with a deep annoyance. It took him a second, but when he realized it was me, his gaze softened, and his face relaxed. He looked me up and down, and I saw his eyes change before me. They went from anger to shock and then shock to hunger.

"Mar?" He couldn't believe it was me.

"It's me. I'm here." I felt a bit of relief when he said my name.

"You came back?"

"I came back."

"Why? To break my heart again?" He suddenly sounded bitter. I knew then he wasn't going to mask his pain. I had told him long ago that I liked my bad boys to have emotions and depth about themselves.

"No. To heal it," I defended myself.

"Heal it," he laughed. "You broke it. You broke it in a letter at that."

"We broke each other, but we can talk about all that at the house. Come on, let's get out of here."

I reached my hand out to take hold of his. He snatched away from me. In the process, he knocked over a few glasses on the bar. His reaction shocked me. It wasn't at all what I had expected.

"Keep away from me," his words slurred.

"Cameron, you're drunk. Let's just go home and sleep it off and talk in the morning," I said to him with a hint of bass and irritation in my voice.

He snapped, "I'm not drunk. I'm free. I'm free from your disaster and indecisiveness. I'm free! Isn't that what your letter said? "Dear Cameron. I wish I had the courage to say this to your face. I want you to be free, and I want myself to be healed." You freed me, Marcus."

"Cameron?" I was trying to remain as calm as possible.

"Walk the fuck away," he yelled.

The bar went quiet. I turned and walked away. I headed straight for the door, and then something happened inside of me. I can't explain why it happened, but I knew that I had to prove myself to him.

Ryan's eyes were on me. I could tell he was ready to follow behind me. Then the idea hit me. I found who I needed and laid out my request. It wasn't without a price, but I was happy to pay it because I loved Cameron.

The light on the stage was dimly lit. I stood there staring out into the crowd. Their faces slightly terrified me because they all seemed to be judging me. I know my sins had become the talk of the town.

I spoke into the microphone, "This is for an extraordinary person in my heart."

Cameron heard my voice and turned and looked at me. His expression was unreadable. The word extraordinary was once used to describe us, and it had a profound effect on him. I wanted him to know he was still extraordinary to me. Cameron didn't give me any emotion. I needed something from him, but he paid me nothing. He waited to see what I was about to do. I looked across the crowd and found his young brother's eyes. Ryan gazed upon me with soft eyes that gave me the strength to push forward.

The beat began to the song "Hard to Love" by Lee Brice. A few people moved to the dance floor, and the others' stares at me began to soften. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I knew I had to put my all into it. I needed him to know that I understood his pain.

I sang," I am insensitive; I have a tendency to pay more attention to the things I need. Sometimes I drink too much. Sometimes, I test your trust. Sometimes I don't know why you stay with me. I'm hard to love, hard to love, oh, I don't make it easy. And I couldn't do it if I stood where you stood. I'm hard to love, hard to love, and you say that you need me. I don't deserve it, but I love that you love me good."

The patrons of the bar took to the dance floor. People started to move and dance. Suddenly, I felt like I was a big-shot country star. My shoulders started moving, and I lost myself in the beat.

Everyone was on their feet, and the place broke into the perfect square dance. Cameron took a sip of his drink as he watched me. I made my way into the crowd and started to dance with everyone.

At some point, I ended up with Ryan. He had this bright smile on his face. It was a smile I had never seen on him before. He was in his element, and it looked damn good on him. Our arms interlocked, and we spun each other around as I sang my heart out.

As that song ended, the next one began to play. "Lose Control" by Teddy Swims blared through the speakers. Ryan looked at me with passion and lust in his eyes. He licked his lips and pulled me close. We started to dance together.

"You were amazing," he complimented me.

"I don't think Cameron thought so," I said as I looked across the bar at him.

"You'll figure out how to reach him. I have faith in you," he said as he made me look into his eyes.

Our bodies were pressed tightly against one another, and we were surrounded by an insane amount of heat. That heat was being emitted from the flame that apparently still burned between us. We swayed together like two souls forged in the battle. The world around us ceased to exist, and it was just us. I saw him in this more mature, masculine, and confident light.

"When did you grow up, cowboy," I asked him. I felt like I was floating in the sky, and Ryan was my cloud. It was both confusing and magical in a sense.

"Right around when I met you. It just took a minute for it to show." He flashed me a dazzling smile as he said it.

"Well, maturity suits you," I told him.

There was a loud crash. Cameron had fallen off the bar stool. He was drunk and broken, and that was my fault. I had hurt him. I broke away from Ryan's embrace. We helped Cameron up off the floor.

As we struggled to get him out of the bar, he didn't resist. We loaded him into the back seat. The drive back to the family ranch was quiet except for Cameron breathing hard. The sky was darker than usual. The stars were barely shining. I closed my eyes and just rested.

When we reached the house, Ryan helped me get his older brother in and up the stairs. Cameron felt like a dead weight; the boy was such a stallion of a man. We made it to the third floor, and I told Ryan I would take care of things from that point. I ushered Cameron into the bathroom. Ryan grabbed my other hand. We glanced at one another once more. Our eyes conveyed all the words we wanted to say. I let his hand go, and he closed the door.

I turned the cold water on in the shower. Cameron stood there leaning from side to side. I leaned him against the wall and took his boots and socks off. He mumbled something, but I ignored him. I was determined to sober him up and reach his heart once again. In one quick motion, I pulled his jeans and underwear off.

I was met with his magnificent cock. He wasn't aroused, and it was still an intimidating penis. One that could touch me in ways that made my whole body sing. I tried to take his shirt off, but he pushed me away.

"No," he uttered in defiance.

He tried to leave, but I pushed him and quickly grabbed him. He had no time to react. The drinks in his system had delayed his reaction time. I pushed him into the cold shower, and he sobered up as fast as hell. The cold water hit like a stack of bricks.

"Marcus! What the actual fuck," he screamed.

"Oh! You're sober now?" I knew he was sobering up, but I wasn't done.

"It's fucking cold," he said as he tried to reach and adjust the water temp.

"Don't you fucking touch it," I shouted at him.

He stopped moving, and his gaze met mine. We stood there for several minutes, not moving or saying a word. Everything was happening around us, but we drifted off into our own world. I could feel his energy shift. The wall he was trying to build came crashing down. His heart was beating inside of mine.

"We can't go back, Mar."

"Yes, we can. We can do anything we want."

"You don't understand. I want you, but I fucked up. I did something that you'll never forgive me for. It complicated everything."

I knew exactly what he was talking about. He was fearful that I couldn't love him because he had slept with Ryan. In truth, I loved him even more because he did it. We both did it.

"Cameron, I know."

"You know?" He sounded almost relieved that he didn't have to say it. "You know, and you still came back?"

I opened up, "I know, and I still came back for you. I'm sorry I hurt you and that I made you feel like you weren't my first choice. I was afraid of my own past. On some level, I still am. I also know that I can't go back to pretending or acting like I never met you. You changed me."

"You changed me. I treated you badly because I was ashamed of my past with Gill. I'm sorry for that. I love you, Marcus Brown."

Those three words rolled off his lips with a profound sweetness to it. It was like sucking honey right from the beehive, but knowing the bees were sworn to protect you. I stripped out of my clothes. My cock was already at full attention. He scanned me over with his captivating eyes. I stepped into the cold shower, but I felt no coldness. I only felt the fire between us.

"I love you too, Cameron Young!"

He pulled me into a passionate kiss. His lips mashed into mine. His tongue invaded my mouth, and I melted right in his arms. He wrapped his arms around my waist, and his big, strong hands pawed at my vast globes. We kissed for what felt like forever in paradise.

I stepped away from him. Water was dripping down my body, face, and hair. He was like a perfect vision--a perfect walking wet dream. His white shirt was soaked and clung to his body. I could see every muscle and detail of his body. His nipples poked out; his hair was wet and dark. It was, in a word, perfection.

He looked at me with love and sex in his eyes. He was mine again. I knew I had my Cameron back. I ran my hands over his wet body. He pulled me close and stuck his tongue out. I sucked it into my mouth. As we began to kiss, I felt his hands pulling my cheeks apart and then a finger pressing against my puckered hole. His dick began to poke into my stomach. His blood was running red. I wrapped my fingers around his member and stroked him softly.

"He misses you," he said between kisses.

I moved to my knees. I kissed his inner thigh. His breathing began to change up on me. I rolled my tongue over his pelvis. Then I kissed his beautiful balls.

"Fuck, Mar. I want it so bad, baby," he moaned.

Hearing him like that made me feel all those special feelings. I rolled my tongue across the head of his cock, and then I opened my mouth and took it all down my throat. He ran his fingers through my hair as I made love to his cock with my mouth. I moved my head back and forth on his dick. He moved his hips fucking my mouth at a slow pace. I pulled on his balls gently, and that made his cock leak into my mouth.

I stood up and kissed him again. This time, the way we kissed was more intense. I pulled the wet shirt off his body. Then I took his nipples into my mouth one by one. I bit on them, making him feel both pain and pleasure at the same time. My tongue cascaded like water down his chest and stomach.

I made my way back to his cock. It was slightly red, but most definitely, it was angry. I wanted his blood pumping hard. I took his wet and juicy erection back into my mouth. I focused all my attention on the head of his cock at first. He let out a loud moan, and then I swallowed the rest of the shaft.

Cameron started to fuck my throat like the alpha top he loved to be with me. I wanted it. I was hungry for it. I could feel my eyes turn to water and my throat expand as I took him over and over. His smell and taste made my hole ache in the best way possible. I could have stayed on my knees forever. Cameron had such power over me, and I fucking loved it. It was one of the greatest feelings in the world.