Bent Backwards
It's Saturday, and I'm in the mood to let my hair down a little. It's been one hell of a week, so I sigh in contentment as the first, icy sip of beer trickles down my throat. I take in the dark, dingy room. A pool table to my left, a large screen on the wall. The bar is a bit of a shithole. It's called The Dive, for God's sake, but we've come to meet our friend, Jess's new boyfriend, and they chose the place.
I'm sitting at the bar, watching the game, when Liza gets my attention.
"Ethan," she says, with no way of knowing, she's about to alter the course of my life, "this is Oliver."
I spin around in my stool, so I'm facing him. I smile, a welcoming smile, but the second my eyes make contact with his, it seems to freeze on my face. My throat constricts instantly and I swear, the tiny hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.
What's going on?
"Nice to meet you." He says. His voice is husky, a tiny bit hoarse and he speaks with a very slight, lilting brogue.
His hair is sandy blonde, and slightly disheveled, falling carelessly forward, almost into his eyes. He reaches up and with an inexplicable, unhurried charm, brushes it backward.
"Irish, huh?" I say, reaching out to shake his hand. As our hands touch, I'm hit by an intense, burning vibration. Skin, heart, adrenalin, all instantly activated. I almost recoil in shock, but his expression is neutral, so I do what I can to match mine with his.
What the fuck is going on here?
He sits down and orders a beer. We drink and watch the game. I let him do the talking, as I try to stop my mind reeling. I find myself struggling to follow what he's saying, as I feel ever so slightly hypnotized by the melodious way that he speaks.
When he looks up at the screen, I steal a quick sideways glance at him. He's wearing a navy, v-necked t-shirt. The base of his neck is exposed and I can see his sleeves straining, as his biceps curl when he raises his drink to his lips.
Jesus, he's built.
And arrogant
, I think meanly, desperate, frantic, to try to work out why I'm feeling this way.
Could his arrogance be weirding me out?
I steal another look at him. He catches me this time, one side of his mouth creeping up slowly, causing one cheek to crease slightly, as he mistakes my look for something entirely different to what it is.
No,
I realise immediately,
not arrogant. Cocksure, yes, but arrogant, no.
I can't really blame him. In his twenty-five plus years, he must surely have had access to a mirror. No plausible way he could have gone through his life without encountering his own reflection. No wonder he's cocky. It's understandable, really.
But,
I think,
what's not even remotely understandable, is why the hell I'm thinking like this.
What is going on here?
A horrible, panicky feeling squeezes my chest, as I look down and feel colour rising all the way to my cheeks. The seams of my fly are straining.
Why the fuck is my dick so hard?
Nevermind, why is my dick
so
hard, why the hell is it hard in the first place?
Full scale panic engulfs me now.
Just try to act natural,
Common Sense commands.
Get out of here as fast as you can, and in future, just to be safe, avoid this guy at all costs.
Okay,
I think frantically,
good. A plan. A simple one at that. Just get through this train wreck and everything will be fine.
Everything will be fine.
I'm following the plan, honestly, I am, but by the time he and Jess leave, I've had quite a few beers and my dick has been solid for over an hour. As Oliver turns and holds the door open for Jess, I pull Liza toward me, pressing her body hard against my erection. I watch him, as I cup her face and slide my tongue in her mouth, running my eyes down his body, across his broad shoulders, down the arch of his back, to the curve of his ass.
Oh, Jesus.
He turns back unexpectedly. For some inexplicable reason, I don't blink as his eyes meet mine. Instead, I deliberately part my lips and force my tongue roughly, deeper into her mouth. A current rips through me, for the second time that evening.
"Goodness," says Liza, "what's got into you?"
"We need to go home." I growl in her ear, as she looks at me in wide surprise.
*
Afterwards, I try not to think about what happened that day. I try to block everything out.
Don't think about The Dive
Don't think about him.
Don't think about what he did to your dick.
I'm pretty good at compartmentalizing things in my mind, I have years of practice, so, even though it takes a bit of work, it's not long before I'm not waking every morning, thinking of him. I've put him, and whatever the hell that was, in a neat little box and it's not long before I actually feel pretty good. Normal.
But then, and this is a big,
but then
, I overhear Liza talking to Jess on the phone. They're making plans to go meet up, calling back and forth to arrange a time and a place. A terribly irrational, unscrupulous, and frankly, dangerous, idea takes hold. Rather than questioning it, or quashing it hard, I act on it instantly, before it even fully takes form.
Don't,
urges Common Sense, before taking a step back, shaking its head disapprovingly.
"Liza," I say, trying to sound nonchalant, "why don't you ask Jess to drop Oliver here when you girls go out?"
And that's it; my darkest confession.
Given everything that happened as a result, given the crash-course it set my life on, what it did to his life, and the lives of those that we loved, the terrible truth is this: I engineered it. I willed it to life. I asked for it.
It was me.
Me.
Liza looks up in delight and a little surprise. I'm usually quite cagey and don't normally enjoy getting to know strangers.
"Ethan," she says, sounding pleased, "that is a lovely idea. We need more couple friends."
"I know," I agree, with a chuckle, "all our friends are such dumbasses, most of them are still living like students."
"Mmh," she smiles, "It would be so nice to have people to do our kind of thing with. Think of the brunches. Think of the hiking." Her eyes are sparkling with excitement.
"God," I groan, "I've created a monster."
She giggles happily, "It's going to be great, you'll see."
*
Nothing's going to happen,
I tell myself again, as Liza opens the door.
It's just your imagination. He's just here to watch the game, have a few beers and maybe eat pizza. This is on you. Truly, there's no reason at all, to think he felt anything weird.
This is a terrible, terrible idea,
says Common Sense, yet again
. I'm telling you, it might very well be the worst one you've had.
I ignore it completely. It's too late to do anything about it now anyway, though that doesn't explain why I didn't cancel this foolhardy assembly, when Common Sense warned me sternly before.
Liza greets Jess and Oliver warmly, I'm grateful she's here. I'm not sure what I would have done if I was alone. The second I see him; it all comes rushing back. He's out of the neat little box I tried to put him in and he's even hotter than I remember. Not only that, he's right here in my hallway.
The girls head off, leaving the two of us on our own. Chattering happily as they head down the stairs. If they'd only known, they wouldn't have let us come within a hundred foot of each other, never mind leaving the two of us alone.
The second the door closes, the mood in the room shifts dramatically. He seems a little subdued, almost stunned. I offer him a beer and I'm positive I can feel his eyes boring into me as I lean over to get it out of the fridge.
Maybe it wasn't just me.
I bring it over to him and as I do, I feel the heat emanating from his body. So hot, it feels like it's coming at me in waves.
No way it's just me.
He's looking right at me, holding eye contact, as I make my way over to him. His eyes are bright blue. So blue, that, like the sun, it almost feels impossible to look directly into them. My eyes seem to skid off them, like oil skidding off water. He reaches his hand out to take the beer and I don't know quite what makes me do it, but as I hand him the drink, I sock him playfully on the side of his ribs.
"What the fuck, dude?" He exclaims, smiling a little, still perfectly happy to put it down as a joke.
I should have stopped there.
Sure, my behaviour was a little bit odd, but up to this point, it could still be explained away. But I can't. I just can't. I'm desperate to touch him, and this is the only way I know how. I jab him again, a little harder this time. His eyes widen in confusion and a little surprise.
I pause for a second, giving Common Sense a chance to make his voice heard. But, there's nothing but silence. Common Sense has left the building.