Behind the Scenes

Leo's POV:

Getting off the underground and skipping up the stairs to the surface, I noticed that the air had cleared somewhat. Greys and blacks had made way for watery shades of white, the faded sunrays uncomfortably warm on my skin. Coats and backpacks that had started to get sticky were being slung over shoulders in an effort to reduce the risk of a moist t-shirt. Pairs of oversized sunglasses were carefully being pressed against noses of busy women with pursed lips, in black heels. Loosened collars, hitchy, laboured breathing.

Already, my sixth sense and trained eyes were scanning the crowds and making note of everything in sight. It was a practiced second nature to me. My very pores were on high alert. No longer did the regular Leo I dreamed of being, pull the strings. No pack full of hopes on my back, only that uncomfortably familiar target. Escape plan failed. For the

twentieth

time or so.

Never again.

I swore to myself as I tossed my ticket in the nearest bin. Because this time, I had managed to take someone else down with me.

My phone buzzed in my front pocket, shocking me out of my hyper-vigilant state for a moment. I cautiously checked the screen only to find a message from Carmen, continuing the conversation we'd had the evening before. I opened up the and read it again.

[Carma:]

so hows hollywood?

[Me:]

I'm not in Hollywood remember? We're shooting in London.

[Carma:]

i know what i said

[Carma:]

and i know u know what i mean

[Carma:]

so how is it?

[Carma:]

what does it taste like?

[Me:]

Wouldn't you like to know?

The playful exchange felt light-years away. Simple and easy. The message she'd just sent read:

[Carma:]

i would. Which is why im asking dummy. And so would billy im guessing. Or not... Just dont forget to call him.

Don't forget to call Billy... right. Well, that would have to wait, I thought as I pocketed my phone again.

I had about half a kilometre left to figure out exactly what, and

how

I was going to tell Connor. Every step a second. With my hands in my pockets and head slightly bowed, I did my utmost to make them very long seconds. The clammy weather wasn't helping my thought process one bit, the buzzing of people going about their day as if nothing had just crushed my last hope for a normal life even less so.

The

what

, I decided, was simple. Everything. I needed to tell Connor every. Single. Thing. Because there was really no point in trying to keep him in the dark. The jig was up. Connor's life, for the next few days at least, had been tied to mine because of my pathetic, lackadaisical and lovestruck behaviour. On top of that I had sentenced Connor to spend

months

in hiding, probably. Until we could find a way to convince the cartel that he was merely a future colleague of mine. And nothing more than that. Which was only a realistic way to play it if they hadn't witnessed our display of dramatic romance in the restaurant the night before.

So many variables. So many uncertainties. And so many risks. How could you have been so careless?

I forced myself to shush my inner voice. There was time to berate myself later. Now, there was work to be done. Even though I was determined to end whatever relationship we had just started like the horny fools we were first thing, it didn't mean I didn't still

owe

Connor the whole truth and nothing but that. Connor deserved to fully understand the danger I had exposed him to. Gran was right about that.

I had the feeling that the

how

was going to be the real problem. How was I going to... end things? Was that even necessary? We'd been together for less than a day, even if we had gravitated towards one another for months before that. Connor would most likely think of that differently. And I couldn't very well blame him, I would allow myself to think of us as star-crossed lovers as well, if I hadn't known how important it was that we didn't continue whatever we had going on. Perhaps telling Connor the rest of the story, of the danger he was in first, would be best. It would make any type of breakup less shocking and maybe even easy.

I laughed silently, pathetically, at my own thoughts, navigating my way across the busy sidewalk along Green Park.

What arrogance.

A humourless scoff escaped my lips, earning me an annoyed glance from a man on the phone briskly clacking past me. Who was I to think that anyone would even have the slightest desire to be in a romantic relationship with me, knowing I had hidden who I truly am from the very start? And only to tell them the whole, mad truth after exposing them to imminent mortal peril?

Self-pity is unattractive, but clearly no one else would spare any sympathy for such an egocentric fool as myself. And rightly so. Convincing Connor to stay with me voluntarily was no doubt going to prove the most difficult thing I'd do that day.

And

that

was saying something.

By the time I reached the entrance to the Ritz, I hadn't been able to compile a script to stick to, or even think of a good way to start the conversation. Knowing Connor deserved at least that from me, I kicked myself in the ride up the lift shaft towards our floor. My muscles tensed at the soft

*ding*

and I stepped out like a plump pig bound for the slaughterhouse. After allowing myself to hesitate one small second, I strode straight up to Connor's door. My hand knocked. The hawk-like alertness I'd had in the streets just then melted into a useless puddle at my feet when his eyes met mine.

I was about to say something when my phone beeped and buzzed in my front pocket.

That meant I had about a measly ten minutes to get this over with.

"Con... We uhm.. We need to talk." was all I could manage. I talked right over him and thank God he opted for silence because if he'd have said my name right then I swear I could have thrown all caution to the wind.

"Okay... let's uh... let's sit down first." I gestured to the bed and sat down, waiting for him to join me before continuing. I couldn't look directly at him for fear of being confronted with the worried face that had just welcomed me inside. Instead, I just stared at our feet and the carpet.

"Connor, before I say anything else I need you to know I'm really sorry that this is happening and I'll do everything I can to make it end as soon as possible." I couldn't say that without looking him in the eye though, so I did it anyway. His eyes were narrowed.

"Is this the part where you tell me you're a vampire?"

I couldn't help barking a laugh, some tension escaped with it.

"No," I mused. "I wish it was. I honestly think that would have been less problematic."

"Okay, then what? Just lay it on me, is it about me, us?"

"Yeah. It is, but not like that Connor..'' I made the choice right then to say the right things, instead of a lot of things. "I... need a minute to gather my thoughts."

"Sure."

I sat beside him for at least a full minute, wringing my hands together. He seemed to be a lot calmer than I was, naturally. After a deep breath and deciding that no measure of pondering would help me to present this bucketload of information in a perfect way, the words just started spilling out of my mouth as if from a firehose.

"Everything I'm about to tell you is absolutely true Connor, I need you to understand that. I also need you to understand that I kept you in the dark about it all for three reasons, two of which are good ones, one of which is just egocentric and makes me an absolute twat. Got it?"

Connor nodded his head, his frown aimed right at my own. My phone buzzed inside my pocket once, as expected. I knew I had to rush it, despite all the time, effort and patience I owed Connor in that moment.

"Good. I'll have to start with the clichés. I'm not who you think I am, that's to say my name isn't really Leonard Hagens. I'm Jasper De Groot. I was born in the Netherlands and grew up in North Carolina. My parents decided to move because there was practically nothing left for them back in Europe and my grandmother already lived in NC at the time."

Connor hadn't moved an inch yet, the same stoic frown was still plastered on his face and his arms were crossed as he sat on the edge of the bed. Next to me. So far so good.

"My parents, they came for the 'American Dream' and we had that for a year or two, until my father got himself caught up with some unsavoury friends. Fast friends, easy money and eventually drugs. When I was almost three years old my father had begun laundering money for the Medvedev drug cartel." The first fold in Connor's veil of cool calmness fell as his mouth dropped open.

"Bear with me, yeah?"

He nodded, and I went on.

"I understand how it must sound to you. I don't know what else to say about that except that it's the truth..." I waited for one more affirmative nod from him and continued once again. "So yeah, money-laundering is dangerous, as you can imagine. It may well be the riskiest part of managing a drug empire-"

"Drug

empire

? Leo, or.. whatever. Leo you've got to give me-"

"Please let me finish? I'll answer your questions later Connor, I

promise

I will. But right now I

need

you to listen to me for a little bit longer and then we have to leave, okay? When we get out of here, you can ask me anything you want, really I promise." Connor's eyes had widened at the word

'leave'

, but he stopped himself from interjecting and stubbornly nodded his head again. Battling his own rationale inside, no doubt.

"Fuck, I'll skip over the semantics of money laundering. My parents did it successfully, for two years. Just after I'd turned five though, things started to turn ugly for us." I started going around the room to collect the few things I'd unpacked the night before, occasionally checking on Connor's expression. "The competition started to grow increasingly frustrated with my parents. The Medvedev's were bad, but the Zuma's were far worse. They tried to kill all four of us in cold blood, my little sister, my parents and me. They set fire to our house in the middle of the night, I was the only one that survived. Before they found out about that, my grandmother took me away back to the Netherlands. She continued to raise me there, all the while building up our defences. I doubt whether the Medvedev's even cared what happened to us at the time, but the Zuma's? They don't let things go, so they've been after my grandmother and me ever since. They want to tie up loose ends, I think."

Connor spewed out a forceful breath and launched himself exasperatedly off the bed. With his hands fisted in his hair he zigzagged across the floor.

"Fuck, what the fuck... what the fuck..."

"Connor, I know." I went over to him and grabbed his forearms. ''I, I know. I don't know what else to tell you right now."

I slid my hands slowly up to his wrists, then tentatively took his larger hands in my own and waited for him to look me in the eyes. It didn't take him long to, with a shrug and a worryingly wide smile, turn his attention towards me again.

"I mean, what the fuck huh?"

"Connor, I really have no idea what you must be feeling right now but I know what all this must sound like. I don't know if you're angry or scared, or sad." I really didn't. His face was eerily unreadable. "The only thing I know is that I need, absolutely

need

you to trust me right now. In fact, I'm

begging

you to trust me despite everything I just told you. However ridiculous or counter-intuitive it may feel, you need to come with me now."

Connor dropped his hands from mine and shook his head slowly. I could clearly see the battle that was going on behind those eyes. No one was winning just yet.

"Just to make sure I got it all down," he started, stepping away from me and towards the window. "You got dangerous drug people coming after you, wanting to

clean you up

. And because we spent the last couple of months dancing around each other, now

I'm

a target as well?"

"No, Connor. I won't let that happen. They don't know about you and me." As soon as I said it, I knew it was probably a lie.

"O-okay. But then why are you telling me all of this now? Why would you tell me at all if you've kept it a secret all this time? Why bother?"

I stood up from my spot on the bed and went to stand next to Connor, waiting for him to look at me. It was a fair question. But I had no idea how to go about answering it.

"I had a wake-up call. That's it. And this, me telling you, it's a precaution. That's all it is for now. But it's important, Connor. These people are restless, and I cannot afford to take any chances on your behalf. I shouldn't have ever started..."

Connor merely fixed me with a blank stare in response. Nothing more. So I continued to give him the rundown. "First, we need to get out of this hotel and onto the streets, the crowds will provide us with some cover. Then we make our way over to the address I just received on my phone. It should be nearby, at walking distance."

Connor huffed, chewing on the inside of his lip. A moment later, the battle was won.

"I don't see how I have a say here. If all this is true then what can I do here but trust you to tell me how serious it is, and what to do?" He looked me in the eye one last time and said, "Let's go then."

---

Connor's POV:

I'm not lying when I say that from the second we left the Ritz, to the moment we entered this dingy cafe, nothing registered with me. I was just too confused and unsettled to pay any attention to where we were going. I felt like we'd been walking for over an hour, but it couldn't have been more than ten minutes. My mind was completely blank the whole way there, and my legs auto-piloted themselves along. Only when Leo offered me a scone did I look around the place. He'd already slathered it with cream and raspberry jam. I must have told him I liked them that way. Without looking him in the eyes, I took it from him and nearly inhaled the whole thing just in time for him to offer me a second one, which I gobbled down in less than four bites as well. I hadn't realized how hungry the whole situation had made me. We finally made eye contact when he offered me a third one.

I had no idea how to talk to him and half a mind to get the hell out of there. What the fuck do you do when someone you're pretty sure you're falling in love with, tells you they're wanted dead or alive the morning after. Oh. By not

one

, but

TWO

organized crime groups. Now with

you

as a possible shortcut to your lover, a.k.a.

"loose end"

in need of a nice, definitive tying up?

What the fuck do you do?

First, apparently, you develop a sense of defiance towards your Leo who isn't actually a Leo at all. Like any normal person would be, you're angry. And pretty scared. You go into survival mode which in this case meant staying close and listening to the person that has the most experience in situations like this. You don't let yourself question the complete insanity of the whole thing just yet. That only happens when you find yourself somewhere remotely safe, and you're able to let your guard down. A little.

Like in this café.

"What the actual

fuck

, dude?"

I guess I didn't really need to think about how to talk to him. My mouth could deal on its own.

"I mean, w-what the fuck huh?" I tried again, jerking him out of his train of thought. He turned his face toward me, arms still crossed on the bar. This was also the first time I was able to pay attention to his face again. He looked so guilty and tired. "What am I supposed to do now? What's the plan here? I mean, have you been to the police?"

"You don't need to do anything now, Connor. I will handle this. The plan is to sit here and wait for a friend to come and help us out. As for the police, we can't let them get involved. Not yet at least." he answered, just like he promised.

"Why not?" I asked. In fact, more questions were sprouting from nearly every word he said to me.

He breathed deeply through his nose and thanked the bartender for the black coffees he set down in front of us. He took a sip of his coffee and slid me mine before he answered. I prepped my coffee as I listened to him. "We have no incriminating evidence. We haven't ever been able to acquire any. And we won't be getting any either, without compromising ourselves." He grimaced at the taste of the piping hot coffee on his tongue. "And, we're not sure that we can trust the police. Someone may start talking to the wrong person. It's not like in a film." His brows frowned with worry as he stared into my eyes. "Or rather, it's exactly like in a film. A police officer can be as corrupt as any other government official." He said.

My wide open mouth must have prompted him to downplay everything he'd just said.

"Connor, try not to think of it. You are

not

a part of this, you do not need to worry. Like I said, this is just a precaution. Once my contact gets here, we'll get you out of this whole situation and you'll never have to see me again." He told me seriously, as if he meant it.

I scoffed, miraculously forgetting about the logistics of our life-threatening issues for a second. "Are you kidding me?"

Leo's eyebrows shot up.

"I mean, are you actually kidding me? After everything? Never see you again?" I searched his face for any type of emotion and was frustrated to find those stormy blues staring back at me with nothing but discomfort. "How fucking dare you?"

He hissed at my volume and grabbed my upper arm. "

Keep it down.

"

"You don't get to say that to me." It annoyed me that I didn't know which name I should use now.

Leo

or

Jasper

. "If you knew that all of this was a possibility before

getting with me

, then you should have been smarter. You shouldn't have started

shit

with me!"

"I

know

, Connor. I know. You have every right to be angry with me. Every right to hate my guts and to want me to disappear out of your life, that's exactly why we'll part ways after this. Neither one of us will ever have to think about the other. It'll be like nothing ever occurred between us."

I'd stopped stirring my coffee and my hands froze around the cup as I brought it to my lips. My mouth fell open in shock.

I just could not

believe

he had said it.

Just like that, in such a transactional way.

Like I meant

nothing

. Like I was just a bump in the road he hadn't seen in time. A calming voice in the back of my head told me that this was, very obviously, Leo's way to try and snap whatever bond we had built in two and make me angry about it, instead of sad.

"You're unbelievable..." I stated.

He frowned.

"I

can't

believe you would think

so

little of what happened between us." I scrutinized him as he rubbed his knuckles against his lips in what I

hoped

was shame. "

Months

, Leo. I've lived towards the moment we'd see each other in real life. And then last night happened, and you just want me to forget all about it?" I heard my voice rise. "

You

can forget all about it? Just like that?"

To his credit, he looked even more guilty than before. But I wasn't satisfied. It took everything I had to not storm out of the building.

"You're fucking

stuck

with me, L."

He disagreed. In fact, he scoffed at me that time. "Don't be stupid, Connor. That's not an option. I'm getting you out of this and then you'll never see my face again. For both our sakes."