Behind the Scenes

Connor's POV:

'Hey stranger, how are you holding up today?' Leo teased in his mock-Southern accent. I love it when he does that, it makes him sound like a sexy cowboy.

'I'm good, and you?' I smiled, he didn't have to know about the stuff with Caytlin. I didn't want to bother him with that, and I didn't want to think about it now that I could see him again. One whole day without Leo had been tough for me. I mean, I'm not

that

spoiled, but I really did get used to him being available whenever I wanted him. It's like I got a minor addiction and had been forced to go to rehab for a day.

'I'm fine, thanks.' He grinned. 'You'll never believe what happened to me on the train this morning,

you

of all people are going to love this!' He tried to contain his laughter. In turn I tried to contain myself from telling him not to contain his laughter because the sound of it made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

I listened to him talking about his day, he's the only person that's been able to make

me

laugh in what seems like months. Even if iI really tried to listen to it, the story about what happened to him on the train got kinda drowned out. It took only seconds before I was just staring at him.

His grey-blue eyes that resembled a wild and stormy sea, perfectly contrasted with his thick dark-blonde locks that fell over his forehead. I liked the black snap-back he was wearing, it suited him very well, but I couldn't help wanting to reach out and pull it of his head so that I could fist my hands in his hair. So I decided to drop my eyes to his mouth instead.

Bad idea.

He'd told me he'd worn braces, like me, and it had been a good thing for both of us. Unlike me though, he still wore them at night. But his perfect pearly whites were not what had me drooling more than once a day, even if they did give Leo his jaw-dropping trademark smile. His lips...

Oh man.

The things that I had imagined those lips doing to me, with me, and

for

me varied in a spectrum that went from sweet and cute to filthy and outright disturbing. I swallowed when I noticed he was trying to remember something about his story and had decided to bite down on his lower lip. And then he flicked his tongue out to lick his lips before continuing.

It was like he knew exactly what he was doing to me when he leaned back from his phone to show off his man-cleavage which was visible through the open buttons of his olive-green button-up. It's a good thing I am sitting straight up for this conversation instead of laying on my stomach because there sure as hell would be a hole in my mattress right about then.

I adjust myself down below and all but shake my head, forcing myself to keep it together. He isn't even really here and I feel more comfortable and uncomfortable with him than with anyone, like he just sucks up all my stress and problems for a little while. When we're talking about everything and nothing.

Well,

he's

talking because I'm a puddle of unused, piled up teenaged hormones and.

I scanned his face as he talked away excitedly. Crooked nose from that time he fell off his bike and broke it, one of the stories that had made me laugh.

He had been paddling home from school late and he had been completely exhausted. When he turned into his street he was met by a bunch of zombies and ghosts. Apparently he had forgotten it was Halloween that day and people were roaming the streets in full costume on the hunt for candy. He'd screamed like a little girl and rode straight into a brick wall.

But then everything that happened to him that he told me about, wether it was good or bad, he'd always have a smile on his face. I didn't understand how someone could be so positive and beautiful and just generally

good

even though he went through so much.

And by going through much, I don't mean him breaking his nose.

He had told me about losing his grandparents to a variety of terrible diseases. About his stubbornness in being himself, which gained him a few good friends, instead of a bunch of really popular fake ones. This actually made me look up to him a lot.

And he had trouble in school because... well I'm not really sure about that. I'll have to ask him sometime.

But still he was so positive and joyful all the time. All of those experiences sounded terrible to me, yet he handled them so lightly and with that easy-going, down to earth attitude.

Hell, I stopped going to school at 12 years old. Compared to

his

life, mine was a piece of cake, I had everything coming to me ever since I was born. I had all of my family, acting and modelling opportunities were lining up on my manager's doorstep, growing up in a wealthy family in LA was definitely easier than growing up in a small town in eastern Holland.

Leo is amazing. And I am falling head over heels for, and am very impressed by him. Even just the sound of his voice makes my heart beat faster.

'So, how was your day? You look like you ran over your own puppy. Twice. Are you okay?' He asked once he was done with telling his story, a worrisome look in his eyes.

Please

not you

too

.

'

No

, nothing's wrong with me! I'm fine, why does everybody fucking say that!' It came out angrier than I'd meant it to. So I immediately gave him an apologetic look. To my surprise though, Leo's smile grew bigger still.

'Okay, so you're on your period? How's that working out?' He snickered.

I rolled my eyes at him, but I had a hard time not grinning when I did. He caught me.

'Aha, there's that smile I've been wanting to see.' And he matched that statement with his own grin. 'So, you want to talk about what's wrong? I mean, we don't have to if you don't feel like it.' Leo said hesitantly, his grin falling a little.

I was happy he was so considerate. The thing was, he's both the only person I can really talk to, and the one person I can't talk to about this particular thing that bothered me. Because I obviously couldn't tell him how I feel about him, for like a

thousand

reasons.

And yet, there were another thousand reasons why I desperately

did

want to tell him.

He doesn't know I like guys, I don't know if

he

likes guys, he thinks I have a girlfr- Whoa!

Hold up!

I do!

I do have a girlfriend! Shit this stuff is getting too complicated.

'So, do you want to talk about something else then?' Leo asked, that gorgeous grin almost completely gone now.

'No, no it's just... drama with Cay... Haven't seen my friends for a while. Been busy. My life's just a little stressful lately and... I don't really know how to fix it.' I spilled inspite of myself.

I felt like I could trust Leo with it. Although I really didn't want him to worry about me or have him thinking of me as if I'm some stressed out freak who can't handle his own shit. My rising doubts were quickly doused though, when I looked back into his eyes.

'You're so lucky I'm here, you know that?' A smirk played at the corner of his lips. But his sincerity shone through his teasing.

'You have no idea.' I winked, feigning boldness when I was actually elated and felt carefree now that I knew Leo was going to help me figure things out. The wink though, was planned. I like doing questionable stuff like that, maybe I can find out if he's into me... Or

guys

at all. He does seem a bit nervous everytime I try something, but that can mean two

very

different things.

'Right, uhm...' He mumbled, clearly uncomfortable.

...Mission completed?

'So, let's start with your friends and put Caytlin on hold for a second, alright? Friends can help you with all the other drama too, and they are forever, you know.' His sexy british accent had me daydreaming, and

hot damn

was it a naughty one.

He looked a little more serious now, like he really

was

worried about me. Those piercing blue eyes looking straight into my heart and soul. His worrisome look made me feel warm inside.

Now that I was thinking about all those different and attractive qualities he has, it's obvious why they picked him for the part in the movie, I can read all of his emotions straight off of his face. But eventhough that should make him an open book, he still manages to make me feel like he's completely in control of himself

and

me. As if he

wants

me to read his thoughts off of his face.

'Okay, so friends first.' I repeat after coming out of my small daze.

'Yes, tell me, why haven't you spoken to them lately? Have you been fighting, growing apart, what?' It felt like talking to a psychologist, but a hot one, and less annoying.

'I guess... grown apart. We just haven't been in touch lately, been busy with the career and stuff.' I said truthfully, waiting for his next question. Which didn't come, 'Oh, that's bad... growing apart is harder to remedy than having a fight.' He said carefully, rubbing his chin in thought. He looked so cute.

Wait, what?

'How's growing apart worse?' I asked anxiously. I thought it wasn't that bad.

'Don't worry, it's not

that

bad. But you know, friends can easily make up after a fight. Growing apart might mean that you became less of friends overtime, other interests that you haven't talked about and that sort of thing. Just don't worry too much alright? Like you need more of that.' He said. 'Those frown lines on your pretty-boy face don't need friends.' He laughed when my mouth dropped open.

'Excuse me?'

'What?'

'Frown-lines? Seriously?'

'Oh look, there they are.'

'You better shut the hell up L.'

'Why would I,

C?

'

'Why don't you go fuck yourself?'

'Why don't you come and do it for me?'

That put an abrupt and awkward stop to our playful banter. A blush crept up on both our faces, and I tried to push back all the blood that was racing towards my member.

Leo was the first to recover.

'Uhm... just try to talk to them more, y-your friends I mean. When's the last time you saw any of them?' He asked quickly.

Holy fuck. What the heck just happened? Did he... Well no matter. Don't get your hopes up Con, you guys were joking.

He

was joking.

I had to respond.

I hadn't really talked to him about my friends, actually. I had forgotten to mention them... it made me feel kinda guilty.

'I haven't spoken to any of them in like a month or two actually, you're right I should reach out to them.' I said, looking down at the keyboard of my laptop. The mood suddenly made a complete U-turn.

I laid on my stomach looking at Leo's handsome face, half a world away. Was it fair to rely on him for helping me with my problems?

'You always know what to do, don't you?' I said softly.

Sappy. But true.

'Well, I'm glad you finally noticed,' he said, smiling and patting imaginairy dust off his shoulders. It made me grin, wider than it should have.

'I did consider a career in psychology once, actually. Maybe I need to rethink my life choices.' He said in a matter-of-fact tone.

'Yeah, as long as you don't bail on the movie.' I said raising an eyebrow at him.

'Of course not, couldn't do that to you stranger.' He said, his deep voice once again dripping with cowboy. The thing in my briefs that stirred before was now very awake.

And then he winked at me. I shifted as he popped a grape in his mouth and sucked on it.

I hadn't noticed the bowl of grapes in front of him before. It hit me like a sneak-attack. He wasn't doing it on purpose, probably. But shit, I was a goner. He continued talking as he started chewing on it.

'So, you're going to talk to your friends more, that's your first homework assignment for today. Now for the second part: What's with the missus, hm?' He said mockingly. A grin spread on his face. That didn't seem like he was bothered about me having a girlfriend.

'Yeah... uhm, Cay's just been acting weird... kinda clingy, and a little slutty at times. Almost like she's turning into one of those girls that I tried to avoid. She doesn't seem like herself anymore.' I said with a face, trying to send some signals to Leo.

It didn't feel good to blame all of our relationship problems on Cay. I mean, she's turned into a real bitch, that's for sure. But I couldn't deny the lack of attention I had for her. Her being possessive and my disinterest caused a rift between us.

But I couldn't help it if I was gay, could I?

I knew what Leo was going to say:

"Maybe you did with her what you did with your friends, maybe you should give her more attention so she doesn't constantly has to ask for it."

But the difference between her and my friends was, I didn't really mind me and Cay growing apart all that much.

All things considered, I don't really like her anymore and she doesn't even seem to care at all. She wasn't lying when she said plenty of other guys would want a piece of her. Word get's around pretty quickly around here, social media and all... And besides, looking at Leo in front of me I thought, maybe it's time I just end it. It'll be better for both of us anyway.

'Jesus Con, calling your girlfriend skanky sounds like a shitty thing to do. What was she like before?'

I knew he was right.

'I'm sorry. You're right, I'm acting like an asshole. I can't pinpoint the exact moment we started to hate on each other. She used to be sweet and patient and really fun to be around. Now she's the complete opposite.'

I know that the same probably goes for me. But I didn't want to admit that to Leo.

Or myself, I guess.

'So, maybe she needs, no no,

deserves

more attention,' Leo said.

Figures.

'Wow you're a genius.' I smirked, rolling my eyes at him.

'Hey, don't mock my inner Dr. Phil you unthankful piece of entitled Hollywood shit. I know girls.'

'You do?'

Fuck. He does?

'Yes I do, and don't you look so surprised. You need to spend time with her. It's as simple as that. She feels like you don't like her, you being so busy with your career and all.' I felt a little proud at being able to predict what Leo was going to say, and knowing that he cares about my relationship with Cay. Eventhough I would have liked it more if he had been really jealous, but still.

'I thought that was it first, that I'd let her down a couple of times. And I did try harder to at least be a friend to her. But she just changed overtime, like puberty hit her and made her a slut or something. She even sleeps around with other guys. I don't get her anymore, and frankly I don't even want to.'

I was aware of sort of leading him on to think that it was just Caytlin I didn't want to be with instead of all girls. But what else could I do?

Leo seemed kinda shocked when I said Cay's been cheating on me with a couple of other guys. Little did he know I've been making out with other guys as well. The thought didn't help the situation that was developing in my briefs. Once again.

'She's "sleeping around"? What, she cheated on you? Multiple times?! And you still want to be with her? Con, you've got te be kidding me. I thought you were being a lousy boyfriend! Why didn't you say? Forget about

her.

How.. how do

you

feel?"

That was sweet, and what he said filled up my chest with warmth. And I like it when he calls me Con.

'I-I'm fine Leo, really. I've known for a while, and once I figured out she was doing it I didn't exactly act like a saint either but-'

'Nevermind that you started cheating as well! Why bother? Why not just end it before either of you could get hurt any worse? Why do you still want to stay with her?' I could see that Leo really tried to place himself in my shoes and wanted to help, but now that I was talking about it I understood that my situation with Caytlin was getting more ridiculous and toxic by the day.

'No, I don't wanna be with her, I just don't wanna... break up with her I guess. Well, I

do

but... I wish our relationship could just end without her getting hurt, for old time's sake, you know? She wasn't always like this,

we

weren't. I used to really like her.' I said truthfully, I don't just wanna dump her like that. It feels like a dick move after all we've done.

And, of course, I was also scared shitless of what she'd do if I did.

'Eventhough she cheats on me and lies to me, she wouldn't take it lightly if I'd break up with her, I think. She used to be my friend, but when I got lucky in the acting business, she changed on me like crazy.'

Leo considered me for a moment. His mouth was closed and his eyes were concentrated on mine. He reminded me of one of my former teachers who would apparently be able to look straight through me and see into my heart and soul. Of course Leo

is

a teacher. It didn't however, feel as uncomfortable as I remember. But definitely more intense.

After what seemed like fifteen minutes, but was actually no longer than a moment or two, he spoke. Still looking right into my eyes which were dripping with a mix of curiosity, sympathy and sincerity.

'Do you love her?' As if he was certain that the answer to that single question would resolve the whole problem, he asked me that. The question came unexpected. I had never really thought about that. But in that moment, when Leo asked me that and I looked into his eyes, I knew the answer.

'No... I never loved her, not in that way, anyway.' How could I when I felt exactly that emotion when I was staring back into those stormy blues of the man on my laptop-screen. Nothing I felt with Leo had ever come close to what I felt with Caytlin, or anyone before and after her.

But hey, I wasn't about to tell

him

that.

'I don't think she loves

me

like that either. It's complicated, like we have this... arrangement or something. It seems to be just for show. But the friendship that we used to have wasn't like that at all.' He looked at me quizically.

'Why would you still be with someone like that? It's none of my business of course but, Con I think you'd feel a lot less stressed without her in your life. Or at least without her as your girlfriend. I'm sorry, but you shouldn't let her walk all over you like that. You're a great guy. Don't let a relationship like that change you into someone you're not.' He really seemed sorry, like he actually cared about me. Even if that didn't mean what I wanted it to mean.

'Maybe, you're right. Maybe I should tell her it's over between us.'

But how? She's gonna unleash hell upon me if I do. What if she decides to tell the press about that time I kissed that guy at the bar?

Leo had a strange look in his eyes. He was studying me. I felt that weird tingle up my spine again. It was like he was looking straight through me again.

Damn

it's like a superpower he has or something.

'You've been thinking about ending it with her for quite some time, haven't you?' Our eyes locked.

'Yes.'

'Hm.'

He just leaned back from the screen and a perfect five 'o clock shadow appeared on his face as he stared out of his window. I was entranced by him. I only breathed out when I heard his voice again.

'Take your time to think about it though, alright? Let her down easy if you're going to do it.' Leo said knowingly. It was obvious that he had thought about something just then. And I really wanted to know what it was.

Did he have a girlfriend? Did they break up?

None of my business. If he had wanted me to know, he'd have told me.

'Thanks Leo, you're like my personal lovelife guide.' I flashed my best smile at him. It looked like it had caught him off guard, but he reclaimed himself by sending me an equally bright smile.

'Do I look like I never had a girlfriend before?' He grinned and my heart sank. 'I know how to handle girls Connor. Had a few break-ups myself. Take it from me, don't do it with a text and don't let one of her friends tell her.' He said with a stern look in his beautiful eyes. 'Oh, and never, never propose to have break-up sex. Whatever movie you've seen or story you've heard, girls NEVER want break-up sex.'