Becoming His

Hello my beautiful readers!

Heads up, this chapter gets a little heavy, so be emotionally prepared for that. By the way, just in case anyone was worried about this being the last chapter, it's not.

Here's the spanish. Much less than before.

Much love, xx

Cariño, intenta tener una buena noche -honey try to have a good night

Tú también. Cuídate -you too. take care of yourself

Mi marido es muy vulnerable -my husband is very vulnerable

¿Debería irse a casa? -should he go home?

Mi conejito dormilón -my sleepy bunny

¿Qué estás haciendo? -what are you doing?

*******

-The Prelude: Three weeks later-

Eddie's Pov:

"Are you going out?" I asked puzzled as I studied the brand new, skin tight, green dress my wife was wearing.

I'd bought it for her a few weeks ago because it matched her eyes perfectly. I thought she looked really pretty in the dress but she had it on for the first time and it was to go out without me. That stung a little.

"Yes. Do you want to come with me?" Jessica asked as she struggled to fasten the buckle on her shoe.

"Mommy let me do that," I told her as I got up from the couch, feeling confused over her not having me do it in the first place.

I always helped Jessica get ready, even before we started all the extra sex stuff so why didn't she want my help tonight? I got down on my knees in front of her and allowed her to place her heel in my lap so I could fasten her foot securely into her shoe. Then I helped her with the next one but when I went to kiss her feet she gently nudged my face away with her other shoe. I stayed where I was on the floor and took a moment to process my wife's rejection of my affection, wondering what I did wrong.

"If you wanted me to come with.. why are you getting ready without me," I eventually asked as I looked up at her feeling hurt. "I got home early. I could have been helping this whole time but you didn't say... I.. I thought we were staying in?"

"Why would you think that Eddie? You haven't spoken to me in over a week," she replied crossly but when I cringed she softened up her tone. "Conejito, I didn't think you'd be up for what I wanted tonight but you are welcome to come. You know you're always welcome," Jessica stated gently as she stared down at me but she didn't pet my head or anything like she usually did and I felt a little lost without that reassuring touch.

"Are you... seeing Nicky?" I asked softly as I tried to ignore how much Jessica's treatment of me, or lack there of, was starting to upset me.

My wife gave me a sympathetic look. "Conejito, we talked about this. No. I'm not going to see Nicolas. He doesn't want to talk to me right now but," she continued when I looked down at the floor to hide my feelings, "He will talk to you. He's already said he will. If you want him here, then you're gonna have to fix whatever went wrong. I know you miss him. You've been so unhappy since the other night."

"I'm fine," I replied indignantly but their was little fire behind my retort. "I just wanted.. to play again.. I guess," I half lied.

I did want that but really, I missed Nicky's presence more than anything. Being without him felt even worse than watching him fuck and potentially steal my wife and I messed it up by acting so... God what was wrong with me?!

"I see. Well, if you happen to call him while I'm out, I don't think you should preposition him with another play night. From what he did say to me, he won't be interested in hearing that," she continued. "You two used to be friends right? How about you try that again and then see how he feels about continuing?"

"You want.. us to.. hang out.. or whatever while you're.. going out.. without me?" I asked unable to process why she was giving me alternative plans to be with someone we were seeing together if she wanted to go out. That was new and I didn't know how to feel about it.

"I want you to be less miserable. So it's your choice. You can go out with me, you can sit there and wallow or you can call up Nicolas and fix whatever went wrong."

"I.. I guess I'll try to talk to him," I muttered defeatedly when I realized Jessica expected an answer.

"Good boy," she praised with a little pat to my head that didn't make me feel any better. "I'll be out late, don't wait up for me," she informed me as she grabbed her purse, coat and keys, all without my assistance.

"But you will come home, right?" I asked a little too anxiously, wishing I could split myself in half.

I'd been isolating myself ever since my meltdown with Nicky. I slept in the guest bedroom and wouldn't speak unless I was at work and had to. Which was probably why Jessica wasn't being as affectionate as normal. It's just that talking and socializing felt stressful so I stopped, eventually even with my wife. That didn't mean I was slacking off though! If anything I barely slept or took a break to make sure that my wife, my household, family, in laws and extended family had everything they needed or wanted before putting the rest of my energy into work. I felt like if I could stay busy then I couldn't think, even in my dreams. It was working but it had only been three weeks and I was so tired and even more depressed.

It was a Saturday so I had the day off tomorrow and I was trying to let myself relax for just a second, even though I felt off for trying. I was currently wearing a pair of soft grey sweatpants and a white tshirt, both were oversized on my small frame, and a pair of thick, warm socks that Jessica's mother had knitted for me one year for my birthday. I was in no way physically or mentally and definitely not emotionally prepared to go out but I did want to spend time with my wife. I felt awful for making her feel like I was ignoring her and I wanted to fix that. Although, admittedly, I would rather not share her company with a stranger when I felt this low. Some guy verbally shitting on me might actually trigger a reaction tonight. Then Jessica would be even more disappointed with me.

On the other hand, I wanted to call Nicky. My wife was right, I did miss him. Terribly. I was also a mess of feelings over our last interaction. The scene had gone so well and then I had to go and make a fool of myself. First, with that kiss I'd nearly been praying for for months. I couldn't believe I pushed myself on Nicky with my face covered in cum like that. Every time I thought about it I wanted to cringe. I couldn't believe he actually kissed me back when my face was so disgusting. Then, I had to go and.. masturbate on him. It was absolutely mortifying and I loathed myself for that type of self indulgent behavior. I couldn't even enjoy the orgasm I got out of it because I was so horrified by what I'd done.

What made it worse was that I knew it was all me. Nicky hadn't pushed me into any of my actions, not really. He merely gave me permission to act on them. He did not make me suffer for enjoying myself, the way I thought he was supposed to. In fact, he was reassuring to me when I felt he ought to be rough and forceful. He didn't start anything with me. He always respected my rules. He just wanted to talk for Christ's sake but I was the one that started the kiss. I was the one that used him to get off! Then I turned around and blamed him for everything. I was in the wrong no matter how I looked at it. He was the victim in this situation and I'd been the one to make him one. I did that to my friend.

I didn't talk to Jessica about what happened or how fucked up I felt over it but I knew she knew about everything. I had security cameras in certain areas of the house, though not ones where my wife and I were typically naked. The kitchen and dining room were for eating and cooking, not usually for.. entertaining. Therefore, when I went practically mute after my time with Nicolas, Jessica instantly checked the cameras. She thought he hurt me and I wasn't even capable of defending him. She was ready to go to the police and everything but then she saw the tape. She didn't talk to me about it or punish me or push for more information the way I thought she would. She simply left me to my own devices.

"Yes I'll come home Eddie," Jessica said from the doorway, interrupting my train of thought.

"Mommy," I called, stopping her before she closed the door. "You look really beautiful tonight. I hope he's worth it."

My wife smiled tenderly at me and placed her hand over her heart. "Cariño, intenta tener una buena noche."

"Tú también. Cuídate," I replied softly and blew her a kiss that she "caught" and pressed against her cheek before she blew one back to me.

Once the door was shut and locked, I took out my phone and stared at Nicky's number. I'd had it ever since that first night, after he'd given it to Jessica, but I never ever used it. Tonight would be the first time I tried. I was so nervous that he'd yell at me or say something horrible like he was never coming back over due to my disgusting display of desperation, so before I texted Nicky, I took a few shots of straight whisky. It was probably foolish of me, drinking before speaking to the man that I was so tempted by, but I knew I needed to explain myself. I needed to give him something that would help him understand me now and there was no way I could ever do that sober. Once I felt buzzed, I took my phone out again to text him, still too much of a coward to call.

Me: Hi. It's Eddie

I texted and then waited anxiously for him to text me back. Nicky didn't respond right away so I looked at the time and realized that he might be out for the night so I sent another message.

Me: When you have time can we talk in person? Unless you're done with me and Jess? I would understand if I'm too much to handle. Just let me know. Please.

Me: Sir

Then I put my phone down and went to pour myself another shot while I waited. After nearly an hour of waiting for a text that never came, I was very drunk and I was feeling rather weepy. I hated being sad drunk but I couldn't help it. I felt unwanted and like I ruined everything with Nicky and Jessica both. Since I was alone and unstable, I was very close to becoming overly emotional and was considering self-harming behaviors. No one was here to notice or care so what did it matter what I got up to anyways?

Then I heard my doorbell ring.

I was very bewildered since I wasn't expecting anyone and Jessica had her keys. It was also eight forty-five in the evening and quite chilly. Though it was only mid-October, so I knew the neighbors wouldn't be coming by for a friendly Halloween visit just yet. I slowly made my way to the door, letting the bell ring two more times before I finally peaked through the peephole to see who it was. To my shock, there, on my doorstep, stood Nicolas.

He looked rough, almost as if he'd just gotten out of a workout. His clothes were sweaty and they clung to him in.. certain.. areas and his curls were a bit more elongated, framing his rosy face in an angelic sort of way. I found it to be quite the attractive look on him and then I promptly scolded myself for thinking so. However, and to my dismay, I noticed the idiot wasn't wearing a jacket. It wasn't unexpected but it was infuriating!

What if he caught a cold? Who would take care of him?! Even back then he was so annoying with that and he would end up sick most of the time because he never listened to me! And then who had to make sure he got through all his missed schoolwork? Me! Because I was his "smartest friend" so what else could I do? I'm pretty sure he would have failed algebra altogether without me.

I thought about mentioning his coatless state to him but then figured he would just tease me again about being a mother hen. Although I usually enjoyed Nicky's teasing, I wasn't sure how much I could handle tonight. I didn't want to cry over caring if he caught a cold just because he wanted to pick on me a little. What I was curious about though was that he was carrying a pizza box. What was that about? And who shows up without a warning?? I could have been busy! Or... lying in bed. Awake. God he was just so annoying! And hot.. ugh.

I slowly unlocked and opened the door. Then I stared up at him, unblinkingly, without saying anything, because getting a closeup view of how sweaty he still was looked incredible and left me tongue-tied. I wanted to lick his entire body clean.

"Are you hungry?" He asked when neither of us spoke for a minute.

"What?" I replied, unable to make sense of his question.

He should be cross and demanding an explanation, or forcing me to grovel for his forgiveness, or at least telling me to fuck off for my ridiculous behavior the other night but instead he was offering me.. pizza? And why did he have to look so good?? How was that fair? I somehow felt underdressed around him.

"I got pepperoni and green peppers on thin crust with extra cheese. Is that still your favorite?" He asked with a hopeful look in his eyes.

"It is.. but.. aren't you.. pissed.. at me?" I asked slowly, still unable to comprehend why Nicolas was being so calm and friendly.

"No," he replied simply.

"But.. I was an asshole. I was going to call the cops on you," I told him with another look of uncertainty.

That comment made Nicky smirk at me. "Yeah, sure you were honey; scared little kitten like you? Anyways, you wanted to talk in person so here I am! Sorry it took so long! I was at the gym. I saw your messages about twenty minutes ago and just kinda grabbed the pizza and drove here cuz I wanted to see you so.. um.. do I get to come in? Or do I have to stand here and eat this outside in the cold while you yell at me some more? Cuz I will. I'm starving!" He finished looking a little nervous, not to mention how he said nearly all of that in seemingly one breath.

"Oh. Um, yes, you can come in," I replied shyly as I moved out of his way to let him.

As I did, I tripped over a pair of shoes that I hadn't gotten around to putting back in the closet. I nearly fell but Nicky caught me with one arm while somehow maintaining perfect hold of the pizza. Time had been so good to him. He was so strong and perfect and I wanted him to...

"Careful there honey. We wouldn't want you getting hurt," he told me as he steadied me on my feet while I blushed over being so clumsy.

Nicolas saying that woke up something deep inside of me that had been hiding away out of fear of being abused again. It was just a stupid little flame of hope but it was ignited now all the same. Impulsively, I stood on my toes and pressed a kiss to his surprised lips. Nicky kissed me back but it was careful, with none of the heat from the other night, but I supposed that was just as well. I didn't think I could handle "heat" right now.

"What was that for?" He asked gently as he sat the pizza box down on the table.

"You don't? Want me hurt?" I slurred as I grabbed his hand and looked up at him for reassurance.

All the cheer seemed to leave Nicky's eyes when I asked that but his tone remained light and easy. "After the phone call I received a few weeks ago, I'm pretty sure Jessica would skin me alive if you got hurt around me. But even if she weren't your guard dog, no Eddie. I would never want you hurt. I know I like to tease you but I don't want you upset for real. I'm sorry you feel like even have to ask me that," he replied gently. "I genuinely thought we all were okay with everything. That's why I made you ask me to cuck you in the first place, to make sure you wanted it. I thought you were even having fun? Jessica said.. well, it's not important because if that's not what's been happening then-"

"No! I'm.. I have f-fun. It's okay. I..I liked it a lot better the other night especially in fact. It was really nice feeling like I could... participate for once. I didn't freak out because of our scene Nicky.. or even because we kissed. Not really. It's just.. the other part.. without my wife... where I wanted to.. and then I wanted you to.. and then.. I came.. on you and then after... I thought you were going to.. hurt me.. for liking it."

"Why would you think that?" Nicky asked looking appalled.

I hung my in head shame. "Because I know I'm disgusting for wanting you. For using you to.. get off. It's wrong. Liking it makes me wrong. You don't understand. I need to be straight. I am straight. I'm married," I replied softly.

"Eddie," he murmured in distress but I pressed my hand over his mouth to quiet him.

"But I.. I.. I've been.. I.. need to tell you a secret. It will.. explain everything.. maybe? Or at least why I freaked out before but.. you can't tell anyone okay? I mean it. Not even Mommy." I begged before removing my hand.

"Alright, you can tell me anything and I won't say a word to anyone. But Eddie, you should know you don't have to do anything you're not ready for. If you're not ready to talk I'll wait until you are. I know I'm a bit pushy but.. are you okay? You kind of look like you might throw up?" Nicky wondered as he led me to the couch.

I felt warm when he said all that to me and I sort of wanted to ask if he'd hold me but I couldn't bring myself to. I didn't feel like I was allowed.

"It's fine. I'm fine. I'm drunk so it's good timing for me," I confided as I sat with some distance away from him. "First," I began timidly, "I guess I should say that I'm sorry for getting angry-"

"Eddie," he immediately interrupted. "You don't need to apologize to me for anything that happened the other night. Really. I've only kept my distance since then because I didn't want to force my presence on you anymore than I already had. You seemed pretty done with me and I wanted to respect that, in spite of what Jessica might want or need or say. I can see you're not okay and I'm sure I'm responsible for some or maybe even most of that.

In fact, I feel like you seem like you're going through a lot and I just want to help. I don't want to be a problem for you anymore. I know I probably haven't seemed like the most caring guy in the world.. given our situation but I do want to be your friend again. And I.. I didn't mean to make you feel like you had to do anything with me the other night. I know you're super submissive honey. I should have been more careful with that. I'm so sorry if I made you feel like I expected something from you that you weren't ready for."

"Why are you being so understanding about all this? I thought you wanted to fuck me? I heard you that first night with my wife. I bet.. you could've the other night if you made me. You're so much bigger than me. You could pin me down and take me.. so easily," I closed my eyes and shivered over the thought, unsure if it made me afraid or excited or revolted. "Why haven't you yet? I mean.. we were alone and everything. W-we still are." I choked out as I searched his eyes.

"What? Are you serious?! Just cuz I want to fuck you that doesn't mean shit! I would never make you Eddie! I would never force anyone to have sex with me! That crap is for weak ass losers and it sickens me. And what does me wanting to fuck you have to do with me being understanding? You weren't okay that night and I care about that. I can feel both things. I know my way to get back into your life has been kind of fucked up but I could never like.. rape you or something! Do you really think I could?" He asked looked extremely offended and hurt.

"I don't know Nicky. I only know what I know," I replied unhelpfully.

His face got very sad when I said that and all his anger disappeared. "You're my.. I.. look, nothing has changed for me. I still want to be in your life, in whatever way you'll have me. Seriously. You could tell me to never speak to Jessica again and to always keep a ten foot distance between you and I and I'd do it if that meant you'd talk to me again. Clearly being in your face all the time doesn't get me anything so whatever makes you comfortable I'll do. And.. I know you don't want to say but.. I still would like to know what went wrong all those years ago. One day, when you're ready of course but.. honey.. I'd kinda like it if one day was someday soon because you're making me really worried about you." He replied gently as he took my hands in both of his.