Barriers

Notes: We're getting somewhere I promise. Next chapter with the sex will be out next week then I have to take a business trip a couple thousand miles away so I might have to hold off until I get back. I've spent more time outlining where I want to take this as well. This story really has been a great outlet for my emotions and mental problems so I hope you're enjoying it. Thank you for the Support as always

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I flicked my cigarette out the window as we cruised down the turnpike. Driving through Pennsylvania was just one giant climb. We were about an hour into the trip, and Johnny made me promised to not look up what was going on in Atlantic City this weekend. I was entertaining myself by sampling some new music that I had come across on Jon's phone.

"I kinda like this one." I tossed the end of my cig out the window. "Garrix is really on his way up."

"I mean after Animals the world is his."

"Sure but I usually start hating this shit as soon as it goes mainstream."

"You're so fucking pretentious. Just enjoy things for the sake of enjoying them. You don't need to care who enjoys it."

"You don't get it dude, when you go to a packed show with a million people it's a totally different vibe than when people have their space. You'll see this summer when we get out to Vegas."

"Look at you, making plans when we're not even through the first one." Jon caught me. I had briefly talked about not doing the Scotland thing this year, maybe go out to Vegas for EDC. I didn't specify going with him now that we were of age but I might have had a dream or 2 about it.

"Any chance you get to hold something over me huh Jon?"

"You fucking love it. As much as you love when you catch me."

"Why are you so smug all the time?"

"You think I'm smug now? I'm nervous as fuck Jason." He scratched the back of his head with his left hand. "If it bothers you this much I'll stop but I know you like it."

I mean he was right. That was our whole thing, we listen to music, rib each other and laugh. It was just nice to have someone to talk to that wasn't Jenna. Was it enough to pursue a relationship over though? The jury was still out on that. A big part of me was just so pathetic and lonely that any positive attention was like a rush of sugar. I still didn't know what I wanted out of Jon and I felt bad that I might be leading him on after all of this.

"I do like it you're right." I relented. "You're lucky you're cute or I wouldn't put up with it."

"I can annoy you AND you find me cute? Nice!"

A messenger notification popped up on his phone and the dashboard interrupting the music. Jon certainly didn't think handing me his phone through as I read the title of the Group "The Boyz(No Girlfriends or you're gay)"

"Oh boy what is this?"

"Jason fucking don't." He switched hands and reached over to swipe it back from me.

"Oh no no no Johnny boy." I put it out of reach just in time. "I'm gonna read this and enjoy it."

I opened up messenger and I instantly recognized the face of Ken Wilker. Poor guy had lost the genetics lottery and was stuck with acne until he was 25 at least. "Johnny if you don't come back a winner we'll never let you live it down."

The next message came from Jamal Smith "Nah I'm over this shit, I miss old Johnny. Old Johnny wouldn't be taking a trip with some dumb kid he didn't have a chance with."

"Yeah he's kind of stupid too." Sam Brooks couldn't pass up a chance to talk shit as usual.

"Would you two shut the fuck up and let Johnny be happy?' Wilker typed impressively fast. "Let Johnny be Johnny, we still see him every day anyways."

"I don't wanna have to hang out with Jason Andrews. Dudes gonna go off one of these days and shoot up the school."

"Wait, that's why we should be his friend. So he won't kill us."

This was standard honestly. It was worse when we were younger. I was seen as a walking time bomb, going to snap and go insane at any time. When you get older all that shit stops mattering, you start getting an idea of what is actually going on in the world. I was honestly happier about getting new leverage over Johnny if anything. He was visibly sweating looking for somewhere to pull over, finally settling on the parking lot of a Stackers.

"Give me the fucking phone." He grabbed onto the USB cord and as expected it snapped off immediately.

"Aw come on I'm enjoying reading what your friends think of me."

"No Jason I mean it. They're assholes and I know it." He whipped off his seatbelt and jumped on me faster than I had anticipated. He smacked the phone out of my hand and it fell on the side out of sight. "Come on."

"Looks like you're not getting it now." I looked up and realized Johnny was right on top of me. The visible sweat was glistening from his forehead and was removing whatever product he put in his hair. That generic axe body spray smell I'd become accustomed to permeated my nose and made me realize the rather compromising position I was in. His black shirt was riding up his chest and I could see the outline of his six pack leading down to his black boxer briefs. I could only imagine the look on my face as my eyes wandered.

He pinned the hand he smacked and looked me straight in the eyes. "I don't give a fuck what they said. If they hate you I have no problem not seeing them ever again. Anyone who hurts you has to answer to me now." The intensity at which he looked at me sent a shiver down my spine. It was no secret who was the dominant one was, but holy fuck this guy did Jon Han know what to say to be in control. "I know you're not a bad guy. Now can I please have my phone so I can tell them off?"

"How about another trade?" I offered with heavy innuendo. I was incredibly aroused right now and didn't even think about playing some stupid game of cat and mouse. The cat had me exactly where he wanted me.

Jon hummed and he looked out the window. "I don't know. You made me nervous as fuck."

"Alright your loss, just get off me and..."

Just like that he put his entire weight on me and went straight for my lips. He caressed the back of my head as he took advantage of my open mouth and slid right in. Large sweeping motions filled my mouth and I was swept up into a pleasure I was incredibly unfamiliar with. He was still looking at same intensity as before, studying my every reaction making sure I enjoyed it. I adjusted to breathe out of my nose as I let him do all of the work, letting him lead our tongues in and out of each others mouth. He unpinned my hand and reached out finding my throbbing erection hiding in my joggers. It was too much and I broke the kiss gasping for air.

"Fuck you're so fucking sexy." His hand was still on my rock hard dick, rubbing it gently as he still refused to break his gaze on me. It felt like I was going to turn to stone at any second, perpetually locked in this bliss.

"Jon...please..." This was all so new to me. I'd never experienced something this intense before, sure I wasn't a virgin, I had screwed around with a guy or two after I was forced to come out in 6

th

grade but we had no idea what we were doing back then. Jon was experienced, knowing which buttons to press to make me lose my sanity. "I can't breathe."

"Oh shit." Jon broke his trance, realized he was crushing me and hopped off. "Sorry, i kind of lost my mind there."

"Yea" I took slow deep breaths to regain my composure. "You went nuts."

"I'll take it slow next time." He reached down his sweats and adjusted himself. "Just you know, you made an offer I couldn't refuse."

"No no. that was fucking fantastic. I could get used to that" I reached for the door behind me and took a whiff of fresh air. "Just...give me a second."

As I Stepped out of the car Jon went for the phone that had fallen to the passenger side floor. I was curious what he was typing. Imagined it was telling off his friends and letting them know I saw what they were saying. I decided to walk into the Stackers and buy something to drink to get what had just happened off my mind.

As I stood in line to pay for my soda the thoughts started pouring in. Was I moving too fast? Is this a dream? What was I expecting out of this weekend? Was our first time going to be like this? A million questions flooded my head at once. This is why I sedated myself so much. It doesn't me no good thinking like a madman all the time, questioning everything. Hopefully Jon would break me out of my cycle when I got back in the car.

"I'm really sorry about all of that." Jon had taken the time to straighten himself out. "We're like an hour out at least so it won't be too much longer."

"Yeah that kiss was pretty awful."

"Yeah your dick sure hated it." He made a right to get back to the highway and tossed me the USB cable. "You can see who's playing tonight. I've made you wait long enough."

"Eh, I can wait." I flipped on my Spotify then swiped over to my Facebook. I didn't make a habit of looking at it but after the other day I was curious how many more idiots tried to add me knowing what was going on. The one that caught my eye at the top was Jon's boy Ken Wilker. I added him and near instantly a message popped up from him.

"Hey man, I'm so fucking sorry."

"Those guys, they didn't mean that."

"Jon and I have your back man you don't have to worry about shit this year. I'll smash the face of anyone who crosses your path." Ken sure could type up a storm. I wasn't sure how to respond.

"Kenny is basically my brother. I basically got this entire idea from him to be honest." I had forgotten messenger appears on the dashboard so Jon could read everything. "Super supportive guy, you'll see. The dude would take a bullet for me."

"Does he usually type a word a second normally?" The messages were still flying, all of them profuse apologies for what I had the (mis)fortune of reading.

"Yeah Kens a lowkey nerd who spends all his non-basketball time playing video games and learning to code. He always tells me he doesn't have time for a girlfriend because he's too busy trying to code."

I broke the flood of texts telling him it was ok and it didn't bother me as much as he thought it did.

"Ok man, I just know Johnny planned this out for weeks and what my asshole firend said shouldn't ruin the great time you're about to have. Have a great time man, lets get lunch when you get back you seem awesome!"

Jon choked on a laugh as he read the message. "He's such a fucking softy under all of that muscle he has holy shit. He really is a big stupid teddy bear."

The way Jon talked about his best friend in earnest was something I hadn't seen in a while. I spent a lot of my childhood confused about how relationships work. My parents jumping in and out of my life really fucked with my head and it certainly wasn't didn't get easier after Houston...ah shit here come the thoughts again. I had to focus on something else, anything else. I pulled out a cigarette and flicked my lighter as fast as I could. I knew my coping mechanisms were the bottom of the barrel worst but they are all I have. Before I could crack the window I heard it slide down.

"You ok?" Jon put his hand on my lap "You lit that thing in a hurry."

"Just...thought about stuff. Had to think about anything else."

"Was it anything I said?"

"No it's just...I'm such a loser."

"Nah you're not doing this on your birthday weekend." He rubbed my shoulder. "Let's enjoy everything ok?"

"I don't think I would have these problems if I could just turn off my brain and not think about it Jon."

"Let's try this. What do you want me to do when you get like this?" Jon's voice had become a lot softer as he tried to comfort me. "If there is anything I can do please let me know."

"What is it about me that you like so much?" I had to change the subject it was getting too much for me.

"You challenge me. You keep me on my feet. I like it when you talk about music and the way you express yourself when you describe all the concerts you've been to. I really like it when you smile and your hair hangs in front of your face and it covers your eyes." He looked over at me with those fucking eyes again. His emerald pupils were able to perfectly match whatever mood he was in. It was easy to see why Jon Han was able to hook up with whoever he wanted. He just made it look so effortless. "To be honest, you've shown me how much more I need to experience in life before I need to run my family's business. It would be awesome to travel the country with you and experience a festival or two."

Shit, this guy had really fallen for me and here I was being an asshole the entire time. The only people who ever got to know me were people who were unrelenting in their pursuits. It was just so hard to open up about everything. I always felt like I was just so far behind the world in terms of social skills and I had no idea how to catch up. It was like this huge shell I was wearing was holding me back in life and preventing people from getting in.

"Come on, tell me why you haven't told me to fuck off yet." Jon asked as he punched me back to reality.

"What can I say? You're Jon Han how could I possibly resist?"

"Nope, not taking that one. Too easy."

"Alright give me a minute." It was always so hard to organize my thoughts. "Your eyes are incredible to start I guess. We both clearly enjoy the ribbing for sure. I don't know, you cared enough to make an attempt. I guess that's all I really wanted."

"I don't think that's true. I don't think you'd give many people the time of day."

"I mean look at your stupid friends, everyone thinks I'm gonna blow up the school. Why waste their time on a basket case?"

"Well if anyone cared enough to know you, they would find out how awesome you are. You aren't a basket case because I wouldn't date one."

"Ah that's been the qualifier this entire time? If Jon Han thinks im not nuts then I'm not nuts. Time to announce it to the world!"

"You're such a smart ass."

We had made the final stretch. The Atlantic City highway ends on a long bridge with a constant stream of billboards of upcoming attractions. One in particular caught my eye. This asshole was paying attention after all.

"Garrix is tommorow."

"Thank god you're not over him like every other popular DJ."

"There's actually no chance we're getting in though. The clubs don't let anyone under 21 in."

"Nah it's an event in the convention center apparently. I triple checked before I got my uncle to get us the room."

"This isn't going to go according to plan you know."

"You let me worry about the plans and just enjoy your weekend alright?" He got off the highway and pulled into the Carat.

The Carat was the casino targeted at people in their early 20's, apparently they were going even younger with this whole 18+ concert thing. It made sense, you indoctrinate them early and you have kids gambling and eating out of your hand by the time they're 21. The thrill of gambling never made sense to me. I guess when money isn't an issue you never think about how a few thousand in a night can change your life. We parked, grabbed our luggage and headed for the lobby. As soon as we got down there Jon waved down an Asian man who looked to be in his late 40's. They started talking in Chinese as he lead us to the elevator. Jon would finally introduce me after we were alone.

"Sorry Jason, this is my uncle Kun."

"Nice to meet you." He extended his hand and bowed slightly, standard Asian greeting. "Always nice to meet one of my nephew's friends." After the handshake the door opened and he continued to lead us to the room, picking up where they left off in Chinese. When we got to the room his uncle gave him the key and waved as he walked back to the elevator.

"My uncle is a degenerate in every sense of the word. We won't see him until checkout on Sunday. He told me he was going to go play Paigow for a while and if there was an issue with the room tell him."

He opened the door and waved me in. It was your standard casino hotel room. One queen bed in the middle of the room with a tv in front of it. I walked over to the window to find an unremarkable view of the highway and the city past it. I had obviously been better and more extravagant places but never with any friends, let alone a romantic interest. I touched the glass and thought about everything that had happened this week. My last year of high school started off with a bang. Houston was back in my life in a terrible way, Jon was back in my life in an incredible way and I was here a couple hours away from everyone to celebrate my birthday.

"Alright, i'll take my shower, you take yours after and we'll walk around the place until our reservation." I turned around to see Jon without his shirt right in front of me. His tan from what I can assume was many shirtless summer days looked incredible. He was so well defined and smooth all the way down to his tan line right above his black boxer briefs. I felt gravitated towards him, I needed to touch, to feel to know what going on was real.

He didn't stop me as put my hands on him, my breathing turned heavy as I felt his bulging muscles. I started with his right shoulder tracing it down his perfectly tight left pec. I held my hand there for a few seconds and then jumped when I felt his heartbeat picking up. This was all real, he was actually into me and his heart was racing simply from my touch. How could anyone feel this way about me and my sickly pale body?

"I've been waiting for this for so long." He swung his arm around me and brought me face to face and began his assault. He went slowly as first, just like the first time we kissed today, gently pecking my lips waiting for me to return to my senses. I slowly opened my mouth and began to relax, letting him lead me again. He growled as he nibbled on my bottom lip. "Every time I kiss you my brain ignites. I feel things I've never had before with anyone else." He parted the hair between my eyes and dove back in, this time, eyes open wide. There were those emeralds taking a stranglehold on my soul, making my knees week and heart jump out of my chest. His hand slipped down the back of my pants, latching onto my ass causing my eyes to roll back in my head. We started moving towards the bed and soon as felt the frame he shoved and mounted on top of me, not giving a moments respite. His mouth attached to my neck as his thumbs went straight under my shirt and rubbed my nipples making me scream pushing him off.

"You ok?" He got up concerned. "If it's too much let me know."

"No I'm fine." I was beyond out of shape. It was taking a mental toll on me at this point. I didn't want Jon off of me. I was ready to feel all of him but my body just couldn't. The damage I had done was showing and I felt worse for it.

"Hey, stop worrying about it." He sat down next to me and pushed the hair out of my eyes. "I get it. I'm really intense. I'll be slower next time."

"Believe Jon I want to it's just...."

"Nah I get it." He got up and stretched his arms as he arched his back. "I just get lost in the energy that I just keep going. I mean it that I've never experienced anything like this before. Just let me know how I can make it better for you." He ran his fingers though his hair as he walked to the bathroom. "Anyways ima take that shower. We have like an hour before we have to make our reservation anyways."

After the door closed, I smacked my hands against my face and groaned. My first sexual mishap was a literal boner killer. Well done Jason, you fucked it up. I looked through my phone to see Jenna had shot me about 25 more messages. I couldn't be bothered right now, she would probably just fill my head with nonsense. I needed to talk to someone though so I decided to call the one person in the world I knew could trust.

"Jace, it's fuckin 2am about. Are you ok?"