Barn and Beyond

Chapter 7:

I have always been a quiet and introvert person like Dad, it was Mom who made us talk and laugh and feel wanted.

I was always fit and nice to look at since we had a fitness culture at home and our life of physical labour at the barn but I couldn't make any best friends besides Wilfred at the army but it was still half true because I never told him about me and then I stopped contact once I got discharged even though he tried to get in touch with me.

Whenever I got close to a boy, I was worried he will find out that I am gay and out me to everyone or feel disgusted or violated to be with me. Girls were instantly attracted to me and I could never give them what they wanted or be friends.

It was always Mom, she was the glue that kept us together, her heart so big and full of life, it gave away.

I blamed Dad for being distant and stuck to the spot Mom left us and accused Andrea for moving on with her life. But these months with Sky made me see what loving someone feels like and what it means to be selfless.

As I sat across him on the bed, I wanted to say so much and explain how I felt about him but words and tears never found me and if they did they were sparse. I couldn't cry and tell him to stop, or tell him what he meant to me, so I waited for him to come to me.

But he had to know what he is and who he is to me.

He endured abuse and torture so that his father's last days could be happy. The first night when I saw him naked and bleeding, I noticed the bruises on his back and neck, some new and many old. I wanted to find and break those hands that inflicted them but he still worried about his Dad, he knew how to love even after seeing so much hatred.

He screamed and cried every night for days and I held him through the night, changing and going for a run at early hours to clear my mind. How can anyone hurt someone beautiful, innocent and lovely like Sky? I couldn't find the why, so I concentrated on those bastards. I hounded the police department for answers, went to Sky's house every day to see if anyone was lurking there and drove around 16th street.

The night when he asked them to stop, I realised, he was reliving the first time it happened, he didn't know them yet and I wanted to be there fighting for him and battling for his innocence rather than fighting someone elses war in a strange country.

He held on to me like I wasn't real and in weeks of it I knew he thought I was a dream, he wasn't holding on to me, he was holding on to something in his nightmares which didn't hurt him. It broke my heart to see him this way and pained me to not tell him it's me but I wanted to be there for him even if he didn't know.

They stole his food money and starved him but his heart was big enough to cook pots full of food for a room full of people. I complained about a few acres of land my father sold or the fact that he didn't take care of this house and I found myself being petty.

I was given everything and I still ran away and he went every night to sit beside his father's death bed after been beaten and broken every day. He burnt himself through years for a few days of peace for his father. That night I called Dad and said I am sorry. I told him I know how it felt to be helpless to not able to save someone you loved. I came out to him and told him about Sky. I told him I know why he felt untethered after Mom and apologised for running away. He relived all the good days with Mom and us, he wanted to go back in time and make it better for us. He promised to be there for the opening of our B&B, but before we could hang-up I asked for help.

"I don't know how to support him Papa, I want to but don't know how?"

"Never let him run alone... ever!" He started crying.

The night I found him on the wet bed, balled over like a child, I wanted to take my service gun and hunt those bastards down. When I took off his clothes, his body was covered with red and white dried burn marks and I wanted to break every finger holding those cigarettes. I envisioned him getting up, wiping his tears and limping to his Dad, putting up a smile before he met him, trying to live each day as it came. I called Andrea the next day and she just cried and said she was sorry to leave me alone. I told her she hasn't, I had been lonely before she left, leaving her alone even when she tried so hard. I told her about Sky and my love for him. She told me to hold on and not give up.

"It doesn't matter where you are and what you are doing, your loneliness follows you. Don't let go of him Gabs, hold on. Please don't be lonely."

She promised me that she will be there for the opening with Kenji, her live in boyfriend. I spoke with him too and we promised each other to visit but not alone, always with our partners.

"Remember Gabs what Mom said whenever we talked about our future?"

"Sky is the limit." we said together and laughed on how corny it sounded in my situation.

As I sat in front of him on the bed, I wanted to tell him everything but words failed me. I wanted to tell him I needed to learn to love selflessly like him. On how I was in awe with him to fight his demons every day of his life but create such beautiful art and awesome interiors. I wanted to kiss his hands when he cooked and fed me after been tortured and bullied all his teenage life. How he loved Rusty and looked after me after facing loneliness and abuse, to keep loving around so much hatred. I know he had been hurt and some scares don't heal but I wanted to kiss his marks and his lips because I wanted that hurt and scares to be mine too. I wanted to tell him that he may hate his body and think its dirty but for me he was the best thing I felt when I held him and wanted him to touch and love me and I wanted to make love to him and try to prove that we belong together and the past didn't matter anymore. I wanted to protect him, hold him, kiss him and be his prom date.

"Please Sky, I am lonely and cold here, I need you." is all I managed to say and he came to me. I hugged him to me and pulled him on my lap. He held on to me his hands locked around my neck, with one hand I laced my fingers around his hair and held on to his waist with the other, gently rocking him.

"You can have anyone you want, then why me?" He asked his head hidden in my chest. "I don't know!" I replied kissing his head and then his lips.

We were making our last minute preps for the launch after almost 4 months of being together and taking small steps in our relationship especially in physical intimacy. We were inseparable and I couldn't keep my eyes and hands off Sky. Not in an overtly sexual way but like holding his hands or hugging and generally touching him. He was the same, he couldn't let go off me, kind of lived in my arms. We kissed and slept together but he was not ready for anything else and I was happy to wait. I wanted to tell him to be mine forever but I didn't want to be pushy. Sky now smiled always, his nightmares were less frequent. I knew he was having one when he hugged me more closely at night.

Larry recommended a girls group from his university who were influencers and ran a social media marketing firm. It turned out to be his girlfriend Alexandrea and her two besties. But the girls were good at what they did. They were mean girls without the mean in them.

Bonnie, their lead was a beautiful, flashy and over the top African American 20 year old high achiever, supported by Indira, an Indian data wiz who typed so fast on her laptop, I was worried it will catch fire. Indira a lovely caramel, black haired beautiful Indian woman and am sure would be driving the college boys crazy. And there was Alex, Larry's high school sweetheart, the actual influencer who had almost 3 million followers for her beauty, fashion and travel social media account. The handsome black buff construction worker and architect to be Larry with the white golden haired blue eyed Alex was an instant hit, people loved them because they were genuinely in love.

"You guys are a couple?" Bonnie asked, taking notes while Indira typed and Alex pushed Larry away.

"Sort of" I responded while Sky pretended to read the plans they had emailed, all of us siting around the centre table in the tastefully done garden by Sky between the two outhouse B&Bs.

"Uhh huh... that wouldn't work boys. Has to be either a power couple or nothing. You guys are too good looking to be roaming around a B&B with an almost tag. Gaby with that sexy body and army vibe with your buzz cut, it will make men and women go crazy, husbands will cut short their vacation to keep wives and daughters away from your biceps and wives will stay awake worried their sons and husbands are drooling over that muscular butt. And Sky! You are like a wet dream man, can't have you serving finger food with your big eyes and cute dimples. Nope this wouldn't work. Indira?"

"The demographic that we are targeting are mostly rich townies who haven't seen a barn before or want to show their kids how they grew up. So you guys have to be a couple or build a nice tan closet and hide in it." Indira rattled numbers after that.

"Exactly, or we do a gay retreat, which is good for business but that's once a year and then they are gone, it's tagged 'gay only' and families don't want to come to such resorts. Its sad but true." Alex added.

"So what do we do?" I asked.

"I can come to help and leave. And stay at my place." Sky offered.

"Sweetie!" Bonnie said touching her expensive nails lightly on Sky's fingers. "One look at you two, blind can see fireworks and deaf can hear violins. Ain't goanna work. You guys are so into each other and have like a 3 months for the first booking, put a ring on each other and get over with it. It's good for you two and the business. We also arrange weddings."

"Ohhh! That would be so nice, we can have like a wedding here in your Barn and put those pictures up.Will attract families both gay and hetero." Alex said clapping her hands and hugging Larry. "Larry can be the best man and we can do like a family campaign thing."

"Sounds good to me" I said, breathless with the idea but hopeful, too nervous to look at Sky. "What?" Everyone asked in a unison besides Sky.

"The couple thing, like committed and the ring and ahhh... you know the wedding?" I put my proposal on the table.

"Like this? Where is the knee and the ring?" Sky smiled and pointed at his ring finger.