Barn and Beyond

Chapter 6:

It was a long, tiring but an extremely satisfying first day at work. When we got back home, I cooked fish and one baked potato for us. Gabs had double servings of the fish but just a little of the potato which I finished. We spoke about my day, with me doing most of the talking after so many years. Gabriel smiled across the table through the meal and the conversation and I couldn't take my eyes off him.

This went on for about a month, I loved working with the design team and felt valued that my input was accepted.

After a week, I and Larry with some of the landscaping contract staff were measuring the entry for a more secured and welcoming gate when we came across the spot I was brutalised. I froze to the point unable to move and Larry panic called Gabriel when I wasn't responding.

Gabriel rushed to the spot, hugged me and carried me back to the house.

I was walking down the 16th street and it morphed into our high school corridor surrounded by students. I was shoved to my left hitting the lined up lockers with a bang. I looked up and it was Yuri, his red eyes leering at me. I shrunk and tried to merge into the wall.

He came to me "Hi Sky! Can I talk to you for a sec?" He said in a singsong voice, his breath stinking sending chills down my spine, instantly bringing tears to my eyes. He pushed and shoved me to the toilet and then into a cubicle and came very close to me pushing his hard-on to my back, his body more revolting than the cubicle.

"I am going to fuck the shit out of you, boy pussy." He threatened.

"Please, don't hurt me. I have been doing what you want and taking your abuse. My father is in the hospital and very sick, please please, I can't take it anymore. Please Yuri."

WHAM! He slapped me hard on the back of my head throwing me to the wall in the front of me with the force. "You bitch! How dare you take my name? Haven't you learnt anything in 2 years?" Another hard slap, this time on my back.

"Sir! Sir please, let me go." I begged as he started shoving his hands in my pockets and opened my backpack throwing my books and phone on the floor. He found my food and travel money for the week, I had saved by working odd jobs.

"Please don't take that money, it's for food." I sobbed. "Boss and I like you thin and small bitch, stay that way, you don't need food!" He said holding my balls painfully from behind and then he pushed my face on the wall and licked my face from the side and then spat on me and left.

I cried feeling helpless and looked down, I had peed my pants again, I wanted to die but couldn't because of Dad. I sobbed and begged after he was gone unable to leave the cubicle in my current state. "Please, please... PLEASE I NEED THE MONEY FOR FOOD... SIR PLEASE... I HAVE DONE WHAT YOU TWO WANTED, PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE. DAD... DAD, PLEASE SAVE ME DAD, PLEASE...SOMEONE PLEASE... I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE." The arms were back, holding me, the musky gentle scent emanating and intoxicating. I held on and cried, half-awake but didn't want this part of the dream to end. "Baby you are with me here. I got you." "I WANT TO DIE! I am filthy and dirty".

"No you shouldn't think about hurting yourself and you aren't any of that, they are. You are with me and safe. Sleep, I have got you now Baby, sleep."

I woke up and panicked, it was a different room, much bigger with a different set-up. I rushed out of the open door and realised I am in Gabriel's house but his parents room and I was naked. I walked in my room, the bedsheet were stripped and the mattress was covered with newspapers pressed with heavy books. I went to the dresser and put on my shorts and t-shirt, used the bathroom and rushed downstairs. It was very bright, I looked at the clock at the entrance side wall and it was past 9 am, I had overslept. I went back to my room, got ready and ran as fast as I could to the outhouse.

The wallpapers had been delivered and I started working immediately. At lunch time, Gabriel came in from the barn.

"Hey Bay...uhh Buddy! You okay... slept late?"

"Yes sorry, didn't realise, huh... I was in your parents room in the morning. Anything I did to be moved?"

"Ehh... no... I got some juice when you didn't wake up and you kind off knocked it off my hand and it spilled on you and the bed. So I took your clothes off and put you in the other room. Your mattress should be good in a couple of days. I and some of the boys have kept it in the sun to dry."

"OH! Sorry for knocking it off your hand. Did you eat breakfast?"

"Protein and oats out of the packet" he smiled. "I better get something nice to eat later." He handed me one of the sandwiches he ordered for everyone for lunch.

It was a very fruitful day, we laid the carpet and the wallpaper for the lobby and one of the suites. I drew some sketches for the landscaping as I had envisioned, Austin asked for some changes but Gabriel said he loved it. I made the changes Austin asked me to, he was my boss as per me and Gabriel...eh... he was like home.

I was with Gabriel for 3 months. I worked on the B&B, it was shaping up beautifully and we picked up low cost but very classy décor, upholstery and furnishing. It was almost ready to be put on Airbnb and other listings. Some of the nights were dreamless but I did dream of my saviour, of him hugging me and kissing my forehead and telling me I am with him and safe and calling me baby.

I and Larry had become best friends, the only person after Gabriel to know my story which I told him after the panic attack. When we were almost done with the outhouse project, I suggested to arrange a celebratory dinner. Gabriel got what I needed from the market and Larry brought their taco shell maker. I cooked a pot full of taco meat and sauce, shredded cheese, shredded lettuce, chopped tomatoes, diced red onion, and handmade guacamole. Gabriel helped me in the kitchen for chopping and shredding, and entertained the guys with soft drinks and beer, everyone watching a game. When we took the food to the TV room, I realised I was entering it for the first time.

I had taken multiple tests within 18, 45 and 90 days for being exposed to unprotected sex. Every time I gave the test, I had night terrors of the night it happened. It took multiple forms but it was always the same scenario but never the barn, it was always the street. And every time I was held and calmed by the dream saviour, brushing my hair, kissing my forehead and holding me, intoxicating me with the scent. Good thing all results were negative.

On the 90th day when I was at the hospital waiting for the last test and Gabriel was filling some forms at the reception, I felt someone staring at me. I skipped a beat, knowing before even looking at the direction who it was. I looked left and outside the sliding glass door was Liam. He looked haggard and dishevelled with overgrown hair and a beard but it was him. He winked at me, smiling his evil crooked smile and gestured shooting me, mouthing "BANG BANG BITCH!" before he disappeared. I wasn't able to breathe, I could smell his bad breath and body odour, his touch, the pain and the humiliation. Gabriel found me in a state of panic and he had to call a nurse to help me. He called Detective Hale and informed him of the incident.

I was on the 16th street again, in the van cowering in the corner after being forced to give a blow job to Liam, my head spinning because of the way he pulled my hair and my jaw and cheeks paining for being held forcefully and slapped repeatedly by Yuri. I was pushed off the van by Yuri and I vomited on the sidewalk crying. "See you at Prom, Bitch! Get waxed and primed up to lose your virginity" Liam shouted as he walked to the driver's seat, Yuri laughing in the background and they drove off. I started sobbing loudly, "What did I do to deserve this?" I want to go to the prom too. I want to go with someone who likes me and will hold me and take a picture holding me from behind, both of us laughing for being so corny. "I WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PERSON, I WANT TO TOUCH AND BE TOUCHED BECAUSE I WANT IT AND NOT LIKE THIS. I DON'T WANT TO FEEL DIRTY AND UNTOUCABLE. I WANT TO BE HELD AND KISSED. THEN WHY THIS, WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS. DON'T I DESERVE A PROM, A DATE AND A KISS?" I was screaming in my sleep, half conscious afraid to open my eyes and see them in a van or smoking in the corner. I slowly got aware of the hands holding me, I hid my face in his chest and cried, the scent making me want to not let go. This was not some dream, this was real and he was real. He had been holding me every night as I cried and screamed and wet my bed. He held me when I was reliving the worst moments of my life and making me believe it wasn't him in the morning and letting me clutch to whatever little dignity I had left.

I cried because I was filthy and dirty and not worth the respect and support he was giving me, I cried because I was broken and unworthy of the love I felt for him, my body used and soiled but I wanted him to touch me and like it. I shouldn't have woken up tonight because more than one dream was getting broken.

"I want to touch you baby, I want you and I want to hold you. I want to kiss you if you let me. Sky baby! It's me, look at me. I want you to know it's me, Gabs. I want you to see me as I kiss you and tell you that I love you."

He laced his fingers in my hair and raised my head to look at him, but he didn't pull it or grab my head as I expected, he was gentle with me, holding it lightly, just moving his hands slightly and letting me raise my head if I wanted to. I did and opened my eyes, his didn't shine in the dark like monsters and they were still green and beautiful. He was looking at me without any malice and hatred like my attackers or pity and disappointment like me, but with something else... something nice.

"It's me", he said and kissed me lightly on my lips. I was touched, abused for years and raped but never been kissed. My lips were dirty, they had touched their skins. Gabriel was nice and unpolluted unlike me. I shouldn't touch him and stain him. I recoiled and moved away from him.

"Don't touch me, I am dirty. I am worthless, a little bitch!" I covered my face and cried feeling guilty for holding him and using him to feel comforted and safe.

"Don't Baby. Please don't say such things. You are the best thing that happened to me." He got on the bed and waited for me.

"I want to be happy but don't know how and not sure if I deserve it and I don't want to drag you into this freak show life of mine more than I already have" I stopped him to come closer.