Ah, let's start off with my college years. I found out who I really was during that time. I learned that I had a love for lacrosse, rugby, and a new attraction: Men. Although in high school I was a notorious ladies man. Trust me, if anyone would've told me that in 3 years from then I would be a homosexual... I would've laughed in their face.
But back to college! I first noticed this suppressed desire of mine after a vigorous game of lacrosse with my friends. They're jocks like me. We were laughing and recapping funny moments in the game while walking to the showers. We were all in there washing up, as we have many times before.
But I felt different that day. Standing with Paul, Shane, and Brian, naked, was making me feel incredibly awkward. Especially about how Shane, whom I was standing closest to, was rubbing soap all over his body and I doing the same.
I pushed the uneasy feeling aside and resumed my shower. I was nearly finishing rinsing off when I (for whatever reason) looked over to Shane, and stared for a while. Thank god he didn't notice me at all because I had ever-so-slightly turned my head. I just blanked out staring at him. His buff build, beautiful curvaceous body, blonde hair, and chiseled abs.
When I came to a minute later I had also come to the realization that I had a semi- erect penis. Dreadfully embarrassed I walked out of the shower and straight for a bathroom stall. I was taken aback by what just happened. I had never gotten hard from a man. And better yet, my friend! I shower with my friends all the time and never got well... "Happy". Still freaked out a little I got dressed after my erection subsided then yelled to them that I was going back to my room for a nap.
During the next few weeks prior to that incident I tested myself. Playing sports then hopping in the shower with my friends, usually Shane included. But nothing happened. Convinced that it was a onetime thing, I forgot about it. 2 months later it was almost Christmas Break. So the dorms had various X-mas parties. The mother of all of them was the night before everyone left for home.
The whole dorm building I lived in was festively decorated. It was a blowout every year. The floor I lived on, third floor was where I usually stayed the whole time because that is where the most fun took place. We were a crazy bunch of idiots. And yes, my friends and I all lived on the third floor. But everyone on our floor was nuts.
It was the most fun up there because we had the most booze. The way the party worked was all the rooms had their doors open and everyone walked around drinking it up and living it up, for the holidays. Third floor was so awesome that students from the other floors came up to ours. Every year it was crowded, but the good kind, a comfortable crowded. Everyone has a cup of beer or other alcoholic beverage and walked through the halls and rooms bunched with people.
That year I was sophomore and was kind of wasted 4 hours into the party (10pm). I was sitting with most of my guy friends in Devin's room. It was me, Devin, Paul, Shane, Brian, Bruno, Kenny, Jamie, and Travis. They were all pretty wasted too. But we were entertained by the hot holiday porn we watched. However we didn't get boners, because of our imparity from the beer.
There was a loud crash in the hallway and Brian, Travis, Paul, Shane, Devin, and Bruno peeled their eyes from the television and went to into the hallway to investigate.
We all knew Kenny and Jamie were gay. They weren't lovers but we just knew. It was a touchy subject with all of us but we accepted them, besides, they were badass at rugby. So us three, still in the room, and watching a woman in a sexy "Santa's helper" outfit suck off a guy in a Santa suit.
Adam, another one of our gay friends came in the room. "Hey Adam, professor hold you up?" I asked not feeling as drunk as before.
"Yeah he did. He made me rewrite my whole fucking paper. He is such an ass!" He said still not noticing what was on the TV screen.
"Why'd you have to rewrite it?" I asked handing him a beer.
"Thanks, I wrote it in cursive and he said he wouldn't take it like that. So I stayed and wrote all 4 pages in print. Ugh, I am so done with his stupid class!" He rants then sits next to me on the floor.
He went on talking about some bio paper and how fascinated he was about it but I wasn't paying attention, I was staring at his features. His smile was a beautiful accent to his face. I was gazing at his lips but the words they spoke I paid no mind to. I never noticed how nice his body looked. He was slender, with no muscle, and it worked for him. He took good care of his body. I was snapped back into reality when he stopped talking and finally looked at the TV.
"Aw, sweet man! Holiday porn!" He said scooting closer to the television, only to move back against the couch next to me a moment later.
I looked over at him. He had shaggy brunette hair that he usually wore spikey but that night he slicked it into a foe-hawk. His skin was smooth and soft; it still had a faint tan left over from the previous summer. He stood about 5'11. On his left shoulder was a tribal tattoo and he had a few piercings on his right ear. He seemed pretty manly for a gay guy right? He hid it well.
I lost myself looking at him. But I eventually snapped out of it and went back to watching the smut on the screen. A few minutes passed and I looked over to Adam again. He had a pretty big bulge in his pants and his hand was placed over it.
"Hey, uh, Adam this turns you on?" I just had to ask because he told us that he was completely gay.
"What? Oh, mhm. I guess it did. Uh, sorry about that dude." He said as his cheeks got flushed a bit.
"Hey, no problem, don't worry about it." I said with a reassuring pat on the shoulder. He gave me a half smile then got up, walking to the door.
"I'm going to the bathroom." He said rushing out of the room into the sea of people.
I looked behind me to check on Jamie and Kenny; they were passed out in each other's arms. The flick ended so I went to the doorway, watching some freshman playing beer pong. Adam came back with two beers and handed me one. "Thanks."
"No problem, wanna go outside? I need a smoke."
"Sure I need a breather." We went outside and Adam lit a cigarette.
Both of us were silent as he puffed at his cigarette and I sipped at my beer. I was still curious about his arousal earlier. I finally mustered up the confidence to ask him. "So you're gay right?" I awkwardly asked and worded the question.
"Yeah, why?" He asked raising an eyebrow and almost laughed.
"So why did you get a stiffy from the video. I mean the scene we were watching was the slut pleasuring herself with candy canes." I asked getting more curious about what his answer could be.
"Well, I was just imagining it was a guy and well... yeah. I didn't mean to freak you out or anything. Things haven't been good between Chase (his boyfriend) and I." He muttered with a saddening looking consuming his face as he took a long drag of his cigarette.
I became incredibly guilty. "Really? What's wrong?" I asked him tenderly.
"Well he is just tired all the time because of his classes. So he never wants to be intimate," Adam's voice was starting to crack and tears filled his eyes, a few rolling down his cheeks, "I told him we should take a break but he got angry and yelled at me! I'm just feeling really love deprived. But I don't want to leave him because I'm afraid of being alone again." Adam sobbed as the tears streamed down his face faster.
Adam and I have been close friends since the beginning of freshman year of college. We talked a lot so one night we were having a serious talk and he told me about his separation anxiety and how it formed when his parents treated him as if he were an alien when he told them he was gay. They kicked him out of the house when he was eighteen. His senior year of high school was just starting when he became homeless.
He had jobs to support him but sold himself to men for extra money. The anxiety got worse with each man he slept with. He explained to me how he searched for any kind of emotional connection, feeling of love, or any love for that matter, in every guy he got into bed with. He never found it. After they were done using him, they threw money at him and left. That left Adam empty and hungry for someone to love him.
Soon after graduating high school he got help with his problems, he pulled himself together. He left his prostitution days behind him to pursue a college education. Within the first month we became friends and Chase had swooped in and stole his heart. They maintained a healthy relationship and were very cute together. They were attached at the hips...I guess things have slowed down. But anyways, now you know why Adam was so reluctant to leave Chase. His anxiety is kicking in again.
He threw his cigarette into some snow and sat on the concrete steps, wiping his tears as they flowed down his cheeks. I hugged him and he latched onto me. Adam sobbed and sobbed into my shoulder. I told him that Chase wasn't worthy of having him if he was treating him like that. He calmed down a lot after I said that.
He pulled away from me and sniffled.
"That was a stupid meltdown, sorry." He said with a smile.
"Nah, you've been under a lot of stress. I'm glad I was here to help." I replied also smiling.
Adam finished his beer and we went back upstairs to the room we were in earlier. Devin, Brian, Paul, Shane, Travis, and Bruno were watching another porno with holiday effects. Adam and I joined them on the floor gazing upon the even better video than before.
Chase entered the room smiling at Adam; he stood and went over to him with a serious face. They went into another room. 10 minutes passed and Adam came back into the room without Chase. We watched porn flick after porn flick. Around midnight Kenny and Jamie woke in time for them to be dragged outside with Devin, Shane, Paul, Travis, Bruno, and Brian for a drunken snowball fight.
I stayed behind with Adam so he did feel lonely.
"You don't have to stay with me Jerry, I'll be fine."
"No it's okay." I noticed Adam had another erection, but he made a valiant effort to hide this one from me. It was much quieter because everyone had gone outside.
Silence swept over Adam and me so I decided to ask him about what happened with Chase. He sat next to me on the couch and sighed.
"I told him that I wasn't satisfied with where our relationship was and we should see other people. He agreed and that was the end of that." Adam smiled that sweet smile I loved.
