All the Wrong Choices

The hardest part wasn't sleeping on the couch. The hardest part wasn't losing my job or having to live with another person. The hardest part was readjusting from working third shift to waking up bright and early when my sister woke up every morning.

It was so jarring. The bright light of the sun flooding through the apartment windows. It was a strange feeling stirring on someone else's couch and wondering where the hell I was. That lukewarm sensation coated my skin and reminded me of years past when I was younger and stayed out of school sick. Only now, instead of staying home from school at home with my mother, I was out of a job and slumming it on my sister's couch.

I heard her bustling about the apartment getting ready for work. For whatever reason I tried to act like I hadn't woken up yet. But I was wide awake, still wrapped in the quilted comfort of the early morning under a blanket wearing only my sweats. It had been weeks. It'd already seemed like a year. I couldn't tell if I felt disgusted or disgusting. I guessed they were about the same.

"Hey, Evan," I heard my sister say.

I continued the facade of still being asleep.

"Evan!"

I stirred and turned slightly on the couch to see my sister peeking over at me, holding a curling iron.

"Y-yeah." It was all I could manage.

Brittany tried her best not to roll her eyes. I could see it.

"Could you do me a favor?" She asked.

I stretched but didn't rise. "What's up?"

"I can't find my fucking phone," Brittany snapped. "I'm gonna be late. Can you text Nick and ask him if he's still picking me up this afternoon? If he's not I'm going to have to get gas and I don't know if he said he is coming here or if he wanted me to swing by after work of if--"

"Yeah, woah," I said, finally sitting up and rubbing the sleep from my eyes. "Slow down. Ask him if he's coming here?"

Brittany was already turning to head back into her bedroom. It looked like it took her great effort to stop and confirm what she was telling me.

"Yes. Please." Brittany frantically unwound the cord of the curling iron. "Ask him if he's picking me up here. After work. If it's not too much trouble. Please. And thank you."

Before I could fully gather myself Brittany was already gone. I was absolutely not ready for her early morning routine of being late and in a hurry. I still hadn't gotten out of the third shift routine, nor had I adapted to how psychotic my sister became in the mornings before work. Of course I had no right to complain. I'd be out on the street if it weren't for Brittany.

My phone was wedged beneath me of course. I swiped the screen to find I still had battery life available to my surprise. So many nights I'd fallen asleep in that very spot not bothering to plug my phone in. Often I'd wake up to a dead phone after a night of browsing the web, checking social media, watching... well, whatever the hell I wanted to watch.

Through blurry eyes I found Nick's name in my contact list. It still surprised me every time to see it there. The guy was kind of an ass but somehow... he was okay. And for me he passed for a friend. I ignored how pathetic that sounded in my head and started typing out a simple message to my sister's boyfriend as I was instructed.

Hey man.

Simple. No need to start off fast.

Pleased with my progress, I stretched and dragged myself from the couch. I trudged into from the living room into the little kitchen, suddenly aware of the stiffness in my spine. I had no right to complain. I wasn't even paying Britt rent. I wasn't about to beg for a master suite because the couch was uncomfortable.

I opened the door to the fridge expecting a craving to leap into my face. Instead I stared at health food containers and lots of green items. Silently I wished that I could be half as committed to anything as Brittany was to her body. I rubbed my eyes. I had more pressing concerns in my life. Like my lack of employment. And what the hell I could actually find to eat in this apartment.

The pocket of my sweat pants buzzed. I pulled out my phone and saw the text from Nick.

What's up man

I remembered my task. I quickly asked him if he was picking Britt up at the apartment or if they were supposed to meet. Stuffing my phone back into my pocket, I closed the fridge and decided to hunt for coffee in the cupboards. I was eyeballing the strange assortment of something called "green tea" when my sister came speeding through the kitchen.

"What did Nick say?" Brittany barked as she pulled out a something-smoothie from the fridge.

I shrugged. "Nothing yet."

I turned to watch my sister attempt to finish the bottle of whatever with the refrigerator door still open. It looked comical actually. Her bouncy brown hair was already curled. It made me wonder if she'd achieved that task in record time or if I had spaced out and lost minutes of my life since I'd last seen her. I knew the answer. Her button down blouse and tight skirt seemed tailor made for her body. But so did everything she wore. Again it made me feel bad about my life choices.

"Well did you text him?" Britt asked shoving the drink back into the fridge.

I steadied myself and tried to respond in a way that didn't draw out her morning ire.

"I did, he just hasn't answered my question yet," I told her.

Britt sighed and dug through a cabinet full of vitamins.

"You didn't start by asking him fucking Marvel questions or whatever I hope?"

I snorted back a laugh. "Britt, chill. He's probably driving to work already."

Brittany tossed her head back and swallowed the supplements she'd tossed in her mouth. Then, she seemed to relax, leaning on the counter with her eyes closed.

"Sorry," I heard her say through a sigh. "We have an auditor coming in today at work, and Regina isn't going to be there so it's all on me today and I'm just nervous."

Britt spun to face me. I opened my mouth to respond but she cut me off.

"Besides that, Nick's been a little weird lately and we really need the time together tonight," She went on. "For my sanity if nothing else."

I shook my head. "You've got nothing to worry about. You'll crush it today. You always do. I'm the fuck up in the family, remember?"

Britt cut her eyes over at me, but I saw the smile slide across her face.

"Go finish getting ready," I told her. "I'm gonna figure out how to make breakfast out of tea leaves and mango fruit cups."

Britt rolled her eyes but her smile widened.

"Bullshit," she retorted. "You'll wait till I leave then walk down to McDonald's."

"Exactly," I replied.

Britt headed back through the apartment to her room. Not a moment sooner my phone buzzed again in my pocket. Yet again, I pulled it out and read the text on the screen from Nick.

Picking her up. Should be at the apartment when she gets off work.

I found a simple thumbs up emoji to send back and stuffed the phone back where it belonged. I thought about yelling to my sister to let her know what Nick had said, but instead I found a bagel and began a hunt for cream cheese to make it worth my while. I could hear Britt zipping from room to room anyhow, no doubt trying to find her phone and gather her things for work.

Regular old butter would have sufficed. I knew better. Maybe Britt had cheese? Any cheese? Looking through the fridge again, I started to come to the realization that I'd be eating a plain bagel. My pocket buzzed again. No, wait... there it was. Cream cheese. It was even flavored. Setting my prize on the counter, I found a butter knife while I checked my phone screen again.

It was another message from Nick. I read it before stopping in the middle of the kitchen to read it again.

I have plans tonight but I can work something in this week if you're really interested.

I studied my phone. That was odd. Nick and I had gotten somewhat close over the last several weeks. We'd even hung out together at the apartment while Britt was gone. The two of us certainly never made "plans" together to go hang out or anything. Maybe it was his way of reaching out. My mind started to think of new movies that were out or any bands that were playing local.

As I started typing out an inquisitive little message, I saw another text loading up on my screen directly below Nick's last message. It was a multimedia text. I paused. The picture shot onto the screen.

I froze.

I didn't even breathe. Any of my prior thoughts shattered inside my skull. The cursor blinked at me from the end of my message, still waiting for me to finish. I couldn't. My jaw opened and I just stared at the image.

A closeup picture of a hard cock filled the screen.

For a second I thought it was a joke. Maybe it was a dirty meme or something. There were no captions. There was nothing to suggest that it was a picture copied from the internet.

All that was in frame was someone's midsection. A hand was tugging down on the tight pair of briefs and unzipped blue jeans. A mound of fleshy balls spilled out over the man's knuckles, though front and center was the stiff cock jutting up from the person's crotch.

I locked the screen of my phone and set it on the counter. It hit me all at once in such a rush that I grew dizzy. Instinctively my eyes shot toward the hallway in the direction of Britt's room. I shifted back and forth on my feet. When I finally blew out a long sigh, my entire upper body shuddered.

With another glance toward the hall, I fumbled for my phone again. When the screen came to life, the picture was there in my message feed once again. I still couldn't believe it. I studied the image. I eyed the thin sheen of hair coating every line the man's toned midsection just above his exposed crotch. But I couldn't tear my eyes away from the erect flesh centered in the picture. I even dragged the screen wide to zoom in, tracing every stretched line of flesh and discoloration from the base of the thing right to the engorged head.

Right then another notification on the phone broke my trance. It was another text. From Nick.

If it looks like it's worth a taste let me know.

I blinked. Nick had to be fucking with me. But why would he do that? My mind started to turn flips. Had Britt told him about me? Surely she wouldn't do that. She knew how I felt about it. They'd been dating a while now though. Secrets had a way of slipping out around significant others. Maybe Nick had gone through her phone? Maybe he'd seen old text messages?

He'd sent me a picture of his dick. He had to know something.

I kept glancing toward the hall. A familiar darkness started to thicken in my chest, it's tendrils spilling into my every vein. Rational thought was already leaving my body through every clammy pore. Was I really going to miss this opportunity? What were the odds of something like this just falling in my lap?

Still eyeing the lewd picture in my message feed, I was already typing a response. Nick was clearly waiting. Jesus, this was Nick. I didn't care. My thumbs drummed across the keyboard on my screen. Before I could talk myself out of it I had hit the button to send the message:

Yes it does.

I watched frozen stiff while the little wheel spun beneath the text. I couldn't believe it was about to send.

At the exact moment my message was delivered, another series of texts from Nick immediately popped onto the screen. I could only stare at my phone in shock.

Shit

Sorry dude that was for someone else

Ignore that

It happened so fast. Too quickly for my stupid brain to even register. My mouth hung open for so long I had to lick my lips and swallow. It did nothing to erase the bitterness from my mouth.

I reread the exchange. I looked closely, realizing that yes, my message had indeed been delivered. There was nothing I could do.

"What did he say?"

My heart leapt into my throat. Brittany emerged from the hallway all but racing through the apartment into the kitchen. I nearly dropped my phone as I closed the messaging app and shoved the device safely into my pocket. I had to calm myself while attempting to look normal, whatever that was.

"Oh uh, h-he said he'd be here... when you got off work," I said.

If Britt noticed how caught off guard I was, she didn't show it. Instead she busily worked to finish putting in an earring behind the gentle wavy curls of her deep brown hair.

"Thank God," Britt said. "Maybe we'll make it downtown on time tonight and actually get a table. Call my phone."

I stared back at Britt. It was still jarring to see her transform every morning. It made me feel even more like a fool. Nick was dating my gorgeous sister, why would he--

"Evan!" Britt said.

The blood drained from my face. "W-what?"

"Call. My. Phone." Britt wore a look of disbelief. "Are you awake yet? I need to leave, like now."

"Sorry," I said.

Opening my phone screen again, I turned so that my screen was hidden from my sister. The messages weren't on the screen, but I was horrified by the thought of Britt somehow seeing her boyfriend's dick on my phone. In seconds we heard the ringing of my sister's device from somewhere deeper in the apartment.

"Crap," Britt said storming back toward the hallway.

I took just a moment to breath and let my heartbeat settle down. Neither worked out very well before Britt came racing back through the apartment with her phone in hand. Under different circumstances, it might have seemed comical to see my sister dashing around in a formal blouse and black skirt.

"Well, guess this will have to charge at my desk today," Britt grumbled, pulling on her short heels. "Are you going out job hunting or anything today?"

I shook my head. "Don't have to get out really. Got the laptop. I already have an interview next week though."

Britt straightened and fetched her purse along with a larger laptop bag.

"In that case, could you maybe help me out and clean up in the kitchen a bit?" Britt asked. "Or other productive brotherly things?"

I put up my hands. "Don't even have to ask. It's all I can do to repay you until I can get some checks to start coming in."

"Thank you," Britt added heading for the door. "Straight and narrow, bro. We'll get you back up and running before you know it."

****

The entire day I tried to stay off of my phone and not even think about the text messages that still lurked there.

Instead of walking around the corner from my sister's apartment complex to get fast food, I hopped in my car and drove to a restaurant to get a decent breakfast. I took my time. I came back and cleaned the entire apartment, listening to music on my sister's stereo system in the living room. I did the dishes and walked the laundry down to the community laundry room. I even opted to sit there and wait on it, playing a game on my laptop to pass the time.

I did anything and everything to keep my mind off of that picture, and none of it worked.

Even though I hardly touched my phone, the messages rattled around in my brain. There had been no further texts from Nick, which drove me even crazier. What the was he thinking now? Surely he'd read what I'd said. I tried to comfort myself with different scenarios. Maybe he'd not seen my response. It was wedged between his other messages after all.

I knew better. Nick caught his mistake. And he saw mine.

I cursed myself all day. Why did I respond to that message? It was like I couldn't help throw myself onto the first awful choice I could make. Would it really have been so hard to just wait? To give it time and see how it played out? I would have still had the picture to drool over if that's what I wanted.

The picture was all it took. It was why I was afraid to even look again. The impossibility of such a devious fantasy made it too good to pass up. Things like that didn't just happen. Though my recent run of luck might suggest otherwise.

I lounged on the couch. Boredom overtook me once again. I decided to settle in and get lost in some show I'd started earlier in the week. Maybe if I binged enough episodes I'd forget about everything, my stupid texts, my job hunt, my screwed up living situation. For a while it was working. As the credits rolled on another episode of my show, I picked up my phone out of habit to check the time.

Just like that it rushed back at me. Not the shame or guilt, but this time, that dark feeling started to swirl inside me again. I couldn't get the thoughts out of my head. And I was alone.

With a shaking thumb I tapped the screen and opened my messages. I saw Nick's name. I tapped again and the feed appeared. It took just a scroll to see it.

I opened the picture again.

My screen was filled with hard flesh. I took my time now. I saw the way his arm seemed to thrust down at the briefs in his hand. The thinnest coating of hair encircled it all. Swells of skin spilled over Nick's hand. His balls were so loose and warm.... Just from the way they looked I could feel that. It should have been something I was familiar to seeing, but Nick's cock looked nothing like mine. Darkened shades of skin ringed the half of his cock nearest his crotch. Then glowing pink flesh stretched ahead to meet a blood filled tip. The light caught the round bulbous head in such a way that made the entire thing look real, like it was right there in front of my fingers. Even the head seemed so different than mine. It looked so much fatter and full.

This was not some lewd internet picture. It wasn't the comically gigantic dick that I'd seen so many times before in porn. It was an actual person's cock. Someone I knew had taken it and sent it to me, whether he'd meant to or not.

Something in my chest ached like a hunger that was being fed. It felt good to give in. I knew it was Nick. I knew it was Britt's boyfriend. Admittedly, that made it feel even better. My mind curled away from such a despicable thought, but the rest of me melted over it. I couldn't lie to myself. I was embarrassed to know that I'd sent that text back to Nick, but at the same time I trembled with glee knowing he had it.

I was clutching at my pants. My hands squeezed and pulled at the warm growing blood flow there. There was a time I'd have been mortified to stare at a picture of the cock of a guy I knew. Now I rubbed myself like a girl in heat.

I wondered how Nick would act when he saw me again. In my head I saw him barely even looking my way. I knew that would probably be my reality. A sobering though crashed through my thoughts. I wondered if he'd tell Britt about what happened. I tried not to think about the look of disgust on her face. However, the picture had been meant for someone besides Britt, another girl perhaps. That was a deeper layer of horrible knowledge that I didn't want in my head.

I felt my dick slinking away in my pants. There was no way this would end well. Most likely it'd end awkwardly, like everything did for me.

I deleted the message thread as fast as I could and turned my attention toward the TV. I was able to bury it down deep in the dark inside of me and focus on the show. I lost track of time. With all that was spinning around in my head, I'd even forgotten about my sister's plans and how the day was supposed to play out.

Hearing the jingle of keys twisting in the lock at the door, I suddenly remembered.

I sat forward and stared at the door as Nick let himself into the apartment.

Immediately our eyes met. A long silky strand of dirty blonde hair drifted from across his forehead in front of his icy blue eyes as he stared back at me. I froze in my seat.

Nick grinned and his face lit up.

"Well, hey man," Nick greeted me. "Damn if I knew you were home I would have just knocked or called or something."

I blinked tried to act normal.

"Uh, y-yeah," I stuttered, "nah, I'm still hunting for work. Laying low today."