Noah kissed his hands, then kissed his lips before leaving the solitude of their room. As he walked down the hall to the stairs that would take him to the main floor, Noah made a silent promise to himself that once this app was up and running, he would devote all of his time to Riley and their baby.
He wanted to be there for everything, every step of the way. He wanted to share the experience with Riley, the good days and the bad. Every food craving and mood swing. Every muscle cramp and contraction. And, when the time came, they would welcome their child into the world together.
Riley waited until Noah had gone and then he picked up El's diary and stepped out into the empty hall way. Once again he found himself inexplicably drawn to the third floor. He knew he had to hide the diary somewhere safe, somewhere Lilian would never venture. His mind immediately went to the third floor. Lilian was terrified of the third floor, and with good reason. Riley knew she would never search for it there. Riley's promise to Noah to avoid the third floor weighed heavily on his mind, but he couldn't risk Lilian finding the diary again. The next time he might not be so lucky and El's story would be lost forever.
Riley climbed the stairs quietly, his heart pounding with a mix of anticipation and dread. The third floor was eerily quiet, the air colder than the rest of the house. He made his way down the hallway, through the nursery and to El's bedroom. It was the one place Riley felt the closest to her. Lighting a few candles, Riley sat on the edge of the bed and laid the diary in his lap. The flickering candlelight cast dancing shadows across the walls as he began to read, each word deepened his understanding of El's pain and the secrets that haunted Reaney Hall.
November 11, 1998
It's been eight days since I've written anything in this diary. Some days I just don't feel up to it. I'm five months pregnant and I can hardly believe it. I feel my baby more each day now. The little kicks and flutters remind me of the tiny life growing inside me. I should be happy, right? Well, I'm not. It's terrifying. Each kick, each flutter, reminds me of the prison I'm in and the chains that bind me here in Reaney Hall.
Stephen says he doesn't understand my attitude, why I'm so resistant to his help. He calls it help. I call it control. He doesn't care about me. The only reason he and Lilian are keeping me here is so they can steal my baby from me. Stephen's always been controlling, but this...this is different. He and that witch Lilian have turned my life into a total fucking nightmare. They control every aspect of my life. Where I go, what I do, what I eat. Hell, I can't even go to the bathroom alone. As if he thinks I might do something to hurt myself or my baby. Does he really think so little of me?
I mean, yeah, I did some stupid things in the past but not since I found out that I was pregnant. I haven't had a drink or smoked a joint in weeks and the only pills I'm allowed are the one's prescribed by the doctor they chose for me. I don't even have access to those pills. Eric Brings them to me and watches me take them.
Eric's been great. I can't say anything bad about him. He still hasn't opened up much and I often find myself wondering what brought him here. Sometimes I wonder if Eric is scared of Stephen. He tenses up whenever hes around but maybe it's just being in the presence of an alpha that frightens him. Alphas can be pretty intimidating, even to a beta like me.
The first time I spoke about Eric, I called him my babysitter. That wasn't really fair of me to say that because he is so much more than I gave him credit for. I know that part of his job is to keep an eye on me and make sure I don't try to run off again, but he takes care of me too. He makes sure I eat right and take my prenatal vitamins. He's always around, cleaning up after me, running errands, and just being there for whatever I may need.
During the week he sleeps in the room next to mine and while I hate the idea of constantly being watched, it's comforting to know I'm not alone, to know that he's there if I need him. There's something about Eric that makes me think I can trust me. Maybe it's his kindness, or the sadness in his eyes. I don't know. I just hope I can earn his trust and sympathy. If I do escape, I won't be able to do it alone. Stephen has eyes everywhere.
My escape will have to be during the week when Eric is here. Lilian takes over as my jailer on the weekends. The more time I spend with that woman the less I can stand her. She spends the entire weekend with me, never letting me out of her sight. It's suffocating. The only time I get any privacy is at night when they lock me in my room. I suppose they think I'm safe being locked away. What can I do really? Jump out a window? I'm not spiderwoman. A fall like that would kill me.
I've been thinking about how I can get Eric on my side. I know he cares about me, in his quiet way. I'm just not sure if he's brave enough to cross Stephen and, I don't want to get him in any trouble. Maybe if I can show him how trapped I feel, he'll help me. I need to put more thought into this. It's my only hope.
November 17, 1998
Another week has passed. The days blend into one another, a never-ending cycle of fear and despair. The baby is more active now, the kicks are a lot stronger recently. I want to be happy right now but all I feel is dread. The closer I come to my due date, the more frightened I become. I want this baby more than anything. The thought of losing him or her makes my blood run cold. How did my life come to this? I wonder if things would have been different if Mother and Father were still alive.
Eric has been a huge comfort to me. He's kind and gentle, and seems to genuinely care about my well-being. I've started to open up to him a bit more, testing the waters to see if I can trust him. He listens, really listens, and sometimes I catch a glimpse of something in his eyes--pity, maybe? I hope so. I need someone on my side.
Today, I asked Eric about his family. He was hesitant at first but eventually he told me a little. He lives with his parents and took this job to help them out financially. He's a good son, caring and hardworking. But there's a sadness in him that I can't quite place. It's like he's carrying a burden he can't share. I wish he would open up to me more. Maybe we could help each other.
Lilian was especially cruel this weekend. She spent every waking moment with me, making snide comments about me, my addiction, and my poor choices. She says I'm ungrateful and spoiled. She acts like she's so much better than me, like she's never made a mistake in her life. I wanted to scream at her, tell her to go to hell, but I held my tongue. I can't afford to make things worse for myself.
Stephen continues to play the concerned brother but I see through his act. I won't let him manipulate me. I'm smarter than he thinks. I wish I could sleep. The insomnia is driving me insane. I lie awake at night, my mind racing, my body aching. The baby kicks and moves, reminding me that time is running out. I need to get out of here before it's too late. I've been trying to think of ways that Eric could possibly help me. Maybe if I can make him see how desperate I am, how much I need his help, he'll take pity on me. I can't be too obvious though. If Stephen or Lilian suspect anything, they'll tighten the noose even more.
I have to believe that Eric will help me. He's the only chance I have of making it out of here, with my baby. If I can just get him to see what Stephen and Lilian are doing to me and how desperately I need him, then maybe he'll be willing to help me escape. I can't give up hope. Not now. Not when there's still a chance.
For now, I'll bide my time. Sooner or later the opportunity to escape will present itself and I'll take it. I will turn my back on this house, on Stephen and Lilian, and never look back. That I promise.
_______________________________________________
Riley glanced up from the diary, taking a break from reading long enough to rub his eyes and reflect on what he'd just read. The relationship between El and her caregiver, the omega named Eric, made the diary much more interesting. Like El, Riley began to wonder about the omega. Why was he always so sad? What had happened in his life that brought him to Reaney Hall to look after El? He must have thought it odd, that a pregnant beta was being kept locked away on the third floor of the mansion. Perhaps Stephen had told him that she was a danger to herself and others.
Whatever the reason, Riley was glad that El had him as a friend. At least she wasn't alone during her pregnancy. And, Eric seemed like a good and caring soul. It was strange though. The more Riley read about the omega, the more he began to see similarities to his own omega father. They even shared the same name, Eric. He barely remembered either of his parents and knew very little about their lives before he was born. What he did remember was that his omega father was kind, loving, and seemed to have a perpetual smile that lit up even the darkest room. That, and he loved his garden. Riley's father was always in the garden and Riley remembered the man constantly surrounded by colorful, bright, flowers.
What Riley remembered the most though was how attentive and loving his father was. He was young when Riley was born but that didn't keep him from being a good parent. He doted on Riley, and Riley couldn't think of a time when his dad wasn't there for him. Whether it be a skinned knee or a nightmare, he could recall his dad's loving arms wrapped around him, soothing him, and chasing away the pain or fear. Riley would often fall asleep in his arms, lulled by the gentle sound of his voice as he sang to him. Riley hoped that he could be as good a dad as his was. It was just a shame that he didn't have more memories of him, or know any of the man's family.
When Riley's parents had died, no other relatives came forward to help, and when Riley turned eighteen he didn't bother trying to find them. He figured if they didn't care about him then, they wouldn't care about him now, so what was the point? Still, he would like to know why. Why had both his parents families seemed to abandon them and why, even after they had died, would they not have wanted to know their child? Maybe the answer was more simple than what Riley was thinking. Maybe there wasn't a family. It's possible that his parent's were as alone in the world as he was, with only each other to rely on. Maybe Riley was all the family they had.
With the memories of his parent's at the forefront of his mind, Riley couldn't help but wonder about the omega that had cared for El during her pregnancy. So much like his own father, kind and loving, Riley wanted to know more so, he picked up the diary and began to read the next entry.
November 20, 1998
I haven't slept in days. Every time I close my eyes, the nightmares come. Dark, twisted images that leave me gasping for air, my heart pounding in my chest. Last night was the worst. I woke up screaming, drenched in sweat, feeling like the walls were closing in on me. I thought for sure that I was dying. Eric was there in an instant. I thank God everyday for him. He rushed into my room, his eyes wide with concern. He sat beside me on the bed, held my hand, and talked to me in that calm, soothing voice of his. He told me to breathe. Just breathe. In and out, slow and steady.
He stayed with me until the panic subsided, until I could breathe normally again. I don't know what I would have done without him. That morning though he told Stephen about the panic attack. Of course he did. He said he was worried about me and the baby. He said he had to report it, it was part of his job. I understand that but I was still angry with him. I felt betrayed. I spent most of the day in bed, crying. Eric tried to get me to eat but I couldn't. My stomach was in knots. The thought of food made me feel sick. He was persistent though. Eventually, I was able to eat a little chicken soup and drink some water, but it took all my strength not to throw it back up.
That evening, Eric tried to distract me. He sat next to my bed and starting reading from a book a friend had loaned him called "The Scottish Bride." It's a steamy romance filled with adventure and mismatched love. Two enemies discover they are soul mates. The story line was ridiculous really, but it did help take my mind off everything. We joked about how unrealistic the story was. Real life didn't work that way and happy endings were few and far between. Still, there are times when I wonder what it would be like to be the female protagonist in a story like that and have some sexy, hot as hell, heroic badass kidnap me and whisk me away on a romantic adventure.
Eric confessed that he'd like that too. Just leave all our worries behind and run off with the men of our dreams. It felt good to laugh. Even if just for a little while. It was a moment of normalcy in this insane asylum that has become my life. Even Eric seemed to brighten up a little. I saw the first hint of a smile on his lips and it was beautiful. I wish he would smile more often.
