Admitting I'm Gay -

Admitting I'm Gay

Chapter 1

As a man in my late 20's, I had always had what I thought was an unusual fascination with pornography and sex. I had collected various sex magazines depicting a wide range of sexual activities for years. Most of these I obtained when visiting local adult bookstores. I didn't seem to have much success with women, so spent a good deal of time satisfying myself. The magazines provided fuel for my fantasies. In my early twenties, I had an encounter at local movie house that left a distinct impression on me. It had even more of an impact that I realized at the time. I had entered a store and headed to the movie booths as I usually did when I came upon two men. One man was on his knees giving the other a blow job. Embarrassed, I quickly exited and headed home.

The memory of that scene stuck with me for many years. I would often find myself recalling that memory while masturbating. Each time I did recall the scene, my session of self gratification seemed more satisfying, the orgasm a bit more intense. What concerned me was that I didn't image myself getting the blow job, that wasn't what turned me on the most, I imaged myself on my knees with the other mans' cock in my mouth. At night, alone in bed, my mind would turn to sex before sleep. I would think about women and various sexual acts with, but the one memory always crept back into my nights.

My fantasies were always changing. They would lose their luster and the sexual excitement would fade causing me to look for something new and more exciting, but the memory of the random encounter always excited me, always made me hard. It would sometimes take awhile for me to climax, unless I thought of that night, the image of that guy sucking another man's cock. As soon as I brought up that memory, I would find myself quickly climaxing. The transition happened slowly, progressing gradually over the years from just thinking about that night to fantasizing about cocks, to dreaming about holding them, stroking them, and what it would be like to take them into my mouth.

I often wondered how it a cock would feel in my mouth, what it would tasted like, how it would feel having a man cum in my mouth. This last thought I acted on easily as I tasted my own cum while fantasizing. The taste was strange, salty with a strange after taste, but I found I liked the way cum tasted. This caused me to wonder if all cum tasted the same or if every man's cum tasted different. As I pondered this question, a feat would rise within me. This was normal, not the thoughts a man should have. Normal men didn't think such things, but was I normal? I didn't have a steady girl friend, more importantly I never really wanted one. I just associated with women to have sex. Then it dawned on me that even when I did manage to have sex, it was never as good as I thought it would be, leaving always a bit disappointed. What exactly did that mean for me?

I had never thought of myself as being gay. I knew that straight men didn't have such thoughts, but these thoughts were exciting to me. Sexual arousal was easy when I had them. These thoughts made my masturbation session even more satisfying. Did that mean I was a homosexual? Men will get off any way they can, even allowing someone else to suck their cocks, even other men, but that wasn't what excited me. What got me hot, what made my orgasms so intense, was thinking about sucking a cock and that wasn't acceptable in society. Men who sucked cock were gay and gay men were looked down upon by society.

No matter how much I pushed the thoughts away, they always returned. I soon found myself collecting men's magazines, just nudie magazines to begin with, but that quickly changed to outright gay magazines when I found at a local movie store had a selection of gay pornography. Every night I would look at the magazines and masturbate thinking about being a participant in the scenes that were depicted. It was the role I pictured myself in that that disturbed me. I would always fantasize about being the man sucking cock or being fucked.

I started noticing the bulges in other men's pants, wondering how big their cocks were, whether their cocks were cut or uncut, what it would be like to find myself kneeling before them, their cocks in my mouth, just as I had seen that night so long ago.. Wondering how it would feel with their hands holding my head as they fucked my mouth. Before long it was all I could think about when I wasn't concentrating on something else. I knew that I would soon have to do something about these fantasies. I needed to make them stop, but I knew I wouldn't. The feelings that welled up in me were too strong, so began thinking of ways to make these exciting fantasies a reality.

I returned to that first encounter at the movie store. I had been back many times but never saw anything like that first night. I knew it happened, but apparently that random encounter was rare and most men were careful. The movie store seemed the most likely place to bring my fantasy to life. There seemed to always be men there and I knew they were there to get off. There were even gay films in some of the booths, so I knew there were men who enjoyed sex with other men. It was the most likely place to find my first cock to suck.

I visited the same store almost every night and found the most activity on the weekend. I would seat myself in a booth, turn on a show and wait. The show didn't seem to matter it was listening to the activity around me. I could hear men moaning and I knew they were masturbating, but I had no idea what to do next, how to take the next step. Then one night I chose a booth with a gay theme. My guess is this was what I had missed all along, because this night turned my fantasy into a reality.

I had started the movie as usual, but listened for the sound of other patrons. A long time passed and I got a bit bored, so I started paying attention to the movie playing on the screen. Two guys were making out on a couch, kissing and groping each other, eventually undressing and beginning to play with each other's cocks. It wasn't long before one of the men was eagerly sucking the other guy's cock. I started to get turned on and began rubbing my crotch, my own cock hardening in response, then it happened. There were no locks on the doors, they were held closed by spring hinges, so anyone who wanted, could just enter. The door opened slowly, a motion I didn't catch at first, then a man stepped in through the open door. He caught me off guard, my hand stroking my now erect cock though my pants. He looked down at me, smiled then stood to one side.

My erection, along with the pleasure I was beginning to feel evaporated. I was embarrassed and avoided looking at him. I would snatch a glance and I noticed he was looking at the screen. Before long, he began rubbing at his crotch and I could see the bulge rising in his pants. This relaxed me and I could feel my own cock rising again. The action on screen had progressed to both men sucking the other and I could feel sexual arousal within me rising. What excited me even more than the action on the screen, was the large bulge of my companion. I found myself switching back and forth from watching the movie to staring at my companion as he stroked his cock through his pants. I guess my attention was noticed because after a few minutes, he reached his other hand around, unzipping his pants and pulling out his erect cock.

I had forgotten the movie at this point and was staring fully at this exposed hard cock. I glanced up at my companion's face and saw him smile. As he did, he moved closer until his cock was inches from my face. Without thinking, I reached up and took his cock in my hand. The feel was electric, holding another man's stiff penis for the first time. I could feel it pulsing as the blood flowed through it. My lips parted slightly and my tongue flicked out moistening my suddenly dry lips. Something took hold of me, my heart began to race, my breath quickened, my own cock was throbbing in my pants. I had never been this sexually excited in my life. Again without thinking, my lips parted further as I opened my mouth wider and leaned forward to take his cock into my mouth.

I was immediately overwhelmed by a combination of sensory inputs. First there was the feel of this hard cock as it filled my mouth, then there was the taste of it, but the most potent was the smell of the man. It was a strong musky odor and filled my nostrils, the combination resulting in sexual fire deep inside of me. I sucked eagerly, greedily, as though I was a starving man and this was my first meal in days. What excited me even more was I could feel him responding to my attentions, his hips beginning to gently rotate matching my rhythm. I felt his hand gently caress my hair, stroking it, urging me on. Then I felt him tense, his gently rotations now more determined thrusts. He was fucking my mouth I realized and I accepted his thrusts.

His thrusts became more intense and I felt him shutter. His cock swelled and I found my mouth filling with a hot liquid. He thrust again and again, and with each thrust came another spurt of hot cum. I lost myself in the feel of it, the taste of it. As his actions slowed and I could feel him relaxing, I knew it was almost over, but I didn't want it to be over. I wanted him to stay in my mouth, so held onto him, sucking harder. Eventually he pulled away, quickly straightening himself up and leaving the booth. I was transfixed on my knees, still dazed by what had happened. It was then that I noticed the dampness in my own pants. My underwear was soaked, I hadn't climaxed, but I had been so aroused that I had oozed precum, at lot of it. I could feel my cock throbbing, wanting some release, but I couldn't do it here. I quickly cleaned up as much as I could and headed home for some relief.

I couldn't get naked fast enough after I got home. I was soon pounding my cock and shooting what had to be the largest load of cum ever. As I lay gasping holding my cum covered cock, I realized I could still taste the man's cum. I rolled my tongue around trying to discover nay residual flavor that remained and as I did, my cock began rising again. This led to another orgasm, leaving me sore but stated. I lay for a long time that night, at first not thinking of anything, just basking in the warmth I felt from being truly satisfied. Slowly, I began recalling the experience, marveling at how it had felt. Remembering what had happened and how the night had progressed. Recalling each step of the adventure and more importantly what I felt.

I began to realize that the parts that excited me the most, the parts that satisfied me the most, were the parts that showed my true nature to myself. I loved the feel of that cock in my mouth, I loved sucking it feeling it respond to me. I loved the feeling of it exploding in my mouth, filling it with the delicious salty hot liquid. I knew it wasn't wrong for me because I could feel my cock rising again at the thought of what had happened. What did this mean? I knew deep inside me, all I had to do was admit it. As I remembered the encounter and my cock began to thicken, I had to admit I was gay and I loved it.