My name is Heracles. Better known as Hercules, the greatest superhero of the Ancient World. A Symbol of Masculinity and Military Power. A lot has been written about me. Some call me the Son of Zeus, King of the Gods. Stepson of Amphitryon, Commander in Chief of the Army of Thebes, the most powerful country in the land of Greece. Cousin of Eurystheus, King of Thebes and also Lord of Cadmus. I am also the Grandson of Kronos, Leader of the Titans, those deities who ruled the Primordial World and Father of Zeus, who vanquished him and sent him to Hell. Yeah, I have many titles. I can't think of a single one that I like, to tell you the truth. Just call me Heracles.
Many people refer to me as Sanctus Heracles, but it's not my name. I prefer to simply be called Heracles. An ordinary man blessed with extraordinary powers. The world knows the great things I have done. I've fought against the legendary monsters of Ancient Greece. I also battled the Demons of the Underworld and the petty gods who love making life hell for humans. I've faced off against the most powerful men and women of the world. From petty kings to Amazon princesses and warlords. What people don't know is what I do in my down time.
First of all, a lot of the myths about me are untrue. I am not a god. Never have been. Never will be. And even though I am half human and half divine, I don't call myself a demigod. I don't look like a god either. I stand six feet tall and I weigh two hundred and sixty pounds. I am not ridiculously good-looking. I have long black hair, dark bronze skin and pale brown eyes. I am not a sex symbol. I don't ooze sexual appeal. I look like an average man. However, I do possess certain abilities. I have superhuman strength and endurance, along with the ability to heal myself at an accelerated rate. I am not immortal. I am not invincible. I am not indestructible. What I am is gifted, and quite lucky. So far, no one has managed to take me down. I have faced rich and powerful men along with vindictive and manipulative women. So far, I am still standing. And I'd like to keep it that way.
Some of the things they say about me are complete bull. I don't know any woman named Megara. I've never been married to such a woman or had offspring with her. I've never killed a human being either. I don't usually need to in order to take someone out. My strength is usually enough to take out whatever fool is stupid enough to get in my way. I battled a beautiful yet treacherous and lethal Amazon warrior named Thalia recently. She came trying to defeat me because a certain wealthy king put a price on my head. I defeated the Amazon and sent her packing, both legs broken. Hey, she asked for it. She fought treacherously and would have killed me if she had the chance. If you ask me, the whole chivalry business ends the moment a woman tries to kill you. That's when you need to man up and take her out. End of story. Word.
Oh, and I don't know anyone named Deineira. I'm not married, nor do I have any offspring. People make up so much about me it's not even funny. The stories always have me running to this part of the world and that one. Fighting against evil men and occasionally evil women. Defying and foiling the wicked plans of Hera, the Queen of the Gods. Oh, and they've also got me battling Ares, God of War and Apollo, God of Light. The truth is that I don't find the Olympians that interesting. The gods and goddesses and what they do all day doesn't bother me. I mean, sure, I like helping people. But my life doesn't revolve around them. Oh, and my whole existence doesn't revolve around pleasing my father Zeus, the King of the Gods either. I respect him, as I respect my mother Alcmene, Princess of the Theban House of Alcis. No one should let their parents run their lives. It's just not practical. Also, having a mind of one's own is a beautiful thing.
Currently, I'm on the Island of Lemnos with my friend Achilles. He's a young man I met a couple of weeks ago. We've been traveling together ever since. We're taking a break from the world. The world is always calling upon us heroes. And women are always chasing us to all the four corners of the world. If you ask me, there's nothing more dangerous than a woman. The legends always have me chasing women all over the place. Supposedly, I seduced Hypolita, the Queen of the Amazons. Oh, and I was supposed to have an affair with Omphale, Queen of a large country in Asia Minor. I am not a sex-craving maniac like the stories make me out to be. In fact, though I consider myself bisexual, I mostly prefer men. Chasing women isn't always worth it. I am not the marrying type either. I wish people would stop seeking me out and leave me alone.
Achilles shares the same sentiment toward humanity. I'm glad I met him. He's a charming lad with a good head on his shoulders. Like me, he's not quite human. His father is Peleus, King of the Myrmidons. His mother is Thetis, one of the Great Sea Nymphs. Nymphs are immortal female entities who roam the woods, seas and rivers of the world. They're known to be luscious, beautiful and sexually adventurous. Nymphs are the whores of the world. They will sleep with anything that moves. They sleep with gods, goddesses and even ordinary men and women.
Athena, Goddess of War and Wisdom has declared herself chaste and said she doesn't want any sexual relations with men. What the world doesn't know is that she has lesbian trysts with some of the local nymphs. Yeah, the goddess Athena is a lesbian. The goddess Artemis, Mistress of the Hunt is also a dyke. Apollo, God of Light and Master of the Sun is bisexual. He's been known to hook up with both men and women as well as nymphs. Even my father Zeus, an habitual seducer of nymphs had an affair with a handsome young man named Ganymede. Yeah, it's like that. The gods and goddesses are wicked and vengeful. The stories make me out to be their hero, their henchman, he who tries to always please them through heroic deeds. I'm nobody's bitch. So I turned my back on the Olympians and their drama.
These days, the Giants walk the earth. I don't much care for their kind. I've killed many Giants in my day. Right now, they're not at war with humanity. They want to get rid of the Gods. I'm not feeling like helping the Gods right now. They can all go to Hell if you ask me. Let them fight it out. As long as they live humanity alone, I don't care. And neither does Achilles. The Gods tried to recruit him for their war too. Achilles is a demigod, like I've often been called. Half human and half immortal. All demigods have some kind of supernatural power. Me, I've got super strength, speed and the ability to regenerate. The only thing which can hurt me is the Blood of a Centaur. I don't know why. I fought a centaur named Nessus a while ago. It wasn't over a woman like the stories say but because he tried to kill me. All kinds of half human and half otherworldly creatures are always trying to take me out. Nessus was just another monster who wanted to get famous by killing me. I killed him and made a tent out of his hide. Yeah, that's all that happened.
So, yeah, back to the story. I was spending some time on the Island of Lemnos with Achilles. He had come to the island with his friends, seeking some kind of treasure. There are many stories about Achilles. Many say that he lived disguised as a woman among the daughters of a famous king because his immortal mother didn't want him going to war. What the stories don't tell you is that Achilles was thirty five years old when the Trojan War began. He lived a full and exciting life before the war and had his adventures, loves and struggles like any man. Achilles is twenty one years old and I am thirty six. The Trojan War won't be for another fourteen years. Achilles and I are simply two young men having some fun in the sun.