A Year in the City

Last episode for Grayson. Just a reminder - this is part of a single story so I would recommend reading them in order.

*****

The next day we all head out to brunch except for Spence. He claims a hangover, but it blatantly isn't true. Once again, I'm left wondering if our friendship can cope with my stupid emotions. None of this would be a problem if I could just get over the fact that me and him isn't a thing, not the way I would like, anyway. I've never had a situation like this before. Yeah, I can be attracted to someone who is straight, but it's never a problem. Their inherent straightness is always a good roadblock to developing actual romantic feelings. The strength of friendship between Spence and I is short circuiting my brain.

I'm bad company at brunch, and I note that the others are sharing pointed looks when they think I can't see. As I push the rocket salad around on my plate I can hear Vic and James whispering heatedly.

"You have to say it," James hisses.

"I can't," Vic whines quietly, "you know it's not mine."

"What are you two getting so het up about?" Jay asks.

James and Vic start guiltily and we all watch them. James is looking pointedly at Vic and he nudges her.

"Fine," she says, exasperated, "we saw you last night, Gray, with Spence."

"It's no big deal," I try to sound casual, "he was just helping me out."

"Yeah, but in a pretty major way," James points out.

"Listen, he said it wasn't a big deal for him. He knows his own mind best," I defend.

"That's just it..."

Vic seems unsure of how to continue and James nudges her again.

"It's not my place," she hisses at him, and then turns back to me. "Listen, Spence has a ... a secret, I guess. It's not up to me to tell everyone... but you should speak to him, Gray, see if he'll tell you what it is. It... it could be important. But please don't push him too hard. I feel bad enough even telling you this much."

I can't pretend I'm not intrigued. But the way James and Vic are acting it feels like whatever Spence's big secret is he might need a friend over it.

*****

I head to the house on my own, the others claiming that they want to visit to the city after brunch. I know they're giving me space to work on Spence, and I appreciate it. Though it would be easier if Vic had just told us what the big deal was. She knows we'd support him whatever it is, although I understand her not wanting to spill someone else's personal news.

The house is quiet when I arrive, and I wonder if Spence has gone out. I head upstairs to my room and am about to walk past Spence's bedroom door when I hear a noise; that's where he is. I knock on the slightly ajar door but there's no response. My knock causes it to swing open a little further and I gasp. Spence is laying, completely naked, on his bed, softly jerking his erect cock. Fuck, he is breathtaking.

His eyes are closed, and I can see he's wearing ear buds. I stare for a moment at his strong biceps as they twist with the motion of his hand. His rippling six-pack is coated in a light sheen of sweat and I can tell that he's been taking his time, building tension. My eye travels down to the trail of hair towards his cock. It's beautiful; smooth, and big, and so, so hard now.

I have to leave. God, standing here for this long is already crossing a huge line. He isn't expecting an audience and this is a major invasion. As I go to pull the door closed I hear him murmur.

"Oh, yes, Grayson."

What the fuck? Did he just say my name? Did he see me? I glance again; no, he definitely still has his eyes closed. It was a statement of passion.

I back away from the door, my head reeling. Then I almost breath a sigh of relief. I realize I must have misheard him. He must have said 'Stacey' - of course. That would make sense, although it doesn't make me happy. I can hear the unmistakable sounds of him reaching his crescendo on the far side of the door and I sneak back to the stairs.

Feeling a little cheeky, I stomp up the stairs loudly and call out.

"Spencer, are you here?"

"Yeah, hang on a minute, don't come in!" his panicked voice comes back, and I giggle to myself, but hang back until he shouts that I can come in a few moments later.

I stand in his doorway and meet his eyes. His normally neat hair is mussed and his cheeks are flushed. His full lower lip is wet and red, like he's been biting it, and I have to focus to take the image of why from my mind. He's wearing soft black trackpants and nothing else, and I glance at the crumpled towel next to him on the bed. I want to cross the room and push him back onto the bed, I can just imagine the taste of his warm mouth. I really am a mess.

"Listen, Spence, I'm sorry about last night, I overreacted..." I begin.

"No... no you didn't," he interrupts, "it was selfish of me to not consider how you might feel about me kissing you."

I don't say anything for a moment, and he continues.

"I know you like me... as more than a friend. I was acting like it wasn't important, hiding from that for a long time. Stacey...you know?"

I nod, and I wonder if he's going to tell me we can't be friends if I can't get my feelings in check. Then everything changes in a moment.

"But the fact is, I was feeling the same way. About you," he stops, and I just stare at him.

"That's why I pretended I didn't care about it for so long. But every time you complimented me, or gave me a hug, or just looked into my eyes, I thought I was going to do a weird combination of exploding and imploding..." he stops, waiting for my reaction with a hopeful look in his eyes.

"But you can't like me the way I like you. You're straight."

God, I'm dumb.

"Okay, I have to tell you something. I didn't tell you because I was worried you'd hate me..."

"I couldn't," I insist.

"You might change your mind," he takes a huge breath of air, "I'm bisexual. Always have been. The person I dated before I met Stacey was a guy. I've been attracted to you for as long as you've been attracted to me. I just couldn't do anything while I was with Stacey, obviously. And then when we split, my head wasn't in the best place and I didn't want to get involved with you while I felt that way, so I kept quiet..." he stops, waiting again.

I don't know how I feel about this. There's a central core of relief, of ecstasy that he's right there in front of me telling me (I think that's what he's telling me) that there's a chance for us. But it's wrapped in a cloud of betrayal. How could he hide something so major about himself from me?

"Why didn't you just tell me? I mean, you knew I was gay straight away."

My voice sounds small in my ears.

"Yeah, because you told me about Tom - your boyfriend. You never announced you were gay. I was with Stacey - my orientation wasn't relevant. Do straight people announce that they're straight?"

"No, but you know it doesn't work that way for the rest of us. We don't have it that simple."

"We don't. But that's why I messed it up. When we became friends, and I started to have stronger feelings towards you, it was heavy. I knew straight away that if you knew there was a chance ... well, there was a real risk I'd do something I'd regret. I never want to be that person. Things weren't great with Stacey, but she deserved for me to be committed to her then, and not torn between two sides. Can you honestly say you wouldn't have pushed it?"

I shake my head. There's no way I can honestly claim that. It took everything I had not to push it when I thought he was straight. But he doesn't need to know what a slave to my emotions, and cock, I am.

"Then, when Stacey and I split. Well, I was just being awkward. I should have told you straight away. Made it a casual thing. But I was worried you'd hate me for not saying it sooner. Plus I knew I'd be all over you and that would have been a bad idea with the way my head was. And then there's the fact that I'm bi..."

"Huh?" I'm confused. As far as I can work out, that's the best thing about this conversation we're having.

"Gray, gay men aren't exactly welcoming to bi guys. And as for women... If it makes you feel any better Stacey never knew, in four years. I figured I was committed to her, so it wasn't relevant, but really I was scared. When I was younger I was dumped more than once by people when they found out."

"You told Vic?"

"Kind of. She pretty much guessed the first time we went to lunch. I did tell her I didn't see you that way though, even though it was a lie. I don't think she ever believed me, though I think it stopped her from pushing too hard. She's a force of nature..."

I laugh, he's not wrong.

"So, do you think you can forgive me?" he looks worried.

I consider my emotions. Yes, I'm upset that he didn't tell me, but I'm grown up enough to realize that he had valid reasons, and there hadn't really been a good time to reveal his secret. For purely selfish reasons, I am just hoping that the fact that he has revealed it now is a good sign, for us.

"We're good," I tell him, and the relief is clear to see on his face. "Let's just hang out now."

"Um," he blushes, "I'm just going to take a shower, I'll see you downstairs."

*****

I'm waiting for him on the sofa downstairs, with my legs stretched along the seat. His hair is wet and he's wearing boardshorts and a hoodie, and still looks completely edible. He sits on the far side of the sofa and I silently curse the huge, comfortable seat.

"So, what are we watching?"

I select a random movie and press play. I look over at him, sitting straight, looking awkward. I need to know.

"Spence," I begin. He looks at me, eagerness in his face.

"I think one thing we need to do is promise to be honest with each other, going forward. So I'm going to be blunt, and I want you to promise to be truthful with me," he nods rapidly.

"You said you were attracted to me when we met. Are you still attracted to me now?"

He grins shyly.

"Yes," he casts his eyes to the floor. Adorable.

"Do you want something with me? A relationship? Or are you wanting to be friends?"

I am mentally crossing everything I have right now.

"I want all of that at once," he sounds certain, but then he looks pensive, "but... I feel as though we should take things slowly for a while. The whole Stacey thing has thrown me, and I don't want to leap into anything too quickly. Plus... I think our friends might go a bit over the top when they find out, so we should let that die down. And we kind of live together at the moment, which might make it overwhelming too."

All good reasons, although I still feel like ripping his clothes off with my teeth. But I already know that what's important to him is going to be important to me too, so I agree. I want what we have to start right.

I look at him then, seated so far away, and at the gap between us on the sofa.

"This whole taking it slowly thing... what does that entail?"

"Some dates, definitely. I want to build on the friendship we have with a new layer. Plus, I'm going to look around for somewhere to live. And, like I say, give our friends chance to get used to it. I suspect there'll be a lot of squealing for a while and I don't really want to feel like a novelty with people monitoring our every move, especially in the bedroom."

I laugh at the image.

"Do we need a chaperone?" I glance at the gap again, "Because I promise I'll keep my hands to myself, but I'd really like it if you were closer to me right now. But I won't insist if you're not comfortable."

He smiles again, his dimples popping, and he crawls up the space, between my legs, coming to rest with his head on my shoulder and his hand on my stomach. I take a breath of his coconut-scented hair and gently place my hand on his side.

As we watch the movie he begins to absentmindedly run his fingers over my stomach, pushing them up my t-shirt and fiddling with my studs. I'm going to be in big trouble soon, but I keep my hand still, keeping my promise. I want to spend as much time as possible in positions like this and can't have Spence thinking I can't be trusted.

Almost to my relief, the others arrive home then. Spence goes to move, and I stop him.

"How about we get the initial squealing out of the way now?" I ask and he nods, grinning widely, laying his head back on me, though he does remove his hand from my t-shirt, slightly to my disappointment.

Andy is the first in the room, and he just raises an eyebrow and gives us a grin. A nice low-key beginning. That ends when Vic and James follow him - commencing the expected shrieking. They have a million questions, that they're throwing at us without giving us any chance to actually respond. We just lay, looking up at them with slight smiles, waiting for them to wear themselves out.

When they've apparently tired themselves, they stand looking down on us expectantly. I pull Spence up to his feet and swivel Vic and James around, planting them on the sofa where we were. I kiss each of them on the forehead.

"Sssh, just sit here, you're overtired," I mock, before turning to Spence. "Fancy going out for coffee?" I ask.

"Definitely," he takes my hand, and we leave, James and Vic staring open mouthed after us.

*****

The next two months are like a dream. I keep getting to know Spence but, like he said, with the added layer of a relationship on top of it. I like him more and more each day, and I know he feels the same. It's difficult to keep our hands off each other, but we both know it's important.

Staying chaste becomes easier when Spence moves out - no more dangerous goodnight kisses that threaten to turn into a lot more too quickly when we're stood right by our bedrooms. His best friend Finn moves back over West and they find a small place together, only a few streets back from mine.

Finn has managed to secure his dream job because my Marketing VP had passed his resume to a friend of hers at another company, so Finn is pretty well disposed toward me. I'm pleased about that, because Finn is a cool guy, and because he's very close to Spence. I'm happy with anything that keeps my stock up in those liquid mercury eyes.

We've been 'official' for two months. One Saturday morning we're browsing the Embarcadero market, selecting some fresh fruit and vegetables, being silly and laughing as we wave zucchinis around - standard stuff. Suddenly Spence stops and becomes serious, pulling me to him by my shirt. He stares into my eyes for a moment before planting a quick, soft kiss on my lips.

"What was that for?" I laugh.

"Everything," he responds sincerely. "Thank you for being so patient with me. For being kind to me For not pressuring me to move faster than I want to. For just being you, every day."

I kiss him back.

"It's been easy," I tell him.

Now's the time.

"I love you, you know."

"I know," he takes my hand in his, "you know how I can tell? I love you too."

For a moment I think I'm walking on air. Then he starts leading me out, past the stalls and shops, into the bright sunlight, the glistening waters of the bay before us.

"Where are we going?" I'm confused.

"I don't want to wait any more," he says to me, smiling. I pause, tracing his dimples with my thumb, running along his lean jawline, before I pull him toward me and kiss him hard.

*****

Spence and Finn have only been in their place for a few weeks, but it already looks and feels like a home. The two huge brown leather sofas are deep and comfortable, even if they do take up almost all the space in the small living room. I pull Spence down with me as I sink into one, so I can feel him on me, as I cover his throat with soft kisses. He's straddling my hips, and I can feel his cock pressing against my stomach as he arches his neck in pleasure.

"I'm torn," I mumble into his clavicle, breathing in his woody, spicy scent.

I love that there's just a hint of that heady, masculine scent but I can still breathe in the smell of his skin, which smells clean and warm.

"What's wrong, Gray?" he asks, concerned.

"I want this to last forever, but I also really, really want to tear your clothes off and devour you."

I nibble at the skin I had been breathing, making him moan and thrust his hips into me. Whelp, that makes my mind up. I gently push him back so he's standing, and then stand myself and draw him into his bedroom.

We kiss tenderly while I unbutton his shirt and push it to the floor. He does the same for me, and I pull his head closer, running my hands into his hair. I don't think I've ever been to bed with someone the same height as me, but there's something so sensual about being able to stand and explore each other with mouth and hands without awkward bending or stretching. He tastes sweet and spicy, like the cinnamon latte he drank while we were out, and I suck gently on his lower lip, that perfect fat little pout, drawing it into my mouth so I can flick it with the tip of my tongue. He moans into my mouth; a deep guttural sound that I want to be the cause of as much as possible.

His hands are stroking my back, alternating between firm massages and delicate tickling teases, and I curve into him, trembling with pleasure. It's intensified when he moves his hands lower, sliding his long fingers into my waistband, grasping my ass and squeezing rhythmically. Now I'm pushing my hips into him, and I know he can feel my stiff cock pushing against him.

"I want to taste you," he growls into my ear, and he drops to his knees, popping the buttons on my jeans with practiced ease. He slides the jeans and my underwear down and I kick them away. I'm standing before him naked, but I don't feel exposed, just warm inside, and very excited of course.

"Beautiful," he breathes, taking my hard shaft in his hand. "You'll need to bear with me, it's been a long time since I did this."

"Just take your ti-aaah," I cry out in pleasure as he slides his mouth down most of my length in one go, his mouth hot and wet around me.

Fuck, if this is him being rusty, I'm in trouble when he gets into his stride. He clings to my hips as he slides back and forth, using his tongue to swirl moisture around. He looks up into my eyes as he gets me wet, reaching a hand up to tickle down my treasure trail. He pauses to come up, licking and sucking around my abdomen, swirling his tongue over my piercings, tracing his fingers over the cursive tattoo next to my hip: 'To define is to limit'.

"I like this," he whispers, "I've always wanted to get 'I can resist everything except temptation'."

He grins up at me. He's so incredibly sexy, and doesn't even seem aware of it.

"Please do that," I pull him to me, wanting to take his mouth again, so aroused by how his lips have reddened from the pleasure he was giving me.

I turn him and gently push him to the bed, going with him. We kiss for ages; lips, and necks, and shoulders, and chests, just tasting each other. I unfasten his pants, wanting him naked next to me, wanting to be able to feel his skin against me.

We lay there, pausing for breath for a moment. I gently play with him, feeling the smoothness of his cock, running my fingers along the blood-filled ridge of a vein as he buries his face into my neck, nipping lightly. I shuffle down, desperate to have him in my mouth. I kiss down his length, gently lapping at his lightly furred balls before sucking them into my mouth, first one then the other. I'm watching him cling to the bedsheets, hearing sweet moans of desire coming from his throat.

I return to his cock, licking and sucking, before twirling my tongue over the sensitive head, tasting the salty sweet pre-cum. He tastes delicious, I want more, and I slide down his length until I can feel him tickling my throat. I push down further, accepting him. He's so thick, my throat clutches at him and he whispers my name in response. I suck in some air and go back down, wanting it all, until I'm pressed hard against his trimmed pubes, rolling his balls in my hand. He holds my head gently, folding his elegant fingers through the waves of my hair, as I thrust and withdraw using a gentle beat.