A Different Perspective

Confusion really doesn't even begin to cover it. How I was feeling, that is.

I really, really didn't want Keith to go, but I couldn't imagine any way to get him to stay. He was uncomfortable, I was uncomfortable; I thought I was giving him an easy out, but instead I felt like a giant asshole. I'll be honest with myself, though, and admit that Keith's reaction hurt. First, him coming out dressed. We had always had lazy mornings. He would wear my robe, and we'd eat together, and we'd talk. He marched out with his shirt tucked in – like maybe he was ashamed of what we were doing? I couldn't really figure it out.

Really, I thought there was something between us. Relationship-like, not just fuck buddy. I know I didn't handle Eric well, but I couldn't stand the thought of telling Eric it was something if it turned out to be nothing. It was stupid, really, but I felt like Keith and I should have a conversation about what we were doing before Eric and I had that conversation. Yeah, real stupid. Thanks, Eric.

I also realize that I'm projecting my anger at myself onto Eric. Yeah, I should have talked to Keith, but I expected to have more time.

But did I want something with Keith? Funny, I had never really consciously wanted a romantic relationship with him, but I couldn't stop thinking about him. My thoughts ran in circles all day, but I didn't call him, and he didn't call me. Kyle called to wish me a merry Christmas and to say that Eric didn't speak for the both of them. He supports whatever Keith and I decide, and he's not judging us. It was actually pretty nice, but it also made me suspect that perhaps he and Eric had argued about it when Eric got home.

The next day I had a nice dinner with my parents, and my brother and sister and their families. I had a nice time, and when my sister, Jenna, asked if I was dating anybody, I gave her a glossy, family-friendly version about Keith. Really, I thought I was being honest, but Jenna disagreed.

"Cut the shit."

Her exact words. I love my sister, but she's no-nonsense, and has been known to talk like a trucker. Or a sailor.

"No, seriously, cut the shit. You're not confused; you're just being a little pussy."

Did I say no-nonsense? I meant bitch.

"Go get him! Honestly, I don't know what you're waiting for. And really, you had no idea? He's had a hard-on for you since you were, like, 22. Of course he wants more than a screw!"

"Your kids hear you talk like this?" I asked innocently. She had a five and an eight year old, girl and boy, plus another on the way. She just glared and sighed in a very exasperated way.

"She busting on you again?" her husband, Roger, asked, coming over to rub her shoulders.

"Hey! Who says it's me doing the busting?" she asked, turning to look at him. Instead of shrinking under Jenna's glare, he raised his eyebrows and gave her a lopsided smile.

"Because it's always you, honey," he said as he leaned down to kiss her brow. She smiled.

I was watching my nieces and nephews – I had two of each – play with their gifts when I realized Jenna was right. I was being a chicken-shit. I should just go see Keith and tell him how I felt. If I had messed up our friendship, well, I'd just have a deal with that, but if he wanted more, well... I wanted more. It was weird to admit it, but I really did. I wasn't going to tell him to move in, but waking up next to him... it was nice. And it wasn't nice because I was waking up next to someone again, something I had been used to doing with Mark, but it was nice because I was waking up next to Keith. I *liked* waking up next to Keith. And talking to him... I loved talking to Keith, and I always had. We could talk for hours, or we could just hang out. It didn't matter. We meshed.

After I got home from my parents house, I called Keith. No answer. I wondered if he was just avoiding my call or if he really wasn't home. His family did stuff earlier than mine did, though, so unless he went somewhere else he should probably be home. I kicked myself for not just going over to his place to talk to him. Really, I don't know what my rush was – we both had over a week off from school, and there would be other opportunities to talk. Still, I called again and left another message. A long message. It was descriptive. Not quite sure what I was thinking – maybe it was because I wasn't thinking. I just couldn't wait to tell him what I thought, that I didn't want this to just be casual sex. That I wanted to *date*. Or something. Whatever, I'm not good with words. That's Keith's department.

I sat on my couch and stared at the little tree Keith had helped me pick out almost three weeks previous. We had gone to a farm and cut it down, something I had never done with Mark because he was allergic to them. My family had sometimes had a real tree, but Keith's were die-hard cut-it-down-yourself type of people. So, Keith helped me out.

Insert big sigh. Keith again. How had I never noticed how much he was involved in my life? Actually, that wasn't true. After I read Mark's journal, I knew how empty my life was without my friends, but I was so messed up... then to have him back in it again. I really had taken Keith for granted; I realized it quite clearly. No, I wouldn't mess it up, not if there was a chance that he was interested.

I had apparently drifted off on the couch. When I woke up, "A Christmas Story" was playing on TV for the umpteenth time. I was confused, before I heard the knock again. It was hesitant, and I barely heard it over the TV. It was actually amazing that I had even woken up. I rolled off the couch and practically stumbled the short distance to the door. I opened it without looking, and found Keith on the doorstep.

"Merry Christmas," he said as he walked in.

"You, too," I answered quietly. I was happy to see him, but I was surprised, and still half asleep.

"You look tired," Keith said, but he didn't wait for me to answer, "So, I'll make this quick. Look, I chickened out yesterday. I love you."

Oh. Not exactly what I was expecting. I hadn't thought about that; I wasn't quite there. He loved me? Holy shit. Holy SHIT. This wasn't bad, though. No. Just surprising. Holy shit.

"Oh. Okay, I didn't mean to tell you that," Keith said, sounding as surprised as I felt. His face was beat red. When he continued, he was very quiet. "I meant it, but I wasn't going to say that. I just... don't want this to just be sex, and I don't want this to end," he finished slowly.

"Oh," I said. My mouth had finally decided to work, though my mind was still a bit mushy. I gave a small shrug. "Well, yeah, I agree."

Keith just stared at me like I had three heads.

"Sorry, I just woke up," I admitted, smiling a little. "I mean, I agree that I don't want this to just be sex, and I don't want this to end. I want to... you know, date, see each other, whatever. That kind of thing. Why are you still looking at me like that? Can you say something?"

He stared for what felt like forever, but then he laughed, and he hugged me. I hugged him back.

"I've been driving around for hours, psyching myself up to come over here and tell you that," Keith admitted. "I almost can't believe this... it's like it's too good to be true."

"So you obviously didn't get my message," I said with a chuckle. He shook his head. That would explain the big production. I gave him a quick grin at him. "It would have saved you some gas."

"Oh," Keith said with a sigh. "That's –"

"Shh," I told him as I pulled his mouth down to mine. After pushing his coat off of his shoulders, I pushed Keith backward against the front door, still kissing him, and ran my hands down his sides. I rubbed my pelvis against him, which put his cock against my lower stomach. Then I slipped his sweater over his head, and worked on unbuttoning his shirt. After each button I kissed at the exposed flesh, until I was at the top of his chinos. I sucked on and played with his nipple for a bit, before I unbuttoned his pants and started to slip his shirt off of his shoulders, but he stopped me.

"Don't you want to see if Ralphie gets the BB gun?" he whispered, low and sensual, in my ear. I burst out laughing; I couldn't help it. He laughed and kissed my neck. He slipped off his shoes and pulled me toward the bedroom, but I pushed him up against a wall again and pushed at his pants. I knew he liked to be teased, so I teased him to the best of my ability. I licked at his head, wetting it, and then ignored it to suck on his balls, something else he seemed to love. One hand held his hip; the other reached behind his balls to rub at his taint and around his hole. Keith loved that, too. His hands lightly touched my head, grasping at my hair. Finally, I licked my way up his shaft and around his head, before slowly sliding him into my mouth. I continued to tease him, though; I wouldn't take the whole thing in. He groaned and rolled his hips, his way of begging me for more, but I shifted so as to continue my tease. His hands clenched in my hair and I took almost all of him in my mouth – he was long, probably eight inches and thick, but I did the best I could. Moving against his hips, I sucked him off, and actually managed to get my nose to brush his pubes. Keith kept groaning and murmuring, and I kept sucking. He held my head but didn't push it, even as his hips started moving faster. I barely tasted the precum oozing from his cock, his was fucking my mouth so fast and deep. His stomach muscles tensed, my first sign that he was about to cum. I tightened my lips and got him as deep as I could. His cock spurted into my mouth, his hips thrusting his cock into my mouth even after he was finished. I had swallowed as he came, not spilling a drop even when he was furiously pumping himself into my mouth.

Reluctantly, I freed his cock from my mouth, but slowly, and I licked around his head before releasing it. He sighed, deeply, and pulled me into a deep kiss. Our tongues danced around each other and it was my turn to sigh. I pushed my hard cock into his thigh, not because I thought he needed reminding, but because I was so hard that I needed the contact.

"Bedroom?" Keith murmured as he nipped at my neck. He knew I loved that. I nodded furiously and let myself be led. He undressed me, ignoring my cock, instead sucking on my nipples. It was his revenge, the brat... I told him as much.

"I'm not a brat," he laughed, then thought for a moment. "Well, maybe a little. But you like it."

"I do," I growled, thrusting myself into his hand, which he finally decided to cup my cock with.

"I think you had something in mind...?" he asked.

"Can I... well, I know you're not big on it, but I really want to fuck you," I managed. Really, it was unfair making me talk in my state.

"Yeah?" Keith asked, breathless.

"Yeah," I affirmed. True, I mostly preferred to take it, but tonight... all I wanted was to take him. If I was reading gay porn there would be some crap about me wanted to claim him, make him mine, something along those lines – but maybe that was true. Maybe it was the sudden realization that he was *mine* that made me want him. Who knows?

"I'd love that," Keith whispered, his voice low and raspy. My cock twitched.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I'd love your cock in my ass, Travis," he whispered as he gave my neck and hard nip. Christ, I could love this man.

And then it hit me. Keith loved *me*. He really did. He loved me. Keith loved me.

I don't know why, but thinking about that made me really, really happy. It also made me want to fuck him even more.

I grabbed the lube and pushed him back. I kissed his thighs and sucked on his balls as I worked my fingers inside of him for the first time. He was so tight on my fingers, my cock twitched again at the thought of being inside of him. I sucked on his semi-hard cock as I stretched him. Truthfully, I was as eager as a 16-year-old virgin and all I really wanted to do was jump him, but I didn't want to hurt him.

"Travis," he whispered, and then giggled a little. "I'm not a virgin. I'm ready."

"Oh," I said, feeling bashful. "I didn't want to rush you... I didn't know. I've only ever done this with..."

I stopped. I didn't want to talk about Mark. Keith understood – or else he really didn't want to either, and who wants their bed partner to talk about an ex IN BED? Really, though, I was almost 30, and it occurred to me I was kind of inexperienced. That thought didn't last long, not with Keith lying down before me, his legs spread and his cock hard. He grabbed my ass and pulled me toward him, something I had done to him a few times.

My cock head pushed against his hole, and I felt his whole body relax beneath me. I grabbed his cock and slowly fisted it as I pushed in. We both gasped as my head popped in, and I continued fisting him until my balls hit his ass.

I tried to go slow, but I didn't really succeed. I thrust my tongue into his mouth as I fucked him, and we went from dancing to dueling. Keith grabbed my ass as I thrust into him, and we groaned into each other's mouths – it was hot, and passionate, and maybe a little wild. I don't normally do this, but with Keith – wow. Wow.

Keith came at the same time I did, which had never happened to me before. Having his ass clench down on my cock as I came – wow. Again, wow. Maybe it bears repeating – wow.

I collapsed on top of him, and we held each other until my cock was soft enough to slip out of him. All I wanted to do was pass out in his arms, but I had to get up to turn off the lights and TV. As I was looking at my tree Keith came up behind me. He wrapped his arms around me and rested his chin on my shoulder. I covered his hands with mine, and leaned back against him. Then, we stood there in the soft glow of Christmas lights, looking at the tree and watching the snow fall outside. And I realized, again, that Keith was really mine.

Definitely the best Christmas ever.