When I went to pick up Amanda, I noticed something was off. She crossed her arms and wouldn't look up at me.
"What's wrong?" I asked. I knew it was something serious, and I was scared. I thought she would break up with me, but that didn't make sense. There had been no signs that anything was wrong between us.
"I'm late," she said quietly.
"What do you-" mean was what I started to ask, but then I realized what she meant. "Oh. Are you sure?" I asked her.
"You think I don't keep track of this stuff?" She asked, sounding angry.
"That's not what I meant," I said, taken aback by her anger. I was about to respond sharply, but I managed to catch myself. She was scared and needed me. "Come here," I said and held my arms open.
She leaned over so that I could hug her. She felt rigid at first, but then she loosened up. I stroked her head and felt her warm tears on my shoulder. I hated myself for how stupid I had been. I knew that all the unprotected sex we were having was risky, but I was so wrapped up in the romance of it and how good it all felt I didn't even have a second thought about how we needed to be more careful.
"It's going to be ok. No matter what happens, I will be here for you." I felt her relax even more when I said that. She must have been so scared to tell me, wondering how I would react. I was afraid and nervous, too, but I realized I had to be her rock to help her get through this.
"I'm so scared," she said, sobbing into my shoulder.
"It's ok. I'm here for you. We can handle this together. It's going to be ok." I kept on reassuring her while I continued to stroke her head. I was used to not handling stressful moments well, but for Amanda's sake, I felt braver. I was still scared, but my mind didn't go racing down all the crazy branches of what-ifs; instead, I stayed grounded in the moment.
"Have you ever been late before?" I asked her when she started to calm down.
"Yes, by a few days, but never this late."
"Ok, there is still a chance you might not be pregnant, right?" I felt like I was grasping for straws, but I was working through the different solutions we might have.
"Yeah, maybe."
"So why don't we go and get a pregnancy test to make sure," I said.
She looked up at me dumbly for a second. "I am stressed out and scared. I haven't been able to bring myself to buy one."
"I can buy it for you."
I drove us to the nearest CVS and pulled into a parking space. Amanda clutched my arm and was quiet the entire drive.
"I will be right back," I said, kissing her forehead before leaving the car.
I wanted to go straight to the pharmacy aisles to look for it, but I thought for a moment about getting some other things, so it didn't look like that was the only reason I had come here. For Amanda's sake, I forced myself to go straight to the pregnancy and contraceptives aisle. I looked at the condoms for a moment and thought that if I had been smart enough to buy them, I could have avoided all of the stress I had caused Amanda. I grabbed a big box of condoms and one of the pregnancy tests that proclaimed fast results. The worker didn't seem to bat an eye when she rang me up for those two items and a large water bottle.
I handed Amanda the bottle of water when I returned to the car. I placed a hand on her thigh. "We are going to get through this," I said as confidently as I could manage. I drove back to my apartment. I wanted to speed up so we could hurry up and get there, but the last thing I wanted was to add to our stress by being pulled over.
We pulled into my parking space, and Amanda lingered in the car after I got out. I opened the door for her and helped her out. She leaned against me as I helped her into my apartment.
She grabbed the pregnancy test box and walked towards my bathroom. "Can you come in with me?" She asked.
"Sure." I took the box from her and followed her into my bathroom. There wasn't much room, so I sat on the bathtub, our knees almost touching as I opened the box. I handed her the plastic test after she pulled down her pants and sat on the toilet. I tried to look away to give Amanda some privacy. She set the test on the counter and sat next to me on the edge of the bathtub. I held her while we waited for the five longest minutes of my life. I kept on checking my phone, thinking that enough time had passed, but only a minute at most would pass at a time.
Finally, it was time for us to check it. I held Amanda's hands as she held it in front of us.
"Oh, thank god," Amanda said as the display showed she wasn't pregnant.
She dropped it to the ground, and we hugged each other.
"Come on. Let's wash our hands."
Amanda laughed. "Ok."