VIRGIN'S DANCE
September 22, 1986
Somewhere in America
Nineteen year old Alex Burnett pace a narrow strip of flattened grass and watched students crossing the quad from all directions. "C'mon, Jimmy," he said under his breath. "Where the hell are you?"
Finally Jimmy Hecklin strode into view, his unruly mop of hair bobbing among the crowd. Alex rushed forward to meet him.
"Hey, dude." said Jimmy, who called everybody "dude" or "man." "Lex" was as close as Jimmy ever got to addressing Alex Burnett by his given name.
"Jimmy, I need to talk to you," said Alex. "I need some advice."
"No shit? What about? Don't tell me you're slipping from the dean's list?"
"No, nothing like that." If Alex were having academic trouble, Jimmy Hecklin was the last person he'd turn to. "It's about...Well, it's about a woman."
"Dude! Say no more. You've come to the right man." Jimmy threw an arm over Alex's shoulder. "What babe issue is troubling you, my friend?"
"Not here," said Alex. "Let's talk in our room.
The room the boys shared in Webster Hall was not much bigger than a prison cell but still managed to reflect two very different individuals. Alex's side of the tiny room was neat and orderly, while Jimmy Hecklin's looked like the county landfill.
"Jimmy, I'm in a bind here," Alex sad. "I don't know what to do."
"Do about what, dude?"
"Well there's this girl, see? And we've been dating for awhile and now..."
"It's Jenny Pichinski from Psyche class, am I right?" Jimmy clapped his hands together. "Wow, man...I am so impressed. Jenny's a total babe! I knew she had the hots for you."
"Calm down, Jimmy. It's not Jenny Pichinski."
"No? Then who, Lex?"
"Her name is Iris Brooks."
"Jimmy's face twisted into a puzzled look. "Do I know her?"
"Probably not."
"But she's a babe, right? Tell me she's a babe. Tell me she's got this like perfect ass and these enormous titties and..."
Alex winced, loath to discuss Iris Brooks' body parts with his friend. "She has a nice figure," he said simply.
"I knew it! I mean, you're a babe magnet, man. You can have any woman on campus, am I right?"
"Well..." The words Alex had planned to say, the questions he needed to ask stuck in his throat as he looked at Jimmy Hecklin's eager face. "This was a bad idea," he said finally.
Alex jammed his hands into the back pockets of his jeans and turned to face the window. "Just forget about it." He stared down at a young couple walking arm in arm on the sidewalk below until he felt his roommate's hand on his shoulder.
"What is it, Lex?" Jimmy asked. "I'm getting serious vibes here, dude."
"That's because it is serious."
"So tell me...Jimmy's here for you."
Alex turned and pointed a finger in his friend's face. "Promise you won't laugh?"
Hecklin crossed his heart and affected his most sincere look.
"All right," said Alex. He sat on the edge of his bed and took a deep breath. "Like I said, I've been seeing Iris for quite a while now...I really like her, Jimmy."
"Uh-huh. And?"
"Well, we've kinda decided that it's time to take things to the next level."
"Yeah?"
Alex could see from the blank expression in his roommate's eyes that Jimmy Hecklin had no idea what Alex was trying to say. He decided to be blunt. "Iris and I have decided to have sex."
"Whoa, dude! Back up the wagon. You mean to say you haven't fucked her yet?"
Alex buried his face in his hands to hide his embarrassment and to keep from punching Hecklin's incredulous face.
"Hey, it's all right, Lex," Jimmy said quickly. "It's cool...Really, man."
Alex shook his head..
"Really, man," Jimmy continued. "I understand. You haven't done the dirty yet, but now she's ready. So what's the problem?"
Alex looked at his friend, anguish plain on his handsome face. "I...I...Oh, shit, Jimmy..."I've never done it before!"
***
"You're a virgin?" Tiffany Wilmer screeched. "A goddamned, true-to-life nineteen year old virgin? How the fuck did that happen?"
"Keep your voice down, Tiffy," Iris Brooks begged. "You want to tell the whole world?"
"But it's almost surreal." Tiffany looked closely at her friend. "Are you sure?"
"Of course, I'm sure! Do you think I could forget having sex?"
"No, I guess you'd remember that." Tiffany suddenly grinned. "You're pulling my leg, right?"
"I'm not joking, Tiff."
"But I've seen your birth control pills."
"Well, I've been prepared to have sex," said Iris. "It just hasn't happened yet. I suppose you think I'm some kind of freak."
"Of course not," Tiffany said. "But whatcha been doin', girl? I mean, just look at you. You must have had tons of offers. Hell, I lost my virginity in junior high."
"I'm afraid I wasn't very popular in junior high," said Iris. She looked down at her shoes and recalled how lonely she'd been as a teen. "I was a late bloomer, you could say. Gawky and flat-chested...didn't even bother with a bra until I was seventeen."
"Yeah," Tiffany conceded. "It's hard to get a boy's attention without tits."
"And then my grandmother got sick. She moved in with us. Mom worked nights, so I had to be there to look after Gran."
"I'm sorry, hon," said Tiffany. "That really sucks."
"Oh, no...I was glad to do it," Iris said. "My grandmother was a wonderful person. She set up a trust fund to pay for my education. I owe everything to her. She taught me so much."
"She should have given you a few tips on getting laid."
"Well, she didn't." Iris took a deep breath and let it out with a long sigh. "You gotta help me, Tiff."
"Okay, virgin girl. I'm at your service." Tiffany clapped her hands together to brush away some imaginary dust. "First things first. Now it's going to hurt, but only a little...unless he's really rough about it."
Iris couldn't imagine Alex Burnett being rough with her. "I don't think that will be a problem."
"You're lucky. Even so, you might want to lubricate."
"Is that necessary?"
"It can't hurt." Tiffany rummaged through a drawer and found a small plastic bottle. "Here you go. It's scented. He'll love it."
Iris took the bottle and pretended to read the label for a moment. "Thanks, Tiff," she said. "But I'm not so concerned with...with, um...penetration, actually. I don't want Alex...I mean, I want..." She looked up at her friend and smiled shyly. "I want to please him. I don't want him to know it's my first time."
"Don't you think the blood..."
"There won't be any."
"Say no more," said Tiffany." "I busted mine too, when I was a kid. We were riding ponies on my uncle's farm and..."
"Tiffy," Iris interrupted her roommate's pony ride down memory lane. "I need some...um, pointers, I guess. I want to be a good lover. I'm sure Alex has had lots of other girls." Iris took a deep breath and looked beseechingly at her friend. "I want him to think I'm the best."
Tiffany Wilmer sighed and hugged Iris in a tender embrace. "Don't worry, hon. When I get through with you Alex will think you're a porn star." Iris pulled back and opened her mouth to protest but Tiffany shushed her. "Now before we begin Hot Sex 101," she said, "tell me what you need to know."
***
"I know how to have intercourse," said Alex. "The basic mechanics of it, of course...But I want to do it right, Jimmy. I don't want to seem inept. I want Iris to...to..."
"You want her to come."
"Well...yes."
"Ooh boy," Jimmy whistled. "The big O. That can be a tough one. Women aren't like us guys, you know."
"So I've heard."
"No, I mean it, dude," Jimmy said. "We walk around with constant boners. A few strokes and we're off. Some guys anyway...I'm not talking about myself, you understand."
Alex was generous. "Of course not."