Virginias Story

Part 1

Beautiful, sexy, desirable. Never in my life have I been called these things, I've certainly never felt them inside. As an only child and growing up I was lonely, for as long as I can remember I have been overweight and deeply affected by this, even from a young age.

At school I was teased because of my weight, I felt low. I ate. I ate crappy foods, ate them too much and too often. My natural shape was heavy, a wide arse and big thighs, mix in a dose of bullying, take away a two cup fulls of self confidence and the result was an ugly and tough childhood into an isolated adolescence.

I knew people in the community and tried to be friendly when I could but this took work, it wasn't natural and those around me could sense it. My parents were older than other parents, years older than the other mums and dads and old fashioned too, routine was order, familiarity was safety.

My parents could see I was struggling and in pain, they tried to encourage me to make friends, inviting other children round to play or for a picnic on warm Saturday afternoon, but I was painfully shy and struggled to make any friendships last.

After I finished school I stayed home alone for a few years helping take of mum through poor health. Later I took a local job in one of the bigger department stores, working in the homewares section, here I met Stacey, she was bright and chatty, a little older by a couple of years and someone who had lived differently to me. I sort of looked up to her a little, she was confident but not bitchy and was the first person in my adult life that didn't seem to either want to quietly ridicule me or pity me. So, when she asked me to go to the 1986 Cheshire branch of Grahams Department Store Christmas Party, nervously I said "yes".

Saying no thank you had been my default for as long as I can remember, stay home, stay quiet, stay safe was my inner mantra. "Yes" I actually said fucking "yes" to this and the moment the word left my lips I was terrified.

Fashion and style don't come in my size. Nothing flattered me. I felt bulky, lumpy and wildly self conscious in this pink blouse and pleated skirt. I just wanted to curl up in a ball under my covers and hibernate, going to the works party at the conference rooms was not where I wanted to be. It was too late now, Stacey was here and the taxi beeped its horn outside, my mum was stood in the hallway and gave me some money to put in my purse "try and have a nice time love", her words didn't help, I know she meant well but the word "try" implied effort, like I wasn't aware of who I was.

Stacey looked so happy, her face was beaming, she slipped me a bottle of MD 20/20 under her coat in the back of the mini cab and I took a swig, totally against my nature, but I convinced myself that a swig would be fine as it would bolster my nerves and I would be in complete control with one swig. This mini cab stank. The smell of the sweet sickly rich strawberry drink could hardly compete with the odour, I took a big swig and handed it back. "Someones thirsty" Stacey chuckled to me as she leaned in close to retrieve the bottle.

"This is the first party I've been to, I'm not sure I'll fit in"

"Don't be daft V, you'll be fine, stay close to me, I'll take care of you tonight, lets let our hair down and have a boogie"

Now all I could think of is bloody dancing, I could hardly walk down a tight aisle at work now I was on trial to be judged for dancing. This was a bad idea, I shouldn't be here, I don't fit in, avoid, avoid, avoid was the voice in my head that I couldn't silence.

Thankfully the room was poorly lit and we had been put on a corner table. Men flocked to Stacey, it was effortless for her. They came in groups, one male would be the lead, sort of the most popular one and others stayed nearby as if caught in the gravitational pull. One of the fringe was Leonard, he was physically big, tall, broad shoulders but thin at the waist, wearing a tight shirt I could see he had big muscular arms, facially he looked pale and dour. At work he was always quiet, I thought he was shy like me as he barely spoke at work, when he sorted out stock in the warehouse and brought items up to the floor he didn't chat to the girls like the others, he just got on with it and left.

At the party, Stacey was centre stage to a group of men gathering near our table, Leonard came over to me and smiled, a warm smile, sort of disarming and genuine, I didn't seem to mind, maybe that glug of drink was taking affect. I wondered if anyone else even noticed this.

The DJ was playing something, it was loud, I couldn't hear him well but I think he said "Wanna dance?"

"Not yet, maybe later though yeah"

I actually wanted to say "no fucking chance have you seen me" but my shyness and upbringing stopped me.

Leonard leaned in to me, closely, the smell of his aftershave hit my nose then my throat, it was oddly pungent, it reminded me of moss, grass and decay, I think I coughed a little. He whispered to me "You're not bad looking you know, come with me for a kiss under the mistletoe". Bloody hell, did that just happen? Someone complemented me in a 'you'll do' sort of way and then offered to kiss me! I was too shocked to be annoyed.

Before I knew it he had hold of my hand, I was up, I didn't have time to process this, my legs were jelly, I hadn't ever been kissed before, I'd been pecked on the cheek by my parents but that doesn't count. He led me out of the room and into the side corridor where there was a sprig of mistletoe hanging, let go of my hand and put both hands on my face.

That touch alone nearly made me pass out, then his lips were at mine, his tongue was in my mouth and it was happening. I'd been so passive in this action that I hadn't realised I had walls behind me, I was in a corner and the front of the triangle was Leonard, I had nowhere to go. Becoming aware of being here and feeling trapped in this space something happened inside of me that hadn't before, I got wet between my legs, really wet.

I had never shown any interest in him, I wasn't even sure if I liked him, but I wanted to be seen and feel like a woman for the first time in my life, I was 22 now for gods sake, I was way behind the curve compared to the other girls and I thought that I would never have this, something compelled me to go with it. The kiss lingered and his tongue which at first tasted foreign soon began to soften and I came to enjoy it. This was it, my first real kiss!

Leonard let go of my face and with both hands grabbed my wrists and turned, he led, I followed. I was so lost. Frightened and excited. He led me down the hallway to a door, opened it up and I could see it was a store cupboard with cleaning bits and bobs in it, a small space with some shelves and racking.

He pulled me Inside and turned on the light, a single hanging bulb, no shade, it lit up the room and I took a moment to adjust. I couldn't see at first because of the light but I could hear he had locked the door from inside. I hoped he would say something, something nice to calm me or make me feel seen but he didn't say anything. He nudged me back to the shelving and put his feet in-between mine, kicked my legs apart and put his knees into the insides of my thighs. I didn't stop him, I didn't even resist a little, I was now terrified, inside I was shaking, unable to speak, I think I wanted this but I was frozen with fear.

He kissed me again which relaxed me, then he hitched up my stupid looking skirt so his hand was on the front of my thighs, I was up against a wooden shelf which dug into my lower back, I put my hands behind me on the shelf to push away to get relief from the position.

With my hands in the small of my back facing away from me he leaned in with his weight and I was stuck, my bodyweight had pushed my palms against the shelf and my hands were now jammed into my lower back, my legs were open and pinned by his knees, he was in my space. He reached up with his other hand and held my face gently before sliding it behind my neck and grabbing a full fist of my hair, tugging on it and pulling my head back turning my face upwards to the bright light, I closed my eyes shut hard and my mind went blank.

His other hand now in my soaking wet knickers was rubbing into me and opening me up. Using his fingers he opened me and pressed against my clit, he held his hand still there for a moment pressed firm against me. I instinctively relaxed to this, it somehow felt as though this was a way of saying 'don't worry, I've got you'.

I was acutely aware that I was now powerless in this position, I'm sure he knew it too, holding me here I could feel my clit almost pulsing against his hand. Wedging the boney part of his hand near the base of his thumb he drove his palm onto my clit and moved his fingers down and under, he quickly and easily put two fingers inside of me, his fingers felt huge and I gasped, this was all new to me. I had masturbated before, only a few times as it felt shameful to me, this was very different.

As he slowly moved his fingers back and forth inside of me, the palm of his hand pressed against my clit which was now being rubbed in a circle, my wetness increased even more and I could feel it running down the inside of one thigh.

He moved his fingers slowly but firmly, then after a short while he changed position and hooked the two fingers inside my and pulled them forward, holy fuck what was this, this new experience, this part of my body I didn't know even existed. I instantly needed to pee, I held the feeling as long as I could, I was embarrassed and couldn't move anyway, I'd have to say something soon as the urge to pee grew with every motion of his fingers in me.

Holding his hand in this position he was moving his arm back and forward, I'm a big girl but my weight was nothing to the strength of his arm. Suddenly, almost in an instant I erupted like a volcano, my legs buckled, had I not been wedged against the shelf and held by his knees I'd have slumped down to the ground. Hot fluid gushed out of me, through my panties and on to the floor, I convulsed for a moment and let out a deep groan, at this same point he pulled harder on my hair and my head went fully backwards opening my mouth, I had a huge, knee buckling orgasm.

Then he slid his two fingers out of me and then put all four fingers in to my open mouth, they were soaked with my fluids, he released my hair and I could adjust my head away from the bright light and downwards, he kept his fingers in my mouth and put his thumb under my jaw and tilted my head to the left, he then leaned in to my neck and sucked hard on the base of it and bit me, this was really painful and I thrashed against him but he didn't budge. I tried to say stop but with his fingers in my mouth it just came out as a muffled noise not a word.

He stopped biting, then taking his fingers out of my mouth once again putting them back in me and repeating the same thing over and over again.

On the last repeat of this cycle I erupted again, I knew it was going to happen this time and was much more relaxed, I had the most powerful orgasm of my life, I came so hard I started to get light headed, I forgot for a moment that my hands and back were in agony and my neck would certainly be badly bruised.

I could barely think let alone speak, my words sounded pathetic "enough, please no more", thankfully he moved back and I could adjust to the extra space for some relief from this painful position.

The floor was splashed with my wetness, I felt shame, embarrassment, pain and a release of sexual tension that I'd never imagined possible. I was dirty and used, owned like a toy, but it felt amazing too, something had shifted in me, I was no longer innocent, no longer invisible, someone wanted me enough to do that that to me and a part of me loved it.

He stepped back, unlocked the door, turned off the light and left without saying a word, leaving me there in the dark, a wet sticky mess in this cleaning cupboard. A sore back, painful bites on my neck, soaking wet knickers now just above my knees and a puddle of my own fluid sprayed over my shoes.

I couldn't go back to the party like this, I could hardly walk or speak, I needed to process this and get changed into some dry fresh clothes. After a while standing there like that I steadied myself, I removed and rolled my panties up in to a ball, put them in my purse and left. I got the bus home and went straight to my room to bed, I was spent, confused, awake and alive. I masturbated to the memory of the experience that same night, in my own way with my own familiar comforts and method, I didn't erupt like before but I came hard and quick, I'd had more orgasms that night than in my entire life, exhausted I soon drifted off to sleep.