Walking into my Accounting 1 class, I noticed the āquote of the dayā on the front board: āHow would you describe a perfect day?ā In order to get extra credit for the class, we had to write down the daily quote and write our reaction or answer the question. As I sat down and got out my notebook, I thought of what I would say before I started to write. The first thing that came to mind was the usual: a perfect day would include seeing my boyfriend.
You see, it didnāt just start that day. Itās not like Iāve ever liked Valentineās Day, but walking into my classes that day definitely didnāt help my mood. Seeing every single girl in the halls carrying a dozen roses....or a few dozen...or a nice big teddy bear or heart balloons or whatever....it just pained me. You see, I only once had something given to me on Valentineās Day. That was the year that my parents brought this 4ā high stuffed bear into school and asked the main office to deliver it to me. They thought that it would make me feel better. It didnāt -- it just humiliated me more.
Oh itās not like I didnāt have a caring boyfriend who bought me stuff...I did. And he USED to live pretty close to me. But then, for some reason, his family moved out of town. And they didnāt JUST move out of town -- no, they moved across the continent. So I didnāt see him much and with long distance phone bills being what they were, I couldnāt exactly call him as often as Iād have liked. When we had lived close to each other, he would always express how he felt using the lyrics of a song. He always made sure that I recognized the song that the lyrics were from, so that he could later play the song and we could dance to it. I admit it, Iām a hopeless romantic.
My friends always tried to cheer me up because my boyfriend couldnāt be there with me. Theyād leave me notes which were addressed to me from some āsecret admirer,ā supposed to be my long distance boyfriend -- yeah, right. I knew it was them, but I never let on. Plus, they werenāt very good at changing their handwriting. But I guess they never thought Iād figure it out. And two days before Valentineās Day, there had been one dead give-away that it was them leaving the notes.
Two weeks before Valentineās Day, I had bought some CDs with my Christmas money. Among them was āCasey Kasem Presents 1990: Americaās Top Ten Through the Years.ā I liked a lot of the songs on the CD and even found a few more that I liked once I had listened to the whole thing. One of the latter was a song by Timmy -T- called āOne More Try.ā My friends had known that I was thinking of calling my boyfriend and telling him that we should call our relationship quits. After all, it wasnāt like we saw each other anymore and it wasnāt likely that we would get to anytime soon. Well, āOne More Tryā was a song about someone asking their significant other for one more try (as if you couldnāt have figured that out, right?). Well, anyway, at the end of the song, thereās this one speaking part which says āOh girl, you know I love you. I just want you to know, my love Iāll always treasure. So please, just donāt let me go.ā Two days before Valentineās Day, Iād found a note in my locker with that exact phrase written on it. To start off with, there was no way my boyfriend could have known that I had that CD and listened to that song....and believe me, no one (I repeat: no one) thinks of an exact phrase without listening to the song. I had to admit, it didnāt look like the note was written in my friendās handwriting, but I figured that she had finally realized that I could tell it was her and sheād gotten a guy to write the note. So I thought nothing of it.
My school day progressed veeeeeeery slowly on that Valentineās Day. It was a Friday, which meant this: to add to my misery, I had to go volunteer at the hospital after school. I didnāt wait around after school like I normally might have to check my e-mail or chat with friends. That day I didnāt want to see any more smiling, happy faces. So I drove over to the local hospital. I hadnāt even changed into my uniform when my boss stopped me dead in my tracks, āWhat are you doing here, Ashley?ā
āWhat do you mean, what am I doing here? Iām scheduled to work tonight, remember?ā I was sooo not in the mood to debate anything with anybody. Especially when they were asking me stupid questions.
āNo you donāt. You got called off and weāve got your replacement here already, so you can go home.ā
āGreat.ā
I then went by the front desk to pick up my belongings and leave. As I put my coat back on, one of the other volunteers stopped me. She was an 82-year-old lady named Dorothy. āHey, Ash, Ashes, Ashley...did you do something different with your hair?ā she asked me as she held my brown-streaked-blond hair up to her face. She was going blind, and she asked me that question every single week.
āNope. And Iām not working, so Iām leaving. I donāt want to stick around here,ā I said as I looked over to the delivery cart. The delivery cart was the place where people would put all the flowers that needed to be delivered to the patients and the volunteers would take them up to the rooms. I took one glance and could see that it was covered in heart balloons and flowers of every variety -- from wildflowers to roses.
āYeah...I heard youāre leaving. Some guy called you off....ā
āWait...ā I stopped mid-motion. āSome....guy?ā
āYeah...I think his name was like....Mark...ā I shook my head, āMaybe his name was Mike?ā I still stood there, puzzled, āNo...I donāt think it was Mike...OH!!!! Maybe it was MATT!!!!ā
Now that name I recognized. However, that didnāt help me much because it made no sense. The only Matt I knew was my boyfriend...and he was a little too far away to know my hospital schedule.
So I left for home. But I couldnāt even get in my car without having another puzzling experience. I almost drove away before noticing the heart-shaped piece of paper stuck under the left wind-shield wiper. I put the car in park and got out to get the letter. Reading it only puzzled me more. I slowly read the note: āYouāre the one who makes me come running. Youāre the sun who makes me shine. When youāre around, Iām always laughing. I wanna make you mine. I close my eyes and see you before me. Think I would die if you were to ignore me. A fool could see just how much I adore you. I get down on my knees Iād do anything for you. I donāt want anybody else. When I think about you I touch myself. Oh, I donāt want anybody else.ā I turned the note over to find something scribbled very small. Upon careful observation, it read, āThink about who all that applies to if you want to know who I am.ā
At that point, I was almost convinced that the whole thing was an elaborate hoax that my friends were playing on me. After all, those words were lyrics to the song āI Touch Myself,ā another song off of the 1990s CD.
The one thing that I couldnāt figure out was why the person who had done it had used that song. After all, my friends had no clue that my boyfriend jacked-off to the image of me. At least I hadnāt told them. So yeah, that was weird. It was starting to become harder and harder to push off all the tricks as the work of my friends.
I drove home in silence, not turning on 93.9 like I always did. I didnāt want to hear all the sappy love songs that day. Normally, I would have turned it on full blast. I love love songs. The way I am, I could be dumped and 2 minutes later, Iād be listening to love songs on the radio and dancing to them up in my room. Like I said, Iām a hopeless romantic.
Even at home, I couldnāt escape Valentineās Day. I parked the Honda in front of the house and went in the front door, not even noticing the soft glow that was coming from the windows of the house. The second I stepped in the house, I heard the music. Here was the problem: my parents were out of town, so there shouldnāt have been anyone short of a serial killer in my house.
Love, like a road that never ends...how it leads me back again to heartache...Iāll never understand...
The music permeated the stillness of the house. When I first took a look at the entrance-way of the house, I dropped my backpack at my feet in surprise.
Darling, I put my heart up on a shelf ātil the moment was right and I told myself
There were candles everywhere. LIT candles everywhere. Every nook and cranny down to the ledges on the staircase were covered with tiny red, pink, and white candles.
Ok, so it wasnāt a serial killer out to get me. Or at least, if it was, it was a thoughtful, caring serial killer. Nah. As I took off my shoes and jacket, wet with snow, and put them in the closet, I noticed a trail of rose petals leading farther into the house. Following them, I came to the kitchen. The usual 7 foot hardwood table had been removed and was replaced by a small table...only big enough for two people. The table had one solitary candle in the center. There were two plates on the table, in addition to white and red roses.
Next time I fall in love, Iāll know better what to do. Next time I fall in love it will be with you.
Something must have caught my attention, because I remember looking off to the left side of the room. The room was only lit by a few candles, unlike the foyer which would be covered in wax within an hour. I couldnāt wait to clean that up the next day. Because there was practically no light in the kitchen, I couldnāt really see if there was anyone else in the room. However, I did see a dark shape over to the left. Make that a dark shape with brown hair. As I watched, the dark shape seemed to get closer and closer, until I could see that it was my boyfriend. He looked gorgeous. He wasnāt dressed up...nothing fancy, really; but he looked good. His hair was gelled to perfection, which surprised me...ācause he normally never gelled it. Well, it wouldnāt stay that way if we were to have any āfun.ā Oh well. Regardless, he looked good. Good enough to eat. But I wasnāt sure what to do. Should I go over to him and relax in his warm embrace? Why did I have sexual thoughts running through my mind when I hadnāt even seen him in a year? He stood at least a half a foot taller than me, and I looked up into his eyes to help give me a clue about what he was thinking.
Now, as I look into your eyes; well, I wonder if itās wise to hold you like Iāve wanted to before
All I could see in his eyes was loving and affection. And thatās all I really wanted or needed to see. It made me wish that heād never have to leave my side. I knew that heād have to go home. Sooner or later. He couldnāt stay here forever, no matter how badly I wanted him too. I wanted him to stay...and I wanted him in other ways...
Tonight, I was thinking that you might be the one who breathes life in this heart of mine
My parents were out of town, so he could stay. Literally. In the physical sense he could stay here and....he could stay the night. The stillness of the moment was broken by the CD starting to skip. That shattered the perfect moment that had seemed to be unraveling. Matt went across the room to change the CD as I stood there, completely speechless. He put in my 1990s hits CD.
Itās been a long time since you left me. I didnāt mean to make you cry. I didnāt mean to disappoint you. I didnāt mean to tell you lies. And after all that we have been through, wonāt you let me tell you why? One more try...