A RAINY DAY'S LESSONS
Another slice of life at St. Dunstan's; for background, please consult the previous episodes Third in a flock of four. Feedback welcome.
*
"Hello, Vicar, staying dry?" Sheila's cheerfulness at the other end of the phone line belied the glum, grey early February day.
"No, Sheila, didn't have that option. Had to visit the hospital this morning, then teach the seniors of the choir school about the mystery of the Trinity."
"You did all that on a Monday? I thought you blokes only worked on Sunday." Snickers cascaded down the line on the heels of that quip.
"Sheila Button, I ought to turn you over my knee and paddle your backside beet red for that remark. You of all people surely know better"
More snickers reached my ears, and Sheila continued lightheartedly: "Well, tonight may be your chance, Vicar. Remember just before Christmas when I asked you for some help with Jenny?"
"Yes."
"Well, she's not working tonight, and Derrick's up at the Library getting ready for exams. I thought I'd bring her round when I brought over your tea and we'll teach her some of the finer things of life."
I stared at the receiver dumbfounded. The subject came up, and I didn't remember agreeing to it, but I didn't disagree with it. Shaking my head to clear it, I remembered one of the few things I'd learned in my years of pastoral ministry: if you give an ambiguous answer, the other person is going to assume you agreed with them and
act on it.
"I don't remember agreeing with this," I finally said.
"I know you didn't, you just said you'd think about it. Well, I don't want you to think about it; I want you to do it. I've got a lovely steak and potato for your tea tonight; I'll grill it medium rare, just as you like it, with sour cream for your baked potato and some lovely sprouts in fennel that you love. There's a lovely California Merlot to go with it, and a beautiful apple pie with some brie for afters."
My salivary glands cut in and began to argue for acceptance, but my mind wasn't so sure. "Yes right, and I'll take a photo series while you grill it for me wearing nothing but an apron."
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"Ah, you're a treasure, Vic, that's an idea good enough I wish I'd thought of it. Jenny's just jumping up and down in excitement at the thought of coming round, like it's Christmas all over again."
"How's the relationship with Derrick going? Is he on track to make the big commitment?"
Jenny cut into the conversation. "Yes, Vicar. I think he may pop the question as soon as Friday night. I can't wait, I'm so eager I may get ahead of him."
It was something that I already knew, but I couldn't tell them. Derrick and I had been talking almost every other day, and he was so smitten with Jenny that he was looking for the right time to ask her to marry him. I finally sighed and said to them, "All right, I'll do it. Come over anytime."
"Be there in a tick." Sheila said. "Pull back the sheets."
I hung up the phone and looked out the window at the gloomy day. It was two in the afternoon, and this could last a while knowing Sheila. A banging downstairs reminded me that Percy Wilton was in the basement installing some exercise equipment for me in the new Recreation Room; I leaped down the stairs two at a time to speak with him.
Percy was brushing his hands after securing a bracket to the wall for my chin up station. He looked at me as I entered the room, and smiled. "Hello, Vicar. How's it look?"
"Grand, Percy. Well Done."
"Well, Vic, got a lot done so far today, had to move the walking machine across the room before I could get started. I figure that I can get the first three stations set up before five today, and we'll get the whole thing done by the weekend. Stan's over to help me tomorrow."
I fidgeted a little. "You look tired, Percy. You wouldn't be interested in calling it a day already, would you?"
He gave me a disbelieving look. "Well, I won't say it hasn't been tough on this thirty year old body with all the heavy lifting, but I can put in a full day's work for a full day's pay. I'm no slacker, Vic, I'm an honest man, particularly when I work for the Church."
"And glad I am that you're such a faithful son of the Church. But--the Bishop's coming round any minute and I'd like some peace and quiet to deal with him."
"Well, Vicar, that may be so, but there's some quiet stuff I can do while he's here. Needn't bother you at all. You've got old Horace in your back pocket anyway, word on the street says, and you've nothing to fear from himself."
I looked around and thought furiously. "Look, Percy, I need some space right now, and although I know you're a good son of the Church, it would give me some peace of mind if you'd knock off early." Pulling out my wallet, I drew out a twenty pound note: "Go collect Peggy and take her to a show, go the Pub and treat yourself to an early happy hour, whatever you want. I'll pay you for a full day today."
He took the note and looked it over. "Well, Vicar, I am feeling a little thirsty right now. Won't call Peg; she almost wore me out last night, the little vixen, and I need some space to recover my manhood before I see her again. I'll knock off right now if you want."
"Grand, Percy, grand. If this doesn't serve you, tell Johnny to put your drinks,
and your drinks only
, on my tab this evening, and I'll look for you and Stan tomorrow morning."
"Right, Vic, I'll grab my hat and coat and I'm gone. Mum's the word, and if there's anything I can do for you, consider it done. Bye, Vic." Percy almost had the light off and was out the door before I could turn and go back upstairs.
Sheila and Jenny bustled in the kitchen door with several bags, which they set down on the counter. They wore matching blue sweatsuits and sneakers under their coats, which struck me as rather odd attire considering the goal of the afternoon, but I let it pass. Quickly they unloaded their burdens on the counter, and Sheila then turned to give me a big hug and a kiss: "Hiya, Vicar."
Jenny came over to press her whole body against mine, her protruding breasts poking against my chest, and gave me a long, deep kiss before pulling back to look deep into my eyes. "Hello, Father Alfred," she said in a sultry voice.
Sheila swatted her on the shoulder. "I know you can do that bit, Jen, let's get to work organizing supper before we have our lessons upstairs. Have a drink while we're getting things together, Vic, and we'll be ready for you shortly." I got some ice from the icebox and poured myself a very stiff Scotch. Sitting at the table I got a view of the two women as they prepared a meal: like clockwork they had the potatoes in the oven; the sprouts and fennel in a steamer basket over a pot of water, ready for boiling; the rolls in a covered basket warming; the steaks laid out to come up to room temperature, and the grill inspected for readiness. It was amazing to see.
The tasks were done and Sheila turned to me. "I know you like to make love on an empty stomach, so let's go about our business upstairs now. Ready, Jen."
Jenny gave me a look and licked her lips. "Ready, Gran." They preceded me up the stairs, and walked into my bedroom where Jenny peeled back the covers on my bed.
"All right, Jen, first lesson: taking off a man's clothes. Your Derrick probably hasn't needed much warming up, but after a while you may need to help jump start his engine. Taking off a man's clothes is a wonderful way to get him interested if you do it right."