This is quite blasphemous.
There was a time when people would knock on my door, and try to talk to me about religion. Like a lot of people, I had no interest and sometimes teased them with silly questions. If God was that keen to convert me, why didn't he come around himself? The last people to call were a lovely young couple, and for a change, I invited them in. Since then, there have been no more callers.
My wife and kids were visiting her side of the family in her home country, during a two week school break. This time, as with the times before, I found it best to keep the house pristine, clean and tidy. It made it easier to spot something that might get me caught. Knowing everything was in order, I could relax, and take my time to explore new ways of being sexually depraved. On this occasion, I had willfully been abstinent for a few days, to allow my mind to conjure something new and interesting. Looking out the window, it was a nice sunny spring day. The type of day that inspires optimism. Working from home, I checked my calendar for the rest of the afternoon. No meetings, and no deadlines. Idle hands are the devil's playthings.
In need of inspiration, I picked up my cell phone which had pinged a few notifications that I had ignored. People from my neighborhood chat group were talking about two religious types going door-to-door, with pamphlets in hand, and the Lord in their hearts. From my office window I could see them at a distant doorstep. A man and woman, in their early twenties, smartly dressed, talked to a neighbor whose name I didn't know. I read more of the messages, and memorized the information people had shared to the chat group. I didn't comment. I switched off my work computer after doing some quick research and prepared for their visit. When my doorbell rang, I surprised them by opening the door right away.
"Dan and Lisa, I am delighted to see you today, " I said. They were both dressed for the Church, innocent, sensible and practical. I could hear surprise in their voice when they said, "blessings to you," unsure how I knew their names.
"Come on in," I offered much quicker than they had anticipated. Then standing away from my door, I ushered them in with my arm waving them on. Quickly looking at each other, she stepped across the threshold first, and he followed. I led them into the main living area of the house. Our house is only a few houses away from a pathway that leads to the next neighborhood. The nosey neighbors would probably assume they continued on in that direction, if the pair were not seen again.
Standing in the middle of the living room, I turned to them both and gestured for them to put down their belongings. With my hands out, I said to them both, "join hands with me. Today is a very special day." I had no idea how I was going to pull off my bullshit plan, or how quickly they would see through me as yet another time waster. If I was going to have fun, I needed to always be one step ahead, supremely confident and playing to their gullibility.
Their hands in mine, I looked down at the floor solemnly and began, "Dear Lord, thank you for this blessing and bringing Dan and Lisa to my door today. Lord, in your wisdom you have seen to reward your two most faithful servants with the highest of honors in your glory." Considering I was winging it, I felt it started pretty well.
"You have been chosen by God for a most noble and high task."
In a quiet tone I directed, "Now let us take a moment of silence, so that we may be filled with God's courage to fulfill our part in His great plan." This was make or break time. Lisa's soft hand was in mine, and in time I would know her more intimately. Dan's hand felt null and discardable to me. In the silence I waited for them to break free from my outrageous act. Having committed to it thus far, I was being swept up in my own performance. I was too committed now to break character and admit my fraud.
Looking up from the floor, ending the moment's silence, I looked at them and said, "you must have many questions." I moved to place my hands flat on the upper part of their chest and neck area, tenderly connecting. "Feel HIs power within you." Bridging my energy to theirs, each in turn, until they felt what they needed to feel in their soul.
"Feel your hearts filled with His love, and the courage to look beyond what you hear, see and feel with your mortal bodies, and connect through our combined souls."
"Please take a seat." They sat together on the sofa, and I sat in the armchair.
"The Lord God speaks through me and I know much about you both. I see why you were chosen to be tested, and if worthy, chosen for the greatest of honors," I continued.
"Dan, you have been faithful to the Lord for many years, and Lisa you have recently found your calling." A brave guess based on instincts. They listened, filled with some pride that they had been "chosen" and that a stranger spoke so knowledgeably about them. At each house they visited, they dropped breadcrumbs of information that the householders then either joked about or commented on in the group chat. I had quite the arsenal of facts. Going on to talk about their Church and the people they knew, remembering what I read from the neighborhood chat and an internet search, I continued with the ruse. This was stunning proof of something divine to them.
"Think about people like Pastor Greenway, and how he answered God's calling, devoting his life to the good cause. God calls you now, but in far greater and demanding ways. You plan to get married in June next year. I'm delighted for you both. This is all part of His great plan."
Still they did not speak. Their eyes were fully locked onto me, as if I had some magic power. I was starting to think the same myself.
"I have a special and very important mission for you both. You have read in the Bible of Angels coming to speak to people, accompanied by brilliant lights, wings and other such wonders. If you were to see such a spectacle right now, what choice would you have but to follow God's will?" I asked rhetorically.
"How would you prove your faith if you witnessed such an obvious miracle?" This really was getting out of hand, and yet they seemed to be as committed to this folly as I was.
"You have brilliant faith shining within you. The miracle is seen, when your bravery to trust in Him is rewarded in unimaginable ways with God's love." At this point, I decided to give them a fair chance of escape. "You must have many questions. Please do talk freely about what is on your mind."
Again, they looked at each other unsure how to react. Their silence added more weight to their blind eagerness to continue further. For the moments that passed, I considered if I really was prepared to push towards achieving my end goal.
Dan spoke first, "How do you know our names, and the other things about us?"
