"Pause the game, I have to go to the bathroom!"
"OK."
Lukas rushed out of the room, and I took the opportunity to go out into the kitchen and help myself to another Coke. I'd been friends with Lukas since we were kids, and we moved around each others' homes like they were our own. As I opened the soda can, Lukas' little sister Audrey came in.
"Hi, Audrey!" I said. "What's up?"
"Hi, Will," she said. "Uhm... I'd like to ask you something..."
"OK, ask away," I said.
"Not here," said Audrey. "Not now. I don't want Luke or my parents to know that I've asked you this."
"You're not in trouble, are you?" I frowned.
"No, it's nothing like that," said Audrey. "I just want to ask you to do me a favor – but you MUSTN'T tell Luke or my parents about it!"
"It's nothing illegal, is it?"
Her face was worrying me.
"No, it's nothing like that," said Audrey. "Look, I'll explain everything later. Can you meet me at the tree house tomorrow at 4 PM? But you mustn't say ANYTHING to Luke – promise me!"
I promised, and she hurriedly left the kitchen. I went back upstairs, but my mind was rather distracted, and Lukas beat me at the game by a light year. Like I said, I've known Lukas since we were kids, and I've known Audrey since she was in diapers. Seeing as I'd been more or less like an adopted son in their house, I'd come to see Audrey as my little sister, too. A sweet and nice girl, most of the time, but with a pesky tendency to embarrass Lukas and me when we grew up and started dating girls. Little Audrey... what could she possibly want to ask me to do for her? Buy liquor? Get a tattoo removed? Or – gasp! Drive her to an abortion clinic? My mind set up thousands of scenarios, and I didn't get a very good night's sleep.
*********************
Come 4 PM the next day, I was waiting for her at the tree house that Lukas and I built in the forest by the time we were 10. She was a little out of breath, as if she'd been running.
"Hi, Will!" she said. "Thank you so much for coming here, I really appreciate this. You haven't told anyone, have you?"
"No, I haven't," I assured her. "But Audrey, you're freaking me out here. What's going on? You said you wanted to ask me for a favor?"
"Yeah..."
She hesitated, then crawled inside the tree house and motioned for me to follow her.
"I don't know how to ask you this..." she said, looking a little awkward. "It's kinda embarrassing."
I waited.
"First of all, you must PROMISE never to tell Luke that I asked you this, no matter if you say yes or no, OK?"
"That depends on what you're gonna ask me," I said. "Like, OK, I won't tell Lukas if you want me to lend you my car, but I'm not gonna help you bury a dead body!"
"WHAT???"
"Do you have any idea how many crazy ideas have flown through my head since you told me you wanted to ask me for a favor?" I said.
"Geez, it's nothing like that!" Audrey exclaimed. "I just want you to take my virginity!"
I stared at her with my mouth open. Of all the crazy things I'd imagined that Audrey might ask me to do for her, THAT had never been an option!
"Huh?" I said.
"I've been thinking about this a lot," said Audrey, suddenly talking very fast as if she was trying to get everything off her chest before I had a chance to interrupt her. "I want my first time to be with someone who's nice and gentle and considerate. Because, you know, the first time is supposed to be painful, and to tell you the truth, I'm a little bit nervous. And... I'd like you to be my first, Will. I trust you."
It was like hearing the last recorded words from a crashed airplane being "Gee, I wonder what this button will do?" How could I even BEGIN to explain what was wrong with her idea?
"Ehm..."
I pulled a hand through my hair and searched for words.
"Audrey... I'm flattered that you think that I'm a nice guy, but... your first time's supposed to be special. Wouldn't you rather have it with someone you're in love with?"
"No," she said. "I want a nice and sensitive and experienced guy. One who'll not just screw me and run. One who'll guide me through it, so to speak."
"Your brother would kill me."
"He'd never know."
"I'm not sure I'd be very good at being someone's first."
"You just need to be gentle."
"I'm not sure I could even do it with you! I mean, you've always been like MY little sister, not just Lukas'!"
"Well... it's not like I've never done ANYTHING, Will. I mean, I know how to use my hands and my mouth. I could make you excited, I'm sure of it!"
What was this, candid camera or something? I felt sweaty. My best friend's little sister could NOT just be talking about giving me a blowjob!
"I want my first time to be good," Audrey whispered. "Do you really want me to do it with some clumsy teenager instead?"
That wasn't fair! She was turning my protective instincts against me!
"I wouldn't be scared if it was you," she said.
"But it's not really romantic, is it?" I tried, desperately appealing to the idealistic little girl in pink she'd once been. "Don't you want to be in love for your first time? And do it with a guy who's in love with you?"