The Night Before

There is something about walking around and knowing that no one knows your secret. Everyone just looks at you the same and you try to act the same, but there is always that voice in your head over thinking every move you make and every second look someone gives you. Do they know? Did I see them yesterday? Where they one of the ones? And then you push it out of your mind because you know that would be absurd. There was no way they were there.

That is one of the comforts of being in a graduate program that is one hundred percent female. I didn't think it was possible, but somehow, I willingly chose the one master's program that had zero men. Every day, I am surrounded by the most type A females who are all thinly trying to cover their judgment of every other girl in the room.

When I had first entered this program, I thought that was bad in and of itself. Then it came to my attention that I was also the only one that was not married, engaged, or in a serious long-term relationship lasting at least five years. I was the only girl who didn't have a permanent man by her side.

For a while I felt bad. I knew the other girls pitied me. But then I realized something. I realized that I had the freedom they wished they had. They had had the same lips kissing them for years. They had the same hands touching them the same way they had always touched them. These girls had grabbed the first guy they had dated in high school and hadn't let go since. They may be happy and granted they may have more consistent sex than me, but they would never have the stories or the adventures that I was having right under their noses. In a way, they knew it too. They wanted to pity me, but when you are 22 years old and already married, on some level you are sexually repressed.

They try to compensate. They talk about how many times they had sex with their husband this week, and the wild things they did that one time on their honeymoon. They talk about how perfect and in love they were the first time they had sex and how even though it was awkward, they wouldn't have wanted it any other way. They put on a smile and they try to show that they are better than me because they trapped a guy.

That is the same smile that I was confronted with today, just like every other day. I returned the smile as best I could as my lips were incredibly chapped from the night before. I could feel the bruises still tender on my ass from my punishment. I pulled down the sleeves of my jacket to make sure the handcuff marks were covered. They didn't even know. They didn't even care. But as I sat in my unofficially assigned seat, I closed my eyes and the memories came flooding back into my mind. I saw his hands moving expertly along my body while my body moved in response to every touch. I felt the way his tongue traveled down my body and the way his fingers spread me. I remember how I felt as his eyes locked mine and as his fingers entered me his other hand pulled my face close to his as he watched the pleasure growing on my face.

He had handcuffed my hands around the railing of his bed and I had submitted easily. I used to imagine myself as a dominatrix. I was a strong independent woman and no man was ever going to over power me. I was strong in mind and body and I was going to make sure everyone knew it. But once I got into graduate school it became increasingly exhausting to be making all the decisions. Adulthood had made being independent such a drag. So, when he commanded me with no words, but with the movements of his body, it became so easy to just follow. When his hips pressed against me, I knew where he wanted me to walk. I didn't need him to talk. Communicating with him was so much more primal.

I couldn't believe it the first time I had met him. I was normally a chatty person and somehow, he knew how to shut me up in an instant. The silence wasn't scary. It wasn't awkward. It was perfect. We had seen each other in a stupid party that I hadn't even really wanted to go to. I was bored, and we were both chilling by the drinks in an attempt to get drunk enough to maybe enjoy a little bit of the party. Soon enough people moved and we both beelined our way to the first open seat so that we wouldn't have to stand the entire night. We chucked once we realized we were both so lazy that we didn't even want to keep standing at the party.

We were silently people watching and somehow still making eye contact and laughing as the people around us grew more and more rowdy. Eventually we were part of the stragglers and the hosts were passed out somewhere. He put out his hands and instinctively I took it and he led me to a back room. He closed the door behind me and for some reason I was completely comfortable. He wrapped his arms around me and we swayed to the muted music. He explored my body as I closed my eyes and leaned back into him. I felt my pants get unbuttoned the same moment I felt his lips on my neck. His soft lips pressed as his arms became tighter. His fingers expertly moved around, and even surprised me be finding the clit with minimal searching. He started with a soft rub as his other hand explored by breasts. He did what he wanted, touched what he wanted, and my pleasure grew with every second we swayed.

My body moved with the twitches of his fingers and soon enough I couldn't stay quiet and a small moan slipped through my fingers.

He froze.

I opened my eyes, thinking the illusion had been shattered. Had I done something wrong?

In an instant he had twirled me around, pushed me onto the bed and there was a hunger in his eyes that I had never seen before. Without breaking eye contact his had removed my pants and his tongue found its way into a heavenly spot. His finger slowly entered as his tongue played fiddle on my clit. As he moved his finger I let out another moan and instantly there was another finger inside. It was like he knew my body better than I did. I couldn't hold the moans back any longer. They flowed freely out of me as he worked his silent magic.

I could feel it first in my toes, I knew it was coming. I knew I was cuming. I felt my body begin to contract and the moaning became louder as the wave washed over me. He felt me tightening around his fingers and his tongue could taste me. He knew what was happening and I could feel his grin more than I could see it. For a few more seconds my body twitched in pleasure as he crawled on top of me. I felt his warm body pressing against then in me. For the first time his lips were actually on my lips. I felt his tongue in my mouth and I felt him growing inside me. He was gentle. Smooth and effortless and I loved it. He knew what he was doing. He knew how to move me into positions that I had never experienced before. He was patient yet assertive with what he wanted, and it was freeing as I didn't have to make any decisions. It was like he knew what I wanted before I knew. He knew what I wanted even when I didn't.

That was the first time we had ever been together. Since then we still hadn't added many words to our exchanges, but we had certainly grown into more extreme pleasures.

For instance, the public display and gang bang that we had shared just last night. I had been blindfolded in a room and all-night men had come in and done what they pleased to me. No matter how rough, or how much I came, or how tired I was, I knew I was safe as I could feel him. Watching me. Protecting me. This let me experience an extreme level of pleasure I had never experienced before. Guy after guy and even a few women had their way with me. Thus the bruising and soreness that I was now experiencing as I sat through an excruciatingly boring lecture.

And through it all I could only think about the mystery of the night before. Maybe these girls were not as repressed as I had thought. Maybe these girls did know how to have a wild night. Maybe the fact that the girl next to me was wearing the same perfume she had been wearing the night before when she had eaten me out until I came four times in a row meant that marriage wasn't really the end to all pleasures of the body.