"I call 'bullshit!'" laughed Emma, her emerald eyes sparkling.
"I'm telling you, it's true!" I countered.
"You -- a hypnotist? No way! You wouldn't even be able to talk a hooker into going down on you." She flipped a stray auburn curl from her eyes, smirking.
What?
I thought.
Did my best friend really just turn the conversation to oral sex?
I looked down at my shoes, unable to maintain eye contact.
Emma burst into raucous laughter. "Your face is as red as Rudolph's nose," she said, "and just as bright!"
"Thanks, Mrs. Santa," I replied.
"Not married, thank you very much!"
"Okay,
Miss
Santa..."
"Not a part of the elf family," she answered.
"Definitely not a heavyset white-haired matron," I blurted out, unthinking.
Emma smiled. "Why, Jack -- I do believe you're flirting with me."
"Yeah, right," I answered, "trying to seduce the impenetrable fortress of stone..."
"So you want to penetrate me?"
I glared at her. "That's not what I meant, and you know it! I was referring to the fact that in the six years we've been friends, since the first day of ninth grade, you have never, EVER gone out on a date. Half the guys on our team call you 'Ice Maiden' behind your back."
Emma and I were on a co-ed softball team together. "A bunch of wannabe ballplayers think they know me? I'm as passionate as the next girl..."
"The other half think you're a lesbian."