Sex is a journey. Maybe even an adventure. And it certainly is a path that no one has a map to as everyone seems to discover on his or her own how to get from one point to another.
Maybe that's why my freshman year of college was so memorable. Oh, if you hear guys talk, you'd think they were porn stars in college and sex was just a past time. Well, either this story is the truth and everyone else lies about their first adventures or Tracy is unique among women.
Tracy wasn't my girl friend. She was my best friend that happened to be a girl. And despite the girl next-door stereotype, she in fact did live next door; actually, two doors down to be precise.
She had her boyfriends. I had girlfriends. But we always had each other. Even though I was 19 and finishing my first year of college, my sexual experience was pretty much limited to kissing, heavy petting and masturbation.
I played sports. Lifted weights. And am a pretty decent looking guy, although I was more geeky in High School. But I guess I've always been more selective in my choices of girlfriends and some girls actually think because I'm an athlete with good looks and nice muscles that I'm getting sex all the time. That mix actually decreases my chances, I guess.
Tracy had her challenges as well. She had been a tomboy when we were younger but as she blossomed, she really blossomed. At 18 years old she had full perky breasts that I had watched for a long time, long blonde hair, athletic body, toned muscles and was cliché-ish drop dead gorgeous. And she had a reputation by the time she was 19.
This is what disturbed Tracy. Because she had a lot of boyfriends, they talked. Well, they bragged. They bragged that they had fucked Tracy after a few dates because she was popular and beautiful. She'd immediately stop going out with them. But here next boyfriend would soon start the same thing and continue the cycle. I guess she just attracted that type.
Tracy hoped things would change. They didn't. In fact, college guys just seem to brag more about conquests that never happen.
Yes, Tracy and I talked about everything since we were kids. She told me that she actually had never gone beyond heavy petting with any of these guys but by the time it got to the locker room, she was a sex kitten.
She didn't say too much because it leads to her next dates and some degree of popularity but she soon found the popularity was misplaced. Although in the beginning, I think she welcomed the reputation. The reputation got old.
We sat in her college dorm room at the university we both attended and discussed it again one night.
"Heard that Brad guy really likes you." I said.
"Jealous?" Tracy leaned back in her chair.
"Have I ever?"
"Seems like you're the only guy who hasn't hit on me."
"Why should I? You dump every guy who goes out with you more than twice."
"That's because they're jerks."
"They say you're a fun date. Hey, I've even seen your birth control pills."
"Come on. You know that's not fair. The birth control isn't for birth control. My doctor put me on them to regulate my periods years ago. You of all people know me better than that."
"I'm just repeating stuff, not judging. I'm your friend remember?"
She folded her arms. She did that when she was thinking or angry. There were a few moments of silence before she continued. "Well, you probably won't believe me but I'm still a virgin, okay?"
"Okay. I believe you. You won't believe it either. But so am I." I said.
Now in most stories this would be followed by some epiphany of long lost love and they start making out for the first time; two friends discovering each other, right?
We went out for sodas.
Yep, that was Tracy and me. Just when we started a deep discussion it was time for a soda break.
And I'd like to be able to tell you that when we got back we had this wild sex that launched us on a new sexual discovery. But it wasn't like that at all. Being with Tracy was not like being with most girls. She and I understood each other, protected each other and cared about each other much more deeply. We even respected each other. And if that sounds corny, so be it.
"Virgin, huh?" Tracy smiled as we returned to her room. We had been talking about something completely different for the past hour.
"So? Maybe I'm saving myself." I said.
"Yea. Right." She took off her sweater and sat down on the bed. She was incredibly beautiful.
"Besides, the girls I go out with are quirky or something. They think they're beautiful and are obsessed with themselves."
"You don't think I'm good looking? Tracy asked.
"I didn't say that. You're gorgeous." I half wished I could have taken it back because we rarely complimented each other. We usually joked around all the time.
"You've never said I was obsessed or quirky. Why haven't you ever hit on me?"
"You're my best friend, that's why; and if you're such a hot chick. Why haven't you hit on me?"
"Well, I'm not a hot chick. Guys go out with me thinking I'll have sex with them. When I won't have sex with them, they dump me but pretend they had this conquest."
"That doesn't answer my question. You've never showed interest in me." I said.
"I do show interest in you. Like you said; we're best friends. It's just that...well..." she shook her head.
"What?"
Tracy didn't say anything. But at least she didn't fold her arms. We had been buddies since our moms pushed us down the street side by side in our baby strollers. Maybe that's why we never dated officially. We knew each other too well.
I had confessed only to myself that when my hormones started kicking in, I started paying closer attention to her feminine side. Her perky, blossoming breasts, long blond hair, the way her tight jeans hugged her hips were distracting over time.
But I never let on that she excited me as more than a friend for some reason. Tracy ran her fingers through her hair then shook her head to straighten it. She did that when she was stalling for time. I knew her well. Her hair framed her round face, deep blue eyes and soft smile.
As her hair floated down her back she looked down at the floor as she spoke. "I've always been afraid that if you and I were involved with each other on an intimate level rather than as friends that...well, that I'd lose you or something."
"What? You think I'd just try to get in your pants then you'd dump me? Is that what you mean?"
"No. You're probably the guy I actually would have sex with. I guess I'd be afraid that afterward you'd dump me. Another conquest. Just like the other guys say, only it would be true in our case."
"Tracy. I wouldn't do that..." I looked closely at her. A tear was forming in her eye. I walked over and sat next to her on the bed.
"I'm sorry. I just think sex should be between two people in love. Not something you brag about." She said as I wiped the tear from her face.
"Tracy. I'd never do that. Never. I'm not like those guys. You're my best friend. I've never come on to you because, well...because I think the same way you do and I was just always scared to broach the subject of being more than just buddies."
"You mean you have thought of me as more than a friend?"
"Sure. But I was afraid if I did. You'd stop being my friend...you know, dump me too. At least, as your buddy, I get to be around you all the time. But I do love you Tracy. I don't try to 'get in your pants' as you say, because I love you."
The words just came out. I don't know why, maybe because it had built up with time. But it just happened. The words, I mean.
I don't know how much time lapsed after that. And I don't even know if the words we said had as much meaning as the feelings that had been growing over the years. Somehow we had started noticing each other in ways other than friendship.
And it was manifested not so much in our conversation that night but in the year preceding that. She'd pat my butt playfully in jest. I'd pretend I was going to kiss her and she'd pucker back up to me as well. It was the little non-verbal things we had been doing our college year together.
So it wasn't the conversation. It was just the right moment of emotion and honesty, not words. It was at that moment that it happened.
Tracy leaned over and kissed me. It was so quick; I couldn't describe for you our first kiss. Oh, we had pecked each other on the cheek many times. But she leaned over, kissed me on the lips and leaned back before I knew what happened.
But I can describe the second. We never said anything. We just stared into each other's eyes and we somehow knew.
I leaned closer to her then stopped; fearful, I guess. But she leaned toward me. Our breath mingled. Then our lips met. Her lips were soft and they merged with mine.
We kissed gently at first; our lips tentatively touching each other. Then her tongue slipped from her mouth and entered mine. It was searching.
My tongue snaked from my own mouth and began searching as well. Quickly they found each other and our tongues entwined and began swirling around and around in our mouths.
