I had known Joanna for years, ever since she and her mother had moved into the flat next door to mine. There was only the two of them as her mother and father had divorced not long before they had bought the flat. At first they were only the lady next door and her daughter, until one day Joanna managed to lock herself out and knocked on my door, desperate to use the bathroom. She was much younger than I, but she was polite and seemed bright. After that, Joanna and her mother, Pauline, became two of my close friends. Pauline was a staff nurse and worked for an agency She tried to avoid night work, but occasionally, especially when money was tight, she would work a couple of night shifts for the extra money. I would look after Joanna while she was working.
Joanna felt that she could talk to me about things she would find difficult mentioning to Pauline, usually boys or school and even, sometimes, Pauline’s love life. All through this I watched grow from a bright and pretty child into an intelligent young woman. When Joanna was accepted for university I was as delighted as she was. She promised, solemnly, that she would come and see me during the break and I felt a lump in my throat as she set off in the little car her Pauline had managed to buy with a life insurance policy.
While she was away, Pauline and I remained close. We never became lovers, but we were the sort of friends who listened to each other and treasured each other’s company. I didn’t keep a track of the days that Joanna was away, but I was aware of the end of term approaching and, truthfully, was looking forward to seeing her and hearing how she had found her first term. I could only imagine the differences between my first year, ten years ago and hers.
I wasn’t in on the Saturday morning, when Joanna arrived, but I did notice her little car when I went into the main entrance. Living on the first floor, I always used the stairs, unless I had a load of shopping and I reached the top, still flicking through the morning paper. As I folded it to reach in my pocket, I noticed a young woman standing by my door. It took little more than a heartbeat for me to recognise Joanna. I smiled in delight at the sight of her.
“Colin, I’m so glad you’re back. I haven’t got my keys and I’m absolutely bursting to go to the bathroom. You don’t think…”
“You haven’t changed, have you? Of course you may use my bathroom.”
I chuckled as I fished out my keys and unlocked the door. I was just about to tell her that Pauline had left a spare key with me, and I had left one with her , so that we could guard against locking ourselves out accidentally but Joanna dashed straight for the bathroom. I could hear her heartfelt sigh as she relieved the pressure and smiled as I went into the kitchen to brew a pot of tea. By the time she had finished, I had mugs, milk, and teapot on a tray with a tin of biscuits neatly placed on the coffee table in the lounge. Joanna came out of the bathroom, blushing a little.
“Colin, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude but I desperately needed the bathroom.”
“Joanna, don’t worry. Pauline will be back soon I’m sure and, anyway, she left a spare key with me. I’ve just made tea so, if you’re not in a rush have a cup and wait with me.”
“Thank you, I will. It seems silly, especially just after the dash I’ve made for the bathroom, but I’m really thirsty.”
I poured two mugs of tea, remembering that she liked a lot of milk and no sugar in hers and we sat back, her on the couch and me in my big leather armchair. She talked about her first term and how expensive books were , how hard she was working. She seemed even more beautiful than when she had left a term ago. She’d let her long chestnut hair grow a little and now it brushed the top of her shoulders and swung a little as she mover her head. She had always been tall and slender, but now the traces of puppy fat had gone from her cheeks leaving a graceful sweep of cheekbone and wide clear eyes hazel like my own. Her complexion was flawless and she moved with grace and elegance, finally having the confidence to match her striking looks. Her jeans and t-shirt fitted closely and I could appreciate her trim figure, a flat tummy and tight bottom with a small but definite curve about her chest. She chattered away animatedly and smiled her lips moist and well formed. I have to admit that I was too busy admiring the young woman she had become to take in more than about one word in four as she spoke. I did, however, detect a feeling that she wasn’t telling me everything and that something was not exactly wrong, but not quite as it should be. I was about to mention this feeling when we heard the sound of Pauline’s key in the lock and Joanna jumped up.
“That’s Mum, I’ll have to catch her, she’ll be expecting me, she must have spotted the car.”
“No problem. It’s good to see you again.”
“Thank you again for the use of your bathroom. I’m sorry if I disturbed you.”
“Not at all, morning papers, spot of work at home and a lazy Saturday afternoon. No big plans.”
“Colin, before I go back, may I come and see you, I need some advice, well an opinion really, and it’s not something I can ask Mum about.”
“No problem, just tap on the door when there’s a light on and we’ll sort something out. No scoot off and catch Pauline.”
Joanna left, banging the door as she usually did. I dare say it was my fault, the door was heavy and I hadn’t put a door closer on it, partly because I didn’t fancy being accidentally locked out. As I washed the tea pot and mugs I wondered why Joanna would need my advice. I also wondered if that was connected to the feeling I had about something not being quite right. Putting it to the back of my mind I finished the pots and settled down to read the report I had brought home from work.
I heard nothing from Joanna for the next few days, Pauline told me she had found a little job in a nearby restaurant to help with her tuition fees and how grateful she had been about borrowing my bathroom. I almost mentioned that Joanna had asked me for some advice but something made me hold my tongue. Joanna worked as many hours as the restaurant would let her, trying to make sure that she had a financial cushion for her second term I would see her leave as I left for work and we would smile and exchange polite greetings. Neither of us mentioned her wanting my advice.
The Friday before Joanna was due to leave for university again, she tapped on my door. Opening it wide, I saw her on my doorstep, twisting her fingers together. I raised an eyebrow and waited for her to speak.
“Colin, that advice I asked for, could I come round tomorrow evening?”
“Of course you can. What time would you like to come?”
“Would after dinner be all right?”
“Fine by me, would you like me to cook dinner? I think Pauline said something about working tomorrow night.”
“Do you mind? That would be really great.”
“No trouble at all. I’ll cook for six o’clock, then you can tell me what you need my advice on.”
Joanna nodded and went back inside their flat. I went back inside to fetch my coat and then went shopping for groceries. I chose food that I knew Joanna liked, and the ingredients for a lasagne. That night I made the meat sauce and layered the pasta then left the lasagne in the fridge until next day. I cut slits in a loaf of crusty bread and slathered garlic butter into the cuts, wrapping the whole loaf in foil. All I had to do then was make a small tossed salad and we had dinner. Cheese and fruit as dessert and everything, at least as far as food was concerned, would be fine.
I put the bread and lasagne in the oven at a quarter to six, and carefully laid two places in the dining nook of the main room in my flat. Salad was in a bowl in the fridge waiting to be dressed and I’d opened a bottle of chardonnay and set it in an ice bucket. Soon the appetising smells of home-cooked food were filling the flat and I thought that everything was just about ready. A tap on the front door turned out to be Joanna. Opening the door I saw that she was wearing a dark red sleeveless dress, with her hair plaited down her back. Normally she wore contacts, but tonight she was wearing round framed glasses that made her eyes look bigger and more luminous than normal.
We moved to the lounge and I poured two glasses of the wine. I sat in my usual armchair and watched as Joanna curled her legs underneath her on the sofa. She had sat this way for years but tonight she seemed to curl more sensuously than ever before. She sipped her wine and glanced at me over the top of her glass
All through the meal, Joanna was bubbly and bright, recounting incidents from her first term away. She drank a little of the wine and seemed to be more relaxed as the evening progressed. It was only when I’d loaded the dishes into the dishwasher and was taking coffee into the lounge on a tray that she seemed to stiffen, as if she was bracing herself to hear bad news.
We sat in our usual places, she curled on the sofa and me lounging in my big leather armchair. We sipped coffee as we tried to find words to start the conversation. At last, Joanna spoke.
“Colin, I want you to be absolutely honest with me. Do you think I’m a freak?”
