The First Bisexual Exploration

I'm glad I have finally started to fully pursue my feelings and curiosities... I wish I had begun earlier in my life. This was my first experience:

When I was 19, I worked a summer in a factory. I was slim, very blond in the summer. I was probably 5-6, 28 waist, clean shaven face...cute boy. A guy I worked with was gay, about 45 or 46. He was tall, about 6-3, and pretty muscular, and quite good looking. He would talk to me about his experiences with other men all the time, and this night I went to his apartment, something I did quite a few times. I was quite amazed by his stories, and learned a lot about male gay life.

I was fascinated by him, maybe a little attracted, and would visit him a lot. He lived alone about 15 minutes away. We'd usually just talk and he'd touch my leg sometimes. One time he came out of the shower, and asked me if I wanted to see it. I was curious and I did want to...because I assumed he was bigger than me. I touched it and held it, but not for long, but I was still amazed how big he was. And kissing it or putting my mouth on it was out of the question! That was the first time I held someone else's in my hand. He never tried to kiss me, or even talked about kissing, which is quite unusual, in hindsight.

Another time I went there, he shyly confessed that he had wanted to see my body for a long time, and he asked me to undress for him. I was very flattered, and excited, and after thinking about it for a minute or two, I said I would. I remembered the excitement on his face as I undressed, his anticipation as I turned my back on him to take my underwear off, and how he looked me up and down, and the arousal I felt as I stood there completely nude in front of another man for the first time in my life. And, surprising to me, I was completely hard and aroused.

He couldn't take his hands off me, stroking and caressing...telling me how shocked he was at how much bigger I was than he expected. It was so weird to feel another man's hand wrapped around it. I think he even kissed it a little... but he was cautious and afraid to offend me and risk that I'd leave. He kept telling me that I had the most beautiful body, and asked me to lay on his huge king bed...face down so he could look at my ass. I've always had a small ass, and he liked it a lot.

He stopped caressing me briefly, and he started to undress too. I remember turning to watch him, and getting excited watching him undress, an excitement I feel with other guys I watch. I was waiting to see how hard and big he was. He was much bigger and thicker than me.

I remember wondering how he'd feel if I tried to take it in my mouth. He was so obviously infatuated with me. But I couldn't. If I sucked him that would mean I was gay, and I knew I wasn't gay! I told myself that for years.

He was telling me about this guy he met, and showing me how he got on top of him just like he was doing to me. I wasn't sure whether I should stop him...I didn't know what to do. He was very hard and big, and I felt the head against me from behind, and I didn't fight him. He was cautious with his pressure, he told me that's how he did it with his other guy, and how he had slid it all the way in with that other guy. But eventually he stopped and gave up, saying I was just too tight and it wouldn't go in. I didn't see any way it would fit, and I had no idea then that with a little patience, foreplay, and lubrication, it might have eventually gone in. (I'm sure I was clenched up very tight!)

I must have been curious, because I don't remember trying to stop him or give him any resistance. I do remember a pleasurable feeling as he pushed, but I was probably kind of relieved when he stopped. He didn't try to use any lube, or lick me, or make any effort to enter me more easily. I felt a little guilty that he was disappointed.

I don't remember seeing him too much after that. It was only a summer job, and I went back to school. But nothing went any further with him at all. I had a girlfriend at the time, who I eventually married, and she knew about him, but I never told her about that night.

What I always wondered was what if things worked out differently that night? What if he had relaxed me, got me drunk, lubed me up, and slid it into me? Would I have liked it? Maybe. Would I have seen him regularly for sex? Maybe, or other guys. I would have been very popular, as cute as I was! Would I have had sex with every guy who came onto me? I would think I would have been somewhat selective. (Those were the pre-HIV days...) Who knows which way my life would have gone? In my 20s, but more in my 30s, a lot of guys came onto me. I would only let them touch me, and some begged me for more. I was never oral on a guy until I moved to Florida many years, and that even required some gradual, slow, and cautious experimentation.